Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

thrilledskinny

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

Anyone else dreading Christmas and the New Year? I feel ill even thinking about it.

Was dreading it till a few days ago...when I decided not to put as much pressure on myself....

Just do what you want to do.....dont feel you have to behave or do things cause other people are...whether that be sitting in or going out...to getting your hair cut for the day or not !

Its only a day remember...put in perspective and enjoy it for what you want yourself....maybe that'll just be a day by the fire...or watching tv all day and drinking tea.....whatever..

each to their own eh...

thrilledskinny

Princess Peach wrote: »

I am really looking forward to Christmas! It is the first year in so long I haven't felt down in the run up to it. Only realised that the other day I can remember the last few years trying a few things to get a bit of Christmas cheer, but just giving up and feeling a bit grinchy and bleh. This December is a good one for once.

Leaving for Canada after Christmas and my doctor advised me to pick up what is left on my prescription and then find a doctor there after a few months. Not looking forward to paying for them in one go

Will you still be able to post on Boards from Canada ?

I'll miss your posts

I see you as someone who bravely struggles and gets on with depression.

Your inspirational....

thrilledskinny

phi3 wrote: »

This will be my first single Christmas in 9 years. Don't really know how I'll feel about. Spend the holidays with family anyway so it mightn't make much difference. I don't do the whole depression thing with family so Christmas is usually ok. I do get bored though so that can be a problem. It will be more of a problem when I realise i have no one to text on Christmas day to say happy christmas to. Or on new years eve knowing that everyone is out having fun and feeling a looser.

I like your positive take on being single for the first time in 9 yrs for xmas this year.
Keep your chin up, you will survive even though as you say it will be tough.
But you've survived worse...
Dont feel like the looser alot of us might tend to feel like.... decide to enjoy what ever you decide to get up to for the new year....

saa

Last year was talking about not being able to make it through Christmas 4 months before now I'm not worried I will be okay just a bit tender.
I've only got my boyfriend and I said I feel particularly lonely going shopping would you like to go with me? He instantly said why don't you go shopping with my mother?
...

ceol18

have never posted in here before but hey there's first time for everything. i don't even know what to say really ..I'm just completely lacking motivation to do anything..and i mean anything. i stay in bed all day when i should be in college, i don't think there's been a week so far this semester where i've gone in every single day, purely because i don't see a point and i just feel so tired and down all the time. ive such low confidence that if i don't think i look nice or am dressed well i don't go in purely because im afraid of what people will think of me. im really struggling to get on with my parents, living at home is proving excruciating at the moment, i can't stand to be around them, yet i always feel awful when my mam tells me how worried she is about me, and it really is not fair on her but i just can't bring myself to get up and out and DO things....i just don't care anymore. i was put on lexapro last week, but i've yet to start taking them because my mam was reluctant to have me go on them and wanted me to wait a while (?? yeh idon't know)
i feel bad because i know i am actually fairly lucky in everything i have, it's not the people around me or anything that happens in my life that i hate - it's just me. i have so much hatred towards myself that i just do and say things that i regret and hate myself for and beat myself up over, and i think too much about things.
there are certain people that i just can't be myself around , and always end up cringing and apologising for things i say and do and i just wish it would all just stop.
i don't know where to turn because most of my friends either wouldnt know what to do or would tell me to stop being stupid...i just don't know anymore. i've never been so down and i just wish i could disappear and be someone else.

Rosiestar

ceol18 wrote: »

have never posted in here before but hey there's first time for everything. i don't even know what to say really ..I'm just completely lacking motivation to do anything..and i mean anything. i stay in bed all day when i should be in college, i don't think there's been a week so far this semester where i've gone in every single day, purely because i don't see a point and i just feel so tired and down all the time. ive such low confidence that if i don't think i look nice or am dressed well i don't go in purely because im afraid of what people will think of me. im really struggling to get on with my parents, living at home is proving excruciating at the moment, i can't stand to be around them, yet i always feel awful when my mam tells me how worried she is about me, and it really is not fair on her but i just can't bring myself to get up and out and DO things....i just don't care anymore. i was put on lexapro last week, but i've yet to start taking them because my mam was reluctant to have me go on them and wanted me to wait a while (?? yeh idon't know)
i feel bad because i know i am actually fairly lucky in everything i have, it's not the people around me or anything that happens in my life that i hate - it's just me. i have so much hatred towards myself that i just do and say things that i regret and hate myself for and beat myself up over, and i think too much about things.
there are certain people that i just can't be myself around , and always end up cringing and apologising for things i say and do and i just wish it would all just stop.
i don't know where to turn because most of my friends either wouldnt know what to do or would tell me to stop being stupid...i just don't know anymore. i've never been so down and i just wish i could disappear and be someone else.

