Is there a limit on the amount of friends one should have

sashafierce

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helimachoptor

Honestly i find that with a lot of guys aswell. It's like I have x amount of friends and am not interested in having anymore!

Nervous Wreck

Problem is, you get to a certain age and everything isn't quite so simple anymore. Where once, you had to worry about school and friends, people now have to worry about a whole list of things that often include work, college, friends, family, hobby, partner, maintaining their home and any other extras. Sometimes people don't have enough time to include new people into their free time. It's nothing to get offended over; it's just that, people that are already spreading themselves thin are probably more interested in streamlining rather than taking on more things.

sashafierce

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princess-lala

I have very few "close" friends that I would trust with my life, yeah I have other friends but none as close as my good ones.

Im all for making new friends and meeting new people, but I also agree that as we get older we have different priorities instead of just having friends.

Alot of my friends dont realise I cant pack up for a week or even a weekend and head off with them so after awhile they stopped asking me to do anything. I just move on and make new friends somehow or another!

sashafierce

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krudler

We have more money now and are over 18 you would think they would wanna go out more now not less

Maybe they're happier doing something other than getting pissed every other weekend?

sashafierce

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Novella

sashafierce wrote: »

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Ok, so I have more money now than when I was sixteen (or just younger in general) and I have more freedom and I'm over eighteen but the thing is, with age comes responsibility.
It's not always possible for people to just go out, no matter how much notice is given. When you have a job, you could be asked to work an early shift etc. and going out the night before probably just isn't appealing. There are assignments to do for college, money to be saved for car insurance or holidays.

Friends are important, but so is having a job, so is passing exams, so is having enough money in the bank to put food on the table.

I miss the days when I saw my friends all the time too, but those were the days when my parents gave me pocket money, when my biggest worry was whether or not I'd be able to convince my PE teacher I wasn't well enough to play indoor soccer! We grow up and life gets in the way.

sashafierce

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sashafierce

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Novella

sashafierce wrote: »

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I wouldn't say I have a limit on how many friends I have. I mean, if I meet someone new and like them and we get on, of course we're gonna become friends. I thought that was pretty obvious. It's how life works.

People do want to add new friends to their lives, I think but you have to keep priorities in mind too. Peoples better friends, as in closer friends, are clearly going to get more attention than lesser friends.

I have some very close friends and we hang out all the time. We often just stay in and talk, we go for drives, we go to the cinema. I consider them my priorities, friend-wise. They are the one's I could ring up at 2am and say stupid things to that no one else would want to hear!

While I am always open to meeting new people and making new friends, my best friends will always be the one's I spend most of my time with. Best friends can change with time, too. When I look back, I have been closer to different people at different times. I dunno. There really is only so much time in a day and people choose to fill it with the people who mean the most to them at that given time.

sashafierce wrote: »

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Tbh, I'm twenty and going out every weekend and getting drunk doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. In fact, that way of life bothers me. I hate that everyone expects young people to go out all the time and not give a damn and just throw money away. It's almost as if there is something wrong with you if you stay in nowadays!

I'm not saying I never go out. Of course I do. I'm also not looking down on anyone who loves clubbing etc. and equally, as there is nothing wrong with staying in, there's nothing wrong with going out a lot.

Do you think that your life will be more fulfilled if you go out a lot, or do you think that because you're twenty two, you're expected to do it?
I'm only asking about the drinking because you emphasised it in your post there with quotations.

sashafierce

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sorrywhat

Im 23 and I have different groups of friends.

There is my old school friends, 2 of whom are my best friends. Cant live with out them. Then there is the boys in that group. We all meet up for drinks as much as we can. One lives in Dublin and London. Others are still in college and the rest of us work. So we meet up when we can.

Then there are the friends I have picked up from different activities I have gotten involved with throughout the years. Some of these people I see regulary and others only when Im out and about.

Then there are the girls/guys in work. One of whom I am really good friends with and others who I talk to once a week that have left the company.

So as you can see I have friends from loads of different area's of my life who dont all know each other. So I dont think you can have "too many" friends.

im always into meeting new people and making new friends where possible but my old school friends, I will always have time for them.

sashafierce

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Assets Model

OP i'd say the issue really is that at 22 people are kinda naive and think they have enough friends. I know my husband did he actually said it to me around that age like it was some kind of achievement and I pointed out it was a ridiculous way to feel as you never know who is going to emigrate or fall out with you or something.

Personally I never think you can have too many friends as different friends fit into your life in differnet ways. When people say emigrate or start having a family or buy a hosue and move to the 'burbs their priorities change and you spend more time with different friends as your priorities lifestyle are more in sync with theirs. I'm always on the look out to meet new people and make new friends as a result I have a really wide variety of people from school, various college courses, various jobs, my gym etc. It makes for fun parties. Also I think making friends is kind of a life skill too so now that i'm emigrating I know that I'm good at making friends and I always make myself available for nights out even though I suppose I do have 'enough' friends in IReland at this stage so i'm not too worried about making friends abroad I feel i have that skill IYKWIM?

Just keep doing what you're doing and maybe in your next job college course people will be a bit friendlier.

