Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Hugo Stiglitz

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Is this your first one T?

First one since I was about 14, and I never told the truth back then. Have a lot to let out and my mocks start tomorrow, know I won't do very well in them because I'll be so distracted

handbagmad

I haven't been keeping up with the thread but I've been having an extremely trying time, to the point where I am having to mentally project forward to death in order to give perspective. At times it feels like I'm at the bottom, the only thing keeping me going is the idea that this level of suffering will bring me to a glorious place. And through a small bit of will I can sometimes feel I am slowly but surely getting there. On the outside nothing has changed but on the inside I can feel a subtle strengthening. But I have had to go the core of myself and even beyond that, to impermanence and suffering etc.

What sort of things bother you, are you reclusive now?

For example for me, something as simple as losing hair brings my thoughts from myself as a young man, to becoming an old man. The step after that is death. So I have walked up to death and I'm having a good old look at it.[/quote]

Jimmy you've come up with a coping mechanism. We all have our own x
Ur a very strong person because you took the time to talk to me last night I didn't cut myself & I thank you for that.
I left the house today to go for therapy it went ok.
A small realization, I don't have to conform to what society say I should do ie: a nine to five job or any full time job.
I always thought I was lazy if I didn't work but I now realise im not able for it so shouldn't feel guilty as I gave it a go for ten years.
I don't know what my purpose here in life is it might take me a while to find out what I am supposed to do.
My counsellor said your life is you're journey, no one elses.

Hugo Stiglitz

Deleted User wrote: »

First one since I was about 14, and I never told the truth back then. Have a lot to let out and my mocks start tomorrow, know I won't do very well in them because I'll be so distracted

If you feel up to it, please tell your doctor what is really going on. They need to know in order to give you the help that you need.

Best of luck in the mocks too by the way. Try not to stress too much over them though. Easier said than done I know. You will get better and will do fine in the real ones later on.

Killer_banana

Had a good day but now at home, in private, compulsions are seriously taking over. Stress drives compulsions, compulsions make me more stressed and on and on. Also developed a new one in past week or so which is related to a separate OCD spectrum disorder so that something else to add to the list of possible conditions (I am not given to self diagnosis at all but this compulsion is very very specific and i know a bit about said disorder because I watch someone on youtube who happens to have it also still only viewing as a possibility, not a definite). Doctor has had to pushed out to Friday because need to work on group project tomorrow evening. I need to focus on the positives though, I am now disappointed I have to wait an extra day to speak to a doctor because I am looking forward to finally getting a diagnosis (hopefully) and getting treatment. A month or so ago I'd still be making excuses not to see one never mind looking forward to it.

Chiquitita

How did today go triangles?

Krypton you're some man for getting new jobs, fair play and I hope it goes well!

Chiquitita

Banana do you think you have ocd? It could be that you're worked up and anxious (like I am until my meds kick in!) and think you have different things. Try not to worry. This time 2 weeks ago I had all sorts of things wrong with me!

I hope that you're having a restful evening though, if not tomorrow's another day x

Killer_banana

Chiquitita wrote: »

Banana do you think you have ocd? It could be that you're worked up and anxious (like I am until my meds kick in!) and think you have different things. Try not to worry. This time 2 weeks ago I had all sorts of things wrong with me!

I hope that you're having a restful evening though, if not tomorrow's another day x

I have compulsions whether they are simply related to anxiety or are caused OCD I don't know. They've become quite severe as of late which has me thinking it may be OCD but it's hard to know what with OCD being an anxiety disorder in itself and sufferers commonly having other anxiety disorders as well. Like I said I don't like to self diagnose so I'm reluctant to say I have one thing or the other. The new compulsion I mentioned is very specific to a certain disorder but whether I have that disorder or not is still debatable. One of the reasons I'm seeking help is just because I'm fecking fed up of not knowing what it is I have! :P

I just finished working on an assignment which wasn't exactly restful but it's for a subject I really like so it was enjoyable. I have another, less enjoyable assignment to work on as well but going to take a break first, have some tea and watch some telly. Overall today's been one of the best in a long time. As stressful and college and assignments can be having something to occupy my mind and time can do me the world of good sometimes.

Chiquitita

I get what you mean. When this episode first hit me I was so anxious about EVERYTHING that I had no idea what thoughts were ok to think and which were causing me the distress.

If you have a compulsion to do certain things it sounds like it might be ocd. Do you have a "reason" for repeating things? I found that by telling my therapist why I felt the need to do things that I stopped doing them soon after. All I needed was for someone to talk me through what I was doing and that what I was doing wasnt harmful, the thinking behind it was the problem.

I hope that you feel better soon. Never mind taking it day by day, in my case it's literally hour by hour. I can go from feeling ok to complete terror in the space of 5 minutes!

