what compromise would you make

mariaalice

I was having lunch with a male friend of my mine recently ..who was telling me he is moving in with his girlfriend ...he then said she is a saint for putting up with me, I am moody and selfish....


i was thinking about this..... could you make that sort of comp arise because you love someone...i don't think i could

pookie82

I know of very few couples who DON'T make that kind of sacrifice when they move in together. TV/books and fairytales in general would have you believe that if you love one another, everything else just falls into place. Not true.

I love my OH to pieces but it takes a hell of a lot of compromise on both sides for us to live amicably together. Just because we're in love doesn't mean we want the same things all of the time or feel the same way about everything. There are things about him (and vice versa) that drive me crazy and probably always will. I suppose being in love makes you work harder at compromise (as opposed to say, tolerating any old housemates' behaviour) but it definitely doesn't eliminate the need for it.

holly 1

yes I could if I liked him enough!!:D:D

SheRa

pookie82 wrote: »

I know of very few couples who DON'T make that kind of sacrifice when they move in together. TV/books and fairytales in general would have you believe that if you love one another, everything else just falls into place. Not true.

I love my OH to pieces but it takes a hell of a lot of compromise on both sides for us to live amicably together. Just because we're in love doesn't mean we want the same things all of the time or feel the same way about everything. There are things about him (and vice versa) that drive me crazy and probably always will. I suppose being in love makes you work harder at compromise (as opposed to say, tolerating any old housemates' behaviour) but it definitely doesn't eliminate the need for it.

Huge +1.

princess-lala

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship!

There will always be something about the other person that will annoy you! You have to compromise no matter what when in a relationship and especially when you move in together!

mariaalice

I know you have to make compromises to make relationships work...and when i move in with my partner a big thing for me will be not having so much of my own space..because im one of those people who loves there own company...but im comfortable with making that compromise because i love him...but

i wouldn't put up with moodiness id feel like i was on eggshells all the time ...plus i think moodiness is a choice in a lot of ways and a its an immature way to behave.... nor would i put up with selfishness because its thoughtless behaviour

sorrywhat

mariaalice wrote: »

I

i wouldn't put up with moodiness id feel like i was on eggshells all the time ...plus i think moodiness is a choice in a lot of ways and a its an immature way to behave.... nor would i put up with selfishness because its thoughtless behaviour

Any man who lives with a woman puts up this once a month. So yes compromises have to made.

In regards to your own stuff, your living habits, your eating habits. You have to meet at some point as your not going to agree on everything 100%

sam34

sorrywhat wrote: »

Any man who lives with a woman puts up this once a month.

gross generalisation.......not every woman gets PMS

sorrywhat

sam34 wrote: »

gross generalisation.......not every woman gets PMS

Ok I didnt mean to generalise every woman. Ill change it to a large percentage of women. sorry.

pookie82

sam34 wrote: »

gross generalisation.......not every woman gets PMS

To be fair I wouldn't call it "gross" - I have lived and worked with a large number of women all my life and have yet to come across a woman who doesn't get even a little tetchy/edgy at that time of the month.

I used to think I was immune to it until my OH and workmates would call me out on being touchy or bitchy on a particular day. It might not turn you into a mega bitch but few women are totally unaffected by the surge of hormones their periods carry with them.

sam34

pookie82 wrote: »

To be fair I wouldn't call it "gross" - I have lived and worked with a large number of women all my life and have yet to come across a woman who doesn't get even a little tetchy/edgy at that time of the month.

shrug - i have lived and worked with a large number of women too, and i can think of only 3 that were obviously affected by PMS

Abi

mariaalice wrote: »

I was having lunch with a male friend of my mine recently ..who was telling me he is moving in with his girlfriend ...he then said she is a saint for putting up with me, I am moody and selfish....


i was thinking about this..... could you make that sort of comp arise because you love someone...i don't think i could

I'd have no problem with it so long as when they apologised for it when he realises what hes doing. Everyone has flaws though.

Bonito

+1 (yes I know shock we're in agreement )

If there's only one bad bone I think I can deal with it if we moved in. Putting up with a selfish person? Depends HOW selfish they actually are. If they're a selfish "Me Me Me" little princesses then it wouldn't be getting to the stage of moving in together so I wouldn't have to make the sacrifice. Moody? Meh, I can deal with that, nothing a cuddle and sharing a tub of ben & jerrys wont fix

NoDice

Sorry lads I can genuinely say (with the experience of living with another boyfriend before my current one) that I am 100% happy with my partner and how we are living together. I think it depends completely on the person.

