average recession wedding gift??

hunnymonster

AARRRRGH wrote: »

We used to give cash. We dont anymore. Too many people asked for cash and that annoyed me. Now its clocks, crystal or art for wedding presents.

Do you not think it's a bit strange to give a couple a gift that is probably unsuitable for them?

beegirl

Polar Girl wrote: »

No need to get so upset.

aviendha wrote: »

woooh there, a little bit on the sensitive side there!!!

You are both dead right, I don't know why I would let idiots on the internet upset me... that is just a general comment, not aimed at anyone in particular

By the way I never said that there was anything wrong with wondering whether you might get cash gifts, it is probably realistic that a lot of people will give cash - all I said was, don't invite people just for this reason. And certainly don't count on getting 'x' amount of cash, not these days anyway.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

We used to give cash. We dont anymore. Too many people asked for cash and that annoyed me. Now its clocks, crystal or art for wedding presents.

That sounds like you're trying to punish people- "You naughty wedding couple, asking for money- just for that, you're getting a clock!"
Only in Ireland could a gift turn into a punishment, haha.

AARRRRGH

whatdoicare wrote: »

That sounds like you're trying to punish people- "You naughty wedding couple, asking for money- just for that, you're getting a clock!"
Only in Ireland could a gift turn into a punishment, haha.

Good point.
Exactly LOL.
It always annoys me when people ASK you for something that you are supposed to want to GIFT them.
It makes it seem like a price of going to the wedding.
(I also give to charity, but wont give to chuggers or anyone calling to the door, because they are making feel like its not my choice to give, that i have to be pressured. I will seek out the charity i want to give to)

Ive been thinking about it though today. Going to a wedding in a few weeks and they asked for money again.
I think now i'll get them a gift to a charity. eg i'll buy some goats for someone in Africa through Bothar.ie and put their name on it and give them the receipt.
So now I am punishing them for being greedy, but helping someone else with it too.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

Good point.


Ive been thinking about it though today. Going to a wedding in a few weeks and they asked for money again.
I think now i'll get them a gift to a charity. eg i'll buy some goats for someone in Africa through Bothar.ie and put their name on it and give them the receipt.
So now I am punishing them for being greedy, but helping someone else with it too.

Uuuummmmm....I wasn't really encouraging it, TBH, I was kinda hoping you'd go the other way.
Why bother buying them anything at all? What I mean is, why do you feel you must give a gift and how did that lead to "I feel I am being forced to give something, so I'll punish people for making me"?
Would you not be better off just not giving anything?

You may have missed the point of gifting at weddings- the general idea is to help the couple start out in life.
The best gift I could give a couple, as I see it, is to help them start off their married life a little less in debt.

But then again, I'm a practical person.

gstar

im going to wedding in a month or so, in the past i would have given cash no problem, but money aint what it used to be and the fact that im going as a single person i feel that if i gave cash it would stick out like a sore thumb.

my firends who are also going are giving cash, all of whom are in couples which looks a little better. I was a little bit concerned as there was no mention of the gift policy they were adopting on the invite, i know that the married couple to be have had their home for a few years so i can understand that they would have things such as the toasters/rugs/coffee tables etc already. if im totally honest attending the wedding is costing a lot of money for both me and for them to have me there, but having said that, its their choice where to get married be it a castle or a local hotel, i would hope that they are not expecting cash gifts because i have bought them a present - i got a nice Le Crueset set which i think will last them a lifetime, but thats all i can afford. i hope they happy with it but its all i can afford to give at the moment. but you know what if u dont mention from the outset what your gift expectations/policy is going to be, then you honestly have to be prepared to get stuff you dont want!

regarding wether or not people should be asking for or expecting cash, i think this can be done in a tactful way. i was at a wedding last year, and the couple said that as they didnt have a home together yet and didnt know when they would have their own permanent place, that they preferred cash, but only under strict instructions that there was no names on the envelope so that people wouldnt feel like they were obliged to give a certain amount - they just give what they wanted and you knew it was never going to be a competitive thing when they time came to count the takings if you pardon the pun, at the end of the day.

i think vouchers are a good idea i.e. one4all or some such, as it means that the couple will spend it on something for themselves (something they have chosen more importantly) rather than just possibly paying off the loan they took out for the wedding ! other option is that if people are going on honeymoon and you know where they are going you could buy dollars or local currency for them, that way its doesnt look so obvious that someone only gave €35 euro or whatever they could afford.

