average recession wedding gift??

campo

Roar wrote: »

To be honest, if I'm going to a full wedding I'd be ashamed to go without at least €150 in a card, depending on how well I know the couple. I would have thought that was pretty standard?

Normally the amount I give would depend on how close I was to them would not give less then 50e though as this would normally at least cover my meal

BostonB

Roar wrote: »

To be honest, if I'm going to a full wedding I'd be ashamed to go without at least €150 in a card, depending on how well I know the couple. I would have thought that was pretty standard?

That might depend if you have 150 to give in the first place. A lot of people simply don't.

BostonB

gimmick wrote: »

This thread is about money isn't it? If I cannot afford to go to a wedding I do not go. Thats hardly rocket science is it? But yes, I am shallow and pathetic. To me, going to a wedding involves the present, the boozing, the accomadation etc.

Only if you think thats a fundamental of wedding. I was at one wedding where the couple do a lot of charity work. They expressly requested no gifts, and accommodation was self catering. They actually gave every guest a small personal gift. Money is only an issue if the couple make it so. I'm not saying its right or wrong, but there are many ways to have a wedding.

Its a real first world problem though.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/chrismenning/first-world-problems-told-through-stock-photos

campo

How would people feel if this was in the invite their sent

Because at first we lived in sin
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you, would be swell
But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

Malari

campo wrote: »

How would people feel if this was in the invite their sent

Because at first we lived in sin
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you, would be swell
But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

Nauseous. And this is coming from someone who would not want physical gifts if I got married.

whatdoicare

campo wrote: »

How would people feel if this was in the invite their sent

Because at first we lived in sin
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you, would be swell
But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

Seems kind of cheesy - what with the part about wishes...
Also, pretty sure I don't believe in that God fellow so the living in sin part wouldn't be in it....so no, the poem just wouldn't work.

If someone sent it to me - I'd be "bleugh, did not want", as the living in sin part would lead me to picture them doing the nasty! After that I'd be like, fair enough, that's what I was going to do anyway.

sillysocks

We wanted cash but didn't put the request in invites or anything and I'd say about 70% of our presents were money rather than gifts. I think even if you ask you'll still always get some percentage of actual presents rather than money.

To be honest if I got a poem like that in an invite it would annoy me, and probably make me go and buy a present where I might have originally just given cash (always just give money when we go to weddings, amount varies depending on who's getting married)

30Min

Deleted User wrote: »

This is a joke right?

Why is it crass?

Oh its the height of crassness :P.......

eyescreamcone

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

gimmick

If I saw the word "donation" or "contribution" or "suggested" on an invite, I'd be giving that party a miss.

Best way to not be vulgar about is is not mention anything on the invite and let people do as they please.

yawnstretch

gimmick wrote: »

If I saw the word "donation" or "contribution" or "suggested" on an invite, I'd be giving that party a miss.

Best way to not be vulgar about is is not mention anything on the invite and let people do as they please.

Yeah but some muppets earlier in the thread had a frickin "moral dilemma" with giving cash - like I want your junk filling up my house? What are the odds of you buying me something that I actually need or that matches my tastes? And what if its something I don't actually want - will you be offended when it's not on public display on the mantelpiece when you come to visit?

Weddings are expensive. No one has money to be throwing around. Give cash, or give a card.

Keep the junk.

campo

gimmick wrote: »

If I saw the word "donation" or "contribution" or "suggested" on an invite, I'd be giving that party a miss.

Best way to not be vulgar about is is not mention anything on the invite and let people do as they please.

You talk sense so going to take your advice and just let people do as they please

Cheers for all the feedback everyone

D3PO

campo wrote: »

How would people feel if this was in the invite their sent

Because at first we lived in sin
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you, would be swell
But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

I have always given cash gifts when Ive gone to weddings but If I got that on an invite I would go out of my way to get a cliched gift like wine glasses or a picture frame. Hell I might even go get them a toaster

to put something like that in an invite is as distasteful as it gets.

