Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

murria

I love Cake wrote: »

Hi all! Long time lurker alert!

Depression has been my master since my teenage years, my heart still beats despite my best efforts. I have stumbled through three severe bouts of intense blackness thanks to my immediate family. Throughout my life I have formed numerous close bonds only to see these connections shattered by the fallout from my depression. Whenever I have succumbed to the black dog my friends were noticeably absent. Is this a common complaint?

I would disappear from the world for months on end and pray for death, during these harrowing periods I received little or no contact from my comrades. This happened with my school friends and with my close peers from two different universities.

In the past I have held a deep sense of shame regarding my illness and never sought solace from any of my friends but is it normal to just discard a person? I would have put my life on the line for the majority of them yet at the first sigh of adversity their friendship dissipated. I would genuinely love some opinions on this subject as I am incredibly bruised by these incidents, am I to blame?

When I am not in the throws of depression I am an engaging and caring person, I have always been quite popular but I now find myself in the situation of being in my mid 20's and having no friends. It makes my efforts to recover seem futile.

Hi there I think you should forget about blaming yourself or others. In my experience most teenagers aren't emotionally developed enough to empathise with someone who is depressed, they are probably afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so the easiest thing to do is to avoid. When you have been out of circulation perhaps they have misunderstood why.

We speculate on the reasons for other people's behaviour and forget that they are doing the same about us. Also, most of us, unknown to everyone else, are fighting our own little battles with life, maybe some of your old friends were depressed too and you didn't realise. Why does this happen? Because we don't talk about it, we are embarrassed, ashamed and imagine people will think we are weak.

I agree with Esel, you could try to re-establish some of your old friendships and tell them how life has been for you. Or you can try to make new friendships, not easy, but perfectly possible. We are never too old to make new friends, in fact mid-twenties isn't old at all. Things can get better.

Call Me Jimmy

murria wrote: »

Hi there I think you should forget about blaming yourself or others. In my experience most teenagers aren't emotionally developed enough to empathise with someone who is depressed, they are probably afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so the easiest thing to do is to avoid. When you have been out of circulation perhaps they have misunderstood why.

We speculate on the reasons for other people's behaviour and forget that they are doing the same about us. Also, most of us, unknown to everyone else, are fighting our own little battles with life, maybe some of your old friends were depressed too and you didn't realise. Why does this happen? Because we don't talk about it, we are embarrassed, ashamed and imagine people will think we are weak.

I agree with Esel, you could try to re-establish some of your old friendships and tell them how life has been for you. Or you can try to make new friendships, not easy, but perfectly possible. We are never too old to make new friends, in fact mid-twenties isn't old at all. Things can get better.

Good post and the bit in bold is so often overlooked! One of my friends, if he ever hears me talking about insecurity ALWAYS says 'sure they're insecure as well, almost everyone is, they're thinking the same things'.

One of my friendships came to a stalemate because we were both thinking 'this other person is uncomfortable with me / might not like me much anymore, somethings changed'.

Marzipan85

This year, after being on ssri medication, i feel that my depression is about lack of enjoyment. So i think when tryin to explain it to others, i might say: "what is something u really enjoy? It can be anything, food, work, singing... Now imagine, without really noticing, that over time u started to enjoy that activity less and less. Now imagine there is no enjoyment anymore. Would u continue this activity? Probably not. Would u lose interest in this activity? Yes. Well, This is what depression feels like, except it covers most of the stuff that u do."

sound like a good explanation?

delthedriver

Marzipan85 wrote: »

This year, after being on ssri medication, i feel that my depression is about lack of enjoyment. So i think when tryin to explain it to others, i might say: "what is something u really enjoy? It can be anything, food, work, singing... Now imagine, without really noticing, that over time u started to enjoy that activity less and less. Now imagine there is no enjoyment anymore. Would u continue this activity? Probably not. Would u lose interest in this activity? Yes. Well, This is what depression feels like, except it covers most of the stuff that u do."

sound like a good explanation?

Yes, a very good explanation indeed. Covers all bases. Well done!:):)

Lightbulb Sun

Marzipan85 wrote: »

This year, after being on ssri medication, i feel that my depression is about lack of enjoyment. So i think when tryin to explain it to others, i might say: "what is something u really enjoy? It can be anything, food, work, singing... Now imagine, without really noticing, that over time u started to enjoy that activity less and less. Now imagine there is no enjoyment anymore. Would u continue this activity? Probably not. Would u lose interest in this activity? Yes. Well, This is what depression feels like, except it covers most of the stuff that u do."

sound like a good explanation?

I believe the term for that is anhedonia.