hi ceol18 and welcome, I am only new myself to this thread today but as you said you said there is a first time for everything. Well you remind me a lot of myself where a lot of the issues and problem is centred around self resentment and being very self critical. I too had problems years ago with my mother who didn't really want to accept that I had an illness but I think you really should start as soon as possible on the lexapro as I believe you will find some relief from your symptoms in a fairly short period of time. You should feel more relaxed around people, maybe a little less tired and now I can't promise anything about motivation. Motivation is a really tough one, it can take a long time for motivation to come back, it all depends really, I only wish I knew. It can take a little while for the lexapro to kick in but not usually as long as the two weeks as is stated on the patient information leaflet. All I can do is wish you best and if you start taking them now hopefully you will be feeling a little better come Christmas. Good luck.

starviewadams

ceol18 wrote: »

have never posted in here before but hey there's first time for everything. i don't even know what to say really ..I'm just completely lacking motivation to do anything..and i mean anything. i stay in bed all day when i should be in college, i don't think there's been a week so far this semester where i've gone in every single day, purely because i don't see a point and i just feel so tired and down all the time. ive such low confidence that if i don't think i look nice or am dressed well i don't go in purely because im afraid of what people will think of me. im really struggling to get on with my parents, living at home is proving excruciating at the moment, i can't stand to be around them, yet i always feel awful when my mam tells me how worried she is about me, and it really is not fair on her but i just can't bring myself to get up and out and DO things....i just don't care anymore. i was put on lexapro last week, but i've yet to start taking them because my mam was reluctant to have me go on them and wanted me to wait a while (?? yeh idon't know)
i feel bad because i know i am actually fairly lucky in everything i have, it's not the people around me or anything that happens in my life that i hate - it's just me. i have so much hatred towards myself that i just do and say things that i regret and hate myself for and beat myself up over, and i think too much about things.
there are certain people that i just can't be myself around , and always end up cringing and apologising for things i say and do and i just wish it would all just stop.
i don't know where to turn because most of my friends either wouldnt know what to do or would tell me to stop being stupid...i just don't know anymore. i've never been so down and i just wish i could disappear and be someone else.

Hi,I'm sorry that you are having a tough time of it at the moment,I can't really give you much advice that will make you feel better or anything,but what I would say is to give the Lexapro that you were prescribed a go,it will take a few weeks to work,but there's a good chance that it will lift your mood quite a bit,and it won't turn you into a zombie either!

I'd also recommend that you find a counsellor/therapist so that you can work out with him/her why you are feeling so bad,and then you both can work out a plan on helping you feel better about yourself.

Hope you feel better soon

stupidusername

Things are going fairly downhill now. I already lost one friend to his relationship, looks like i'm going to kinda lose another... and another is looking like starting one, and it just depends on how he handles it.

I'm not going home for Christmas, but after being home for a few days there, I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with my decision. I can't change it now though. and I suppose I do know that it'll never be as ideal as I always imagine it to be.

I'm mad with one of my friends for rubbing things in my face all the time, it's not her fault I know, but it's still upsetting. but I don't even want to tell her. i hate having problems with people.

I'm sick of being on my own. but it's just the situation I'm in that I can't meet a lot of people. and yeah it's probably not forever but all this time is still misery.

jammstarr

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm sick of being on my own.

Likewise. So hard to get out of the rut though - it'd solve a lot

starviewadams

stupidusername wrote: »

Things are going fairly downhill now. I already lost one friend to his relationship, looks like i'm going to kinda lose another... and another is looking like starting one, and it just depends on how he handles it.

I'm not going home for Christmas, but after being home for a few days there, I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with my decision. I can't change it now though. and I suppose I do know that it'll never be as ideal as I always imagine it to be.

I'm mad with one of my friends for rubbing things in my face all the time, it's not her fault I know, but it's still upsetting. but I don't even want to tell her. i hate having problems with people.

I'm sick of being on my own. but it's just the situation I'm in that I can't meet a lot of people. and yeah it's probably not forever but all this time is still misery.

+10000.