D3PO

yawnstretch wrote: »

Yeah but some muppets earlier in the thread had a frickin "moral dilemma" with giving cash - like I want your junk filling up my house? What are the odds of you buying me something that I actually need or that matches my tastes? And what if its something I don't actually want - will you be offended when it's not on public display on the mantelpiece when you come to visit?

Weddings are expensive. No one has money to be throwing around. Give cash, or give a card.

Keep the junk.

your an absolute ass. If you dont want the gifts people give you donate them to a charity.

theres nothing junk about a present. the only think thats junk here is your attitude.

yawnstretch

D3PO wrote: »

your an absolute ass. If you dont want the gifts people give you donate them to a charity.

theres nothing junk about a present. the only think thats junk here is your attitude.

Nicely dodged the issue about people wanting to see their gifts when they visit! - Buying random crap is wasteful.

campo

D3PO wrote: »

your an absolute ass. If you dont want the gifts people give you donate them to a charity.

theres nothing junk about a present. the only think thats junk here is your attitude.

If I do get any presents that I dont need or what I am just going to stick them up on adverts.ie , could not donate to charity as charity starts at home

D3PO

campo wrote: »

If I do get any presents that I dont need or what I am just going to stick them up on adverts.ie , could not donate to charity as charity starts at home

thats fair enough aswell but to call them junk as the other poster did is a joke

yawnstretch

D3PO wrote: »

thats fair enough aswell but to call them junk as the other poster did is a joke

Sorry lads but that's what unused items are. Consumer culture has brainwashed ye.

D3PO

yawnstretch wrote: »

Nicely dodged the issue about people wanting to see their gifts when they visit! - Buying random crap is wasteful.

what are you waffling about. Nobody ever visits somebodies house searching to see where the gift they gave them is :rolleyes: try and justify yourself all you want.

Fact remains your atitude sticks.

yawnstretch

D3PO wrote: »

what are you waffling about. Nobody ever visits somebodies house searching to see where the gift they gave them is :rolleyes: try and justify yourself all you want.

Fact remains your atitude sticks.

They bloody well do.

D3PO

yawnstretch wrote: »

Sorry lads but that's what unused items are. Consumer culture has brainwashed ye.

maybe you should ask for a dictionary on your gift list. Unsued items do not equal junk.

ionapaul

Wow, is €150+ per couple really the average gift these days?!!! I was at a good friend's wedding recently and including a cheque for €100 with my card (me and GF of course) and thought this would be bang on average...

yawnstretch

D3PO wrote: »

maybe you should ask for a dictionary on your gift list. Unsued items do not equal junk.

Lol you're the one who cant spell and you also don't know the difference between your and you're.

campo

ionapaul wrote: »

Wow, is €150+ per couple really the average gift these days?!!! I was at a good friend's wedding recently and including a cheque for €100 with my card (me and GF of course) and thought this would be bang on average...

Agree with this 50e each should be plenty

D3PO

yawnstretch wrote: »

Lol you're the one who cant spell and you also don't know the difference between your and you're.

its a good tactic deflect from your stinking attitude. :rolleyes:

the good news for you is your wife will probably realise this eventually and then you can go find somebody new and get a whole lot of new "junk" for your second wedding :rolleyes::rolleyes:

eyescreamcone

ionapaul wrote: »

Wow, is €150+ per couple really the average gift these days?!!! I was at a good friend's wedding recently and including a cheque for €100 with my card (me and GF of course) and thought this would be bang on average...

campo wrote: »

Agree with this 50e each should be plenty

Well... €100 IS on the low side.
The average would be between 150 and 200.

Now you know!

D3PO

ionapaul wrote: »

Wow, is €150+ per couple really the average gift these days?!!! I was at a good friend's wedding recently and including a cheque for €100 with my card (me and GF of course) and thought this would be bang on average...

there is no such thing as average to be fair. Personally myself and the other half give €200 but then again were probably in a better position financially than others.

give what you can afford. It thats nothing then thats ok. You rnot being invited as a cash cow and if you are and you fall out with the person as a result frankly yo have had a lucky escape. Because nobody needs ignorant greedy friends like that.

