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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.
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Has anyone else on here always had problems with anxiety and depression or is it a new thing for ye. My psychiatrist once said 'we will soon have you back to your old self' which I thought was weird because I am always this way and have always been like this. So basically there is no hope for me if this is 'normal' for me. How can I hope to be functional if I have never been functional as myself. I wish I could just be a completely different person for a while instead of this constant struggle with the complete pointlessness of everything, its all complete nonsense, it really is.:(
(I'm a board member; just paranoid about this issue, so posting as a guest.)
Museist, I think I'm similar. I've always been overly anxious, and I assume I always will be. As a child I used to absolutely dread the birthday parties of other kids. I hated PE at school and would cry from the sheer anxiety of it.
As an adult I have one proper friend, no job, no ambitions, no real interests, despite having earned good grades in college. I can't even claim the dole because the idea of being questioned about my "job seeking" freaks me out. I can't seek jobs. So I'm living off my savings (I managed one unhappy year of work) which are very quickly running out.
Last year I decided to seek help, and went to the doctor who prescribed Lustral, then Lexapro and then Cymbalta for me (I tried each for approx 3 to 4 months). Not a single one of them helped me, so she referred me to a psychiatrist, who I have seen 5 times now. It seems she can't help me either, and I'm starting to lose hope. What else can I do?
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(I'm a board member; just paranoid about this issue, so posting as a guest.)
I've always been overly anxious, and I assume I always will be.
As an adult I have one proper friend, no job, no ambitions, no real interests, despite having earned good grades in college. I can't even claim the dole because the idea of being questioned about my "job seeking" freaks me out. I can't seek jobs. So I'm living off my savings (I managed one unhappy year of work) which are very quickly running out.
Last year I decided to seek help, and went to the doctor who prescribed Lustral, then Lexapro and then Cymbalta for me (I tried each for approx 3 to 4 months). Not a single one of them helped me, so she referred me to a psychiatrist, who I have seen 5 times now. It seems she can't help me either, and I'm starting to lose hope. What else can I do?
Hi there, i'm the same (boards user) just prefer to stay private on this topic. I can really relate to what you've posted about your anxiety. I've always been an anxious person but always put the extra nervousness & symptoms down to an unstable childhood. Managed to sail along through life with some semblance of normality until just after my leaving cert, then i just fell apart. Out if nowhere, i started to become worried about how i looked & smelled until it completely took over my life.
I starting dreading going to work, out shopping, anything social (which i had enjoyed to some extent before). I had a lovely boyfriend of a few years but couldn't take the pressure of pretending everything was okay anymore and broke up with him. Struggled through for another while after that until one day i had a panic attack in work & went home & took an overdose as that was the last straw for me. Unfortunately for me at that time i was discovered & survived.
Since then i've been given great support by extended family, we've spent a fortune seeing experts all over the country but to no avail. I've been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) (anorexia is a good example of it as the person sees themselves as overweight even though everyone else can see that they're not) but it's a very difficult condition to treat.
After coming out of hospital a few years ago i was prescribed fluoxetine (prozac) which made me feel quite nauseous but didn't help. Have seen several psychiatrists since then who've mainly recommended talking therapies but have seen several counsellors & psychotherapists again with very little improvement. I've had holistic therapies (IET, Reiki, Kineisiology, Acupuncture, Plexus energy healing, Faith healers, you name it, i've tried it.) I just wanted to let medication be a last resort. I've been virtually housebound for the past four years (i'm 25) as i can really only go out with someone else. When i go out on my own i feel like there's a spotlight on me & i may aswell be naked. Im lucky that i've a few great friends who've been unbelievable to me through everything & make sure i get out for nights out, days out etc & i'd never have got through without them.
Anyway to make a very long story not very short, i've recently decided to try medication to see if i can get some kind of quality of life. Went to see a new psychiatrist & he prescribed lustral for 2 months which although didn't have any great side effects, it didn't work for me. So now he suggested trying Lyrica which i'll be starting next week so fingers crossed.
I've been on this the past few weeks without posting but i've found other peoples sharing of what they're going through very insightful & helped me to realise that i'm not the only one going through something like this, which is why i decided to post my experience with what i suppose is mental illness.