Nice new doctor in the community clinic today switched me from citalopram to effexor so hopefully it will get me through the lonely,miserable christmas period.

stupidusername

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm sick of being on my own.

jammstarr wrote: »

Likewise. So hard to get out of the rut though - it'd solve a lot

Same here too, but I'm just too afraid of people.

ceol18

thanks guys for those replies...they kinda helped a bit ? i started on the lexapro properly today... kind of terrified of side-effects but sure it's nearly Christmas so at least i'll be able to take it easy for a while! it's weird, i have really really good days sometimes, and even just the fact that i'm actually finally doing something about it all had me cheered up for a while today...that and this video! :L never fails to make me smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hooid1LJ9Kc

Captain Graphite

Captain Graphite wrote: »

Got a letter in the post today about making an appointment for counselling. I'd almost forgotten I was due a letter since it had been so long ago that the idea of counselling was first floated. I suppose I have nothing to lose by going for it. I really hope it helps but I don't wanna get my hopes up in case it doesn't and I just end up disillusioned and disappointed.

I thought things were starting to look up but this week has been a real kick in the teeth.

First counselling appointment didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. Have to go back Tuesday and I think he wants to make it a weekly thing. He seems like a nice guy and all but I'm just not sure counselling is what I need.

I am sorta looking forward to Christmas, even though family sometimes wreck my head at that time. It's New Year's I'm dreading; I've always hated New Year's Eve. Reflecting over what went on and everything I lost or fúcked up or did badly or wrongly during that year is really no fun. And having to feign happiness or celebration when the fireworks go....no thanks. I usually just go to bed before midnight and hope I sleep through everything.

Rosiestar

Karsini wrote: »

Same here too, but I'm just too afraid of people.

me too.

Temaz

I was put on valium and lyrica yesterday for my nerves and already I feel calmer due to the quick acting valium. Lyrica is meant to be excellent for long term anxiety so fingers crossed.

Hope ya'll get through christmas in one piece!!

I feel like my social phobia has been getting worse lately. Just today when I was in work I couldn't get myself to phone a customer. I've been feeling more withdrawn.

Seren_

Captain Graphite wrote: »

First counselling appointment didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. Have to go back Tuesday and I think he wants to make it a weekly thing. He seems like a nice guy and all but I'm just not sure counselling is what I need.

Give the counselling a go for a little while anyway. The first few sessions kinda drag because it's just filling them in on the background and stuff, but after that it does start to make a difference.

I'm trying everything to stop being so self-critical at the minute, but nothing's working >.< Everything I do, there's a little voice in my head telling me I'm stupid, fat, ugly, worthless, and on and on. After thinking those things for so long, I believe them. I am all of those things, and worse.

jammstarr

Your Text Here wrote: »

I'm trying everything to stop being so self-critical at the minute, but nothing's working >.< Everything I do, there's a little voice in my head telling me I'm stupid, fat, ugly, worthless, and on and on. After thinking those things for so long, I believe them. I am all of those things, and worse.

Hard thing to do. That voice can be your very worst enemy :mad:

Seren_

Definitely. It's mine for sure anyway. Currently making me feel like sh1t over the most mundane of things.

girlonfire

It's really s**** to read that people are so hard on themselves. I do the same thing to myself, but when I see it in others, I really want to say, "give yourself a break". Dealing with depression is so tough and draining. Getting through the day is hard enough and that inner critic can be vicious.
I suggest we(I and whoever happens to read this post) do one nice thing for themselves tomorrow. Or right now - whatever you prefer. Whether that be vegging out and watching a film, cooking something nice for yourselves, etc. I'm going to do it tomorrow.

starviewadams

Second day tapering off the citalopram and starting the dose of efexor,feel really,really out of it,not sedated out of it,just weirdly out of it.Hopefully it'll improve once my body gets used to the change.

luckyfrank

Still feeling really good, not happy as a kite good just content good after a freakin year is the medication working properly, were the shrinks right even after i told them the medication wasnt working good enough to keep me on it for so long ??? looks like it

Im sleeping well and my energy has improved, keep the faith guys

Princess Peach

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Princess Peach wrote: »

I am really looking forward to Christmas! It is the first year in so long I haven't felt down in the run up to it. Only realised that the other day I can remember the last few years trying a few things to get a bit of Christmas cheer, but just giving up and feeling a bit grinchy and bleh. This December is a good one for once.

Leaving for Canada after Christmas and my doctor advised me to pick up what is left on my prescription and then find a doctor there after a few months. Not looking forward to paying for them in one go

Will you still be able to post on Boards from Canada ?

I'll miss your posts

I see you as someone who bravely struggles and gets on with depression.

Your inspirational....

That is the nicest thing ever! I'll still post. I'm going back to college there so hopefully can try and stay offline and study a bit more than usual!

And tbh I'm only like this cause I am doing well at the moment. I'm sure there are posts of mine from the past that were so negative and moany. But I've gotten my meds sorted out to suit me and worked hard with my counselor so find ways for me to deal with ny depression and how to stop myself getting down if I feel it.