Chiquitita

Since 8pm to now i've eaten 6 packets of skips and im still longing for more

Killer_banana

Chiquitita wrote: »

I get what you mean. When this episode first hit me I was so anxious about EVERYTHING that I had no idea what thoughts were ok to think and which were causing me the distress.

If you have a compulsion to do certain things it sounds like it might be ocd. Do you have a "reason" for repeating things? I found that by telling my therapist why I felt the need to do things that I stopped doing them soon after. All I needed was for someone to talk me through what I was doing and that what I was doing wasnt harmful, the thinking behind it was the problem.

I hope that you feel better soon. Never mind taking it day by day, in my case it's literally hour by hour. I can go from feeling ok to complete terror in the space of 5 minutes!

Sometimes I have to do certain actions like knock on wood, for example just because I feel compelled to do it and sometimes because I think if I don't something bad will happen (sometimes it will be something specific, sometimes just a vague bad thing). I usually have to keep doing it until it feels just right. Also sometimes if I want to rest my hand somewhere I have to rub the area a certain way until it feels right or something bad will happen if I don't. There's others but they're the main ones. I've also worried in the past that I caused certain bad things to happen by now tapping wood a certain amount of times and stuff.

Reading about OCD it does sound like I've got it but its a complicated area because you cna have compulsion but not OCD because it has to occupy a certain amount of time (which is where the obsessive part comes in) and then there's things like impulse control disorders which are on the OCD spectrum but are different to OCD and...well you get the idea. Mental health is confusing.

Oh I know, most of this week I've been yo-yoing between decent mood to crying for no reason. I'll admit my anxiety levels aren't as high as they used to be (although a few times I've felt on the verge of a panic attack) but the depressive moods have returned in full force.

HistoryMania

Hey everyone. Thought I'd drop by and see how everyone is getting on.

Having a few bad weeks myself. In the Psych Monday, so hopefully I get a bit of relief.

Some facts are fuzzing in my head, and I hope she can clear it up.

Hope everyone has a better day tomorrow.
x

stinkle

been under the weather the past few days and was a bit work stressed about a deadline. So I'm trying to go easy on myself cos I feel a bit overwhelmed or something. The weird thing is,I haven't experienced "the dread" in a while. If anything, I'm a bit numb. Am doing a good bit of exercise so maybe that's channeling any nervous energy I have. Also, I like the fact that I'm distracted for that 1 hour a day or so that I've been exercising.

Had a list of stupid annoying things to get through today, but am working through them. Was berating myself for not getting things done sooner. The deadline was only a prelim thing, I'm still working on the project for another few days and was a bit jumpy any time I got an email about it, but feedback has been helpful. Not sure why I'm fearing the worst all the time.

Hugo Stiglitz

I have zero drive in me at the moment. I'm not really down nor am I particularly anxious thankfully. I just feel kinda "why bother".

I have stuff that really needs to get done too. I've always been lazy but I could always muster the power to get through the procrastination.

Anyone else feel like this at times?

Call Me Jimmy

Thinking today how I went from a beautiful child, to a cheeky teenager to a hideous man. Feel close to the end again, there's literally no where for me to go insofar as I don't have the will myself so anyone who can help me is moot.

Chiquitita

Chiquitita wrote: »

How did today go triangles?

Sorry for replying late, it was all a blur, can barely remember what she said to me. Pretty sure she's going to organise an appointment with someone and they'll ring me within a few weeks. Hate how slow this is. Also regret not coming forward sooner because I'll be 18 in two months and my problems probably aren't adult enough. Have a biology mock tomorrow but can't get my head around anything, I've been staring at the wall for a good 45 minutes. Don't see the point anymore.

Chiquitita

Sorry to hear you're feelin sh*t jimmy. Is there anything that you can do that you would normally enjoy to keep you distracted?

We've all felt the same so you're not on your own. Talk to us!!

Killer_banana

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I have zero drive in me at the moment. I'm not really down nor am I particularly anxious thankfully. I just feel kinda "why bother".

I have stuff that really needs to get done too. I've always been lazy but I could always muster the power to get through the procrastination.

Anyone else feel like this at times?

Having this issue so much lately. Did an entire assignment the day it was due this week, haven't done that since first year!

Deleted User wrote: »

Sorry for replying late, it was all a blur, can barely remember what she said to me. Pretty sure she's going to organise an appointment with someone and they'll ring me within a few weeks. Hate how slow this is. Also regret not coming forward sooner because I'll be 18 in two months and my problems probably aren't adult enough. Have a biology mock tomorrow but can't get my head around anything, I've been staring at the wall for a good 45 minutes. Don't see the point anymore.

I highly doubt any professional will class your problems as 'not adult enough'. If they do then they're not worth your time. I'm sorry you feel **** but well done on seeking help. Had my first problems at the age of sixteen and it's taken me almost six flipping years to seek help. Granted I haven't had any issues for a few years now and my depressive moods/episodes/whatever you call them were never so severe a few years ago but it's still not something oyu should ignore in hopes it goes away itself.
Anyway good luck with the appointment when it comes and good luck with you mocks.

