I never forget a face, but in your case i'll make an exception

tmax

Paraprosdokians

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming and terrified like his passengers (Bob Monkhouse)

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else

He's a dark horse isn't he; black beauty

Homer Simpson: "If i could just say a few words... i'd be a better public speaker".

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it

Where there's a will, there's relations

I never forget a face, but in your case i'll make an exception (Groucho Marx )

================================


Brian Cowan was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words
and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Cowan if he would like to lead
the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a
'tragedy'.
A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on
a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would be a 'tragedy.'

No, said Brian - that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty
children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a
tragedy'.

I'm afraid not, explained Brian - that's what we would call great
loss.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Brian searched
the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
tragedy?'

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: 'If A plane carrying you and Mr.
Lenihan was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Brian. 'That's right. And can you tell me
why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says little Johnny 'it has to be a tragedy, because it
certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f*cking
accident either!'


==============================================



If you stare at this picture long enough

You should be able to see a giraffe.
This is weird. Give it a try.

CrazyRabbit

I'm an honest guy, but I blatantly stole these from elsewhere....


"She got her good looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon." — Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read — Groucho Marx

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too." — Mitch Hedberg (the master of Paraprosdokians )

"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." — Mitch Hedberg

"I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks." — Emo Philips

"When I was 10 I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage." — Emo Philips

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out." — Bill Hicks

"It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." — Jack Handey

folan

wasnt there a thread of those one liners?