AARRRRGH

whatdoicare wrote: »

What I mean is, why do you feel you must give a gift and how did that lead to "I feel I am being forced to give something, so I'll punish people for making me"?

Have you read the thread.
Started by someone getting married. Looking to work out how much they would EARN from their guests.
And then full of posts about wedding invitations asking for cash.

Now maybe im wrong, but getting married used to be about having your friends celebrate your marraige and not about how much they would give you.

I will give cash to couple who dont ask me for cash for going to their wedding. If they are polite to me, the gesture will be returned.
Its a GIFT from me, not a ticket for your wedding.

What would stop all this money grabbing is that if it became customary that nobody gave cash anymore for a wedding present. Then you'd see who really wanted you at their wedding.

Im getting married this year and we are requesting that any gifts go to charity (a friend did this before, it was a great idea). People already pay enough just to come to a wedding ... clothes, transport, travel, hotel. It adds up. Im not asking them for anymore. Its my choice to ask them to the wedding without trying to extract cash from them.

Toots

There's a difference between being asked 'what would you like for a present?' and a couple replying that they'd prefer cash, and a couple who tell their guests that they want cash before the guests even get a chance to ask what they'd like. I totally agree with what Iguana says here:

I don't think anybody thinks there is anything wrong with saying you'd prefer cash after you've been asked. It's when you make the request for cash as an assumption that you will be getting gifts that it's considered rude. Of course you will be getting gifts, you know it, your guests know it. But a gift is meant to be something you are given at the givers discretion, it's what gift means. Asking for a gift before one has been offered is the act of a spoiled child. And spending those gifts before you get them is very foolish.

Call me old fashioned, but I think it's rude to just assume everyone is going to get you a gift of a certain value (lets face it, I doubt anyone is gonna stick a €20 note in a card) so if you ask for cash, most guests will feel that they'll need to give at least €50 (most would probably give more). If a couple were to invite me to their wedding and say 'cash gifts only' (paraphrasing here btw) I'd still give them the cash, not going to deliberately go out and get them one thing when I know they want something else. But it would leave a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

Now maybe im wrong, but getting married used to be about having your friends celebrate your marraige and not about how much they would give you.

I will give cash to couple who dont ask me for cash for going to their wedding. If they are polite to me, the gesture will be returned.
Its a GIFT from me, not a ticket for your wedding.

What would stop all this money grabbing is that if it became customary that nobody gave cash anymore for a wedding present. Then you'd see who really wanted you at their wedding.

Im getting married this year and we are requesting that any gifts go to charity (a friend did this before, it was a great idea). People already pay enough just to come to a wedding ... clothes, transport, travel, hotel. It adds up. Im not asking them for anymore. Its my choice to ask them to the wedding without trying to extract cash from them.

I can't speak for anyone else but I had enough trouble just getting my family and close friends to fit onto the wedding list. I didn't think about who were gonna give what and in what abundance. I was just concerned about making sure noone got left out and that my folks and the OH folks got to invite who they wanted (my mom has what my dad is calling a "subs bench" a whole page of her pals she wants to invite but can't 'coz I capped the numbers).

I don't know any wedding couple that did any different to me.

Noone has ever made money from their wedding- maybe they broke even, if they were very lucky. I'm just hoping that everyone has a great time and my dress fits!
Any useless gifts are going in the attic.

Tootle

I think expecting money is vulgar. I would rather give a voucher if it came to it. If you can't afford to have a wedding with everyone at it then don't have a big wedding. Do not expect the guests to pay for it. Its such a huge expense for people to even attend the wedding without even counting the present and people these days are strapped for cash.
Why would you put extra financial pressure on people you consider friends? Why not get married with your immediate family only and then when you can afford it, throw a party. I'm sure it would half the cost.

Thats my tuppence worth!:o

Heineken Helen

Cincikchick wrote: »

your own horse is no pony!

Having close friends and family offer to pay for things in advance is IMO different to expecting general guests to pay for your day.
Most parents and family will give as much as they can afford, and generally they will give this to you in advance of the day because that is practical. I think most people's objection is for couples to assume that the rest (or most) of the other expenses will be paid for by the rest of the guests. A risky strategy as you never know how much or what others will give....at least family generally tell you exactly what they are giving/paying for so no nasty shocks (would be a bit of a pisser if granny said she'd pay for the flowers and then gave you a candlestick on the day instead! )

Agreed... our parents are helping out... when we got engaged, we were going to get married on whatever we could afford... but we were able to lift our budget then. We will not be getting any loan or relying on gifts to pay for anything as it will all be paid in advance.

