fostering

mugan

Does anyone know anything about fostering children?. What can a parent do when their child is taken into care due to alcholism and has gone to rehab and gone to AA meetings and is doing their best but the social services arent doing anything in trying to reunite this family. When a foster parent is getting 346 euro per child per week (tax free)to mind a child. and 2 holidays per year and respite once a month where the child/children goes to another family for one weekend in a month... isnt this a good money making venture for some family who decides to foster 2 or 3 children....:pac:

cynder

My uncle did that for 10 years he fostered 3 kids all with disabilities so you can double what he got paid.

Needless to say he owns a few houses. ( he also married a rich widow)

He never loved or really cared about the kids. he had one daughter (and 3 step daughters who left home) at 13 his daughter started acting up and the social services took the 3 boys of them and offered him to adopt the 1 boy who they had since he was 2 (now 8) they said NO......

They did it for the money.........:(

Khannie

I don't understand the point of this thread?

stovelid

Khannie wrote: »

I don't understand the point of this thread?

Greed?

lilylarkin

Mugan, are you interested in fostering or concerned about kids who have been taken into care?
I am currently applying to be a foster parent and I didnt realise how much money was paid to foster parents until recently. I was really surprised and then considered, as you did, if there were a lot of people motivated by the financial aspect of it.
While I understand that people must be financially supported in fostering the children, families who have 4 children bring in over 70k annually.
Having said that I believe that for many people fostering is a genuine commitment to helping children. Personally I have had a very good life and I would love to help even one child to get a good start in life. It is heartbreaking to hear of the plight of so many kids today.

mymo

While I accept there are bad foster parents, there are many good ones who are in it for the love of kids.
A member of my family fosters and currently has 3 boys, one disabled and one special needs, the third is still very young but has some emotional issues also. One parent has given up work to care for the boys, the other took a more flexable job, they are at hospital appointments, doctors or various clinnics with the kids between 1 and 4 times most weeks, 25+ miles each way, then theres the visits the oldest has to his parents, and brothers and sisters in other foster families. They have to buy special shoes, glasses, equiptment and certain types of clothing and spent a lot of money adapting their home for these children(I know they get allowances for these things but they don't cover half of it), all of whom will be with them for as long as they like(they won't be kicked out at 18).
This couple have had the heartache of seeing a child they raised from a baby for 3 years be sent back to his mother(he was supposed to be with them until 18), fostered little girls for 6 months who were in an awful situation and they still do this. I couldn't do what they do and I thank god there are people like them to help these kids.
Yes they get paid for it, but if both of them worked in good jobs full time they could probably earn the same money they currently get.

cynder

mymo wrote: »

While I accept there are bad foster parents, there are many good ones who are in it for the love of kids.
A member of my family fosters and currently has 3 boys, one disabled and one special needs, the third is still very young but has some emotional issues also. One parent has given up work to care for the boys, the other took a more flexable job, they are at hospital appointments, doctors or various clinnics with the kids between 1 and 4 times most weeks, 25+ miles each way, then theres the visits the oldest has to his parents, and brothers and sisters in other foster families. They have to buy special shoes, glasses, equiptment and certain types of clothing and spent a lot of money adapting their home for these children(I know they get allowances for these things but they don't cover half of it), all of whom will be with them for as long as they like(they won't be kicked out at 18).
This couple have had the heartache of seeing a child they raised from a baby for 3 years be sent back to his mother(he was supposed to be with them until 18), fostered little girls for 6 months who were in an awful situation and they still do this. I couldn't do what they do and I thank god there are people like them to help these kids.
Yes they get paid for it, but if both of them worked in good jobs full time they could probably earn the same money they currently get.

If people are that nice then why dont they adopt them insted of fostering?

they get paid at least €1000 a week to look after the 3 of them that sure as hell pays for the petrol and other suff, thats 50,000 a year.... and im sure they get grants as well and childrens allowance of 480 per month thats another 5700. thats over 55k a year......... and you can add on extra because the kids have disabilities.


sure if they love the kids enough to adopt them they would get 0000000 now thats real love!!!!!!!!!