To Plumeria, i haven't got a job either (similar to you i have a degree & hope to use it one day) but if things are as bad as you describe, maybe instead of using your savings you can qualify for disability benefit. While it's not ideal & i'm not happy claiming benefits i know that i need it now to get me through. You just fill out a form explaining how you feel & send it away, you have to go for a meeting where they ask you a few questions but nothing awkward & the lady was lovely to me. You may have to go for a medical too, i didn't as my problem is quite complex but i doubt you'd have to either as it's generally only physical conditions that they can assess like that. I'd really recommend you to go for that if you can.
If anybody else has, or knows anyone with BDD, i'd love to hear your experiences.
The main thing to everyone is don't give up hope & if you've any questions i'd be happy to help if i can.
All the best. xx0 -
housebound sally wrote: »I starting dreading going to work, out shopping, anything social (which i had enjoyed to some extent before). I had a lovely boyfriend of a few years but couldn't take the pressure of pretending everything was okay anymore and broke up with him. Struggled through for another while after that until one day i had a panic attack in work & went home & took an overdose as that was the last straw for me. Unfortunately for me at that time i was discovered & survived.
Sorry that you ended up at such a low point. Do you still consider your survival unfortunate? I hope not.
I'm OK going shopping as long as I'm solitary or with my friend/parents.
Social events and work are extra hard. Being asked questions about myself makes me hugely anxious (unless I get to be anonynous online, obviously), so I avoid all kinds of get-togethers, interviews, work, and anywhere else that people will ask me about myself.
I've lost nearly every friendship I ever had through my constant excuses not to go out. I'm really grateful that I have one brilliant friend who never gave up on me; he helps me more than he knows. Glad to hear you have some great friends -- makes a massive difference.
You've tried a ton of different things... Did you find any of those treatments even slightly beneficial?
Thank you so much for the info about applying for disability. I will look into it.
My psychiatrist seems to think I just need to get a minimum wage, low-pressure job and I'll be OK (despite the fact that I did this before and sank into depression). I have a habit of putting on a smiley face for doctors, and actually replying "Grand" when they ask how I am. I could kick myself for that, but it's almost an instinctive/defensive response to being asked how I am. I am seeing the psych again next week, and will try to tell the truth :S
Best of luck with the Lyrica; hope you'll report back on how it works for you.0 -
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starviewadams wrote: »Have felt very depressed over the past few days,was persuaded to go out with my friend and some of his friends for his birthday on Saturday and it just basically reminded me of how far I am from being a normal person for my age (24).
Everybody else seemed so at ease and happy and were all talking about their jobs,girlfreinds and plans for the summer and when somebody attempted to talk to me I'd panic and mumble out a one word answer and pretend that I needed the toilet or go to the bar just to escape.
Feel like my life is slipping away from me and that there's nothing that anybody can do to help me(doctors,psychiatrists,psychologists,tonnes of different meds haven't been much help at all)Have been back cutting myself(which I'm extremely ashamed and embarassed about)just for some relief.Just feel pretty hopeless at the moment.Sorry for the rant.
You're in the right place for a rant. We're all at it.
Know exactly how you feel about everyone else seeming so normal and not being able to talk to people. I can't even bring myself to go out so at least you went and showed your face which in my book is a pretty big achievement all on it's own.
I would say try not to do the cutting yourself thing. Can't be good. So if it's possible for you not to do it then i think it would be worth a try.0 -
Sorry that you ended up at such a low point. Do you still consider your survival unfortunate? I hope not.
I'm OK going shopping as long as I'm solitary or with my friend/parents.
Social events and work are extra hard. Being asked questions about myself makes me hugely anxious (unless I get to be anonynous online, obviously), so I avoid all kinds of get-togethers, interviews, work, and anywhere else that people will ask me about myself.
I've lost nearly every friendship I ever had through my constant excuses not to go out. I'm really grateful that I have one brilliant friend who never gave up on me; he helps me more than he knows. Glad to hear you have some great friends -- makes a massive difference.
You've tried a ton of different things... Did you find any of those treatments even slightly beneficial?
Thank you so much for the info about applying for disability. I will look into it.