HOWEVER... I'm lucky that I know my friends well enough to personally say to each of them 'our preference is cash but, if you have a gift in mind, we would absolutely love it' cos I have the kinda friends who would most likely ask which we'd prefer. If they DON'T ask, we'll leave it to their better judgment. If they can't afford anything, I'd rather they came and gave us nothing than didn't come cos they couldn't afford it. But I'd rather start married life with a nice cash injection than a loada silverware but that's just me?

In saying that... if somebody CHOSE to give me a wine glass worth £150, I'd love it! Every glass of wine out of that would remind me of my wedding... not make me think 'I coulda put this on my mortgage'. Any gift somebody wants to get me, even if it's only worth 20, would be more than welcome. Even if someone wanted to make something for us, I'd appreciate the time gone into it.

I'd love to know the ages of people posting though. I'm 29 and I would imagine most people my age expect to GIVE money! Older people probably expect to give gifts though as that was what their generation needed and wanted.

Sabrielle

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

whatdoicare

Sabrielle wrote: »

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

Same here, two this year and one after christmas , I think if a couple expects you to go into expense to see them get married, then they shouldn't expect a gift really. Bit over the top.

tatli_lokma

Sabrielle wrote: »

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

I appreciate your point, and some couples do make things expensive to be involved in the whole thing, hens etc....but....
you don't HAVE to go to the hens. YOu don't HAVE to stay two nights in the hotel. Perhaps if more people pointed out they would love to go to all of that, but simply can't afford it, the couple might realise they are expecting a lot. In fairness, if no one says this, then the couple think, but sure no one minds and continue to live in their little bubble.

Also, there is no pressure on you to have a different outfit for every wedding other than the pressure you put on yourself. Ask youself this - do you remember many outfits others wore at other weddings? Other than the bride and bridal party, no one is going to pay that much attention to your attire (unless you arrive in a tracksuit!lol) We all like to look our best and impress, but honestly putting pressure on yourself like that is silly. And no one likes an excuse to get a new outfit more than me but if it was putting me under financial pressure then I would just have to accept its not an option. Push comes to shove, get something that can be dressed up with different colour shoes and bag for each wedding....
truth be known I bought a dress for a wedding recently and on the day the zip broke. I had nothing else but the dress I brought for dinner the next night (which was from dunnes or somewhere similar if I remember correctly).....I ran into town bought a belt and shoes in Penny's, a fancy broche and flower for my hair. Several people commented on how nice I looked.

Anyway, got the zip in dress number 1 fixed and two months later wore that to a wedding. Whilst no one said i looked pants, not half as many people commented on my outfit and it cost 10 times more than the other one!

All my waffling aside, the point I am making is that you cannot be bullied or pressured into feeling that you MUST spend money you don't have to go to a wedding. Most normal people would prefer that you forgo the unneccessary expenses and save your money for the main event - if it were me that would be my preference. Its a shame to have to miss the hens or not stay the second night and miss out, but if you can't afford it you can't afford it. If you stay anyway, then you can't really blame anyone else. And like I say, maybe if a few people said thanks, but I can't afford it, the B&G might realise that their first choices are not very accessible to the people they care about. If it were me I'd rather have a my piss up (sorry, hen!) at home with all my mates than a weekend away with a smaller group.... but maybe thats just me??

iguana

Cincikchick wrote: »

Also, there is no pressure on you to have a different outfit for every wedding other than the pressure you put on yourself. Ask youself this - do you remember many outfits others wore at other weddings?

What I do is I have a selection of wedding suitable dresses that I've bought in secondhand shops or ebay for a pittance. Then when someone is getting married all I do is pick the most suitable one. If the person getting married is someone from a group where I haven't been to a wedding yet I have a free choice. If it's a family wedding I just remove any I've worn for recent family weddings and then pick, and so on for different friend groups. It takes all of the dress hassle away and means that all of the dresses get a good few wears.

jkeane234

I reckon a lot of people are talking bull saying they'd be happy with an empty card. If somebody showed up at any of my parties a few times in a row without a few drinks or a few burgers for the bbq, he wouldn't be invited again, if somebody slipped out on a round of drinks at the bar frequently, I wouldn't buy him another. Somebody showing up at any party & not contributing isn't a friend, he's a user.
Same thing with a wedding, the couple have forked out a minimum of €60 a head for meals, drinks & entertainment & if you feel you can't contribute, then you can at least cut the costs for the couple by not showing up. If you are very close to the couple & really don't have any spare few pounds, they'll understand & be glad you managed to attend but that's not a get out clause for the majority of people who are just feeling a bit mean.
If somebody feels the need to spite a couple by bringing a photo frame, they really shouldn't be going anywhere social & definitely not to a wedding.