Just to add to that - i have every praise for people who foster kids and take them to the clinics/doc apt and help them become adults and stick with them even past adulthood. I would love to foster/adopt a child with down syndrome as they are truly delightful kids and adults but at present unable to do so as i have 3 kids of my own 2 with special needs and not enough bedrooms, if i had an extra bedroom i would go for it. Best of luck to those of you who do foster...

Nevyn

Often children who are fostered and in care when they have specials needs get a better quality of care and access to services then those who are not. It sucks but it is the reality of the situation.

mariaalice

The vetting system is very good before anyone can foster a child...while no one can absolutely say for sure what anyone's motivation is for fostering...i don't think its something anyone could do for money alone

laughingtoaster

grindelwald wrote: »

If people are that nice then why dont they adopt them insted of fostering?

they get paid at least €1000 a week to look after the 3 of them that sure as hell pays for the petrol and other suff, thats 50,000 a year.... and im sure they get grants as well and childrens allowance of 480 per month thats another 5700. thats over 55k a year......... and you can add on extra because the kids have disabilities.


sure if they love the kids enough to adopt them they would get 0000000 now thats real love!!!!!!!!!

Just to add to that - i have every praise for people who foster kids and take them to the clinics/doc apt and help them become adults and stick with them even past adulthood. I would love to foster/adopt a child with down syndrome as they are truly delightful kids and adults but at present unable to do so as i have 3 kids of my own 2 with special needs and not enough bedrooms, if i had an extra bedroom i would go for it. Best of luck to those of you who do foster...

don't know much about this, but my understanding is that in ireland it is not possible to adopt the child where the parents are married. open to correction on this.

January

That and I'm sure a lot of foster parents would love to adopt the children they are fostering but the biological parents will not give consent for that to happen.

lazygal

laughingtoaster wrote: »

don't know much about this, but my understanding is that in ireland it is not possible to adopt the child where the parents are married. open to correction on this.

Yes the Baby Anne case settled this. Married parents have more rights as the State via the constitution considers marriages as having a greater social function. May change with civil partnership but the parents of children in a marriage have greater rights.
Remember until the late 1980s children of unmarried parents were legally held to perform a lesser social function and thus were sidelined in inheritance if their half-siblings' parents were married (can't remember name of case).
Bottom line, see Roscommon incest case for how the State sees children of married parents as fair game for parental abuse and the reluctance to introduce Stay Safe as it might interfere with parents' rights!

cynder

Foster Care
Long Term Foster Care cases & the 1988 Adoption Act.

A number of applications are made in respect of children who are in long term foster care by their foster parents.

A number of these children are adopted with the consent of the birth mother but there are a number of cases each year where the birth mother is unwilling or unable to consent; under normal circumstances, children of a marriage are not normally eligible for adoption, but in certain cases where it can be proven, in the High Court that a child has been abandoned, or that the abandonment is likely to continue until that child has reached 18 years of age, then it is open then to the applicants through their health board to make an application to the High Court to dispense with the consent of the birth mother, thereby allowing the adoption board to make an Order in favour of the applicants.

It is then up to the applicants to begin the process and request the Health Board to apply to the High Court for the said order. The High Court is the only statutory body with the power to dispense with the consent of the birth parent(s).

Nevyn

I know a couple who were trying to do this and the birth mother had not been in touch with the child in 4 years and then a birthday card arrived and that was considered her keeping in touch enough so that the kids was not consider abandoned and so the adoption order could not be made.

mymo

grindelwald wrote: »

If people are that nice then why dont they adopt them insted of fostering?

they get paid at least €1000 a week to look after the 3 of them that sure as hell pays for the petrol and other suff, thats 50,000 a year.... and im sure they get grants as well and childrens allowance of 480 per month thats another 5700. thats over 55k a year......... and you can add on extra because the kids have disabilities.


sure if they love the kids enough to adopt them they would get 0000000 now thats real love!!!!!!!!!

Just to add to that - i have every praise for people who foster kids and take them to the clinics/doc apt and help them become adults and stick with them even past adulthood. I would love to foster/adopt a child with down syndrome as they are truly delightful kids and adults but at present unable to do so as i have 3 kids of my own 2 with special needs and not enough bedrooms, if i had an extra bedroom i would go for it. Best of luck to those of you who do foster...

