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Dumped by E-mail !

dak · 2010-03-02 13:51:37

Dear Mary, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention to become the future Mrs. Kennsington. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens of other well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep…

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02-03-2010 2:51pm

#1

dak

Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭

Join Date: October 2006

Posts: 1943

Dear Mary,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. Kennsington.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this
year and dozens of other well-qualified candidates such as yourself
also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on
file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours,
please allow me to offer the following reasons you were disqualified
from the competition:

1. Your failure to reach for your purse in even a feigned attempt
to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of
basic economics.

2. Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by
the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for
the position.

3.You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

4. The only question you did ask was how much money I make.

5. You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the
inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.

6. My breasts are bigger than yours.

7. Your height is out of proportion with your weight.
If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please resubmit your application.

8. Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when
it's this small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.

9. The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the alternative
bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too
impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
heterosexuality.

10. Your revelation that you would certainly allow your ex-boyfriend
to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic abuse rap"
shows compassion but it does make it difficult to take you seriously.

11. Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball team
into the bedroom so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat
extreme and inappropriate.

12 I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,

Pat

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