My psychiatrist seems to think I just need to get a minimum wage, low-pressure job and I'll be OK (despite the fact that I did this before and sank into depression). I have a habit of putting on a smiley face for doctors, and actually replying "Grand" when they ask how I am. I could kick myself for that, but it's almost an instinctive/defensive response to being asked how I am. I am seeing the psych again next week, and will try to tell the truth :S
Best of luck with the Lyrica; hope you'll report back on how it works for you.
Well i still always think of suicide as a way out if everything gets too much, kinda like a coping mechanism i guess. It's funny though yesterday was the first day that i thought "oh my God i could have been dead" even though it happened almost four years ago so maybe the lustral has made a difference to my mood after all!
It's great that you can go out by yourself, gives you some independence. Do u find that when you're out, you're just passing time until you're back home? Do u know why you dread people asking about you? i'm just wondering, you don't have to answer if you feel it's too intrusive. Maybe you could try some counselling, or some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) where you challenge your own thinking. Like you think an anxious thought, so then you feel anxious & you behave anxiously even though you caused it in yourself. I've tried all these things & they make perfect sense when you think about it but i just can't relate the theory to practice.
Counselling has definately helped in the way that talking about things does, i still go fortnightly & find it helpful. It's not cheap though & the free psychologist through the hospital was a joke.
I actually found IET (integrated energy therapy) good. It's a therapy that works with your angels (like i said i'll try anything but understandably it's not for everyone!). I came out of the appointment feeling like i was floating on air, was able to go shopping by myself, felt so relaxed, it only lasted the day but it was wonderful. Have been again since but haven't felt as good afterwards.
As for your work situation, i understand completely. My doctor said that too but i know it's not an option at the moment, hopefully at some stage. My relatives that i'm living with have a business so i've tried working there for a few hours but it was a nightmare. You have to remember that doctors are experts but YOU'RE an expert on you so you know what your limits are better than they do.
Your friend must be amazing & my aunt always says if you have one friend in your life you're so lucky as most people have friends but no real FRIENDS so actually there's something that you have that most people probably don't. I know it's hard to keep up friendships when you have to make excuses, did they know how you were feeling?
Also in relation to the disability benefit, you'll more than likely qualify for a medical card. I have VHI but also applied for the medical card so that it'll cover the cost of the medication & got it last week so there's lots out there to help.0 -
starviewadams wrote: »Feel like my life is slipping away from me and that there's nothing that anybody can do to help me(doctors,psychiatrists,psychologists,tonnes of different meds haven't been much help at all)Have been back cutting myself(which I'm extremely ashamed and embarassed about)just for some relief.Just feel pretty hopeless at the moment.Sorry for the rant.
I feel the same - that my life is passing me by, and I'm missing out. I didn't go to my debs; I didn't have a 21st birthday party. That stuff might be pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, but it adds up.
It's bad that you're hurting yourself; I wouldn't condemn you for it, but do value your body. It's one thing in this world that you 100% own. 0 -
housebound sally wrote: »It's great that you can go out by yourself, gives you some independence. Do u find that when you're out, you're just passing time until you're back home? Do u know why you dread people asking about you? i'm just wondering, you don't have to answer if you feel it's too intrusive. Maybe you could try some counselling, or some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) where you challenge your own thinking. Like you think an anxious thought, so then you feel anxious & you behave anxiously even though you caused it in yourself. I've tried all these things & they make perfect sense when you think about it but i just can't relate the theory to practice.
Counselling has definately helped in the way that talking about things does, i still go fortnightly & find it helpful. It's not cheap though & the free psychologist through the hospital was a joke.
I actually found IET (integrated energy therapy) good. It's a therapy that works with your angels (like i said i'll try anything but understandably it's not for everyone!). I came out of the appointment feeling like i was floating on air, was able to go shopping by myself, felt so relaxed, it only lasted the day but it was wonderful. Have been again since but haven't felt as good afterwards.
I'm not sure exactly why I'm so hyper-private. I had an unusual/sad childhood in some respects, so as a child I got very good at keeping secrets, and keeping myself private. I hated the feeling that people would judge me. I suppose I've just stayed that way...