Marzipan85

Before starting meds, I did find one thing that made me really cheer up, which was the cup song (don't know if ppl will want to throw stuff at me for saying that). It was a lot of fun learning that! Recommend to anyone who is a bit musical. If you want to distract yourself from your own thoughts for a while:
Cover of cup song: http://youtu.be/AN0sHJUnVJQ
Tutorial: http://youtu.be/qa4BUtsATsg

Hersheys

So the past 3 nights I have had serious anxiety issues. I have done the mindfulness thing, I've done the breathing thing, I've done the distraction thing. They've developed into full blown panic attacks, and I know they are irrational thoughts and no harm can come to me etc etc etc. But in order to overcome the anxiety I had to take medication. Which is not a good route to go.

I know why I've been anxious. I know that it's going to pass sooner rather than later.

I'm don't want to talk to my GP. I know that goes against everything I've ever said to anyone!! But I'm 3 months off my meds. I don't want to go back on.

Aside from the anxiety I'm flying! Absolutely flying.

MickFleetwood

It's been really weird for me today, I've felt ecstatic, then down in the dumps, then inexplicably angry, then empty, on a continuous cycle. I've been getting paranoid thoughts again last night, not good. There's been times where I've had full-blown delusions I think, no idea why I'm acting like this.

murria

Hersheys wrote: »

So the past 3 nights I have had serious anxiety issues. I have done the mindfulness thing, I've done the breathing thing, I've done the distraction thing. They've developed into full blown panic attacks, and I know they are irrational thoughts and no harm can come to me etc etc etc. But in order to overcome the anxiety I had to take medication. Which is not a good route to go.

I know why I've been anxious. I know that it's going to pass sooner rather than later.

I'm don't want to talk to my GP. I know that goes against everything I've ever said to anyone!! But I'm 3 months off my meds. I don't want to go back on.

Aside from the anxiety I'm flying! Absolutely flying.

Something I have found really good for anxiety over the years is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping, and more recently FasterEFT. There are loads of videos on Youtube by a man called Robert E. Smith, it is so beautifully simple that you can do it yourself at home straight away, but we have also used a couple of therapists with great results (they even do it over Skype).

When I really want put some effort into my emotional wellbeing I get up 30 minutes early and I do 10 minutes of tapping followed by 20 minutes mindfulness meditation and the results are fabulous. Of course I let things slip when I'm feeling good, but I always intend to do it every day.

It may not be for you, but for me it's too good not to share.

downonthefarm

MickFleetwood wrote: »

It's been really weird for me today, I've felt ecstatic, then down in the dumps, then inexplicably angry, then empty, on a continuous cycle. I've been getting paranoid thoughts again last night, not good. There's been times where I've had full-blown delusions I think, no idea why I'm acting like this.

sounds like you are spinning out man.are you under any undue stress at the moment?

delthedriver

murria wrote: »

Something I have found really good for anxiety over the years is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping, and more recently FasterEFT. There are loads of videos on Youtube by a man called Robert E. Smith, it is so beautifully simple that you can do it yourself at home straight away, but we have also used a couple of therapists with great results (they even do it over Skype).

When I really want put some effort into my emotional wellbeing I get up 30 minutes early and I do 10 minutes of tapping followed by 20 minutes mindfulness meditation and the results are fabulous. Of course I let things slip when I'm feeling good, but I always intend to do it every day.

It may not be for you, but for me it's too good not to share.

Murria,I had a look at EFT on internet last week following your recommendation at meet up. It certainly has merits and feel it could be of some benefit to everyone here.:)

MickFleetwood

downonthefarm wrote: »

sounds like you are spinning out man.are you under any undue stress at the moment?

Yeah, I've been under stress I suppose. It's been caused more by my own thoughts and feelings rather than any actual visible thing that's happened to me.

downonthefarm

is this like meditation?
does anyone feel totaly drained the last few weeks?
maybe it has something to do with the shortening of the days

MickFleetwood

murria wrote: »

Something I have found really good for anxiety over the years is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping, and more recently FasterEFT. There are loads of videos on Youtube by a man called Robert E. Smith, it is so beautifully simple that you can do it yourself at home straight away, but we have also used a couple of therapists with great results (they even do it over Skype).

When I really want put some effort into my emotional wellbeing I get up 30 minutes early and I do 10 minutes of tapping followed by 20 minutes mindfulness meditation and the results are fabulous. Of course I let things slip when I'm feeling good, but I always intend to do it every day.

It may not be for you, but for me it's too good not to share.

I should use this sometime, thank you.

Call Me Jimmy

Hersheys wrote: »

So the past 3 nights I have had serious anxiety issues. I have done the mindfulness thing, I've done the breathing thing, I've done the distraction thing. They've developed into full blown panic attacks, and I know they are irrational thoughts and no harm can come to me etc etc etc. But in order to overcome the anxiety I had to take medication. Which is not a good route to go.

I know why I've been anxious. I know that it's going to pass sooner rather than later.

I'm don't want to talk to my GP. I know that goes against everything I've ever said to anyone!! But I'm 3 months off my meds. I don't want to go back on.

Aside from the anxiety I'm flying! Absolutely flying.

