Really Odd situation that happend out last wkend

jen-

I would just like to get a few opinions on this; any of my guy friends I told this to thought it was mad wierd!

Ok, last Friday night me and my mate decided to out for a girls night. It wasnt an ok we're on the pull night because we don't do that, if we get talking to people, well and good,if not, we just have a laugh in our own company!But we ususally end up chatting to other groups of people at some stage.

So we got dressed up and went for a few cocktails and then on to a bar that we go to quite regularly and always have a laugh in.

We were up at the bar and there was a group of four guys who started talking to us, but within a matter of minutes, they had completly phased me out and were solely talking to my mate. She is really pretty so there is always guys coming up to her,so I dont have any issues with that, but usually if there are two or more lads they will always talk the group of us girls, it was just that there was only the two of us that night which was why I felt like a bit of a lemon. I tried to initiate conversation with one or two of them, but it fell on deaf ears,and my mate tried 3 times to bring me in to the group, before she just got fed up and we went to a different part of the bar.

Im not a shy person and am quite chatty, I get along with most people and Its not like I was the messy drunk girl that every body was ignoring, nor was I one of those people who sits with a face on them. Im just baffled cuz this has never really happend before

Were these guys just a**holes or what? Or this this some new thing we have to contend with where just one person in a group is pinpointed and the rest can feck off?

Agent Smith

Firstly, I'm going to play devils Avocate here.

Were you wearing something like an engaement or wedding ring (or could be seen as one)


I cant appoligies on behalf of men, But i do know its poor form to alienate people in a group

minidazzler

These guys sound like fools TBH.

4 friends chatting to one girl (presumably chatting her up), did they really think it might work?

It sounds like it's nothing to do with you, and more to do with them being twats TBH.

jen-

Agent Smith wrote: »

Firstly, I'm going to play devils Avocate here.

Were you wearing something like an engaement or wedding ring (or could be seen as one)


I cant appoligies on behalf of men, But i do know its poor form to alienate people in a group

Nope not at all, me and my mate are both in our early 20's and the guys were the same, so I doubt it would even be in their mind set to look for somthing like that!

Boston

Sounds like they were playing games.

jen-

minidazzler wrote: »

These guys sound like fools TBH.

4 friends chatting to one girl (presumably chatting her up), did they really think it might work?

It sounds like it's nothing to do with you, and more to do with them being twats TBH.

Yeah I know! unless they are those kind of fools, who put wagers on amongst themsleves to see who can get a certain person

Agent Smith

Nash's Equilibrium Anyone?

Boston

jen- wrote: »

Yeah I know! unless they are those kind of fools, who put wagers on amongst themsleves to see who can get a certain person

That makes sense. It probably was a bet. Were they Oslo sabotaging each other?

jen-

Boston wrote: »

Sounds like they were playing games.

Seems like a pretty odd game I guess in fairness they didnt win whatever they were at, cuz they just p****ed my friend off

jen-

Not really, i guess looking back they kind of took turns, and it was the guys who werent talking to her that I was trying to chat with, but when they just chatted amongst themselves

Agent Smith

jen- wrote: »

Not really, i guess looking back they kind of took turns, and it was the guys who werent talking to her that I was trying to chat with, but when they just chatted amongst themselves

i wouldnt lose much sleep over it tbh, their loss in fairness

jen-

jen- wrote: »

Not really, i guess looking back they kind of took turns, and it was the guys who werent talking to her that I was trying to chat with, but when they just chatted amongst themselves

Why are you wasting your time thinking about these douches.
The havent much respect for other, never mind your friend. To line up like that to hit on her.

jen-

Moonbaby wrote: »

Why are you wasting your time thinking about these douches.
The havent much respect for other, never mind your friend. To line up like that to hit on her.

Ah I know I shouldnt, but I was just even wondering if a similar thing has happened to anybody else, or would anyone even knowingly do it to other people

Chinafoot

jen- wrote: »

or would anyone even knowingly do it to other people

God definitely not. Tbh, your friend should have told them to get lost. 3 attempts to bring you into the conversation? After the first failed attempt they would have been gone had that been me.

Definite knobs, I wouldn't give them another thought.

Das Kitty

God, this brings back memories. Used to happen to me when I was a teenager and I'd be out with my really good looking friend. The guys are just the cocky self-important type who think they can be rude as they like and still get ahead in life. Don't take it to heart, you have a good friend btw.