I've never tried a counsellor, and I'll consider it seriously if the psychiatrist really can't help me soon. I really would love to find a medication that lifts me a bit, but I've tried 3 and it was honestly as useful as popping a couple of smarties a day. No effects aside from slight weight-gain.
I will probably have to hope that just talking will be enough for me.
My psychiatrist is costing me 125 euro for each 45-min session. I still reel a bit when I think about it, and how it's draining my savings. I can't keep it up long-term, for sure.
IET sounds kind of cool, even if I wouldn't be able to truly believe in it. If they're ever giving out free samples, I'll have a go
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I'm not sure exactly why I'm so hyper-private. I had an unusual/sad childhood in some respects, so as a child I got very good at keeping secrets, and keeping myself private. I hated the feeling that people would judge me. I suppose I've just stayed that way...
I've never tried a counsellor, and I'll consider it seriously if the psychiatrist really can't help me soon. I really would love to find a medication that lifts me a bit, but I've tried 3 and it was honestly as useful as popping a couple of smarties a day. No effects aside from slight weight-gain.
I will probably have to hope that just talking will be enough for me.
My psychiatrist is costing me 125 euro for each 45-min session. I still reel a bit when I think about it, and how it's draining my savings. I can't keep it up long-term, for sure.
IET sounds kind of cool, even if I wouldn't be able to truly believe in it. If they're ever giving out free samples, I'll have a go
I really think a traumatic childhood has a lifelong impact on a person since they're the formative years. I grew up with domestic violence, think i was probably born anxious but my home environment certainly didn't help. I think we can get past it though.
My psychiatrist said that if i presented to him without having been to counselling that that's what he'd recommend first & seen as how you haven't tried that yet it might be an idea. Also most psychiatrists recommend a combination of both meds & counselling as being the most successful.
I know they cost a fortune, my doctor sent a referral letter for a private apt but they made a mistake & gave me a public appointment, i can't believe the standard of help, he's brilliant to talk to & i don't know what he could improve on if i was paying privately so im steeped really.
If there's ever a spiritual/holistic fair in your area (usually held in hotels) you should go along, they always have loads of info about keeping positive & they do demonstrations of different techniques.0 -
Starviewadams, I think I can understand the need to feel a sense of control, and also the issue of having to lie to people
This isn't a current problem for me, but I used to throw up due to my anxiety. About 2 years ago I went to dinner and then the pub with an old friend. I ate almost nothing and could barely drink. My anxiety was dreadful, getting worse by the minute, and I eventually felt so nauseous that I went to the pub toilets to throw up.
Came back to the table, trying to act normal, but a few minutes later I needed to be sick again. I panicked about how to explain my long absence, so I ended up telling this friend a stupid lie about how I had been stopped by another friend on my way back from the loo... and was stuck chatting, which is why I'd been gone for 15 mins. So, instead of revealing that I'm an anxious weirdo, I instead came across as an inconsiderate nob who abandons a friend in the pub just to chat to someone else. Ugh.
QUOTE=housebound sally;71278068]
I know they cost a fortune, my doctor sent a referral letter for a private apt but they made a mistake & gave me a public appointment, i can't believe the standard of help, he's brilliant to talk to & i don't know what he could improve on if i was paying privately so im steeped really.
If there's ever a spiritual/holistic fair in your area (usually held in hotels) you should go along, they always have loads of info about keeping positive & they do demonstrations of different techniques.[/QUOTE]
I should have gone public. The reason I went private is partly because my GP recommended this specific psychiatrist to me, and also because I was/am paranoid about privacy. Obviously there are good public ones out there
My psychiatrist is very nice, friendly, easy enough to talk to. I just have no feeling that I'm getting any better at all. I will keep the counsellor option in mind definitely...0 -
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This is probably the lowest I've been in nearly a year. Going to see my psych on Monday too. Today in work I found myself close to having an anxiety attack while I was surrounded by my ultra-confident, do-anything colleagues. Even now my bitterness is driving me round the bend. Ugh
I know exactly how you feel Plumeria with regards work and ambition and I too find it difficult to talk to my psych/nurse care about this as they seem to think it's a minor issue.0
This discussion has been closed.
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