Seeking my family in cork

mustfind

Hi all, I am male and was born in cork in 1973, I think i was adopted from the sacred heart convent blackrock,I have vauge memories of nuns calling to my adoptive home when I was small. I wonder what should I do next. What is the quickest way of locating my family

The_Conductor

Hi there,

Finding your birth family may take some time and effort.

First off- the Sacred Heart Convent in Blackrock in Cork- was a mother and baby home. Don't assume that your mother was from Cork though- very often girls liked to go to a mother and baby home as far away from where they were from as possible- among other reasons, there would be a much lower chance that anyone would recognise them.

Despite the fact that it was a mother and baby home- very often another adoption agency might have been involved in placing you for adoption. If you know which adoption agency placed you for adoption your first step should be to request 'non-identifying information' from them- which would normally be a page or two of non-specific information about your mother and some information about her family (e.g. how many siblings she had etc). If you do not know which adoption agency placed you- you should contact the adoption authority and ask them to give you this information.

Once you have your non-identifying information- we have a good guide on how to trace your birthmum here.

It really is a series of stepping stones- one piece of information unlocks another. It should be fairly easy to find your own original birthcert- and from that- you'll have your mother's name, and with the non-identifying information, you should be able to find her birthcert (you may have to investigate several possible matches- depending on unique the name is- you might have a problem if you were looking for a Mary Reilly in Cavan, whereas a Caroline White in Cavan might be a unique name)........

I'd suggest taking the first steps and perhaps asking any questions you might have here.........

Best wishes,

Shane

gfmason

Hi, I'm in the process of tracing my birth mother myself. As Shane has said write and get your file from the HSE/Adoption Agency. I was only allowed 10 pages out of a total of 30. It did give me my first name though. The social worker gave me copies of her notes and she left my birth mother's first name in. So I now had my first name and my birth mother's first name. I went to the GRO in Dublin last August (I brought my husband along, it's quicker and also you can double-check) and went through the births register for the year I was born. I found my entry, got my Birth Cert. The only problem was there were 3 women born within a year of each other with the same name. I have traced one to Holland and she came back immediately saying it wasn't her. I have now traced the second to London. She will not reply to my letters. I have found an e-mail address of one of her sisters so she is going to make enquiries. This all takes time. From the initial contact with the HSE until now has taken 8 years. But if you get your birth cert and can find your mother's birth cert come back to this forum and we will help you further. Once you get into the 'search mode' it's amazing how you can find out information. I always believe that if you dig deep enough you get to the roots eventually. Someone will know something. Good luck with the search. Two things to keep in mind, always keep your handwritten notes no matter how insignificant you may think them at the time. You never know when you might need that tiny piece of information you found 6 months ago. Also, get everything in writing from the Social Worker or Adoption Agency. Ask question after question. I didn't, and they closed my case without informing me and no-one will open it to give me answers to questions I have. Good luck and remember you will always have someone on this forum to give you advice or just cheer you up if you need it.

dungeon

HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU. Best of luck.

sinead ayres

hi i have found my birth mother but am very intrested in finding my father my birth mum wont give me any clue has anyone any advice on what to do

rinsjwind

Hi Sinead


For obvious reasons, this can be an extremely difficult area.

For many mothers, the hurt about the way a (shamefully) high proportion of birth fathers behaved (e.g. denied it, legged it, offered money for an abortion and then legged it etc) is still very raw and it can be very difficult, if not impossible, for them to reconcile that with your desire to know the whole story. There will be some cases, albeit a very small minority, where you might be better off not knowing!

You might try getting in touch with one of the natural parent support groups like www.adoptionloss.ie who might be able to give you some insight/advice on this and maybe they could offer some support to your birth mam as well?

Good luck

Rins

gfmason

Sinead, you could write to the Adoption Agency that handled your adoption and ask them if there is any information on your file about your birth father. If there is, then they can try and trace him. However, if there is nothing on your file about him unfortunately, unless your birth mother gives you the information, there is very little more you can do. Have you registered on the National Contact Preference Register with the AAI on the off-chance he knew about you and might be searching? It's a long shot but worth trying. For what it's worth, I'm in the same boat as you. My birth mother won't talk about who my birth father is. And she won't consent to me seeing the adoption file either.