How many have you / would you like?

LittleBook

ash23 wrote: »

I have one, she wasn't planned.

Me too

I would have wanted more when I was younger but didn't meet the love of my life until I was past the point of no return.

He had a baby who died and swore he'd never have children so it suits both of us. But he's a fantastic step-dad and we're seriously considering fostering when my daughter is a little older.

mariaf24

OP i think you misunderstood what i meant about it being irresponsible to have more children than you can afford. I mean when i think of having a child i don't just think of having a baby...It's a person for life. University fees for 4 children? That kind of thing. (Of course if they choose to go to university)
I think the most important thing any parent can give their child is no doubt love but nobody can argue that it would be a good idea to have more kids that you can financially support surely?
We all watch things as parents, less trips to the cinema, No holiday this year but i meant being downright careless as to how many you would have.

Nasty_Girl

I would like 1 or 2.

I grew up in a family of 4 kids and while I adore my brother and sisters I don't think I could cope with 3 or 4 kids myself.

Everything costs money, from a people carrier vs a regular car, a house with a nice converted attic, a bigger sofa, new school books every year because of changing syllabuses, braces, glasses, college etc

How would I pay for all this ... with a job, which means less attention for 4 kids.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, my parents had three jobs between them (4 if you count the housework) I just wouldn't want it for myself.

My OH wants 2 kids, because like most eldests, he wants to recreate what he had growing up.

barbiegirl

At 35 I don't think I can have the four I'd like, especially as we're having trouble getting to number one. I'm one of six and we had a fantastic life where yes we learned the value of money at a young age and also responsibility but I don't think it did us any harm.
Kids need love, clothes, food and education. The other stuff we convince ourselves they need like their own room, wardrobes of designer gear, trips to Europe, private school, they really don't. As my mum always says, you find a way :-)

CathyMoran

Nasty_Girl wrote: »

I would like 1 or 2.

I grew up in a family of 4 kids and while I adore my brother and sisters I don't think I could cope with 3 or 4 kids myself.

Everything costs money, from a people carrier vs a regular car, a house with a nice converted attic, a bigger sofa, new school books every year because of changing syllabuses, braces, glasses, college etc

How would I pay for all this ... with a job, which means less attention for 4 kids.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, my parents had three jobs between them (4 if you count the housework) I just wouldn't want it for myself.

My OH wants 2 kids, because like most eldests, he wants to recreate what he had growing up.

Interesting, I thought that 3 would be a great number as I really wanted an extra sibling growing up...am really hoping that our son (coming soon) is not an only child...there was a big age gap between us and I always wanted another sibling closer in age.

Quality

barbiegirl wrote: »

As my mum always says, you find a way :-)

Thats a good quote!!

When you have children you make a lot of sacrifices. But you do it cause you love them.

There will always be food on the table..

Nevyn

The thing is we have moved on to an age were food on the table isn't enough and we have expectations of a certain standard of living and wanting to have our children as educted as possible so they can create good lives for themselves. All of which means money to pay for the extras which are music lessons, sports ect and so that our kids don't struggle to work part time jobs like some of us had to in leaving cert years or final years in college.

Nasty_Girl

But it's not even about luxuries like private school , music lessons etc.

I needed braces as does my younger sister.
My brother needed them but opted not to.
So that's 3 out of the 4 of us that needed braces that cost money.

All three of us girls need glasses since we were 12.

My brother went to college a year before my parents expected he would etc things like that

But if I ended up giving birth to quads of course I would love and care for them all and no matter what happened and came our way we'd get by and they've be the most loved kids in the world

I love my brother and sisters and if I won the euromillions maybe I'd feel different about the amount of children I'd like.
I'm not looking down on anyone who wants a big family at all, I just wouldn't choose it for myself right now.

Quality

Nasty_Girl wrote: »

But it's not even about luxuries like private school , music lessons etc.

I needed braces as does my younger sister.
My brother needed them but opted not to.
So that's 3 out of the 4 of us that needed braces that cost money.

All three of us girls need glasses since we were 12.

But if I ended up giving birth to quads of course I would love and care for them all and no matter what happened and came our way we'd get by and they've be the most loved kids in the world

I'm not looking down on anyone who wants a big family at all, I just wouldn't choose it for myself right now.

If you knew how to work the system, you could have got your braces from the HSE free of charge.

Ireland is a good country for benefits, but you have to fight for them.

I think that there is virtue in having a part time job and paying your own way as a teenager, I believe it is a good practice and that it instills the hard working gene into our kids. Kids appreciate money more when they have to work for it.

mariaf24

Quality wrote: »

If you knew how to work the system, you could have got your braces from the HSE free of charge.

Ireland is a good country for benefits, but you have to fight for them.

