Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Hugo Stiglitz

Chiquitita wrote: »

Let's all go camping together :pac:

This is an insanely good idea!

Chiquitita

What support networks do ye use? Aware meetings? Pieta? Read particular books?

Im sure you've said it a million and one times on this already but I cant remember, sorry

Hugo Stiglitz

Chiquitita wrote: »

What support networks do ye use? Aware meetings? Pieta? Read particular books?

Im sure you've said it a million and one times on this already but I cant remember, sorry

I used to frequent Aware quite a bit. Tried GROW before but it wasn't really my thing.

Speaking of books, I found a Little Book of Calm today.

Chiquitita

Im in the middle of the Aware cbt groups. Really enjoying it. Also going to Pieta, but only have 2 sessions left which is making me panic as there's a lot of stuff I should be saying to the therapist but cant find the courage and instead im suffering in silence.
Im going to get out of the house for the entire day tomorrow, even if its just to sit in the garden. Im NOT hiding for another 24 hours god damn it!

Chiquitita

Know that old nugget "what have you got to be depressed about, snap out of it" WELL I challenge them to come live inside my head or have the thoughts I have for 10 minutes and see how they'd like it. I'm pretty certain they too would retreat to the bed!

Call Me Jimmy

What sort of stuff is your main gripe chiquitita? Focus on small or the whole Big Cake (universe)?

For me a laser focus on the small (an OCD compulsion) causes me to be in isolation which causes me to really think through the universal and the inherent futility. I experience very consciously the fundamental cognitive dissonance: seeking our own significance as insignificant entities.

Chiquitita

I havent typed it here yet but you've hit the nail on the head. I have existential depression. Like yourself I have ocd which I find brings me more into reality which is comforting yet distressing at the same time.

I've been afraid to say the reasons I find myself in my current state i.e going to pieta, aware, medication etc as im afraid to read peoples reactions.

Thanks for being here though!

handbagmad

Got some xanax today a short-term but welcome release all the same.
my poor little dog knows im down and is being extra cuddly and sweet bless him x

Gremlinertia

For me the thoughts that rattle around mostly are the ruminating on mistakes of the past and a self-defeatist view of the future.. I also try to make death a logical option to the point I convince myself that in time humans won't be against people deciding to euthanise themselves, that eventually it'll be normal..

Mainly though I think my various trains of thought are so splintered and mashed into each other at times that I'm confused.. Not really sure though as I've yet to find a counsellor who can do any more than scratch the surface. Hoping to have a better experience this time around with the hospital..

Sorry for rambling and being confusing.

pinkstars

Is there anyone on Zyprexa? I was getting weird thoughts and valium wasn't even calming me down so I'm up to 7.5 zyprexa. I was on 5 mg ppreviously. As well as the other concoction.

pinkstars

I was also told to stay out of work...it wasn't fair on me how distressing it was for me as well aas got other people at work.

cloud493

Chiquitita wrote: »

I havent typed it here yet but you've hit the nail on the head. I have existential depression. Like yourself I have ocd which I find brings me more into reality which is comforting yet distressing at the same time.

I've been afraid to say the reasons I find myself in my current state i.e going to pieta, aware, medication etc as im afraid to read peoples reactions.

Thanks for being here though!

Did you find pieta helpful?

Gremlinertia

pinkstars wrote: »

I was also told to stay out of work...it wasn't fair on me how distressing it was for me as well aas got other people at work.

What happened was this yesterday? Sounds like it was very public have you thought about approaching supervisors or hr or whoever is there?

pinkstars

Gremlinertia wrote: »

What happened was this yesterday? Sounds like it was very public have you thought about approaching supervisors or hr or whoever is there?

Yes this was yesterday. How do you mean public?

pinkstars

pinkstars wrote: »

Yes this was yesterday. How do you mean public?

I approached hr during the week as well as the employee assistance officer. My manager was in yesterday and I just broke down. My doctor was cross as she said it was too distressing for me and the people around me being in the condition I was in work all week.

degausserxo

pinkstars wrote: »

Is there anyone on Zyprexa? I was getting weird thoughts and valium wasn't even calming me down so I'm up to 7.5 zyprexa. I was on 5 mg ppreviously. As well as the other concoction.

I was on 20mg of it for over a year, but it didn't agree with me at all. Gained a rakeload of weight and it was like there was a constant fog over me all of the time. Stupidly stopped taking it completely and after a couple of weeks ended up in hospital again. My cousin is on 10mg a day though and it works wonders for him. Gonna be different for everyone.

Chiquitita

cloud493 wrote: »

Did you find pieta helpful?

Hey there. Yeah I have to say theres something very therapeutic even just sitting in the waiting room knowing that the whole reason the building is there is to help people who feel suicidal and/or self harm.
Although im a closed book and theres a lot more I should be honest with my therapist about, she has told me that there isnt anything they havent heard before and not to be afraid to say how you really feel.

