Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Hersheys

I'm really trying to maintain positivity. I'm trying to surround myself with positive people. But everyone seems to be having issues with positivity these days.

I'm being a friend to my friends.

I don't know if I'm bottling things up again, or if my friends aren't listening, but I'm not talking. I miss talking. I miss counselling.

I'm not feeling low, well no more low than anyone in my situation. I don't feel like I am depressed. Anxiety is an issue but it's controlled between mindfulness, distractions, breathing, and when all else fails very low doses of meds.

I'm self medicating I don't like that because in general I have been told that self medicating is a form of self destructive behaviour. But I don't feel like I want to talk to my GP about the meds. My GP is lovely, but I've a medical card. The practice is struggling. Everywhere you turn there are signs up saying how little money they get for medical card patients, and how they can't offer support for management of chronic diseases. So I just don't go to the doctor, well unless it's something new or different (if that makes sense) - if I wake up in the morning and my eye is stuck together and is clearly infected, I will go get it checked out (after the pharmacist tells me to go). But I don't feel like I can justify going to the doctor for head stuff because that's a chronic disease and they don't support.

Every chronic disease I have I've been referred on. But I've been discharged from the places I've been referred to so that leaves me in limbo... I dunno!

Sorry, very ranty this evening.

I wish I wasn't so paranoid about people figuring out who I am online so I could openly tell people the hilarious thing that happened me today. One good thing - I still have my sense of humour!!

Hersheys

And sometimes, just sometimes, times like tonight, when I'm lonely and sad, I wish I hadn't put all of the work in over the past year to improve myself. Then I'd have someone to talk to still.

And that right there makes me a terrible, terrible person when I see some of the things people are struggling with.

cloud493

I don't think that makes you bad.

Hersheys

How you feeling cloud, did you talk to anyone in college about your concerns?

Hersheys

cloud493 wrote: »

I don't think that makes you bad.

Perhaps bad is the wrong term. Attention seeking? I dunno...

murria

Hersheys wrote: »

And sometimes, just sometimes, times like tonight, when I'm lonely and sad, I wish I hadn't put all of the work in over the past year to improve myself. Then I'd have someone to talk to still.

And that right there makes me a terrible, terrible person when I see some of the things people are struggling with.

No, you're not, I only know you from here, but I think you are a very cool person. Just in case you think the rest of the world is having a ball, I'm watching the bloody Late Late and playing Words with Friends. Ok so I'm having a beer. Life in the fast lane.:)

Hersheys

I think Sinead O'Connor made some very valid points I don't currently have the mental capacity for words with friends. It kept rejecting words that I know are real (to me) and that made me angry. Plus I lost to a 15 year old so I took that badly Now if it was sums with friends I'd be in me element!

I could be out, I just chose not to go. I didn't want to go and be the agony aunt for my friends when I knew the favour wouldn't be returned. Easier to stay at home.

murria

Numbers With Friends, get thee to the Dragons Den with that idea. Ok, probably revealing too much here but I watch Countdown every day. Sh1t hot on letters rounds and conundrums but fall down on the maths.

Hersheys

murria wrote: »

Numbers With Friends, get thee to the Dragons Den with that idea. Ok, probably revealing too much here but I watch Countdown every day. Sh1t hot on letters rounds and conundrums but fall down on the maths.

Id love to go on countdown. If get one from the top and 5 small ones the first time. Then two big ones and 4 small ones. I'd split my letters 50/50 because vowels are worth nothing in scrabble but every letter counts in countdown.

murria

Hersheys wrote: »

Id love to go on countdown. If get one from the top and 5 small ones the first time. Then two big ones and 4 small ones. I'd split my letters 50/50 because vowels are worth nothing in scrabble but every letter counts in countdown.

Im ok with one big and five smalls, but start panicking when I have to do my 75x tables. You dont need as many vowels, I'm always thinking plurals and words ending in ing, iest, est.

delthedriver

Hersheys wrote: »

I'm really trying to maintain positivity. I'm trying to surround myself with positive people. But everyone seems to be having issues with positivity these days.

I'm being a friend to my friends.

I don't know if I'm bottling things up again, or if my friends aren't listening, but I'm not talking. I miss talking. I miss counselling.