We always give €150 as a couple, a bit more if we are close to them, this covers the day & gives them a small few pounds towards their new life together, & hopefully they will do the same for me.

amdublin

jkeane234 wrote: »

I reckon a lot of people are talking bull saying they'd be happy with an empty card. If somebody showed up at any of my parties a few times in a row without a few drinks or a few burgers for the bbq, he wouldn't be invited again, if somebody slipped out on a round of drinks at the bar frequently, I wouldn't buy him another. Somebody showing up at any party & not contributing isn't a friend, he's a user.
Same thing with a wedding, the couple have forked out a minimum of €60 a head for meals, drinks & entertainment & if you feel you can't contribute, then you can at least cut the costs for the couple by not showing up. If you are very close to the couple & really don't have any spare few pounds, they'll understand & be glad you managed to attend but that's not a get out clause for the majority of people who are just feeling a bit mean.
If somebody feels the need to spite a couple by bringing a photo frame, they really shouldn't be going anywhere social & definitely not to a wedding.

We always give €150 as a couple, a bit more if we are close to them, this covers the day & gives them a small few pounds towards their new life together, & hopefully they will do the same for me.

What is wrong with a lovely photo frame as a gift

Were you taught any manners at all when you growing up - anything about it is the thought that counts??

As for the meal costing €60 per head....this was the couples choice to throw a party at this cost. Do you generally throw parties, invite people and expect your guests to pay for it?

I give a gift that will help people on their married life together - not to pay for the party they decided to throw.

At the end of the day at my wedding I wanted people's prescence NOT their presents.

jkeane234

Thats it, your off the invite list. No comebacks. So there

LeeHoffmann

Getting married next year. Wouldn't care about or expect gifts or money as I see these as extra and it would embarrass me to talk about them! However, we are planning to go travelling for probably a year after we get married so we're trying to limit (and get rid of) the stuff we've accumulated. So, just because of that, it's occurred to me that it would be extremely inconvenient to get loads of physical wedding gifts - ornaments, photo frames, toasters, what have you - as we will have nowhere to store them. I don't want to bring up the subject of gifts at all at all at all (I don't understand why anyone would do this voluntarily) so I'm wondering how to handle it. Maybe we should tell people to make a charitable donation if they feel they want to give gifts. Maybe we can ask close family/close friends to sort out some aspect of the wedding for us as a gift - e.g. somebody could arrange and pay for flowers. Maybe something like this could be an option for anyone else in a similar boat

Evonatron

Just jumping in on this thread as I have had 3 weddings this year.

All there were work friends of my OH. We gave the 1st wedding this year e150 and felt really bad about it as I would liked to have given more, but we did have a long drive to the wedding and had to stay over the night in the hotel.

The 2nd wedding we gave e150, I didnt feel so bad this time as it was really all we could afford and we didnt have to stay over in the hotel.

The 3rd wedding we gave e100 and I was happy that we were able to give something, we werent staying in the hotel and were able to head home after.

I wore the same black dress that I got in a sale in Debenhams, 3 different wedding parties so I was lucky and OH just changes his tie or shirt.

The biggest issue I think people have to contend with are the words "have to". You have to give e250 as a present that's the norm, you have to get a new dress, get your hair done, have a spray tan. You have to book in just so you can spend an extra hour or two spending more money in the residents bar. A friend of mine follows all these "have to's". She would not even comtemplate going to a wedding if she couldnt hit the above criteria. Where has it landed her? 5k in debt with a credit card, a maxed Debehams card and a hefty bill from Littlewoods.

You dont have to anything. I am planning my wedding now for 2013. I want to have a brilliant time and celebrate will all my close friends and family. I will be booking a hotel close to the city centre so its easily accessible, ensuring cheap room rates and throwing a great party. I am inviting people who we see and interact with on a regular basis, which is about 100 incl family and bridal party. I want all these people to go and have a great time and remember a brilliant wedding, I do not want them dreading it worrying about money problems and not bring able to pay bills. I wont be expecting money from them, if we get it then great but I am having a small wedding with the people I love that I can afford without depending on money presents.