TonyStark

campo wrote: »

Agree with this 50e each should be plenty

I think it's pretty crass to expect a couple starting out in married life to pay for a meal for someone attending the wedding. At the very least pay for what you eat..otherwise you will be gossiped about and branded a skinflint. If you can't afford to at least do this don't go.

On the other side of the coin giving something non cash as a present is a tried and trusted method of off loading some boxed up bit of junk that's gathering dust in your attic.

You cant win

If people say "no presents just presence" they are accused of being patronising

If people say "cash only" they are accused of being money grabbing

which points to the obvious - when it comes to a wedding people don't like being told what to or what not to give

There are no correct answers because every couple is different, if you know the couple well enough you gain a sense of what would be an appropriate "gift" cash or other, to give to them, (if circumstances allow) as a heartfelt gesture to mark the celebration of their marraige.

And if you are lucky enough you will be invited to the wedding of a couple that are grateful for anything they get, so what if you get five toasters? one is not going to last forever, its handy to have replacements.

If these people are true friends they will be grateful for no matter how big/small/bizzare the token they recieve from their guests.

eyescreamcone

D3PO wrote: »

there is no such thing as average to be fair.

To be fair...of course there is such a thing!!!

Calculating the average is the difficult part.
From my experience, of my own wedding and attending a lot of other weddings recently I would think that the average value gift is between 150 and 200.

Some will give less, some will give more.
Hence... the average!!!

Monife

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

Gosh, wish I had more guests like you at my wedding

We got mainly actual presents than cash. My mother paid for my dress and my dad paid for the meal (50 guests, meal at a hotel, reception back at my dads pub). Then family and the 3 friends I allowed my mother invite all got us gifts like newbridge candle holders, wine glasses, photoframes, bed linen etc We got a little bit of cash of a few people. To my disgust we got a deep fat fryer, I had told the OH under no circumstances was a deep fat fryer ever entering our house (much to his disappointment) and he was only delighted we got one :pac:

iguana

All right people, cut it out with the sniping or I'm handing out infractions.

amdublin

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

I don't want cash

I don't want anything except people to come to the party that I've decided to throw to celebrate my wedding and have a great night.

Simple as.

eyescreamcone

amdublin wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

I don't want cash

I don't want anything except people to come to the party that I've decided to throw to celebrate my wedding and have a great night.

Simple as.

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

devotional1993

my advice is to not get married-worst mistake any man can make.

allthedoyles

When we got married many moons ago , we got 15 wall clocks .

Nowadays we give €100 when invited to full bash .

amdublin

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

You seem to think that someone would not do this?

eyescreamcone

amdublin wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

You seem to think that someone would not do this?

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

iguana

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

Plenty of people do it. I did, as did many of my friends. None of us are rich, some even have sizeable debt. It's extremely common in my experience.

Some people don't want to gain anything from a wedding but a marriage.

eyescreamcone

iguana wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

Plenty of people do it. I did, as did many of my friends. None of us are rich, some even have sizeable debt. It's extremely common in my experience.

Some people don't want to gain anything from a wedding but a marriage.

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

amdublin

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

Yes they may not be the norm......but that is not to say they are wrong...

I can only speak for myself:
I have everything I need so therefore I don't want gifts -money whatever.

If I throw I party I never ever expect my guests to pay for it... I am intrigued that there are people out there who think the opposite tbh.

John Mason

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

i have done it, and so have most of my friends.

may be it is normal:cool:

ionapaul

TonyStark wrote: »

I think it's pretty crass to expect a couple starting out in married life to pay for a meal for someone attending the wedding. At the very least pay for what you eat..otherwise you will be gossiped about and branded a skinflint. If you can't afford to at least do this don't go.