I'm not feeling low, well no more low than anyone in my situation. I don't feel like I am depressed. Anxiety is an issue but it's controlled between mindfulness, distractions, breathing, and when all else fails very low doses of meds.

I'm self medicating I don't like that because in general I have been told that self medicating is a form of self destructive behaviour. But I don't feel like I want to talk to my GP about the meds. My GP is lovely, but I've a medical card. The practice is struggling. Everywhere you turn there are signs up saying how little money they get for medical card patients, and how they can't offer support for management of chronic diseases. So I just don't go to the doctor, well unless it's something new or different (if that makes sense) - if I wake up in the morning and my eye is stuck together and is clearly infected, I will go get it checked out (after the pharmacist tells me to go). But I don't feel like I can justify going to the doctor for head stuff because that's a chronic disease and they don't support.

Every chronic disease I have I've been referred on. But I've been discharged from the places I've been referred to so that leaves me in limbo... I dunno!

Sorry, very ranty this evening.

I wish I wasn't so paranoid about people figuring out who I am online so I could openly tell people the hilarious thing that happened me today. One good thing - I still have my sense of humour!!

No one is trying to figure out who you are online. We are all a bunch of contributors who have the same condition, Depression , in common.
Please do not self medicate, I don't care how little the medical practice is making financially, your GP has a duty of care to his patients, and surprisingly is well rewarded by the Dept. of Health. Please promise me that you will visit your doctor next week and get your meds sorted out. You owe this to yourself, because you are worth it.:)

delthedriver

Hershey and Murria,

Love the idea of Countdown , is it something which could be developed as an item here?


My 80 year old mother is an absolute dinger at Countdown and The Chaser, personally I am a bit rusty and lazy for Countdown. But hey if we could get everyone to have a go some evening on the thread , it could be a bit of fun???

Hersheys

delthedriver wrote: »

No one is trying to figure out who you are online. We are all a bunch of contributors who have the same condition, Depression , in common.
Please do not self medicate, I don't care how little the medical practice is making financially, your GP has a duty of care to his patients, and surprisingly is well rewarded by the Dept. of Health. Please promise me that you will visit your doctor next week and get your meds sorted out. You owe this to yourself, because you are worth it.:)

I just feel like I'm wasting their time when they've referred me on! I won't self medicate, but if I'm bad again during the week, I will go.

ulinbac

Hersheys wrote: »

I just feel like I'm wasting their time when they've referred me on! I won't self medicate, but if I'm bad again during the week, I will go.

You're not wasting their time. They just think someone else can help in a better way. Imagine you had a chippy doing some work in your house. Then there was a problem with plumbing. He could do some of the work but you need to refer to a plumber!!

Cloud,

How are you today?

Everyone,

Can we do a countdown thing? I'm crap at letters but numbers are my game

Hersheys

Yeah, I know I'd never have a carpenter look at the plumbing, I just feel I should go to the psych with head stuff rather than my GP, but I've been discharged from the psych.

Anyway, it was (is) a blip. I don't want to go back on meds, I just have short term anxiety based on current life circumstances.

And I'm all for the countdown thing we could use this link: http://www.crosswordtools.com/letters-game/

ulinbac

Hersheys wrote: »

Yeah, I know I'd never have a carpenter look at the plumbing, I just feel I should go to the psych with head stuff rather than my GP, but I've been discharged from the psych.

Anyway, it was (is) a blip. I don't want to go back on meds, I just have short term anxiety based on current life circumstances.

And I'm all for the countdown thing we could use this link: http://www.crosswordtools.com/letters-game/

Can you go to a peivate psych? I still go toine every 2/3 months just for a check-in. No harm in it to see. Short term anxiety sucks. I'm home for a week and the phtsical symptoms have rocketed. Ive no stress or anything, just a change in routine.

Quick questions Hersheys, have you found that the anxiety last for shorter periods now? 1 in 4 of your gps patient will be mental health related so dont worry about talking to them.

Are you still in counselling?

That link looks goo

Hersheys

ulinbac wrote: »

Can you go to a peivate psych? I still go toine every 2/3 months just for a check-in. No harm in it to see. Short term anxiety sucks. I'm home for a week and the phtsical symptoms have rocketed. Ive no stress or anything, just a change in routine.

