AuPair Has to Go.. Advice?

paddydriver

Hello,

Hope I have got the right forum. I cannot go into too much specifics as I know this girl is aware of boards.ie

Anyway, we have had enough of the Aupair and have to let her go as soon as possible. We have tried as much as possible to accept her selfishness and calculating ways but enough is enough now and I cannot risk having a disgruntled person looking after our 3 kids.. and my post pregnant wife.

I am on two weeks leave (due to baby No 3) and need to deal with this now.

Anyway, what I am trying to get opinions on is how quick I can get this girl out of our house? - She came to us direct from another family so no agencies etc.

I want to just pay her two weeks and ask her to leave to go to a hostel or a Ryanair gate... I just cannot take a chance of having this person under our roof after I tell her the news as I am seeing a side to her now which makes me worry what she might do.

When we talked to agencies in the past, they just asked that we at least give 24 hours as it is common that some just get shown the door...

I know some may have more worldly opinions that others but when its all broken down then surely she can just go to a hostel and get herself sorted with 2 weeks in her pocket? She likely has not had to spend a bean in the last 3 months as we cover absolutely everything - she has more disposable cash than I do:rolleyes:

Any advice?

Thanks
Paddy

amdublin

Suggest tell her as soon as possible.

Relieve her from her childminding duties but allow her stay a couple of days or so (personally I think a week) to find alternative accomodation/flight home.

IMO it is unreasonable to give an aupair notice and expect her to be gone immediately or 24 hours later.

ToniTuddle

If you are that worried then by all means tell her you no longer need her services. You can lie if needs me and say you are giving up work to be an at home Dad. Sure she will never know.

I wouldn't get too heavy like "sling your hook!" as that will just cause trouble. If she would be due 2 weeks pay as notice then I guess pay that but no more.

She is a big girl and can easily go home or go to hotel.

Do you mean you want to give her the two weeks pay and get her out of the house within a day or two? Or let her stay the two weeks?

amdublin

ToniTuddle wrote: »

If you are that worried then by all means tell her you no longer need her services. You can lie if needs me and say you are giving up work to be an at home Dad. Sure she will never know.

Yes, I was thinking something like this too

paddydriver

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Do you mean you want to give her the two weeks pay and get her out of the house within a day or two? Or let her stay the two weeks?

Hi Toni, Yes - ideally I just want her out quick. Let's just say she has shown her "true colours" recently. She was told all along that when the new arrival was arriving that she would need to lend and extra hand; but she has really let us down and just been totally selfish... I think very calculating too; but I guess not to the extent it has worked cause I have been very wise to her tricks for a long time but have been prepared to put up with a lot because she is minding my kids and I could not risk her taking it out on them.

For what its worth - she is expected to do nothing else for us; just mind the kids and if she has time to just run the hoover over the areas they play in. We fully respect the working hours etc and only asked for 2 nights max babysitting - we have probably used that 5 times in 3 months.

My wife spent 3 months of the pregnancy in bed and on 3 occasions this girl arrived up to say she had to cop off to bed due to colds, sore back etc etc - did not care one bit for my wife's state. We encouraged her to go to our GP etc but she refused.

Anyway, won't start ranting:o

We have been a really decent family to work with but she is now taking us for ride and thinks she is getting away with it.

Thanks

ToniTuddle

Plus after she leaves even if she still has your numbers you can always get hers blocked from contacting yous and change your email address too if she has that!

Plus disable the search on your name on Facebook/delete her if she is already on it. Many little things can be done to make sure she is well and truly away from yous.

But play it nice until you get her out of the house. You can elaborate on the lie(you becoming stay at home dad!) and say you and the wife have been discussing this for awhile now and it's the right thing to do. Act all sorry for having to let her go but that it has to be done.

I've had to get away from weirdos in the past. I've picked up the odd tip here and there!! >.<

paddydriver

amdublin wrote: »

Yes, I was thinking something like this too

I have no problem telling whatever lie is needed.. I am home now for 2 weeks anyway. My worry is having her sleeping under our roof once I have told her. I know I may get told that I should have been prepared for this beforehand - but that does not make it easier.

I now have 3 beautiful children and just no longer trust her with them. She just thinks the kids can be switched on and off - she literally blanks them when not working; and they just do not understand.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

ToniTuddle

paddydriver wrote: »

Hi Toni, Yes - ideally I just want her out quick. Let's just say she has shown her "true colours" recently. I have been very wise to her tricks for a long time but have been prepared to put up with a lot because she is minding my kids and I could not risk her taking it out on them.

Thanks

Yeah that is definitely not good :eek:
I was an AuPair myself for a year and it is easy to get disgruntled but you get on with your work no matter what.

Does she live in the house with you or a seperate little granny flat out the back?

ToniTuddle

paddydriver wrote: »

I have no problem telling whatever lie is needed.. I am home now for 2 weeks anyway. My worry is having her sleeping under our roof once I have told her. I know I may get told that I should have been prepared for this beforehand - but that does not make it easier.