Chiquitita

I also agree with banana. Never think that your thoughts and worries dont warrant attention. Everyone is different. I'm 101% sure that the reason for my anxiety/depression, noone else bats an eyelid as it doesnt affect them. But it makes ME anxious and thats why it needed to be addressed.

I hope the mocks go ok for you. My teachers during the leaving cert never once told us that once we reached 23 we could apply as a mature student, so if college isnt for you right now, dont feel pressured into doing something you're not happy with

rwg

chiquita banana :pac::pac:

Chiquitita

Haha...we could like take overrrrr the threaddddd

Hugo Stiglitz

rwg wrote: »

chiquita banana :pac::pac:

Chiquitita wrote: »

Haha...we could like take overrrrr the threaddddd

Ye are wild!

Killer_banana

Ahahah yaaaay my own thread!

Chiquitita wrote: »

My teachers during the leaving cert never once told us that once we reached 23 we could apply as a mature student, so if college isnt for you right now, dont feel pressured into doing something you're not happy with

As someone about to get a degree in subject I have no interest in and only ended up my CAO due to panicking and the insane pressure put on me by school this is good to keep in mind. I thought any chance of a career was gone if I didn't do well in my leaving (I hated school so there was no way I would repeat) and didn't go to college straight away and it's so untrue. There's plenty of routes into education and plenty of time to figure out what you want to do.

Chiquitita

Gee Banana what do you want to do tonight...?

Killer_banana

Chiquitita wrote: »

Gee Banana what do you want to do tonight...?

Same thing we do every night Chiquitita, try and take the world (and this thread :P).

Chiquitita

(cue pinky and the brain theme)

Killer_banana

Not long out from the doctor's now. She said she does think I have mild depression and she said she'd like me to try counseling and see if that helps. She said to speak to one of the college counselors and then if I'm not improving we'll look at medication. She also said if I don't like or get on with the college counsellors that she'll refer me to another service but as the service has a 6-8 week waiting list she'd prefer me to try the college first. When she said mild I was surprised to be honest but she said because it's intermittent and not constant it's classified as mild.

I also spoke to her about the compulsions and again she said counselling and CBT would be her first course of action as well since they don't hugely affect my life. While she said seemed to understand things like depression I felt it was pretty obvious she didn't know much about OCD. She kept mentioning like hand washing which is only related to one type of OCD and even used the word quirks when referring to compulsions. She said she doesn't know if it's OCD but I would have some form of compulsive disorder.

Overall I'm more or less happy with how it went. I feel a lot of doctors just give people medication and leave it at that whereas she said straight out she doesn't believe in medicating people just for the sake of it. She recommended a few books and to try things like meditation and yoga and I felt like I was taken seriously when I talked about my depression which, when I went to a youth counseling service before I didn't at all. I'm unsure about the compulsions though, she seemed to see it as as long as they weren't stopping me leaving the house that they weren't interfering hugely with my life whereas I feel like they're taking up most of my time. I suppose though I can talk about that with the counselor and she might be more helpful.

LanaFey

Starting counselling next week, at last and I'm due a repeat visit to the doctor.

I've actually had a really good week- my last 'bad' day was last Friday. A whole week of being able to sleep, function, no panic attacks, black moods or crying... it's been amazing. To the point where I'm now panicky that the counsellor is going to send me away for wasting her time and not being anxious enough. Ha.

However I'm feeling some anxiety involving another person today which I don't think is going to sort itself out until I get a chance to talk to them in person this is the kind of thing I'd like to address in the counselling sessions. It's very frustrating not knowing what mundane, everyday thing will send my brain into a tailspin.

Killer_banana

LanaFey wrote: »

However I'm feeling some anxiety involving another person today which I don't think is going to sort itself out until I get a chance to talk to them in person this is the kind of thing I'd like to address in the counselling sessions. It's very frustrating not knowing what mundane, everyday thing will send my brain into a tailspin.

Uh I know the feeling. Had days where I'm doing really well, feeling great in myself and then something silly will upset me and I'll end feeling awful or crying. It's horrible.

Killer_banana

Hey quick question (God I really am dominating the thread the past few days, I don't mean to!), as far as I can tell the only way to get a definite diagnosis of OCD or any related disorders is by seeing a psychiatrist. Is it possible to request a referral from my doctor or does it have to be something she decides I need herself? As I said earlier she doens't really seem to actually understand OCD. I know that I can have treatment like CBT without diagnosis but it bothers me not knowing if it's OCD or some other form of compulsive disorder.

Chiquitita

Your gp can make a referral to a psychiatrist. You could go privately, it costs money, but you wont have to wait which can cause more anxiety.

Some psychiatrists allow self referral so if you had a name of one that you know of you could ring their office and see what their protocol is.

Thinking of you