Whoa bit of a rant there, just taking deep breath......

guideanna

Well said Evonatron, i hate the expectations to give a certain amount at weddings.
I don't believe in giving nothin if your attending someones' wedding i think you should always give something but give what you can afford to give not what someone tell you you should be giving.

Lots of people out of work these days and lots of people with big mortgages so i'd be the same as you, just want a local wedding that everyone can look forward to attending without the pressure to stay overnight, travel halfway accross the country and pay for 5* bar prices.
To me the most important thing is that we and our guests enjoy the day. I would hate to think i was putting someone under pressure to find the money to attend my wedding.

campo

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

amdublin

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

:eek:
If you have everything you need why do you want money?

:rolleyes:
Why do you feel that people should stick 20e in a card to pay you for a party you decided to throw?


Anyhoo, to answer your question:
In your situation probably best that you either charge 20e at the door.
Or you could look into selling tickets in advance?

Gatica

I think that's a bit unfair. I think preferring a 20 over a toaster is the same as someone preferring one gift above another, i.e. which is why so many couples do a gift-registry - so they don't end up with 5 toasters.
It's poor form to demand gifts or have particularly high/expensive expectations in general, birthday or wedding, but I do think it's certainly not odd to think that you're likely to get a gift for your wedding, and it's not poor form to have a preference if people will be getting you a gift.
I myself wouldn't like to get someone a present they'd have no use for. So I'm happy to know in advance what a couple would like or prefer, whether it's a gift, cash or both.

Diddler1977

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

Include an envelope with your invitation. You could print something on it like:

We've paid for your transport, fed you for the whole day and supplied plenty of drink and entertainment. Stick your 20e in here. PS. Thanks for celebrating our day with us oh and thanks also for paying for a party we chose to throw (but don't expect to pay for).

John Mason

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

Campo, you know why people give gifts at a wedding dont you ?

NO :eek: okay, i will explain it to you, it is to help the new couple set up their life together.

As you already have everything you need NO GIFT IS APPLICABLE in your case.

If you want everyone to pay to attend the wedding you have two options: -

1. Contact Hello or OK
2. Issue tickets

campo

irishbird wrote: »

Campo, you know why people give gifts at a wedding dont you ?

NO :eek: okay, i will explain it to you, it is to help the new couple set up their life together.

As you already have everything you need NO GIFT IS APPLICABLE in your case.

If you want everyone to pay to attend the wedding you have two options: -

1. Contact Hello or OK
2. Issue tickets

As I thought silly replies people do realise it is 2011 right , and if a gift is a way for a new couple to set up life together then what better gift then cash or one4all vouchers that they can use for something hey actually want and need, Got be honest if I had any guest that thinks they way the people from above thinks I would prefer them not to go at all I know when I am invited to a wedding I take it as a honour that the couple want me to share there special day.
Also I would know how much that couple spent to have me there so the least I would do is put cash into an envelope for them

And if other posters dont like the fact couples now look for cash I suggest you should not go to the wedding because ye would probably complain about it all day and ruin someones day who is there to enjoy it and share the couples special day

mariaalice

I am getting married for the second time soon, we are having a small enough wedding, I wouldn't dream of asking for money I think it so rude. I don't care if people give us nothing we invited them to our wedding, however if people are going to get us presents I think they should ask us what sort of present we would like. There is one person who I am telling not to spend more that 50, because I know she would spend more and she doesn't have it.

campo

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Include an envelope with your invitation. You could print something on it like:

We've paid for your transport, fed you for the whole day and supplied plenty of drink and entertainment. Stick your 20e in here. PS. Thanks for celebrating our day with us oh and thanks also for paying for a party we chose to throw (but don't expect to pay for).

ya like 20e from each guest is going to cover the cost of a wedding
I am not looking for guest to pay for our day I am able to do this myself but what is the point in getting loads of crap we dont need

campo

mariaalice wrote: »

I am getting married for the second time soon, we are having a small enough wedding, I wouldn't dream of asking for money I think it so rude. I don't care if people give us nothing we invited them to our wedding, however if people are going to get us presents I think they should ask us what sort of present we would like. There is one person who I am telling not to spend more that 50, because I know she would spend more and she doesn't have it.

