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People saying things to a child / teenager

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  • 08-03-2010 11:22am
    #1
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭


    Hello,

    I live in an estate with what can be described as problematic neighbours, it's a long story but not really the reason I am posting so I'll get to the point. My son needs to walk through the estate when he returns home from school, as his bus drops him off just outside the estate. We are getting the distinct impression that this neighbour is going to say something to him, as this person seems to be unable to keep his opinions to himself.
    My husband is simply waiting for this to happen and has said he "will go to prison to deal with someone who says something to our son", a little dramatic I know but what I'm looking for here is a way to deal with this event, if it does happen, without my husband doing something very stupid.
    Is it against the law to say things to children / teenagers?

    Can I just point out that we DO NOT have contact with these people and having a frank discussion is not the way forward.

    Thanks for the advice / comments.


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    #2
    Whippersnapper
    Registered Users Posts: 598 ✭✭✭Whippersnapper


    We are getting the distinct impression that this neighbour is going to say something to him, as this person seems to be unable to keep his opinions to himself.

    What do you mean by this? Say what about what?


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    #3
    littlebug
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,832 ✭✭✭littlebug


    What do you mean "say something"? What's wrong with saying something :confused: Is there more to this?


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    #4
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭slipperyslide


    When I say "something" I mean it would be something like the below:

    "F**king scumbag"
    "Get over to your own house"
    "What are you doing walking in this estate".
    "You don't belong here, loser"

    The same person has intimidated the child and his mates while driving past them, giving them the finger etc... swerving slightly towards them when driving toward them.


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    #5
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    If they "say" something tell your son to ignore them and just keep walking.

    If they ever "swerve" towards your son again, call the Gardai!


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    #6
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭slipperyslide


    Ok thanks, I've asked him to tell us next time there is an incident on the road.


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    #7
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Yep, tell your son to stick his earphones in when he gets off the bus and play it at full volume. If he sees the neighbour, he should act like the guy doesn't even exist, don't even look at him.

    If the neighbour is being ignored, he'll grow tired of it. If he's engaging in threatening behaviour or assault, then contact the Gardai.


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    #8
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    seamus wrote: »
    Yep, tell your son to stick his earphones in when he gets off the bus and play it at full volume. If he sees the neighbour, he should act like the guy doesn't even exist, don't even look at him.

    If the neighbour is being ignored, he'll grow tired of it. If he's engaging in threatening behaviour or assault, then contact the Gardai.


    This (^^) sounds like good advice to me.
    OP can I ask how old is the neighbour that is behaving like this? Are they a fully grown adult picking on your son (also, how old is he, a teenager?)? Do they behave like this with other people or just your son?


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    #9
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    seamus wrote: »
    Yep, tell your son to stick his earphones in when he gets off the bus and play it at full volume. If he sees the neighbour, he should act like the guy doesn't even exist, don't even look at him.

    If the neighbour is being ignored, he'll grow tired of it. If he's engaging in threatening behaviour or assault, then contact the Gardai.
    Agree with the above action for a start. The husband should certainly not in any way engage the bad neighbour/s as it would only make things worse.

    The council have an antisocial policy which you should look into.

    To the OP: Personally if I were you I would arrange a meeting with the local housing officer in your area and prepare your complaints in a basic report which you should bring with you.

    This report should contain your experiences first, then your concerns on the obvious effects on your son and consequently your family, (do not mention your husbands wish to do an illegal act as a resort, that puts you in the frame in a bad light). lastly you should take a firm stance on getting answers about what can be done by the housing rep.

    Express your concerns logically and rationally to the housing officer i.e. preperation is everything. Ask them firmly what they are willing to do about the problem. Also tell them that you wish to remain anonymous as the person who made the complaint (This is in the Councils complaints procedure as an option that you have).

    Go from there for a start. If the rep does not take action then consider going above your housing rep to get something done. However it would be useful to suttlely suggest your intentions to take this action further early on in the meeting. A hint would be enough don't make an issue of it.

    I am / have been personally vexed by such situations as I have lived in a council area for the past few years and have witnessed antisocial behaviour. I have no time for it and am in the process of doing something about it in any way that I can.

    If the OP wishes then I could help with further advice on writing a report and can offer support on how to deal with the council as well if needs be.


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    #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    The housing coucil officer can only help if the person is renting the house from them and is a tenant.


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    #11
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    The housing coucil officer can only help if the person is renting the house from them and is a tenant.
    True, the OP should clarify this.


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    #12
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭slipperyslide


    This is a private estate and is all homeowners, there are no rental people here, to add, this is a very small estate, less than 12 houses... which to be honest makes things worse.
    We do have rear access to the house and it is literally only an extra few minutes walk from the bus, I've asked our son to use this as it simply keeps the house a lot calmer and stops the possible trouble that would inevtiably happen if people can not simply leave others alone.


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    #13
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Are you home when your son gets off the bus?
    Does the neighbour know you live in the estate?
    Could it be he is mistaking your son for teens who have been causing hassle?
    Have you tought about introducing yourself and your son to him and telling him you are his neighbours?
    Or is he just a beligernt arse who has nothing better to be doing then hassling kids on the way home from school? If that is the case why not have a word with your local community garda.


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    #14
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭slipperyslide


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Are you home when your son gets off the bus?
    Does the neighbour know you live in the estate?
    Could it be he is mistaking your son for teens who have been causing hassle?
    Have you tought about introducing yourself and your son to him and telling him you are his neighbours?
    Or is he just a beligernt arse who has nothing better to be doing then hassling kids on the way home from school? If that is the case why not have a word with your local community garda.

    The estate has less than 12 houese, the person is well aware of where our son is from and is the reason he is expected to say something.
    Again my son knows exactly who this person is.
    It is as you have said at the end, this person does not like us or our son and as our son is alone walking around is an easy target. As this person does not work eithe rseems to have a lot of time to be out in the estate making a general pain of himself. It would appear to be a Garda conversation would be the only way forward, but we'll not actually do this until there is another incident while they are on the road, or something is said in the estate.


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    #15
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,471 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Has anybody actually done anything to anybody in this story? I'm not sure it's the best idea to encourage your son to effectively hide just in case someone decides to say something unpleasant to him.


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    #16
    slipperyslide
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭slipperyslide


    pickarooney wrote: »
    Has anybody actually done anything to anybody in this story? I'm not sure it's the best idea to encourage your son to effectively hide just in case someone decides to say something unpleasant to him.

    There has been a number of issues between the parents, shouting etc and childish name calling but that is it really. No we don't encourage our son to hide, he is well aware of what is going on and is a very determined lad, he'll speak back if spoken to , we both know that. The bigger issue is what my husband would do if there was an incident and causing grief for ourselves is not the best way forward.
    We have siad to the our lad, if he wants to walk around the estate he can do so when we are around, as we both work there are a couple fo days when we would not be there and have said we'd prefer it if he used the lane entrance then.


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