I know this family would love to adopt (they have no kids themselves)and have tried with the eldest boy, but his parents are in the picture and refuse this.
The younger two(two brothers) have only been with them less than a year and are still settling in. They have quite a few issues between them and as someone said, sadly kids in foster care get much more help and services they need.
There may also be problems with their parents too, i don't know the particular circumstances.
Do you honestly think most kids in foster homes would be there if there was no financial incentive?
Most of these kids aren't cute little babies, many have serious problems emotional, mental and physical. It truly is hard work and I don't know if I could cope with some of the kids I've met through them.

Just a note, you mention grants and extra? because of disabilities, these often don't cover half the costs. Imagine a two year old needing glasses, allowed 2 pairs a year, how long do you think a two year old keeps his glasses? I know they have had 2 pairs so far this year, its only April. Kids break stuff, wheel chairs and special equipment are very expensive to repair, not to mention the ones with emotional problems that put a boot through a wall or smash windows etc, there are no allowances for that.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

I know a couple who were trying to do this and the birth mother had not been in touch with the child in 4 years and then a birthday card arrived and that was considered her keeping in touch enough so that the kids was not consider abandoned and so the adoption order could not be made.

Are you kidding me?

What a selfish bitch of a mother. She abandons her child and then pulls that crap. PUHLEEASE!

LegacyUser

Just thought i would say my experiences that i have had being on both side of the fence, my mother put me into care when i was 13 and my children have also spent a short period in foster care as well.

Ill start with myself......I consider that i had a pretty normal relationship with my mother that any teenager would. Yes i could be a handful at times, i did run away from home for a week at 12, very much thought i knew it all and was 13 going on 21. We had arguments as most children do with their parents. But as a mother myself now i wouldn't ever dream of giving up my children because sometimes things were difficult. I was never violent towards her, i wasn't drinking or doing drugs, we did have issues, and i wont go into details but i would say 80% of the problem we had we not a result of anything that was my fault. If what had happen to happened to my children now i would deal with it and not ignore it and brush it under the table like she did.

I had many different foster parents, even though i got on with a lot of them and settle in well i was moved quite a lot. I found out much later that this was at the request of my mother. I can never be 100% sure but looking back on things i always got moved after we had had a meeting. Myself, my mother, the foster parents and the social worker were all there. It seemed to me that every time she saw that i was happy, doing well and liked the foster parents, that she got jealous of that and requested that i was moved.

Now not everything was always sweet, i spent 7 horrible months with a couple that were only in it for the money. They couldn't care less about me or any other foster children that they had. We were never included in anything, if they had friends or family around we were always sent to our rooms like we were an embarrassment to them or something. We were not allowed to sit at the dinner table with them, not allowed in the family room to watch telly. Didn't matter if it was raining, cold or a full on storm going on we were always sent out of the house and told not to come home till what ever time. After months of begging they finally moved me.

I was moved to a home where i spent the next 18 months. I loved it there if only she had been my real mother is all i could ever think. Since the age of 14 i had made myself a diary that counted down the days untill i was 16 that i could finally move out and be free of the foster care system, i would cross off each day and think, thank god i'm one day closer. After 2 months of being with the last family i was placed with i threw this away, i was no longer desperate to get away. I stayed with this family untill i was 17, I could of left when i was 16 but i wanted to stay with them.

When i was 18 i had my first child, and then at 21 i had my second child. Even before my 2nd child was born the their father left us. After she was born i suffered very badly with post natal depression. I tried so hard to cope with 2 small children, but i just couldn't. I contacted social services myself to ask them for help. I didn't ask them to take the children away i just wanted a bit of help. I had no friends or family that i could ask for help i was all alone. I was still in a terrible away that my partner had left me and i hadn't heard from him at all. They made an appointment with the doctor who put me on anti-depressants but they didn't really make a difference even after weeks of taking them. The doctor made an appointment for me to see a physiologist after 2 visits with him, he made a report to social services saying he did not think i was able to care for the 2 children by myself, because i had no one to help me at all, i had no choice but to sign the paper to have them put into the foster system. I did fight for them but was told that if i didn't sign the forms then a court order would be made forcing me to hand them over. That sent me even further into depression, but they still helped me in every way they could.