I would not expcet anyone of my guest to pay over 50e I think that is maybe even a bit high been honest I think 20e per head is plenty, I am having 60 guest so not big by any means and for people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

D3PO

campo wrote: »

people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

registry office. you can do it for under 200 quid I think. Anything else you want to spend is for bells and whistles.

its complete ignorance to expect any gift from any guest. if you get them then great. even if it is 10 toasters.

its the thought that counts.

campo

D3PO wrote: »

registry office. you can do it for under 200 quid I think. Anything else you want to spend is for bells and whistles.

its complete ignorance to expect any gift from any guest. if you get them then great. even if it is 10 toasters.

its the thought that counts.

Maybe every one is right and I am wrong , We were just going to go to Vegas and do it ourself but then family friends kicked wanted to share the day with us blah blah blah ,

30Min

irishbird wrote: »

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

if they are registered well and good, i will get something off the list but i do not give cash under any circumstances and tbh my cousin got married in september and they go very little cash, mainly vouchers and gifts.

OP do not rely on cash. really if you need the money given to you to help start your married life to pay for your wedding, you are starting married life on the wrong foot

Woodies....Ikea.....yuck !! How crass :P

30Min

30Min wrote: »

Woodies....Ikea.....yuck !! How crass :P

This is a joke right?

why is it crass?

gimmick

My attitude on this is solid - if you cannot afford to give a decent present, be it cash, a voucher or a thing, do not go to the wedding. We have had to say no to weddings before because we were so skint.

I been at a few weddings in the last 2 months. Some of the more stingey presents were - a cake holder (who needs a cake holder?), a €50 meal voucher (this froma close friend), a cutlery set which looked like it was assembled over years of Christmas crackers to name but 3. Another turned up without even a card (this fella showed up at my friends door 3 weeks before the wedding wondering why he didn't get an invite, so the buddy paniced and invited him then).

The other side of it is people who "suggest" what you do for them. An acquaintance of mine put on their invites "if you are unsure what to do for a presnt, we are going to such and such for our honeymoon and we would be delighted if you upped our credit there", and famously on the Football365 forum a fella came on saying that they were going to put "minimum contribution €xxx" on their invites. He was jeered away from ever postingt here again!!!

campo

Cheers gimmick your post is on the button

Betty Draper

campo wrote: »

I would not expcet anyone of my guest to pay over 50e I think that is maybe even a bit high been honest I think 20e per head is plenty, I am having 60 guest so not big by any means and for people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

Oh, I can. Our wedding is costing 2k, for about 100 people.

Would you like details, it would save you all the hassle of doing up the envelopes looking for money:pac:

Our invites are saying "No presents required - just your presence".

We are inviting people we want to share the day with us. I really dont people wasiting their hard earned cash on us.

Gimmick,i think your attitude is really sad, imagine your best friend had lost his job and therefore couldn't afford to buy a decent present, you would tell him not to bother coming. I find that heartbreaking.

Also, it would mean cos my brother is a student has no money, that I would have to tell him not come

LeeHoffmann

We were just going to go to Vegas and do it ourself but then family friends kicked wanted to share the day with us

don't want to derail the thread, but I've had this experience too. We originally just wanted to go to Italy with the immediate family and very close friends - 30 people all in all (there's 13 people in his immediate family!) - but then I heard that my wider extended family were all looking forward to the wedding and planning for it - i.e. they all assumed they were all invited. One person even said to me ''I'm going whether you invite me or not''. :eek: I was gobsmacked, really didn't know what to say to that. In the end, we couldn't afford to pay for a big wedding in Italy and not wanting to offend or upset anyone, we changed our plans and are having the usual big wedding in Ireland. This doesn't make me think it's ok to ask for gifts or money or whatever. But it shows that it's not the case that the couple always desperately want all these people at their big party for 'their special day' - sometimes it's the other way around and the couple have to invite hordes of people to share in what is, for them, one of the most important and special days of their lives.

gimmick

Betty Draper wrote: »

Oh, I can. Our wedding is costing 2k, for about 100 people.

Would you like details, it would save you all the hassle of doing up the envelopes looking for money:pac:

Our invites are saying "No presents required - just your presence".

We are inviting people we want to share the day with us. I really dont people wasiting their hard earned cash on us.

Gimmick,i think your attitude is really sad, imagine your best friend had lost his job and therefore couldn't afford to buy a decent present, you would tell him not to bother coming. I find that heartbreaking.