On the other side of the coin giving something non cash as a present is a tried and trusted method of off loading some boxed up bit of junk that's gathering dust in your attic.

Wow, still amazed that people are now expected to give €100 per person / €200 per couple - that's a lot of dough for a day out! I can easily afford to give that (similarly I could continue to drink as much milk as I currently do if a litre of milk cost €10...affordability isn't always relevant is it!) or indeed more as I've been going to only 1 wedding a year in recent years but didn't know the goalposts have moved so much in terms of expected cash gift. Are we really expected to be seen to 'pay' for our meal by way of cash gift / do the married couple not expect to pay for most of the celebration themselves?

I'm not married so I've no real idea of all the financials and expectations involved, my close friends and family members have been getting married in recent years and I wouldn't have thought any of them would be relying on cash gifts to pay for anything, they were all in good financial stead, maybe it is a different story for those who need to borrow the money for the wedding?

dresstoimpress

I don't think this thread is about expectations. but in hindsight, what was actually received in gifts for an average wedding.
Our average gift was about €95 a person, this is including generous gifts from our parents, and the few people who attended and gave us nothing. I also included children who attended when calculating the average and cash gifts from people who didn't attend the wedding.
I was shocked how generous so many people are, and we definitely didn't expect to receive so much.

sh1tstirrer

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

Maybe they should have charged their guests a fee to come to their wedding :rolleyes:

kandr10

I don't specify to my friends what I want for birthday/christmas. Some people gave us engagement presents, but we didn't tell them what to get then. So why is a wedding any different? Be grateful for whatever you do get.

eyescreamcone

kandr10 wrote: »

I don't specify to my friends what I want for birthday/christmas. Some people gave us engagement presents, but we didn't tell them what to get then. So why is a wedding any different? Be grateful for whatever you do get.

It is traditional to give a wedding present.
If you didn't bring a present you would be unusual.

MazG

Yes, it is traditional to give a wedding present. I think most people would agree with that statement. But it is still extremely bad manners to firstly assume that everyone must give a gift and then demand that it come in the form of cash (or a donation to charity, or toasters, or Waterford crystal, or whatever), and then get miffed if the 'cash value' of the gift isn't above a certain minimum amount (for some reason, this seems to be the cost of the meal, though how the guest is supposed to know this is beyond me - perhaps they're supposed to ring the hotel and find out and plan the gift accordingly). It is the perogative of the giver to decide what the gift will be. Having said that, I don't have a problem with a couple who express a preference for cash, crystal or whatever when asked by a friend or relative what they would like.

I realise that the end result is much the same, but you can see for yourself from the posts on this thread the annoyance that is caused when a couple pre-emptively demands their preference.

Someone way back in last year's section of the thread compared it to marching into your granny's house the week before your birthday and demanding that she get you the present that you want. I thought that was a pretty good comparison myself.

For the record, I got married in June and as I recall the most common cash gift we received was €150 -€200 per couple. Some gave less, but certainly don't think they were stingy or mean, in fact I actually can't remember now which guests gave what amount.

kandr10

eyescreamcone wrote: »

It is traditional to give a wedding present.
If you didn't bring a present you would be unusual.

I didn't say that it wasn't.

I'm saying people give gifts for lots of occasions so why would you put in special requests (ie money only) for a wedding when it's not done otherwise.

campo

kandr10 wrote: »

I didn't say that it wasn't.

I'm saying people give gifts for lots of occasions so why would you put in special requests (ie money only) for a wedding when it's not done otherwise.

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

I spoke to a few guest who will be attending my wedding over the weeked and told them straight out not to buy a present that if they did want to give anything and they did not have to ( infact a few I told flat out give nothing as they cant affod anything ) to give cash in a card and they were delighted at this as most of them said they would not have a clue what to buy us anyway so suits everyone.

Now I know it does not work this way for every wedding but if I was invited to a wedding and couple asked for just cash I would not mind I would just give the same amount of cash that I would have spent on their present better going to them then brown thomas or where ever