Hrududu

Maybe they just don't want to hang out with you outside college. If I kept making suggestions about going out or spending time with people and they constantly came up with excuses not to, then I'd figure that was the reason.

swapple

Assets Model wrote: »

OP i'd say the issue really is that at 22 people are kinda naive and think they have enough friends.

Assets Model is spot on, I find girls at my college are like that too, they go on about how they're meeting their friends for drinks etc as if their social circle is complete. Maybe if you suggested to go to the cinema or something cheaper than a night out people might want to go? Or if there's a college social on (I know rag week is around this time of year) you could arrange to go together?

Lux23

helimachoptor wrote: »

Honestly i find that with a lot of guys aswell. It's like I have x amount of friends and am not interested in having anymore!

Which is stupid because once you hit your mid to late twenties friends are harder to come by. Its hard to explain that to a 19 year old though who is constantly surronded by 1000s of potential friends.

John Mason

sashafierce wrote: »

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maybe they dont want to be friends outside of college. how many people you went to school with were your friends that you went out with ?

i have spent the last two years doing a part-time course, the people were lovely enough, got on great with them in school but i wouldnt have any interest in meeting them outside of college.

well, actually there is one, who knocks down for tea and biscuits but i would never go drinking with her

sashafierce

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sashafierce

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minidazzler

I have separate categories in my head really for Friends, Buddies and Aquaintences. This is without even getting near the sexual side of things of which it can be broken down more due to my major oddness.

I have a small group of Friends who I would never give up. As the late great Frank Sinatra said Rather 2 pals than 200 aquaintences. Friends I have probably between 5 and 8 depending on how I feel about particular people at one time. These are the guys I would do anything for, the guys I would trust with my life. I'll go to bat for alot of people, but the lads I know have my back are these guys.

Buddies, I have loads, I can buddy up with alot of people easily enough, I talk to them in passing and maybe drink with them the odd time.

Aquaintences, This is everyone I have met in my life who I don't hate or doesn't hate me, that is a LARGE number, the kind I might say Hi to on the street but not stop to talk, and noone sends invites to go out, unless it's for a big party a 21st or what have you.

So, in short, I think that people who have 50 "Close" friends, are really ****ting themselves, noone can keep up with that many people. But Buddies and aquaintences can go into large numbers because you don't know every detail about their lives, and you don't need to, they are those you hang out with, not depend on.

Assets Model

Lux23 wrote: »

Which is stupid because once you hit your mid to late twenties friends are harder to come by. Its hard to explain that to a 19 year old though who is constantly surronded by 1000s of potential friends.

Exactly! THere's such a large pool of potential people in college but way less when you start working.

the_syco

princess-lala wrote: »

I have very few "close" friends that I would trust with my life, yeah I have other friends but none as close as my good ones.

Im all for making new friends and meeting new people, but I also agree that as we get older we have different priorities instead of just having friends.

Alot of my friends dont realise I cant pack up for a week or even a weekend and head off with them so after awhile they stopped asking me to do anything. I just move on and make new friends somehow or another!

Agreed. I'm a dude, and have 3 close mates that I've been mates with for between 5 and 24 years. Meet new people, find that they are nice, but find a clash in personality, and that's really it.

=-=

As for those with large amount of "friends", once you take the common dominator away (ie: college), this number may hit zero, and anyone left may have plans that don't include you. I knew one mate from baby infant (primary), one from half way through primary, and one from during secondary. Others I have met in work, and some stay mates, some stay friends, and some I loose touch with.

NothingMan

You definitely can't have too many friends but it can be hard to maintain close friendships with them all.

I would say I have a lot of close friends. My first group I knew through ECO, a group I was in in school (they're from all over Dublin) and are still great friends. We're all in our mid - late 20's now and I don't see some of em for 6 months at a time but when we do meet up it's like old times.

Then the group I know from my own school. The local group, I see them a few times a week and would consider most of them good friends.

Then I have a few friends from when I was a scruffy rocker kid hanging around town and although I only really see 2 of em they're still great friends.

And then my college friends. All 2 of em, 1 is my best friend and although he lives in the shticks and I see him every few weeks he's the only person that I can talk about anything with bar none.

And from all those various groups there are the casual shower uppers and aquaintences that Mini summed up nicely above.

Although that is a lot of people not even including the gf I'm always happy to meet new people, but at this point it would take a lot to become close friends with someone new.

I do think it is strange that people in college are reluctant to socialise more but I guess as it's a post grad they've all done the crazy college meeting new people thing and are that bit more settled.

But then again with snappy aggressive posts like this, maybe you're not very pleasant company.

Tell me this there KRUDLER, where in any of my posted did i mention "GETTING PISSED EVERY OTHER WEEKEND"???????????????? No where OK

Hrududu

sashafierce wrote: »

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There really wasn't anything personal being aimed at you. I'm talking in a general sense. If you ask somebody anything several times and their answer is always no. Then regardless of what it is you asked them, surely the most reasonable explanation is that they just don't want to.

Its something that happens. Once someone has turned you down a few times just stick them into the 'friends in college' category, rather than the 'going out and doing stuff with' category.