My ex was a nightmare to live with. Couldn't have a drink after work, was given out to if I spent ages in the bathroom doing my make up, ALWAYS watched a pointless friendly match on tv, followed by the commentary, followed by the highlights and when I put on Skins or something he'd start moaning. I did all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. No lie.

My OH now is just amazing, I can't believe how happy I am. We are exactly the same. After work we just relax watching tv with a can or something and don't talk cause we've been talking all day. After that we'll cook together. The chores I don't really like doing he loves doing and vice versa, we have pretty much the same interests so we do alot together and he doesn't seem to be sick of me yet! And it's about a year now.

I'm not suggesting btw that I didn't love my ex and that's why it worked, just in case anyone takes that the wrong way. We were just very different and ended up killing each other. That isn't why we broke up either, as Princess la la said no relationship is perfect!

"he then said she is a saint for putting up with me, I am moody and selfish...."

On that point, everyone says I'm a saint for putting up with my OH cause he (apparently) enjoys annoying people, is loud and can be very quiet when he's pissed off.

I always say I fell in love with him for a reason. What one person can't handle, another person might love!

I find him fun to be with (not annoying) and we can always mess with each other!

Everyone does have flaws but you can't change anyone and you shouldn't have to just put up with it.

They have their bad days and we have ours. Nothing a cuddle can't solve and that's the reason you're together in the first place!! Ooh boo boo so rose-mantic!

NoDice

Bonito wrote: »

If there's only one bad bone I think I can deal with it if we moved in. Putting up with a selfish person? Depends HOW selfish they actually are.

Sorry now but why would you even be in a relationship with somebody who you think is really selfish?? I don't think so..

Of COURSE you're not going to move in with them! :rolleyes:

Malari

I agree with NoDice. We had to make very few compromises when moving in together. In fact it all just seemed to fall into place very easily with chores, cooking, tv, finances, etc. So it's not a MUST that you will have to make compromises when you share a place with your partner. I love my own company but I love his company more. And more than anyone else.

I think if this person has already admitted to himself that he is moody and selfish, then his girlfriend will have accepted that in the relationship already, and unless she is extremely naive knows that things are not going to change just because they are moving in together.

NoDice

Malari wrote: »

I agree with NoDice. We had to make very few compromises when moving in together. In fact it all just seemed to fall into place very easily with chores, cooking, tv, finances, etc. So it's not a MUST that you will have to make compromises when you share a place with your partner. I love my own company but I love his company more. And more than anyone else.

I think if this person has already admitted to himself that he is moody and selfish, then his girlfriend will have accepted that in the relationship already, and unless she is extremely naive knows that things are not going to change just because they are moving in together.

We're very lucky huh Malari? +100 to your comment, agree completely.

syklops

sam34 wrote: »

shrug - i have lived and worked with a large number of women too, and i can think of only 3 that were obviously affected by PMS

Did you live with them aswell?
Most people put on a brave face in work, regardless of what is happening at home or whats going on in their own minds. If someone is obviously affected by PMS in work then that means they have it bad.

Snowie

To be fair Op your friend sounds like a 12 year old suffering from mummy looked after me to much syndrome,.... My mum walks into this apartments starts cleening she gets told to sit shaprish.

I think soaps would be a problem and my ps3 problem being a problem if i were in that situation I think it would be the only problem im pretty cleen moping washing cleaning I enjoy not having eye sores of mess.....

The only thing that would annoy me would be if she was messy I used to be very messy and have changed my ways also clutter wreacks my head... So Id expect the bathroom to be organised. which i think is perfectly fair I'm not moody I have my days we all do....

sam34

syklops wrote: »

Did you live with them aswell?
Most people put on a brave face in work, regardless of what is happening at home or whats going on in their own minds. If someone is obviously affected by PMS in work then that means they have it bad.

i grew up in a house with 7 other women

at various stages throughout my life i have lived with other women

i work in a job which at times requires us to be at work for horrendously long shifts - anything from 32 to 57 hours - when you''re doing shifts like that, without sleep, without scheduled meal breaks, it would be pretty damn hard hide PMS