messy bedrooms

lizzie09

bryaner wrote: »

Jaysus I thought it was just us, we have a 20 year old boy/man and the carpet in his room is covered with mounds of clothes pure filthy

Good its not us either!!! 20 AND 22 YR OLD and I cannot get them to
tidy the rooms...clean clothes just go on the floor

LegacyUser

Ehhhhh...eldest girl of 4 girls here. I'm 27, moved out about 3 years ago. My 3 sisters (26,22,18) live at home still. And their rooms are tips. And they're their problem.
Why on earth would you clean up after adults???? If you were sharing the house with 3 other people (strangers), would you clean their rooms up? No. So why your teenagers?
Personally my attitude at home was that they're adults. They can clean up their own mess. Common areas are one thing - kitchens etc - but their individual rooms? Nope, their problem. Teach them to put away after themselves in kitchens/sitting rooms etc, but don't waste time on their rooms.
Actually, I used to hate anyone tidying my room. It was my space, I knew where everything was...I used to get so angry when anyone even came in and moved something. I never understood (and still can't) how certain of my peers used to stand their parents tidying their rooms/making their beds etc. My boyfriend is the only child in his house and his mother never worked. Everyday she tidied the room, made the bed etc. He could never find anything he looked for, because she put things away in his boxes and bags etc, according to how she wanted them organised - even to the extent of him not being able to find a set of college notes once. Even up to the age of 25, before he was moving out, she was doing that. It annoyed me....I never understood why he put up with it.
Seriously, I know you're just being a caring mother....but if they're happy enough to leave the rooms like that, then you should probably just leave it. It's one less thing for you to worry about, more time to you for yourself, and it'll let them grow up. They'll wash their clothes when they need them, they'll clean when they want to find things. You don't have to live in there, so cut yourself some slack, and let them at it.

Waternews

I think what's really upsetting you is their lack of respect towards you. They know you want the place 'nice', they couldn't give a cr*p about their own space - but because they don't, it's like they don't give a cr*p about you and your feelings.

You need a plan. You need to communicate the plan clearly and follow through - just like they're 2 year olds.

My plan would be:
Sit them down and tell them that they are filthy, and that becuase they can't be ar*ed to clean up, you feel that they are directly disrespecting you. Tell them how hurt you are. Then tell them the next steps.

1. you're going to leave it up to them for a period of time (2 weeks say) to get the rooms sorted. In that time, you're ok with washing clothes that go in the laundry basket, wash cups etc
2. after 2 weeks, you're assistance is withdrawn. Any clothes that find their way into the laundry basket will be flung back through their doors and any cups/plates will be put back on their floors.
3. For a further two weeks the same goes on with regard to their rooms, but you stop 'mammying' them. Don't buy food for them, don't cook for them, don't take messages, don't drop them places.
4. If they still haven't sorted themselves at this point, you will be stripping their rooms of everything including all clothes, personal items and bedding. But you won't "clean" the room. If the rooms are spotless (with nothing in them this is a hoover and a wipe), they can have bedding - and everything else has to be negotiated back.
5. If there is any 'kicking off' - nothing will be returned for 48 hours, regardless of begging/crying etc.

Make the dates clear - carry through the first couple. I'd say 2 days of getting to point 3 will do it.

But if you can get through to them that you are hurt by the fact they don't care about your feelings rather than it being about the dirt in the rooms - then probably you won't need to do anything.

You will need your husband on your side - but I genuinely think that he thinks it's about mess, it's not.

Keep us posted.