Normally when children are placed in care the parents dont get to see them that often, maybe twice a week if they are lucky, i was able to see them every day monday-friday. It was not possible for them to be kept together. But every morning the foster parents would drive to the health centre to meet me and the social worker and i would get to spent 2 hours with them. The lady that had my daughter would drive out to me on saturday and sunday to collect the breast milk i was expressing for my daughter. So i did still get to see my daughter on the weekends but not for very long.

I dont believe for 1 second that either of these people did this for the money. They probably spent more on my children than what they got. After spending a few months seeing the doctor and being on the medication i was feeling more back to myself and i did get my children back. They came back to me with so much stuff, clothes and toys ( they could of kept them if they ever had other foster children but they didn't.) My daughters foster mother had even kept a diary for me that she wrote in every day saying what my daughter had done and had included pictures as well, so even though i wasn't there myself to see it i did have some memories of it. She even had professional pictures taken of her that she gave to me.

So yes there may be some people out there that see this as a money maker, but in general i think the good far out weigh the bad. If it wasn't for these people taking my children into their homes maybe i wouldn't of got better. And it's not always bad parents that have to put their children into care. I'm far from a bad parent, i just needed help, and i got that help, and i'm glad that i did.

You cant judge people just because you hear their children are in care, unless you know the full story of what has happened to them, and things that they have gone through. Many people just assume that children are in care because the parents are bad parents and have done something to their children. If i hadn't of told my story and just said that both my children had been taken into care, how many of you would of just assumed that i had done something wrong to them and deserved to have them taken from me?

iguana

laughingtoaster wrote: »

don't know much about this, but my understanding is that in ireland it is not possible to adopt the child where the parents are married. open to correction on this.

adrieanne__x wrote: »

That and I'm sure a lot of foster parents would love to adopt the children they are fostering but the biological parents will not give consent for that to happen.

Yup, it's a child not a puppy. You don't just get to decide you'll adopt. It's pretty rare for a child in foster care to ever be put up for adoption for all sorts of reasons. Married parents, parents who may pull themselves together and get their child back, parents who refuse to sign the adoption papers, and more.

Foster caring is a full time job, an absolute full-time job with almost no time out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I doubt very many people here would take a €70k a year job if it meant working 168 hours a week, I know I sure as hell wouldn't. I wouldn't do it for €700k a year.

Nevyn

metrovelvet wrote: »

Are you kidding me?

What a selfish bitch of a mother. She abandons her child and then pulls that crap. PUHLEEASE!

Yup with no return address but it was considered contact by the court and that she still had an interest in the child so the clock started again.

Hellrazer

iguana wrote: »

Yup, it's a child not a puppy. You don't just get to decide you'll adopt. It's pretty rare for a child in foster care to ever be put up for adoption for all sorts of reasons. Married parents, parents who may pull themselves together and get their child back, parents who refuse to sign the adoption papers, and more.

Thats exactly what happening with us.The childs remaining relatives refuse to sign the paperwork regarding letting him go for adoption despite the fact that his case is classed as abandonment ie--any surviving relatives want nothing to do with him.The HSE are pushing for his adoption but we`re hitting a brick wall at every turn.

Foster caring is a full time job, an absolute full-time job with almost no time out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I doubt very many people here would take a €70k a year job if it meant working 168 hours a week, I know I sure as hell wouldn't. I wouldn't do it for €700k a year.

You can say that again.But for those who think its a money making racket heres one for you--Even though foster kids have a medical card the waiting lists for essential treatment are crazy and we have always went to private hospitals,consultants etc and the payment doesnt even scratch the surface especially in the case of psychiatric treatment and or counselling for the child.A lot of these kids are messed up when they go into care that they need treatment extremely quickly and cant be waiting around on HSE waiting lists.Our young lad would have been on a waiting list for 5 years if we had went down that road.

