What do you *think* you look like?

Walls

This is on foot of a conversation I had with Himself last night. While out to dinner, a rather...large lady passed our table, and I had to admit to him, I thought that was my body shape. He stared at me for a moment, then pointed out another woman in the restaurant, saying that *this* is really what you look like. To illustrate;

This is what I think I look like;


This is what I'm told I look like; Edit, I think I even have this dress....


Anyone else ever feel like this?

Walls

I seem to have produced two of these threads... hang on a mo....

Wibbs

Sorted

Faith

I don't know. I think I look like the woman in the top picture (only deathly pale and pasty, and my hips aren't as big), but I'm sure others would disagree. My flatmate told me I've a completely distorted view of myself. If I do, I don't know about it though, because how can you argue with what you see in the mirror?

If I was to ask a friend to point out someone I actually have a similar figure to, I'm sure they'd all just be kind and pick out a great looking slim woman so as not to hurt my feelings. Nobody wants to point to a pudgy person and say "You have the same figure as her".

Funny story actually, a friend of mine put on a fairy substantial amount of weight in first year of college. Having previously been a size 8, and gone up to a size 12 maybe, she was horrified when her boyfriend pointed out a picture of Martine McCutcheon and said "you look like her now". I think it worked as an incentive to slim back down.

minidazzler

Faith wrote: »

I don't know. I think I look like the woman in the top picture (only deathly pale and pasty, and my hips aren't as big), but I'm sure others would disagree. My flatmate told me I've a completely distorted view of myself. If I do, I don't know about it though, because how can you argue with what you see in the mirror?

I find it quite easy to argue with the mirror. How I feel determines what I see in the mirror! If I am feeling fit, I will look at myself and see the body of an adonis, but sometimes when I am hating myself and feeling depressed I will look in and see a fat bastid who noone could ever even like.

So, the mirror is a liar who tells you exactly what you expect to hear.

Walls

Faith wrote: »

I don't know. I think I look like the woman in the top picture (only deathly pale and pasty, and my hips aren't as big), but I'm sure others would disagree. My flatmate told me I've a completely distorted view of myself. If I do, I don't know about it though, because how can you argue with what you see in the mirror?

What size are you, Faith?

Nevyn

It varies on Fat days (low confidence) I think I look like the Venus de Willendorf on skinny days (high confidence) I think I may look more like wonderwoman. Most days once what I am wearing is comfortable enough I don't even think about it.

princess-lala

I think in my head Im bigger than I am, but lately I have put a bit of weight on around my middle, nothing major but it annoys me and Im still too lazy to do anything about it!!

beks101

Faith wrote: »

Having previously been a size 8, and gone up to a size 12 maybe, she was horrified when her boyfriend pointed out a picture of Martine McCutcheon and said "you look like her now". I think it worked as an incentive to slim back down.

What's wrong with Martine McCutcheon? Last time I saw her she was a healthy curvy woman with an enviable figure...

I think I have a seriously deluded version of myself in my head. I've struggled with food issues for most of my life and have been both heavier and lighter than I am now, and have had the same opinion about how I look at every weight. Which is hilarious, seeing as I've been both a size 6 and a size 14.

I agree that it's got little to do with what the mirror reflects back at you, but I do believe there are some mirrors that just make you look hideous and others that make you feel like a million dollars! I'm quite a fan of River Island mirrors and I'm sure it's not just a happy coincidence that I also frequent the place quite a bit. My bedroom mirror at home in Galway, on the other hand, thinks I'm a whale no matter which way I look at it.

duracell_bunny

Oh I defo don't see what other people see. I see other girls and go "god I'd love her figure" and my friends just look at me like I'm mad cos (according to them) I'm usually quite a bit slimmer than the person I'm pointing at!

I spent most of my life being a size 6-8 (naturally I might add) and thinking in my head I looked like a girl with a size 12 body. Now I have a size 12 body and I would compare myself to a girl on the street with a size 16 body.

