Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

pudzey101

Hi all havnt posted here in a long time i hit a rough patch the last few months , finally went to my doc after about 4 or 5 days of no sleep , prescribed me zopiclone for sleep, and a low dose of xanax as mentioned before im very anti-medicine and have almost a fear/phobia of tablets and medication , but trust me it was the best thing i ever did , by going to your doc explaining all your problems in todays life and been 100% honest with him/her , they will give u the help u need .

ps : it aint the medication talking lol , i only take when needed which was yesterday

so anyone who's reading and need's help , reach out and grab it. because it aint easy doing it all on ur own.

handbagmad

well i was up till 6 am cleaning the house. cleaned the bathroom tiles with a nail brush....think im about to hit the brick wall. sleep is non existant even with sleeping tablets. im very weary i hope this behaviour doesnt last too long

Gremlinertia

Very down.. Just want couch to swallow me and cease to exist for a while. Sick of these incessant mood swings, exhausting and confusing. Living to work at the minute, or so it feels. I reckon it'd be good if i could cry. Just can't do it..

Hugo Stiglitz

I really hope this passes soon for you G

LegacyUser

I'm wondering if anyone has any information regarding pure O type of OCD treatment in Ireland, and I'm very worried about it not being well known and being misdiagnosed, as I've read that has happened and can make the condition worse tenfold. I'm specifically talking about intrusive thoughts and constant ruminating and more recently HOCD (among other things) which health care professionals can mistake as a true sexual identity crisis and make the condition worse. I've always had ocd traits (for example as a child/ young teen, there was a 2 week period brought on by seemingly nothing where I was acutely aware of the passing of time and how I had no control over it and I would sit and ruminate and cry about it for hours on end, then just as quickly as it came on it disappeared again) and diagnosed with depression/anxiety but this recent new development comes after a specific emotional trauma, and the very way my brain seems to work now has changed and fundamental things about myself that I was very sure and comfortable with are bubbling to the surface with doubt and fear. On some days it's intensely crippling and I feel like there is nothing in the entire world I'd like better than if I were to die. On these bad days almost everything is a trigger and simply being awake is exhausting. If anyone has any information I'd greatly appreciate it!!

Gremlinertia

Time to think about getting ready for work.. Ugh. On plus side i got unlimited data set up on phone so that'll keep me in touch with people..

Hope ye are all well, as well as you can be..

handbagmad

Hope ur feeling bit better grem. Fair play for going to work. Lost my job couldn't keep going in.
I think I must have been an awful c**t in a previous life getting my just deserts now.
Im in tormoil/limbo. No life no prospects hard to stay thinking in the here and now

Chiquitita

Took my zyprexa last night and it made me sleep till 12 so I got up and have breakfast and went back to bed until about 4...now im awake and afraid that I wont sleep tonight. Some existence this is!

Gremlinertia

My sleep patterns are gone completely out the window too. I was up the other morning at six another day I didn't get up until eight in the evening. In work now trying to hold my eyes open but I've a good work ethic so I'll get through. No wonder, like a lot of people I know in the same boat, I can't make plans for holidays or career or just catching up with friends. When I don't know when I'm able to go to - or get out of - bed how can I?

Drumpot

handbagmad wrote: »

Hope ur feeling bit better grem. Fair play for going to work. Lost my job couldn't keep going in.
I think I must have been an awful c**t in a previous life getting my just deserts now.
Im in tormoil/limbo. No life no prospects hard to stay thinking in the here and now

I try to define my perception of myself by what I you do going forward, I cant change the past. . .

The only life prospect I concern myself with is finding some sort of balanced serenity in my life. I have a wife, 3 children and work for myself , so I don't necessarily have the luxury of just spending my life meditating and working on my mental health. However, I think that the best way of being the best father, husband and friend I have is by first looking after my own mental health. If I am not well, I am'nt much good to anybody!

However hard it is to get by when I am feeling down, I have learned to stop beating myself up which only compounds matters.

Incidentally, if you are somebody who believes that you have had previous lives, you should watch the movie "cloud atlas", a very underrated movie that explores this very concept. Also very happy movie (for me) in that some characters were able to progress in a positive way throughout their different lives.

I think that I have been afforded the luxury of living two lives in one lifetime. There was a time when I was lost, bereft of happiness and went into the doctors regularly for medication to numb the horrible life I felt I had. Now, I have ups and downs, but I have the mental tools (learned from CBT) that afford me a break and an ability to reduce the down moments and cherish the simple pleasures in life. .