Quick questions Hersheys, have you found that the anxiety last for shorter periods now? 1 in 4 of your gps patient will be mental health related so dont worry about talking to them.

Are you still in counselling?

That link looks goo

Counselling, no. I was in intensive DBT based therapy from May until September and I was discharged - combination of a natural break and running out of free sessions. One recommendation was further therapy to work on some of the more challenging aspects of my past (history of CSA) so I've linked in with someone new but she is on holidays for a month. But she is also private and I am concerned about the money aspect of it (I'm not sure I can commit to the cost - it's e85 per session and I'm on JSA). I will get around to linking in with a counsellor short term - the "treatment" for my illness (BPD) is talking, so I will talk. I just haven't been talking.

It's a particularly anxious time for me at the moment. Family issues and illness stuff and the stress of trying to find a job... I know things will improve, I just need to keep on top of them before I start a proper downward spiral of entirely self destructive behaviour. I haven't cut myself since July, binge eaten since August or slept around since September. But I need to talk before either of those things/urges takes over!

delthedriver

Hersheys wrote: »

I just feel like I'm wasting their time when they've referred me on! I won't self medicate, but if I'm bad again during the week, I will go.

You are not wasting their time, not wishing to sound smart, however they are paid handsomely to deal with their patients.

When a medical student qualifies, they take an oath , whereby they are to treat a patient and never make their position worse. No right minded doctor would ever refuse to treat a patient. They have a responsibility to look after the patients best interests.

I don't know if it is an Irish thing or not, but we always make excuses that we may only be wasting the doctors time. It does not matter whether the GP is seeing a private patient or a patient who holds a medical card. The GP is only interested in the patient.

I think too often we place the GP on some imaginary pedestal, which often creates a barrier in communicating. The GP is just like anyone else, ESB bills, car loans, mortgage, screaming kids at home. tv broke down this morning, lawnmower needs petrol. , gosh must put a book shelf up in little Johnny's room, God the in laws are coming for tea tonight, maybe we'll have Pizza and a bottle of wine, Jaysus Mother in law doesn't like pizza., oh heck am I supposed to pick Susie from playschool or Johnny from football......I could go on.

If we needed to take a taxi, we would call the taxi, I don't think we would consider putting off the journey for fear of wasting the driver's time.

Really being a GP is simply a job, no different to a Teacher, Bus Driver or Postman.

Sure each job requires different abilities, knowledge, and skills, at the end of the the day your GP is only human. Trust me there is a GP in my extended family! I give him the same abuse as I give everyone else:):):):):), indeed probably more, because he enjoys it! It can be a very difficult and lonely job being a GP if patients won't talk to them.

Please make that call on Monday, guarantee , your GP will be as delighted to see you , as you to see him. Promise!:):):):):):)

delthedriver

ulinbac wrote: »

Can you go to a peivate psych? I still go toine every 2/3 months just for a check-in. No harm in it to see. Short term anxiety sucks. I'm home for a week and the phtsical symptoms have rocketed. Ive no stress or anything, just a change in routine.

Quick questions Hersheys, have you found that the anxiety last for shorter periods now? 1 in 4 of your gps patient will be mental health related so dont worry about talking to them.

Are you still in counselling?

That link looks goo

Link looks a bit complicated for an old fella like moi!

Could we do something like this at the next meet up?:):):)

Obviously we could get some practice meanwhile????:):):)

delthedriver

Hersheys wrote: »

Counselling, no. I was in intensive DBT based therapy from May until September and I was discharged - combination of a natural break and running out of free sessions. One recommendation was further therapy to work on some of the more challenging aspects of my past (history of CSA) so I've linked in with someone new but she is on holidays for a month. But she is also private and I am concerned about the money aspect of it (I'm not sure I can commit to the cost - it's e85 per session and I'm on JSA). I will get around to linking in with a counsellor short term - the "treatment" for my illness (BPD) is talking, so I will talk. I just haven't been talking.