And Hersheys it will do you well to remember that it is many years of anxiety being your/our modus operandi and as you know the body has physical memories. You sound like you are doing so well, it really is great to hear.

I'm doing well the past week too and we just need to remember that for want of a better word 'blips' will come but they will not kill. It's good to hear you talking about it though, and murria's advise is another avenue to explore to build up the arsenal.

delthedriver

downonthefarm wrote: »

is this like meditation?
does anyone feel totaly drained the last few weeks?
maybe it has something to do with the shortening of the days

Certainly the shorter days can have an effect on mood. I think the indication that Winter is approaching can have a negative effect, but more factually lack of daylight does not help either.
I bought a Light Box on the internet for €60 approx, essentially the light can help increase or replicate natural light which we all need. It was designed for people who suffer from SAD( Seasonal Affected Disorder).

downonthefarm

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Yeah, I've been under stress I suppose. It's been caused more by my own thoughts and feelings rather than any actual visible thing that's happened to me.

sorry to hear that,hope you can get a handle on it my friend.

MickFleetwood

downonthefarm wrote: »

sorry to hear that,hope you can get a handle on it my friend.

Hopefully it'll be fine eventually, thank you.

I've been grand the past week or so but it's kind of hit me like a sack of bricks recently.

downonthefarm

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Hopefully it'll be fine eventually, thank you.

I've been grand the past week or so but it's kind of hit me like a sack of bricks recently.

yeah i hear that one,have been all over the place all year,only getting enjoyment back last week or so,keep fighting the good fight lad;)

murria

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Yeah, I've been under stress I suppose. It's been caused more by my own thoughts and feelings rather than any actual visible thing that's happened to me.

You obviously know what triggers your stress then. I realise its probably really very difficult to stop your thoughts going into overdrive, but at least you know that they are only thoughts and not actual eventualities. Mindfulness meditation would be good for you, but you have to put in a fair bit of work just to "stay in the moment". When I first started it I would be distracted by the smallest noise or smell, never mind my thoughts. Hope you can find some calm and peace over the coming days.

On a lighter note, are you the real Mick Fleetwood, great gig last week in the O2.

downonthefarm

have the driving test 2morrow,
haven't a notion of doing it

delthedriver

downonthefarm wrote: »

have the driving test 2morrow,
haven't a notion of doing it

Whyever not?:)

downonthefarm

just easier to hide i guess,
starting promotion 2morrow
stressed out enough

delthedriver

downonthefarm wrote: »

just easier to hide i guess,
starting promotion 2morrow
stressed out enough

Tomorrow is a new day!

Now, get some sleep.

Get up early, have a good breakfast and go do your best!

downonthefarm

delthedriver wrote: »

Tomorrow is a new day!

Now, get some sleep.

Get up early, have a good breakfast and go do your best!

thank you friend,

murria

downonthefarm wrote: »

have the driving test 2morrow,
haven't a notion of doing it

Well it's up to you, but I think you'd be mad not to. My daughter and 2 friends did their's recently and all passed first time. I, on the other hand kept avoiding it for years and the older I got the worse the dread got, eventually nailed it on the 4th test!!! Oh the shame, and I was sick jealous of everyone who passed. So what if you take it and fail you can just do it again, you might just pass it.

Hersheys

If at first you don't succeed try and try again!

(Or skydiving is not for you)

tosspot15

I feel really guilty and stupid when I'm in a good mood for seeking help for my depression/anxiety. This morning I felt like utter shít, then I went to the gym and now im feeling better. I still feel like I dont deserve any treatment and no healthcare professional will take me seriously if they see I can still feel good and go to places like the gym.

MickFleetwood

I think any kind of exercise (even just taking a stroll) can be very helpful and therapeutic for the mood. It's good to have goals to work toward.

delthedriver

tosspot15 wrote: »

I feel really guilty and stupid when I'm in a good mood for seeking help for my depression/anxiety. This morning I felt like utter shít, then I went to the gym and now im feeling better. I still feel like I dont deserve any treatment and no healthcare professional will take me seriously if they see I can still feel good and go to places like the gym.

You are being very hard on yourself. The majority of people with Depression don't show any outward signs of illness. I have been suffering from severe depression for a number of years now. However,outwardly I look fit, tanned and appear like the happiest person in the world. If you were to pick out the guy with depression on the Dart tomorrow morning, I guess you will not pick me out.
That does not mean my doctors and medical advisors don't take me seriously, on the contrary. Yes I have days when I cannot get out of bed and don't want to face the world, my energy levels are so low, I cannot even open the curtains never mind boil the kettle to make a cuppa. For a guy who is always clean shaven , a few days in the horrors and I can look like a person who has been shipwrecked on a desert island.
Please do not feel guilty when your mood is good and you can go to the gym, enjoy those moments and make the most of them.
No one doubts the seriousness of your condition. You deserve the very best treatment available from your medical advisors,why, because you are worth it!
Kindest wishes,
Del:)