I don't mean to sound like I'm on the moon or make anyone feel like I'm a magic cured person! But I read posts here of people feeling very hopeless and I was like that for years and things have been going well for me. It just really takes a lot of energy to find the way to help yourself if you get me. But I really hope everyone can find something that works for them. I am still very worried about relapse and whether I can ever deal without medication but the main thing for me is to focus on the present.

Temaz

Starting to feel better each day!

stupidusername

I just had a thought - I think I'll kill myself. not really out of anywhere. it's scary that these thoughts just come into my head, because of these tablets. I'm thinking I might talk to my doctor this week, but tbh I'm not sure what she can say that will be satisfactory to me. She'll either say I should change tablets, or stay on them. I don't want to change, but I shouldn't be having these thoughts. like what's wrong with my brain that this is what I think.

i'm at a constant low for the past few weeks, but i'm almost at a point where i'm just accepting it. i have so few options in terms of meeting people and doing things, but I don't want accept being alone. it seems nobody likes me enough anyway. and then I think things like i don't want to put myself on anybody, no one deserves this head**** as a friend/girlfriend.

jammstarr

It is scary to be almost resigned to accepting being like this is ok. At times even though I feel somewhat ok I feel a life like this would be horrible.

How long have you been on your current meds?

starviewadams

Those thoughts pop into my head from time to time out of nowhere too,I just try to focus on something else(music/reading/gym/anything) when they do.Can be quite scary though when you actually stop and think about them though.

As low as you feel now you will come out of it,I used to hate when the doctors said that line to me when I was at my lowest because it sounds like bull****,but it is true!

I'm kinda in the same boat as you in regards to meeting people,shrink suggested going to one of the aware support meetings,or joining a book or language club in my area.

Try not to be so hard on yourself (easier said then done I know!) but from your posts on Boards you seem like a witty,intelligent and sensitive person and I'm sure most people would love to count you as a friend,don't let bad experiences with a few people over the years make you think that you're worthless.

*I'm not the best person for trying to type my thoughts out so sorry if any of that sounds patronising,it wasn't intended to,I just suck at writing!

stupidusername

jammstarr wrote: »

It is scary to be almost resigned to accepting being like this is ok. At times even though I feel somewhat ok I feel a life like this would be horrible.

How long have you been on your current meds?

starviewadams wrote: »

Those thoughts pop into my head from time to time out of nowhere too,I just try to focus on something else(music/reading/gym/anything) when they do.Can be quite scary though when you actually stop and think about them though.

As low as you feel now you will come out of it,I used to hate when the doctors said that line to me when I was at my lowest because it sounds like bull****,but it is true!

I'm kinda in the same boat as you in regards to meeting people,shrink suggested going to one of the aware support meetings,or joining a book or language club in my area.

Try not to be so hard on yourself (easier said then done I know!) but from your posts on Boards you seem like a witty,intelligent and sensitive person and I'm sure most people would love to count you as a friend,don't let bad experiences with a few people over the years make you think that you're worthless.

*I'm not the best person for trying to type my thoughts out so sorry if any of that sounds patronising,it wasn't intended to,I just suck at writing!

i've been on these about 4 months i'd say. i'm at the highest dose now because i wanted to try experience being happy for a few days at a time.

when those thoughts pop into my head, it's odd, but i can't ignore them, it just makes me more aware that i don't have any reason to grasp onto. and i get lower and lower.

i won't come out of it. i've been like this all of my life. it's me.

even the friends that i thought i had, are turning out not to be such great friends, which is making this harder.

i don't know how anyone is ever meant to get to the point of not letting what other people feel about you effect how you feel about yourself. i mean is that even possible.

I think the meds are making me worse. but i'm terrified to come off them again. that was awful. but looking back on it, i was never that bad before I went on them to begin with. there's something wrong with that! i spent two months in constant misery when i was off them, even though i weaned off properly. what are they doing to your system, that makes you like that

jammstarr

I know what you mean about the meds putting the ideas into your head. I was on some last year and I had an awful time both on them and weaning off them.

Elfinork

This may sound a little odd but, is it possible for someone to be depressed for so long that the person may not even be aware of their depression?

I would consider myself to have quite a depressive personality i.e pessimistic, anxious, socially avoidant, socially inept etc. What i can't decide is whether these traits are indicative of someone with a negative mindset or actually the symptoms of long term depression.

I can function from day to day, i have a job that i'm quite good at but struggle in the social area's of life, plus i have zero enthusiasm for life and i'm really just going through the motions.. like some sort of android lol.

If anyone could help with this, thanks!