Nevyn

Or else they had a bet on to see who could pull your friend, sometimes people are asshats.

WesternNight

Thaedydal wrote: »

Or else they had a bet on to see who could pull your friend, sometimes people are asshats.

Thought the same. If that's what it was, at least they all lost

Mr. Incognito

Why is everyone tip toeing around the issue.

Maybe you're just not that attractive, especially around your pretty mate.

I'm sure you're a lovely person but you just happened to meet four shallow lads on the pull.

What's the big deal here. Why do you care about 4 strangers in a bar that are trying to hit on your mate?

Michael B

Those guys sound like a pack of knobs to be honest. Really rude and if they were all trying to chat up your friend then they didn't have much cop on because their rudeness could be spotted a mile off probably. Don't mind them, not worth you thinking about a moment longer.

pippington

this is kinda like the old 1 single girl out with several taken friends and shes the only one who doesnt get come onto

men are wierd..simple as

MD!

Op- pretty much the same thig happended to me at the week end! one guy in particular made a huge effort to chat to me only to tell me at the end of the night the only reason he was talking to me was because he liked my friend! i know you shouldnt care what strangers think but it is a blow to the confidence. i just had to keep reminding myself of the times when guys had chatted me up instead of her. maybe its a cyclical thing, next time you'll get loads of attention and she wont get any. it often seems like me and my friends take it in turns to have any romance!

fasteddie09

Tbh i can understand why you might be a little pissed if you attempted to be brought into a conversation and you were blanked.
I believe it is rude but if a guy attempts to talk to girls who arent interested its the same result and you wouldnt have him writing up a post about it.
So to some respect its not an unusual thing to happen by any means,
and you cant judge someone after they have had a few drinks so they probably do not realise how ignorant they are being.
also if you wanted a quite night with your friend and guys wouldnt stop talking to you,you most probably would complain about that too.
ya cant win em all

Pretty_Pistol

At least you know you have a good friend that tried to include you and left when she saw how rude they were being towards you. I can see why it is bothering you though. It's a knock in confidence. All you can do is go out again, have a good time with decent guys and you'll soon forget about it.

WesternNight

fasteddie09 wrote: »

and you cant judge someone after they have had a few drinks so they probably do not realise how ignorant they are being.

Just to nit-pick for a second: that's a complete cop out.

Xiney

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Why is everyone tip toeing around the issue.

Maybe you're just not that attractive, especially around your pretty mate.

I'm sure you're a lovely person but you just happened to meet four shallow lads on the pull.

What's the big deal here. Why do you care about 4 strangers in a bar that are trying to hit on your mate?

Even if she's quasimodo's less attractive younger sister and they were only interested in getting to know her friend, common courtesy and social norms dictate that you involve all members of a group (particularly when said group is only two people and not doing so would be isolating someone entirely) when you talk to them.

These guys were douchebags who never learned any manners. Even if they weren't interested in the OP, they still should have talked to her since they were hogging her friend.




As it stands, fair play to your friend for recognizing the situation and leaving them to their own devices.

Ickle Magoo

What is amazing that some guys think flocking around one half of a duo of friends while deliberately ignoring the other is going to result in the girl they are ALL chatting up leaping off her stool and into one their arms, it's ridiculous. Talk about a sure fire way of getting a knock back, where do these guys find the logic in their "techniques"...

BobbyOLeary

Most cocky guys will act like that around a good looking girl they want and her friend. It's a poor technique that really doesn't work (as evidenced by the OP and her mate buggering off). Similarly though OP, would it have made you feel better if they talked to you just so they could get a go at your friend?

Catari Jaguar

They sound like knobs. They didn't even use guy code, you know, a wing man (guy to distract the girl's friend while guy A hits on her. They're not ALL supposed to go after the same girl. Mongs. :rolleyes:

Idbatterim

maybe they read "The Game" and put the isolation theory into practice! Firstly god knows what they were up to or thinking, secondly what they did is outright rude, and thirdly forget about the knob ends!

spinandscribble

Idbatterim wrote: »

maybe they read "The Game" and put the isolation theory into practice! Firstly god knows what they were up to or thinking, secondly what they did is outright rude, and thirdly forget about the knob ends!

that Game stuff is what i thought of when i read the op. Either that or they didn't understand all guys coming on to the same girl doesn't work. Or they had a bet.