Now that there. Bang on. That terrible irresponsible Irish attitude. Have 4 kids and let the tax payer foot the bill?
That is the irresponsible attitude i meant.

Wow, i knew this attitude existed but it's still mind blowing to see it written by someone.

Nasty_Girl

Quality wrote: »

If you knew how to work the system, you could have got your braces from the HSE free of charge.

Ireland is a good country for benefits, but you have to fight for them.

I think that there is virtue in having a part time job and paying your own way as a teenager, I believe it is a good practice and that it instills the hard working gene into our kids. Kids appreciate money more when they have to work for it.

Yes, we had part time jobs and fulltime during summers and that is something I would encourage my own kids to do even if I was a millionaire.

With regard to the braces thing and benefits,
Trust me if it would've worked for us it would have been done.

I'm not gonna get into a whole thing about it. All I'm saying is there's things like that you can't plan for.
And while I did not suffer as I child in anyway I just choose not to have a big family, That is all.

Quality

mariaf24 wrote: »

Quality wrote: »

If you knew how to work the system, you could have got your braces from the HSE free of charge.

Ireland is a good country for benefits, but you have to fight for them.

Now that there. Bang on. That terrible irresponsible Irish attitude. Have 4 kids and let the tax payer foot the bill?
That is the irresponsible attitude i meant.

Wow, i knew this attitude existed but it's still mind blowing to see it written by someone.

Excuse me, how is this irresponsible?

This is a benefit put in place by the Irish Government to all tax payers who are covered by their PRSI contributions. Why pay PRSI if you cannot benefit from it.


Children are assessed in primary school in first, fourth and sixth class. The dentist visits the school and if dental work is required they are referred to their local clinic for a visit to the dentist.

What is soo mind blowing about that?

mariaf24

Quality wrote: »

mariaf24 wrote: »

Excuse me, how is this irresponsible?

This is a benefit put in place by the Irish Government to all tax payers who are covered by their PRSI contributions. Why pay PRSI if you cannot benefit from it.


Children are assessed in primary school in first, fourth and sixth class. The dentist visits the school and if dental work is required they are referred to their local clinic for a visit to the dentist.

What is soo mind blowing about that?

You said about working the system and ireland being a good country for benefits.

Quality

mariaf24 wrote: »

Quality wrote: »

You said about working the system and ireland being a good country for benefits.

It is a good country for benefits.

Dental Benefits are among one of the benefits that we are very lucky to have.

I dont see the point in families being ripped off by private dental practises when the HSE provides free orthodental services when you are covered by PRSI.

CathyMoran

For me the priceless thing that I am giving my son is his dad who has hugged him from the moment that we know he was on the way and who will be a great father...

I cant see the docs realistically allowinng me to have more kids but if we could that will be a blessing...no matter how ill I have been for this pregnancy it pales with the love I feel for our son, nobody told me that the kicks would be so amazing.

Nasty_Girl

Quality wrote: »

I dont see the point in families being ripped off by private dental practises when the HSE provides free orthodental services when you are covered by PRSI.

Well you see it gets complicated when you live in Wexford, have to wait 22 months to visit a consultant in Dublin on a weekday morning etc.
Yes it's there but it doesn't always work out.

In our situation it worked out better to pay for two of us. But it's not something we all planned would happen, thats the only point I'm trying to make.
We didn't go hungry because of it or anything.

Also I'm not sure about Civil Servants and PRSI but that's a subject for another thread I think.

mariaf24

CathyMoran wrote: »

For me the priceless thing that I am giving my son is his dad who has hugged him from the moment that we know he was on the way and who will be a great father...

I cant see the docs realistically allowinng me to have more kids but if we could that will be a blessing...no matter how ill I have been for this pregnancy it pales with the love I feel for our son, nobody told me that the kicks would be so amazing.

I think the most precious and amazing love there is is the love a mother feels for her unborn child. I would have walked the earth for my daughter before i had ever even looked in her eyes. Before i even knew she was a girl! Cathy enjoy these months with your baby while he is all yours. When he is born you will love him like you never knew, but you will miss the time of wonder and the security you could give him or those months.

Das Kitty

I have a 3 week old so the amount of kids I want changes hourly! It goes from 2 more to no more to not even wanting this one .

I'll get back to you in a month or so!

CathyMoran

mariaf24 wrote: »

I think the most precious and amazing love there is is the love a mother feels for her unborn child. I would have walked the earth for my daughter before i had ever even looked in her eyes. Before i even knew she was a girl! Cathy enjoy these months with your baby while he is all yours. When he is born you will love him like you never knew, but you will miss the time of wonder and the security you could give him or those months.

He is very attached to his daddy too, he will be quiet and then his daddy touches him and he kicks away, he also loves playing tap with him...am already calling him a daddys boy.