It's a particularly anxious time for me at the moment. Family issues and illness stuff and the stress of trying to find a job... I know things will improve, I just need to keep on top of them before I start a proper downward spiral of entirely self destructive behaviour. I haven't cut myself since July, binge eaten since August or slept around since September. But I need to talk before either of those things/urges takes over!

Hershey,

€85 per session is not inexpensive, though it is an investment in your health. How many sessions are needed to complete the programme? What are the alternatives? Group sessions ?:)

Well done on talking so openly in your post, even by posting you are talking and remember we are all here for you.

Please try and take one day at a time, I know it is easy to say that things will get better, but it is true. You are going through a difficult phase at the moment . Please be very kind to yourself, you are a wonderful person and much liked on this thread.

Sincerely, My wish for you is to return to your GP, as the first step on the way to good health again. You have been open and honest with us here on Boards, I think you can also make your GP aware of these issues.Please, we care very much about you.

Hersheys

Del my GP has signs up all over the practice highlighting how much they are struggling financially and are asking GMS patients to attend other clinics... Hence the feeling bad.

delthedriver

I have a dream!

When I suggested a meet up some months ago, I guess I was anxious to meet the many wonderful people on the Boards threads who have helped me along the way.

The meet up was very successful,I met wonderful people and I hope the idea goes from strength, please God I should be available for the next one in December.

I guess as the meet ups continue and develop, people will inevitably make friends and exchange contact details.

We all need someone to talk to when we are feeling low, often the words of a stranger here are more comforting and understanding than our nearest and dearest.

I like anyone else appreciates how things can be difficult financially for people, it just seems like an ever ending merry go round of bills.

Not taking away from the professionals who undoubtedly do fantastic work in very difficult circumstances, I just wonder would a Buddy system help anyone here?

What I mean by Buddy is a first point of contact via PM , whereby someone could chat in greater detail with someone who has similar issues or experiences. In time perhaps phone numbers could be exchanged , or if the two people may live in the same part of the country perhaps could even meet for a cuppa.

This is not to replace any medical advice or medical programmes, but to at least help people by knowing they have a Buddy with whom they can talk.

This is a pipe dream, can it work? Open to ideas?

Kindest wishes,

Del:)

delthedriver

Hersheys wrote: »

Del my GP has signs up all over the practice highlighting how much they are struggling financially and are asking GMS patients to attend other clinics... Hence the feeling bad.

Hershey,

Gosh I am sorry to hear that.

Please , will you attend a GP though even at another clinic, just for me!:)

I am not sure if they are correct in the messages they are posting, but this may be something for another day.

Please you are important to me, you need a chat with a GP.

Kindest Regards,

Derek:):):)

Hugo Stiglitz

The idea of a meet up would just feel so alien to me! Even if I could get there I would literally be at a loss as to what to talk about as I'm so long out of the socialisation game.

Hersheys

I will see how I feel. As I said it's hopefully just a blip, and I would be more inclined to have a chat with a counsellor before going towards the med route. It's just a horrendously stressful time at the moment!

Regarding the therapy: We've agreed on 4 sessions to start (well 5 - the original session didn't include any form of therapy stuff) so that's e340 that I don't really have at the minute. But I will try make sessions!

ulinbac

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

The idea of a meet up would just feel so alien to me! Even if I could get there I would literally be at a loss as to what to talk about as I'm so long out of the socialisation game.

Think of the meet like practice getting back in to the socialisation game. At least we will know whats up and you won't have to worry as we all are in the same/similar situations .

You will get there, step by step!!

Where are people coming from?

Call Me Jimmy

I think meetups with people here I would be the least uncomfortable meeting 'strangers'. What t to talk about need not be a worry for anyone. Conversation always happens organically, and with everyone here having the similar issues and concerns I think that should provide added comfort - it does for me. The idea that there is no chance of hostility, no pressure for anyone to do anything more than come along (and there isn't even pressure to do that).

It is highly likely I will be at the next meetup for one, I was sorry to have missed the last.

Hersheys

Yeah I'd give it a go depending on circumstances...

Hugo Stiglitz

ulinbac wrote: »

Where are people coming from?

The south east here. I probably won't be able to make it though due to college and money. And not to mention the fear too!

delthedriver

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

The south east here. I probably won't be able to make it though due to college and money. And not to mention the fear too!

South West here!:)