So by my calculation they were either
a) playing silly games
b) socially inapt

basically says more about them then you.

Goldenlady

You need to just put it behind you and not let them bother you!
I was out in a late bar recently with my friends, and as we are all married/long term relationships etc we arent out much,but we are all about 30/31 years old and whilst standing at the bar with two of my friends, there were 3 guys possibly 32+ who said (Whilst looking directly at us!) " God, all the woman in here are really old - must move to a younger bar!" I just laughed and walked away.......... and I mean they certainly were not Brad Pitt.......I actually just thought about the poor young girl that probably ended up with them that night!
Not saying all men are like that but it was quite annoying!:rolleyes:

mood

Maybe you said something they took offense to.

Anyway, I wouldn't bother wasting time thinking about it. It's not really that big a deal. Life is too short.

galwaybetty

I feel your pain! I know its so easy to say that they were asses, immature, rude and you wouldnt have been interested anyway and therefore you shouldnt care what they may or may not have thought of you- but its insulting and of course your confidence took a knock.

I dont think they were playing the game (are we talking about Neil Strauss's book?) because if they were 4 guys would never hit on one girl at the same time, they wouldnt alienate the friend of the 'target' and they wouldnt have been so obvious. Sounds like they were complete tools competing over who was going to get with your friend.

I know its hard to believe but its really not a reflection on you. You probably have been in your friend's position once or twice without even knowing it, while she was getting ignored. I am a fairly attractive girl and I have had some fairly harsh rejection experiences myself- and have actually beeen told the line "Most guys are into fit bodies but I like pretty faces", I laugh about it now but I was really upset at the time. We've all been there!

You have a good friend there btw! Some girls would have been flattered by all the attention and wouldnt have noticed that a good friend was pissed off.

Censorsh!t

Its happened me... especially back a few years ago, with my really pretty friend.. also I'm quite shy...so usually I'd just sit there awkwardly.

Maruney

jen- wrote: »

within a matter of minutes, they had completly phased me out

Yeah its kind of rude but they probably fancied your mate and not you, do you want to be chatted up out of symphony?

I see mates getting completly ignored altogether when approching women in a friendly sobar manner, not nice is it.

Xiney

not chatted up out of sympathy, but included in the conversation.

just because some women are rude does not give men the right to be (and vice versa)

Degsy

People will always be assholes unfortunatly.

Wibbs

What Degsy said sums it up.

Xiney

Ah, misanthropy... my old friend

Wibbs

well not all people, but enough to make one realise that a situation like this can happen often enough.

Degsy

Wibbs wrote: »

well not all people, but enough to make one realise that a situation like this can happen often enough.

What a lot of people forget is the effects of thier assholish behaviour is having on another person..a lack of empathy and compassion is what drives it.

Lux23

Yea this kind of thing has happened to me, once when I was the one being chatted up and the other time I was ignored. Its odd and I don't think men doing it know all that much about women.

Bolag_the_2nd

sounds to me that your confidence took a bit of a knock! bet those twits didnt loose any sleep over it, they just moved on to the next victim. just believe that you are and always will be a far better person than any of those fcukers, move on hun, get the glad rags on and party.

* responsibly of course

jen-

Maruney wrote: »

Yeah its kind of rude but they probably fancied your mate and not you, do you want to be chatted up out of symphony?

I see mates getting completly ignored altogether when approching women in a friendly sobar manner, not nice is it.

Im well used to guys being into my mate so that wasnt really the issue, it really is the whole etiquet thing being completely abandoned that baffled me! all I can say is god help any other girls that happen to come accross those four!!

minidazzler

jen- wrote: »

Im well used to guys being into my mate so that wasnt really the issue, it really is the whole etiquet thing being completely abandoned that baffled me! all I can say is god help any other girls that happen to come accross those four!!

God help those four trying to chat someone up more like, with that kind of behaviour it's unlikely they will get anything but the drunkest of girls!

Handsome Bob

Four blokes hitting on the same woman? Bet or no bet, that's retarded, not to mention incredibly insulting to the intelligence of your friend. You've got a great friend there, I've seen similar situations before where the woman or man getting attention remains oblivious to the humiliation of their blanked friend. Keep a hold of her, and forget about those twats, I'm sure after the way they treated you and your friend that you realised that it was no loss whatsoever.