I think that our time is the most valuable thing that we can give to our children which again limits the number of children we can have.

mariaf24

That's amazing Cathy. Also very true about time.

So the general feedback in this forum is that most would like several children but realistically would stop at 2-3. Financial reasons being the main factor as well as many women mentioning career etc.
Enjoying reading responses as i did my thesis around this area.

Khannie

mariaf24 wrote: »

Now that there. Bang on. That terrible irresponsible Irish attitude. Have 4 kids and let the tax payer foot the bill?
That is the irresponsible attitude i meant.

Wow, i knew this attitude existed but it's still mind blowing to see it written by someone.

So you wont be collecting your childrens allowance this month, right?

mariaf24

Everybody receives child benefit.

Khannie

CathyMoran wrote: »

Interesting, I thought that 3 would be a great number as I really wanted an extra sibling growing up...am really hoping that our son (coming soon) is not an only child...there was a big age gap between us and I always wanted another sibling closer in age.

I had a fairly hefty age gap too (I'm the youngest by 14 years :eek:). Definitely wouldn't want to have that for my own kids.

mariaf24: The things that are limiting the number of kids I'll have are not financial or career based. For me it's really down to:

The amount of time I could spend with them
The physical and emotional toll of pregnancy

mariaf24

mariaf24 wrote: »

Now that there. Bang on. That terrible irresponsible Irish attitude. Have 4 kids and let the tax payer foot the bill?
That is the irresponsible attitude i meant.

Wow, i knew this attitude existed but it's still mind blowing to see it written by someone.

Why is it irresponsible to claim things that the state provides based on your PRSI? What is the point of paying PRSI? Do you think people in the UK are irresponsible for claiming free healthcare? You say everyone receives child benefit, yes, everyone who is entitled to child benefit can claim for it, in the same way that anyone who is entitled to any other benefits can claim for them.

It's mind blowing to see such a self righteous attitude in this day and age to be honest.

mariaf24

I did not mean PRSI, Ofcourse everyone is entitled to claim dental costs etc. That poster said ireland has great benefits if you know how to use the system. I did not know they were referring to PRSI etc as they had not stated this.

mariaf24

mariaf24 wrote: »

I did not mean PRSI, Ofcourse everyone is entitled to claim dental costs etc. That poster said ireland has great benefits if you know how to use the system. I did not know they were referring to PRSI etc as they had not stated this.

She didn't say if you know how to screw the system did she?
She meant if you knew what you were entitled to. I thought that was quite obvious actually.

I agree with above posters about the time being the most important thing for their children. One of the reasons I have taken so long to decide on having another child is my fear that my daughter will have to suffer from less attention. She is an angel of a child and absolute sweetheart and to think of having to share my love for her scares me a little. I've done it before but its a little different now as I know that you can't take a single minute for granted.

mariaf24

Deleted User wrote: »

She didn't say if you know how to screw the system did she?
She meant if you knew what you were entitled to. I thought that was quite obvious actually.

I agree with above posters about the time being the most important thing for their children. One of the reasons I have taken so long to decide on having another child is my fear that my daughter will have to suffer from less attention. She is an angel of a child and absolute sweetheart and to think of having to share my love for her scares me a little. I've done it before but its a little different now as I know that you can't take a single minute for granted.

I think there was a misunderstanding.

Your last point i identify with. The love i have for my daughter goes so deep sometimes it catches me and it's frightening. Sometimes i wonder do all mothers feel this for ther children or is it only me? lol. And now we're discussing having another. No more me and her... But i'm sure a mother of more than one has extra love to give.

mariaf24

mariaf24 wrote: »

Your last point i identify with. The love i have for my daughter goes so deep sometimes it catches me and it's frightening. Sometimes i wonder do all mothers feel this for ther children or is it only me? lol. And now we're discussing having another. No more me and her... But i'm sure a mother of more than one has extra love to give.

Well I've been a mother of two in the past! And there was no question that I had enough love for both of them. And there are very few parents on the planet who don't automatically have enough love for as many children they have. It's a strange phenomenon really. You can love only one man/woman at a time but you can unconditionally love as many children as you have! It's wonderful. And I know that I would of course adore my next child, but I'm still scared that my little darling daughter would miss out. Stupid when you think logically about it! But love aint logical

Deliverance

Khannie wrote: »

I know it's been done before, but I think it's worth asking again every once in a while. You know...people change.

We have 3 now. I'd like at least 1 more, probably would want 2 more but age will be a consideration so we'll play it by ear.

You?

I would ideally like 2 or 3. I have 1 and am v.happy with her. I would like her to have a sister or brother and all that but circumstances dictate otherwise.