I love the phrase "the night is darkest before the dawn". It really brings a tear to my eye because it can be something that everybody can understand and possibly relate to. Sometimes I find that when I am lost and hopelessly lonely, I need to stop thinking that I can think my way out of it on my own. I have to look to support of family/friends/professionals, to help me get back on an even keel. They can see things about myself that I cannot, this includes a hope that I can find a balance in life that I never dreamed was possible . .

handbagmad

Drumpot you sorta have hit the nail on the head there for me. I believe it is the medication im on preventing me from reaching a level of being part of the world again.
I rang this morning to arrange going back to therapist which I let lapse for a few weeks.
One thing I've been asked to do in therapy is record my dreams/ day dreams. He believes that being in touch with your sub concious helps to get to grips with reality so to speak. I haven't been able to do this. I think its the meds at this stage. So im going to have a chat with my GP and see what I can do about that
I only want inner peace with myself. Maybe employment and a life may then follow
im 30 now don't want to be like this at 40

Drumpot

handbagmad wrote: »

Drumpot you sorta have hit the nail on the head there for me. I believe it is the medication im on preventing me from reaching a level of being part of the world again.
I rang this morning to arrange going back to therapist which I let lapse for a few weeks.
One thing I've been asked to do in therapy is record my dreams/ day dreams. He believes that being in touch with your sub concious helps to get to grips with reality so to speak. I haven't been able to do this. I think its the meds at this stage. So im going to have a chat with my GP and see what I can do about that
I only want inner peace with myself. Maybe employment and a life may then follow
im 30 now don't want to be like this at 40

Good for you . . Consider the actions you have put in motion and try to acknowledge that you are taking actual steps to try and improve your situation. I have learned to "celebrate" these small victories because this helped me realise that everything good in life (no matter how small) is worth trying to appreciate. Once I found myself enjoying , even seconds, small things, I found it sort of took on a domino effect over the longer term.

I had an idea of where I wanted to be, but I was only ever disappointed when I would only get momentary bits of this peace. What I learned was that this is progress and instead of fearing that its gone (or I wouldn't get it back), to sort of mentally record "Ok, I actually know I can enjoy simple things for a short time, perhaps I can learn to extend the timeframe and repeat this success". Its such a small but important way of trying to turn my negative thought cycle.

For me, whatever works for people is all that's important, but I don't think the lessons I have learned have been rocket science. If anything I have over complicated very simple things that I needed to change in life. I still have crazy dreams, but they effect my life less so then they used to. If you find working on your dreams helps then keep working on it.

For me, going back to the most basic level (Beginners CBT) has helped me see and learn very simple stuff that I never really considered. Reading some of the stuff was kind of embarrassing because a lot of it is common sense, but having the humility to accept that I wasn't able to even enjoy living a simple life allowed me to approach this therapy with an open mind.

I am 36 soon, but I wouldn't swap my journey with anybody else. Its been hard, still is, but I know I needed to take the road I have to get where I am now. Its ok that its taken me 20 years of therapy/medication to find where I am now, if that's the time it took then so be it, I will not regret it one bit.

The only important thing for me is that I allowed myself the time and space to focus on my mental health. Make it a priority above all else and everybody around me is being rewarded with the results and its a domino knock on effect that it gives me a boost aswell.

I still have awful moments of feeling down, but I can get out of that dark place much quicker then I used to . . Good luck with your GP, keep us posted!!

Killer_banana

Tried watching The Aviator today but couldn't do it. Seems like a good movie but the OCD stuff was too close to home. Even though my own compulsions are very different I still related enough to essentially feel the character's anxiety. Very unsettling experience.

noah45

Have posted here the odd time. Right now I feel so bad mentally and physically. All I want to do is sleep and/or stay in bed 24/7.
I have absolutely no interest in anything. Everyone annoys me, everything annoys me. I am on effexor and wellbutrin for years but since Christmas I have been feeling so disinterested in everything.

I had worried that my tirdness and lack of interest was due to some physical illness but now I am begining to think its from the depression. I actually feel as though I am not on medication.

It has been an extremely stressful 17 months in my life but thought that I had coped, now it seems that I haven't. I feel like I am broken and am afraid that if I start to cry that I will never stop.

I don't know what I expect except that to post this might help.

Does anyone else take Melatonin for sleep?

muddled1

noah45 wrote: »

Have posted here the odd time. Right now I feel so bad mentally and physically. All I want to do is sleep and/or stay in bed 24/7.
I have absolutely no interest in anything. Everyone annoys me, everything annoys me. I am on effexor and wellbutrin for years but since Christmas I have been feeling so disinterested in everything.

I had worried that my tirdness and lack of interest was due to some physical illness but now I am begining to think its from the depression. I actually feel as though I am not on medication.

It has been an extremely stressful 17 months in my life but thought that I had coped, now it seems that I haven't. I feel like I am broken and am afraid that if I start to cry that I will never stop.

I don't know what I expect except that to post this might help.

