Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Advice needed

Options
  • 26-02-2010 3:08pm
    #1
    jupiter00
    Registered Users Posts: 77 ✭✭


    I would like to know where I can get advice on how to encourage your child to tell you when they are being bullied. I have notified the teacher because he (my 8 year old) doesn't want me to go in the classroom. Why won't a child tell you? Why are they seemingly afraid or deny there is anything happening when I've witnessed the agressive behaviour myself. Is there somewhere I can get info on this as I want my child to feel secure enough to tell me in future.


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    Thats a tough one. poor kid.

    If he is not happy at school would you move him to a different one....

    kids get embarrased and dont like admiting they are getting hurt. They also feel it would upset their parents.

    speak to the principle !


  • Options
    #3
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit


    jupiter00 wrote: »
    I would like to know where I can get advice on how to encourage your child to tell you when they are being bullied. I have notified the teacher because he (my 8 year old) doesn't want me to go in the classroom. Why won't a child tell you? Why are they seemingly afraid or deny there is anything happening when I've witnessed the agressive behaviour myself. Is there somewhere I can get info on this as I want my child to feel secure enough to tell me in future.

    Well firstly you have to learn about effective anti-bullying techniques. 'Just ignore the bully' is the standard rubbish that is given to kids but it doesn't work.

    Once you are armed with effectively knowledge of how to prevent bullying, and indeed why bullies do what they do, you can then approach your child about the topic. There is no need to immediately approach the topic of him/her being bullied. You can just make it a 'talk' about bullying in general. You can then also use this talk to reassure them that they can come to you with any issues and you will support them fully without judgment.

    Many victims of bullies are ashamed of their self-perceived weakness. They fear parents will be disappointed with them or even just dismiss their concerns. Victims can often feel trapped, and see no way out. Children are sometimes not very well prepared to defend themselves mentally. Bullying destroys confidence, self worth & prevents enjoyment of any activity where bullies are in view.

    Useful info for the 'talk'.
    1. Bullies are scared that nobody will like them. So they bully people to impress their friends or to make themselves feel powerful.
    2. Never display any emotion when someone tries to bully you. Responding emotionally by getting angry, or being upset makes the bully feel more powerful which is what they crave.
    3. The bully is not a nice person. They are not someone you would want as a friend. So, their opinion of you doesn't matter. You know you are a good person and so do your friends and family. That's all that matters.
    4. Smile, hold your head high, and show people that you are happy and emotionally strong. The bullies will not target you then.
    5. Stand up for other people being bullied. And encourage your friends to do the same. When the bullies see 2 or 3 people standing up to them, they will back down quickly.

    I'd add far more detail, but I'm about to head out.


  • Options
    #4
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    Good advice above. Speaking to the principle about the schools policy on bullying is important to just see what attitude they have towards the issue.

    If the schools policy on bullying in this case is weak and apethetic then they won't do much about it without a fight for change. If this is or could be the case, I would consider a move. Why have your childs confidence destroyed by bullies?

    Personally I think that any and all schools should have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. Most probably have but I imagine some do not apply it effectively due to the aforementioned possible apathy. It should be transparent that any kid can and indeed be encouraged to complain immediately if even the slightest potential incident of it occurs. Nip it in the bud so to speak.

    Point in fact: A friend of mines daughter put up a youtube vid of herself singing some pop song. Some kids naturally found it on the school computers and started to mock her a bit at school. The pop star wannabe immediately got on to the school principal and complained, also she told her mum about it without any hesitation.

    The school immediatly took off access to youtube and social network sites on the computers and informed said students that such behaviour was not acceptable.

    The kid in question had the confidence to inform immediately due to knowing that the support and back up from her parents and the schools policy to take intelligent action was there in place.

    The potential bullies never materialised i.e. never got any power in this case. If anything they now stay well away from her for fear of being exposed;)


Advertisement