Catari Jaguar

I like to make new friends regularly but I've dropped so many friends like hot potatos.

I'd rather have a handful of close friends that I can depend on than a ton of fairweather flakes that don't make me feel good about myself. And don't get me started on cliques!! In secondary school none of my friends were from the same circles. I just chose the people that I wanted to hang out with, I hate the drama/ bitchiness of cliques.

sashafierce

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sunnyside

sashafierce wrote: »

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Lots of people have no desire to be close to workmates. They like to keep work completely separate form their personal life.

irishbird wrote: »

i have spent the last two years doing a part-time course, the people were lovely enough, got on great with them in school but i wouldnt have any interest in meeting them outside of college.

I agree 100% with you which is why Im always wondering why PI type enquiries about how to make friends always get answered with "join a night class". Often the majority of people are there to learn not to make friends.

A massive amount of people also seem to suffer from depression and that's a reason why they constantly make excuses not to do things. Sometimes people can only manage to do the bare minimum and just aren't feeling up to social engagements.

sashafierce

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Tail Wagger

sashafierce wrote: »

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=======================================================
Don't give a fukc about them, and certainly don't be worrying about them
you'r still only a youngster and you have your whole life ahead of you.
By the time your 30 you will have forgotton more people in that time and
you'll still only have only about 3 good friends. Most of the people around you are only two faced anyway.........:cool: so fukc them all .. hope that pick's you up.

sashafierce

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Dudess

No, there isn't a limit on the amount of friends one should have.

Lia_lia

I don't know what you mean about the whole age thing. I have way more friends now than I did when I was in school. And it's nothing to do with college.

shellyboo

sashafierce wrote: »

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Yeah, but... I have friends and I have a laugh. I also make new friends - I just don't make them at work. Work is the one place I want to be able to leave behind when I leave the office, I want to have work and social life separate because work is work.

I don't think you can look down on people just because they're not interested in being friends with you, tbh. I have a fairly busy life, I barely have time for the friends I have... Making new ones is not high on my to-do list. That doesn't make me a bad, nasty person.

JuliusCaesar

150

"They usually consist of an inner circle of five "core" people and an additional layer of 10, he says. That makes 15 people - some will probably be family members - who are your central group and then outside that, there's another 35 in the next circle and another 100 on the outside. And that's one person's social world."

rachel

Dudess wrote: »

No, there isn't a limit on the amount of friends one should have.

Agreed. Rather than focusing on the quantity, I would focus on the quality.
I have a core group of friends, all from school & we're still as close as ever, if not closer, despite time spent by nearly everyone in different countries, completely different career paths etc. I can't imagine ever not being friends with them.
I've also met some great people over the years, some of whom have come & gone so don't limit yourself, just don't spread yourself too thin to the detriment of your best friends.

Misticles

I think Ive lost alot of my friends and I effin hate it...
We drifted apart when I went to college and they went working full time.

I did try to go out with them but I was working weekends too and its not the kinda job youd get away with having a hangover in.

But now they just dont include me in anything- like I dont exist and it really bugs me. I make the effort to say hey, any news etc and I get nothing back so basically my friend pool has decreased alot

hhhmm so in relevance to the statement ha... theres no limit, I wish I had lots more

how sad lol

blondie7

im the same misticles all my friends had babies young and stayed in the town we were from, i got a job and moved away and when i went back home at weekends i had nothing in common with them anymore and we drifted apart.

im so much younger than anyone i work with so no friends there to be made.

i def agree with the OP girls are usually in cliques and dont want to let anyone else in. making friends in Dublin anyway is tough i think.

Misticles

yep it is.. cliques are everywhere... I find college grand, but wouldnt have much in common or hang out with many bar 1 person.
When I was in college before.. when we finished up, country people went back home-- only 3 of are from here.

And the ones I had a fallen out with are my school friends...

It actually depresses me that I dont have as many mates as Id like..


ugh

blondie7

i no how you feel my best friend is in college in mayo i saw her for the first time just before christmas in nearly a year and found we didnt have that much in common anymore.

its sad to think the first time we have all been together in about 3 years was when my dad passed away at the start of the year and they were all great but they have gone back to there lives and ive had to get on with mine and havent seen any of them since.

ella87

Misticles wrote: »

I think Ive lost alot of my friends and I effin hate it...
We drifted apart when I went to college and they went working full time.

I did try to go out with them but I was working weekends too and its not the kinda job youd get away with having a hangover in.

But now they just dont include me in anything- like I dont exist and it really bugs me. I make the effort to say hey, any news etc and I get nothing back so basically my friend pool has decreased alot

hhhmm so in relevance to the statement ha... theres no limit, I wish I had lots more

how sad lol

t's not sad I wish I had more friends aswel

NothingMan

There's plenty of friends to be made in Dublin, just that there are so many crowds that it is tough to get to know anyone. I don't think you need to have a whole lot in common with people to be friends. I have friends that on paper I would probably avoid like the plague but I love them and they're some of my good mates.

Also there are plenty of social events on here too. I've never been to a Ladies Lounge or After hours beers but from what I read there have defo been some good friendships made and everyone always says everyone is really easy to get along with.