Shoot the Dog

coldfire1x

A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla
in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a
serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of
handcuffs and a shotgun.

"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner. "I'm going to
climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he
falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right
for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively
crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap on the
handcuffs."

"Got it", the homeowner replied. "But what's the shotgun for?"

"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla", the man said,
"shoot the Chihuahua."

---

HITMAN

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do
you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed
the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one
of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a
hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not,"
he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini
sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's
a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look?

I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the
rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I
can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in
the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's
naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her...... He's
naked, too!!! The bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge
for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time
I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you
want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in
the mouth."

"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to
teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said
the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand
here....."