To be a foster carer you have to be of a certain type of person--one that can raise another persons child for years if needed and still knowing in the back of your mind that even after bonding for 10+ years and loving that child like your own that that child could be put back with their family who abondoned them when they needed it most.Thats the bit that hurts me the most.

LegacyUser

To snowlight, fair play to you for sharing your story and also fair play to you for taking help when you needed it, Your children are lucky you didn't neglect them, that you had them cared for in loving homes until you were well enough to do so yourself!

Cookey131

I am a foster child and when I heard that my foster parents were being paid I didn't know what to think. I thought they were making money out of it!
But then I realized that the spend more money on me than they get from clothes, food, trips out, holidays and anything else I need or want!!!
Most people who foster have good intentions! I think that these people are doing amazing work! But there may be those who foster for bad reasons and those people should be ashamed!

aware2000

In the case of relative fostering, is there a chance of the child being returned to the Mother at any time? To be more specific, in a raw babies case. Initially I thought, the baby is signed over for a 12 month period and if the parents are still unable to get their lives in order then the case is submitted before a judge where he normally signs the child to foster care until they're 18 depending on the social workers report......but I've been told a few different things/scenarios.

A little help would be great please!

Draper666

I think it is done on a case by case because after all it is a very important service not one size fits all. As far as I know a judge chooses all the details after being informed by the HSE. You can contact Five rivers they seem to have all the information

Foster mum

As a foster parent to 3 (brother and sisters) I can tell you now, no amount of money prepares you for the suffering and damage which children who have been exposed to addict parents. These children suffer from both physical and mental issues. I spend most of my nights up with a 7 month old who was born an addict and can't sleep and has suspected cp. My days are spent trying to cope with a 7 year old who spent the first 5 years of his life on the streets and can't deal with what he has experienced so he takes it out on everyone around him. And a 10 year old who knows more than anyone should about drug taking and what drink tastes and feels like. The Hero's of my family are my two natural children who have opened their hearts and home to others with nothing but kindness. My foster children have every opportunity in life and our lives revolve around trying to undo the damage done to them my parents who are either unwilling or unable to look after them. So if anyone considers it a walk in the park and an easy way to make money let them off as they are in for a rude awakening!

bbam

Foster mum wrote: »

As a foster parent to 3 (brother and sisters) I can tell you now, no amount of money prepares you for the suffering and damage which children who have been exposed to addict parents. These children suffer from both physical and mental issues. I spend most of my nights up with a 7 month old who was born an addict and can't sleep and has suspected cp. My days are spent trying to cope with a 7 year old who spent the first 5 years of his life on the streets and can't deal with what he has experienced so he takes it out on everyone around him. And a 10 year old who knows more than anyone should about drug taking and what drink tastes and feels like. The Hero's of my family are my two natural children who have opened their hearts and home to others with nothing but kindness. My foster children have every opportunity in life and our lives revolve around trying to undo the damage done to them my parents who are either unwilling or unable to look after them. So if anyone considers it a walk in the park and an easy way to make money let them off as they are in for a rude awakening!

Well done you... society should bow down to families like yourselves who can open their homes and hearts up to help others. And its a shame on anyone intimating that you are in it for the money, a damn shame..

I'll have to say I read the OP's post a number of times and each time I get the same vibe.. the implication is that abusive parents can somehow be straight for a while, attend a few meetings and then jump back into a childs life after making it hell on earth for however long..
and then OP sticks a snide comment about the foster parents being in it for nothing but the money..its despicable to post that.

LegacyUser

Yes Foster parents work hard but so do Full Time Family Carers and they don't have much choice.

I have a relation who is fostering several kids. They don't have any issues. They go on 4/5 holidays a year. One of the couple is in a top paying job. They pawn the kids off to other family members. They are raking it in. Meanwhile in the last budget Family Carers were crucified. It is a bit galling to be honest particularly as when I was at the Dail Protesting. They were in Disneyland in America.

I know plenty of Foster Parents do a fantastic job but it seems like this sector is immune to cuts while the even harder working Family Cares live on peanuts but can't go out to work either and to have your child seen by a specialist could mean waiting years for an appointment.