I now have 3 beautiful children and just no longer trust her with them. She just thinks the kids can be switched on and off - she literally blanks them when not working; and they just do not understand.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

You can never prepare for how someone will eventually turn out to be so don't feel bad about that. You took it under faith from the other family she was good. God knows maybe they wanted rid of her :eek:

If you make out all nice and stuff, I don't see her being spiteful about it but then again you never know.
Make sure any valuables are hidden! Account for all your DVDs and CDs!
I'm sounding a bit mental here but sometimes folks do the little things out of spite like taking things with them just to get one up on their old boss.

I can understand her wanting to switch off at times and relaxing more when she isn't working but I still hung out with my family that I worked for when I wasn't working and helped out. It's kinda hard not to help out! Plus the wee girl wasn't bothered about me once Mammy and Daddy were home ha but she was very young and your kids are prob older and pick up on her vibes which isn't nice for them

paddydriver

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Yeah that is definitely not good :eek:
I was an AuPair myself for a year and it is easy to get disgruntled but you get on with your work no matter what.

Does she live in the house with you or a seperate little granny flat out the back?

Nope, in our house in the spare room - right in thick of it.

I know I may get flamed for this, but I think I am just gonna have to tell her early one morning that she is no longer needed and that she needs to go that day.

We have had her friends stay with us once of twice when they were coming from outside Dublin for flights home etc so its maybe time she called in those favours or else get a hostel.

She knows what she has been like - I even have the SMS messages to prove it!

Go easy on me...:(

WalterMitty

Stick her in a cheap hotel for a week and only allow her to return for her posssesions. Call police if any hint of trouble.

amdublin

Have things really been that bad Paddy that you feel this is a route you have to go down (ie. out that day)?

Like is she that bad that you cannot allow her stay a couple of days (while you are off work etc)?

I know you are probably feeling quite emotional atm but if you take a step back do you really want her out asap?

amdublin

WalterMitty wrote: »

Stick her in a cheap hotel for a week and only allow her to return for her posssesions. Call police if any hint of trouble.

Yes, if you organise accomodation for her then I think it might be okay....

But morally, imo I'd prefer to give her a few days. But then I haven't been living with her/had her working for me!

stepbar

Look... I'm not being funny but when you pay pittance for a service that elsewhere would cost a small mortgage (as in creche fees) what do you expect? I would expect very little from an au pair as in fairness it's not a fab job truth be told. Of course you are entitled to be threated with respect in your own home but I wouldn't be expecting the au pair to be breaking their bollox (if only there was a better term for it..) doing your job as a parent (I respect that you have mouths to feed and an income to earn), I seriously would not expect too much from an au pair.

stepbar

WalterMitty wrote: »

Stick her in a cheap hotel for a week and only allow her to return for her posssesions. Call police if any hint of trouble.

Why bother?

Give her notice and leave it at that. She's providing a service that is no longer needed. There's no need to elaborate any further.

tomhappens

stepbar wrote: »

Look... I'm not being funny but when you pay pittance for a service that elsewhere would cost a small mortgage (as in creche fees) what do you expect? I would expect very little from an au pair as in fairness it's not a fab job truth be told. Of course you are entitled to be threated with respect in your own home but I wouldn't be expecting the au pair to be breaking their bollox (if only there was a better term for it..) doing your job as a parent (I respect that you have mouths to feed and an income to earn), I seriously would not expect too much from an au pair.

It could just be me but I think Paddy is coming across very fair in this. Genuine and with his kids in mind, not to mention his wife. I don't think he mentioned any thing about respect to him being an issue but he did mention it (Respect, possibly) towards his kids after the Au pair clocked off?

If it were me I would treat her like any employee and give her notice but perhaps offer a fully paid up cheque for two or three weeks if she leaves that day or she can see her week out and you will pay her for that.

[edit] Sorry I meant the above as an alternative to firing the Au pair, more make it a redundancy.

ToniTuddle

paddydriver wrote: »

She knows what she has been like - I even have the SMS messages to prove it!

Go easy on me...:(

At the end of the day...if you are worried about your children then get her out. No need to be moral or nice or whatever. Your kids and wife come first not some grumpy nanny!

If it was me I'd pack her bags and belongings while she was out. Arrange accomodation for her for a night or two and pay her the two weeks money.
(Well truth be told I'd prob not give her a cent and tell her to get the **** out and stay away from my family-but I can have a temper and that is never a good thing!!)

stepbar wrote: »

Look... I'm not being funny but when you pay pittance for a service that elsewhere would cost a small mortgage (as in creche fees) what do you expect? I would expect very little from an au pair as in fairness it's not a fab job truth be told. Of course you are entitled to be threated with respect in your own home but I wouldn't be expecting the au pair to be breaking their bollox (if only there was a better term for it..) doing your job as a parent (I respect that you have mouths to feed and an income to earn), I seriously would not expect too much from an au pair.