Also, it would mean cos my brother is a student has no money, that I would have to tell him not come

Heartbreaking? Good grief. I would never tell somebody not to bother coming. They would be invited afterall. We all know people have bad circumstances. Of course it would be 100% understabable and acceptable in that regard. I just think many are using recessions as excuses as to not be decent with their gift giving. Heartbreaking?

I actually find invites which have that to be patronising in the extreme. Its been done a million times over as well.

Monife

I wouldn't want a guest to be worrying about how to afford a present and stressing about it and would rather their presence. A good handful of my close friends declined an invitation to my wedding (just in August gone) because they said they couldn't afford it (even though accomodation was only €40 per room and drink was DIRT cheap) and this seriously upset me. I told them all not to get us any presents but hey what can you do.

On the other hand, one couple came to our wedding, and didn't even give us a card. Like c'mon, how scabby can you get. Like I don't expect presents, cash or otherwise, just really happy that people come to the wedding, but a card I think is a must to mark the occasion. It is nice to look back on your cards and the heartfelt messages.

campo

Monife wrote: »

I wouldn't want a guest to be worrying about how to afford a present and stressing about it and would rather their presence. A good handful of my close friends declined an invitation to my wedding (just in August gone) because they said they couldn't afford it (even though accomodation was only €40 per room and drink was DIRT cheap) and this seriously upset me. I told them all not to get us any presents but hey what can you do.

On the other hand, one couple came to our wedding, and didn't even give us a card. Like c'mon, how scabby can you get. Like I don't expect presents, cash or otherwise, just really happy that people come to the wedding, but a card I think is a must to mark the occasion. It is nice to look back on your cards and the heartfelt messages.

Totally agree if a guest came to me and said they could not afford to go I would tell them not to worry about presents and stuff like that, and to come and maybe drink mineral water or something ( transport there and back is free )

campo

May I also apologies for derailing this thread that was not my intention and I say a lot of people might have the wrong idea of me ( nothing I can do about that ) But everyone has the own personall circumstances and thinks in a different way to others not saying anyone is wrong in there opinion

eyescreamcone

Recently got married.
The amount of wine glass sets we got was unbelievable haha
I would have rather'd some wine than all the glass

Most of it will never come out of the boxes

BostonB

gimmick wrote: »

My attitude on this is solid - if you cannot afford to give a decent present, be it cash, a voucher or a thing, do not go to the wedding. We have had to say no to weddings before because we were so skint. ...

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

amdublin

campo wrote: »

May I also apologies for derailing this thread that was not my intention and I say a lot of people might have the wrong idea of me ( nothing I can do about that ) But everyone has the own personall circumstances and thinks in a different way to others not saying anyone is wrong in there opinion

Oh don't worry I've got the right idea of you alright :rolleyes:

30Min

BostonB wrote: »

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

It implies that for me also.....I think that is shallow and pathetic.

However- people are entitled to live their lives as they wish.

campo

amdublin wrote: »

Oh don't worry I've got the right idea of you alright :rolleyes:

Really then dont keep it to yourself do share with the rest of the group

gimmick

BostonB wrote: »

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

This thread is about money isn't it? If I cannot afford to go to a wedding I do not go. Thats hardly rocket science is it? But yes, I am shallow and pathetic. To me, going to a wedding involves the present, the boozing, the accomadation etc.

whatdoicare

I think it's the decent thing to do to put even some money or something in a card for the couple. It's not about who wants what/ they don't deserve it/they have loads of money/we're skint/they shouldn't have had a wedding blah blah whatever excuse you have.
It's just the decent thing. No matter what spin you put on it - going to someones wedding and giving nothing is just plain not a nice thing to do.

If I went to a wedding and gave nothing - well, I can't even imagine it, I just couldn't be that mean. I wish everyone well in their wedding - no matter what kind of a wedding they had and I think I'd be disgusted with myself if I didn't treat my friends and family like, and as was proven on our special day, they would treat me!

Don't get me wrong, we weren't expecting anyone to give money and we were genuinely shocked by the generosity of our friends and family (we even tried to give some back to people who we thought went a bit overboard!) but we treated our friends and family the very same way - it was our pleasure to give to them!

Roar

To be honest, if I'm going to a full wedding I'd be ashamed to go without at least €150 in a card, depending on how well I know the couple. I would have thought that was pretty standard?