I hope that writing the post helped; it has helped me feel not so alone. What you have described is quite similar to how I have been feeling. I have been on Effexor for several years and for the majority of the time it works well. However I've been in a quandary about something for a few years and there are periods of time when if I do wake up I don't want to open my eyes. I stay in this world because I have a child and refuse to leave her. But it's hard. Thank you. I hope tomorrow is better for you, I really do.

noah45

Not able to get up today, feel so bad

muddled1

Are you due to go to work? If so, please push yourself, one foot in front of the other.

muddled1

Deleted User wrote: »

Does anyone else take Melatonin for sleep?

I would also like to hear from anyone that takes it for sleep. I'm going through a particularly bad bout of insomnia (due to anxiety) and have tried a few natural supplements to no avail. I tried the Lullabye milk, which tastes nice, but didn't help me sleep.

stinkle

Had bizarre superdread today and felt really emotional. A relative isnt well so maybe I'm more upset than I realise about that. Was happy to go into work initially as I'll get to see some friends today that have been on mat leave. I have no reason to have felt that dread, it's weird. I'm fine now that I'm in.

Going to therapist today. I'm writing down my feelings now, and I think it;s the "trapped" feeling that's the crux of it. I took control of some family drama last week and am glad it's not eating away at me now. Still no idea about the job, and I have reason to believe it might not be looking good (but not 100% on that). I'm a bit bummed if that's the case but I applied for other jobs yesterday and have more to do today, so I can't complain too much till I know for sure. Applying for stuff is exhausting though.

Killer_banana

Why does everywhere have tiles? Spend all my time in public place staring at the ground. So frustrating, I'm on edge on all the time. Ordered a book recommended to me by someone on the OCD UK forums so hopefully that will help. Also going back to my GP about it either this week or next.

Gremlinertia

I'm still all over the place. It's a week where i can't. for the life of me keep what day it is in my head, or the time.. That should make for craic at work tonight.

RobbingBandit

Anyone else suffer from a pathological fear of failure so badly it causes you to just not do or try anything, I am about to flunk out of college as I am afraid to submit work due to myself believing it is substandard, I have know a couple of girls for the last 7 and 9 years and have never had the bottle to ask either one out as I am afraid of them saying no, even to the point of now feeling extremely suicidal but the fear of waking up in a hospital room is preventing me from doing it, I am scared of pretty much everything at the moment and really don't know what to do any more.

noah45

Could not go to work, went to the psychiatrist insread who was fantastic. He increased my medication and added serequel to it for 2 weeks

Chiquitita

Had nightmares all night and couldnt wake. I find it hard to shake them away and usually spend the day thinking about them

stinkle

Had a good time at session yesterday and made another one for a couple of weeks' time. I think it's beneficial to go more regularly now, as it's all a bit stressful at the moment, with no particular triggers.

Hope everyone's doing ok at the moment. I'm getting stuck into exercise at the mo and it's really helping in general as well as with sleep. Still getting the morning blues but I'm trying to find ways around that.

RobbingBandit, I get a bit like that too - it's a kind of perfectionism thing and doesnt help the stress/anxiety. Sorry to hear you get this too.

muddled1

muddled1 wrote: »

I would also like to hear from anyone that takes it for sleep. I'm going through a particularly bad bout of insomnia (due to anxiety) and have tried a few natural supplements to no avail. I tried the Lullabye milk, which tastes nice, but didn't help me sleep.

Well I've been taking it for a few weeks now and I'm glad I held off about posting about how great it is.

It was brilliant at first, I woke up stunned after the first night with a full 6 hours sleep without waking up (10:30-4:30). That was huge for me because I'm used to 0-4 hours. Even after the 6 hours I didn't feel tired all day and I actually thought I had a bit more energy.

It was like that for less than a week, but now I feel like everything's slowly going back to normal. It's almost like the tablet is loosing its effect on my body. At first it was putting me out within 40-50 minutes, but now I'm turning for about 2 hours until I manage to fall asleep. My sleep is broken again too and I wake up 2 or 3 times a night (that's less than without the Melatonin, though). I'm always having nightmares anyway but they've changed now, they're really vivid and loud and I wake up feeling completely exhausted after them.

The worst part is the dead feeling all day. I'm so tired and groggy. If I manage to fall back asleep after weakening in the night, its impossible to get out of bed in the morning - it's taking me about an hour to stand. My eyes barely open and I feel so heavy and headache-y all day. I'm wondering now if the first few days were just a placebo, and my wishful thinking that these were going to work.

Sorry this is long, but I hope it's helpful!

handbagmad

Just bluegh that is all. Sleeping non stop

Chiquitita

Not able to sleep tonight. Little bit anxious

cloud493

Chiquitita wrote: »

Not able to sleep tonight. Little bit anxious

Me neither. Taking a walk to the garage with a smoke, see if that helps.