Alot of people become AuPairs because they love kids and like the idea of the job. Apparently there is good money in it but I never saw that side to it. I didn't break my ...bollox as you say....but I sure as hell worked hard and had to bite my tongue a few times over issues. It's very hard working for a family who want you to do things in a certain way and you do, only for them to turn around and screw it up in the end!
Anyway we won't get into all that carry on.

paddydriver

Thanks all for the replies.. there is a very good cross spread and some great ideas. I like the one of offering the option to work out the week for a week's pay or leave now for 2-3 weeks pay.

I agree too that if you pay pitance we will get that level of service, although most have an excellent aupair experience for what we pay; we did though give this girl more money than the last family with less hours ... in the hope she would really appreciate that and go the extra mile; we were wrong cause she has actually gone worse.

I have always been 100% respectful to her and never asked her to do anything outside of her working hours... I even ask the kids to leave her be when she is eating etc.

She has taken all this now and abused it - really given us two fingers:mad:

We have a new born coming home today and I think we need to review the whole situation.

I will post back on how it goes.

Thanks again...

blond45

hey paddy, your under alot of stress with this stranger coming into your house taken you for granted and good nature. then your wife haven to stay in bed cos of new baby, you have had to deal with everything. like some of the posters said just tell her your going to stay at home yourself. its your home paddy. dont let that snot wipe piss you off anymore. why did the other family get rid of her do you know??hope new baby is settleing in ok. your home should be your castle as in relaxing not looking over your shoulder at what the aupair is doing or not doing. ther should be plenty cheap B and B around . you have given her more than enough. good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi!
Did you try talking to her about her behaviour? And how did she react?
I really can understand that you're worried about your kids, who wouldn't be. But can I ask, how old is your au-pair? Maybe the new situation just was a bit too much for her, if she's really young. I was an au-pair for a while, and sometimes it's really hard to cope with everything...I don't necessarily want to defend your au-pair, but I think it would be really hard on her to kick her out on a one-day's notice (especially if she's like 19 or 20...if she's older then I wouldn't see it as a huge problem). Think about if she would be your daughter, working as an au-pair, who maybe made a mistake and people are kicking her out of the house because of that.
If she has put your kids in danger and/or neglected them, then kick her out, but I'd say make sure that she has enough money to go home, or if she's staying in ireland, that she has enough money for 2 weeks or so...
good luck with everything!

LegacyUser

Hi Paddy
Just wondering how you got on? And by any chance are you in Dublin 5?

We recently 3 weeks ago, got an au pair and exactly like you we are now worried about the children. We have given her 10 days notice to leave on Friday and she said ok but wasnt very happy (understandably) but this afternoon she told my husband that there is no chance she is leaving on Friday. We are very easy going and have had 6 au pairs over the years and I must say I have never met such a selfish person. She has short hours and good pay. Lovely accommodation etc. She cooks herself lunch (chicken, veg, spuds) every day and gives the children sandwiches and today it was 3 biscuits!!!!
The children are very easy going and only just mentioned this.

Let me know how it went.
Thanks
Dublin

blond45

oh my ye do have problems. id used to be a childminder. got payed , had use of their car. they payed for my driving lessons,hadnt a clu how drive when got the job. i was so glad that i had a job and got other bits . loved the 3 girls i looked after . i done everything for them when mam and dad were working, some weekends they would go away for a night or two then id stay over, didnt mind at all. what im saying is the aupar had it easey, to easey as in to much pay, there should be house rules. its your house tell her what you want her to do for the kids. it seems to me she was let loose to do what she wanted.

pickarooney

Nobody can give any kind of accurate appraisal of the situation as you've not given many details (and I think you should be commended for that) so there is nothing to go on.

Your question is simply how to get rid of her as quickly as possible. For me, the best way to do that would be to find her another placement as it's simply not doable to leave the country with no notice or find somewhere to live with no income.

caprilicious

Paddy my heart goes out to you, you have the stress that goes with bringing a new baby home, your wife to look after and two older children.
We just brought our first baby home this day last week and I'm exhausted, so how you're coping with all of your lot as well as worrying about the au pair - fair play to you, I'd be tearing the hair out at this stage!

To be very honest with you I think give her 24 hours notice and 2 weeks pay.
Offer to set her up with accomodation (B&B?) and let that be it.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but fcuk her, his family are a lot more important than a girl that's obviously not into her job. And you have enough on your plate without stressing over this.

I wouldn't feel guilty about getting her out of your home asap, you have your priorities right in my opinion.

CrazyRabbit

It seems you perceive this woman to be something of a danger to you or your family. So I would suggest getting alternate accommodation for her and giving her 24 hours to leave. Rent a van if needed to help her move her possessions.

The safety of your family comes first.