So, yes, if you havent gone to them before i'd urge you to. Sure give them a go and see how you get on, what do you think?

Chiquitita

pinkstars wrote: »

Is there anyone on Zyprexa? I was getting weird thoughts and valium wasn't even calming me down so I'm up to 7.5 zyprexa. I was on 5 mg ppreviously. As well as the other concoction.

I have the lowest dose and take it sporadically when I feel really bad or cant sleep. I took it Tuesday night at about 8, went to bed at 12ish and didnt wake up until 3 on Wednesday, and thats the lowest dose :eek:

Drumpot

Chiquitita wrote: »

I have the lowest dose and take it sporadically when I feel really bad or cant sleep. I took it Tuesday night at about 8, went to bed at 12ish and didnt wake up until 3 on Wednesday, and thats the lowest dose :eek:

Its funny (not in the laughing sense!) for me to read people discussing their sleeping problems. I keep forgetting how bad my insomnia was. Most of it was because I was restless, anxious and couldn't switch off at bedtime. I don't miss having to take sleeping tablets and feeling hung-over the next day!

I would class myself as 2 years into my rehabilitation. Since I started CBT. Since I started taking action instead of just dreading everything. I remember reading posts from some people here talking about how things slowly get better more often. Things have improved so much for me its not funny. I have a much higher expectation on life. I don't appreciate the fact that I am asleep most nights by 12 and sleep all the way through to 7 (only wakeup cause of kids).

I don't appreciate that I am now able to speak with friends/family about my feelings. I don't appreciate that I can now drag myself back up at times and that sometimes when I am struggling, I can get help to climb out of the hole I find myself.

This time last week I was feeling horrible. Sleeping was getting bad again, I was anxious for the entire day, getting ratty and starting to isolate myself. But only by taking action and using the support network I have built up, was I able to get back on track. In the past I would just accept this would fester for weeks, but I took action. .

I regularly read posts in this thread. Its great to see the support network of people trying to help each other out. I used to think that the way I felt was as good as it got and that only medication could help. I didn't know any better and couldn't comprehend that the way I had learned to deal with my problems were holding me back from moving on.

Chiquitita

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I also try to make death a logical option to the point I convince myself that in time humans won't be against people deciding to euthanise themselves, that eventually it'll be normal.

A lot of you have been saying stuff that is really resonating with how i think/feel. This is something ive thought about regularly gremlin.
My thinking has just gone so bad now that it's hard to work my way out of it. I even stuck to my promise of doing things today and all!

Gremlinertia

I've found the last while I've been just going to work and going home again. Unless I'm off the next day then I usually go for pints, get home and wait for the next shift at work.. While I'm a bit proud that I've managed to do my job well and keep it through all these things it's feeling decidedly pointless lately..

Killer_banana

Depression sucks but I feel like I can overcome it enough to life an okay life. It will always be there but I fee I can't fight through it.

OCD (or whatever it is that causes my compulsions), on days like today, I just feel like no matter what I do it will ruin my life.

pinkstars

Imagining people naked while talking to them, what the hell, it's distressing is this anxiety?? Course I can't get it out of my head then.

Killer_banana

pinkstars wrote: »

Imagining people naked while talking to them, what the hell, it's distressing is this anxiety?? Course I can't get it out of my head then.

It sounds like it could be some sort of anxiety disorder. Intrusive thoughts can be caused by a few different things, the only one I know anything about though OCD so I can't really help. Maybe try googling 'intrusive thoughts' or something similar and go from there? (I mean to learn more about what could be causing it, if you feel its really affecting you negatively obviously the best course of action is always to talk to a doctor or therapist)

Hugo Stiglitz

What kinda situation do you find this happening in?

handbagmad

I really do not like when people use you to get what they want. And forget about you when they have moved on. A lot of people out to get what they can in this world instead of being genuine or sincere.

Hugo Stiglitz

handbagmad wrote: »

I really do not like when people use you to get what they want. And forget about you when they have moved on. A lot of people out to get what they can in this world instead of being genuine or sincere.

So true. F 'em anyway H

pinkstars

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

What kinda situation do you find this happening in?

It seems to be mainly in a formal situation. Last weekend I was distressed cause I was thinking what if I take all my tablets at once. Not sure what's going on :-(

Hugo Stiglitz

pinkstars wrote: »

It seems to be mainly in a formal situation. Last weekend I was distressed cause I was thinking what if I take all my tablets at once. Not sure what's going on :-(

It does sound fairly distressing. Is there anything you can do to stop it when it's happening?

Killer_banana

pinkstars wrote: »

It seems to be mainly in a formal situation. Last weekend I was distressed cause I was thinking what if I take all my tablets at once. Not sure what's going on :-(

Like I said it sounds like intrusive thoughts. I get them too and it's pretty distressing alright. Maybe talk to a doctor or therapist about it?