When I'm having a "fat day", I just remind myself that I am really two sizes smaller than what I think I look like.

duracell_bunny

beks101 wrote: »

I think I have a seriously deluded version of myself in my head. I've struggled with food issues for most of my life and have been both heavier and lighter than I am now, and have had the same opinion about how I look at every weight. Which is hilarious, seeing as I've been both a size 6 and a size 14.

Yeah I can't believe I wasted all those years thinking I was fat when in reality I had an amazing body. I thought my friends were just being nice when they told me I had a nice figures (they'd tell a size 14 friend that she looked amazing in her dress and then say the same thing to me - I just figured that we looked the same). I'd give anything to have it that body back now.

I think a lot of girls have a skewed idea of what they actually look like - blame the magazines, celebrities, blah blah blah..........

I actually do look very similar to the woman in picture A. Apart from the tan. and her lack of celulite

Lia_lia

Meh, I look like how I think I look like. I know what I look like. I'm not fat but I was a lot thinner a couple of years ago and would be nice to be that size again but no *too* bothered.

jellie

I dont like this thread tbh.

I think it has the potential to offend people without people even realising it. Im more of a pic #1 than #2 and the whole "God i think i look like THAT!! :eek:" element of the thread isnt very nice for people who may actually look like that.

jokettle

I usually think I look better than I do until I catch a glimpse in the mirror! Hence my new running and weights regime. I'd like to be pleasantly surprised by my reflection for a change either that, or less mirrors and more smiles!

Ginny

I have an awful opinion of myself, although I do lean towards the first pic more then the second...:(
I will always assume I am the biggest girl in the room.

MissIT

beks101 wrote: »

I agree that it's got little to do with what the mirror reflects back at you, but I do believe there are some mirrors that just make you look hideous and others that make you feel like a million dollars! I'm quite a fan of River Island mirrors

I HATE the River Island mirrors! It's the one shop where I think the mirrors make me looks horrible!

I don't really have too much of an issue with my weight if anything I wish I was just little bit bigger.

But I hate looking in the mirror lately. I used to have days were I thought I looked great but not anymore. I always find something new that I hate even though all my friends say im being stupid I think they are just being nice!

HereticPrincess

MissIT wrote: »

I HATE the River Island mirrors! It's the one shop where I think the mirrors make me looks horrible!

I don't really have too much of an issue with my weight if anything I wish I was just little bit bigger.

But I hate looking in the mirror lately. I used to have days were I thought I looked great but not anymore. I always find something new that I hate even though all my friends say im being stupid I think they are just being nice!

Honestly thought it was just me that hated those mirrors!
They really are evil things!

spinandscribble

lol I must be the only girl in the world who sometimes thinks shes smaller then she is! I always wear the right size clothes though! Of course sometimes i think i'm huge when i'm having fat days.

I'm actually fairly comfortable with my body, despite the fact that I have to work hard to keep myself at a healthy weight (ridiculously fast metabolism).
But I definately have a problem with my face. No matter how many times people tell me otherwise I'm convinced I look like a donkey Dx

sam34

over the last 16 months or so i have lost almost 5 stone

when i was bigger, i never really grasped just how big i was (i knew i was no kate moss, but i didnt realise just how big i was, its only now looking back at photos that i realise it)

but now that i have lost the weight, i still think of myself as big, and still look at clothes and think "i couldnt wear that", or i try on clothes in sizes that are too big, i'll pick up something in my current size and think "that'll never fit", so i pick up the next size, which turns out to be too big

i still have weight to lose, but i'm getting there... wonder will my perception of myself ever catch up

gagiteebo

So the woman in photo B is more attractive than the woman in photo A because she''s slimmer? Bullcrap! I agree with whoever said this thread can be offensive without meaning to, the whole 'Oh I'd die if I was above a size 12' attitude really annoys me.

I'm 5ft 10 and a size 14, I'm by no means a waif but nor am I fat. I'm fit and healthy and exercise quite a lot. Does this mean that my friends who are a size 8/10 etc are more attractive because of their size? No.

We all have our good and bad days and our insecurities.

gagiteebo

gagiteebo wrote: »

So the woman in photo B is more attractive than the woman in photo A because she''s slimmer? Bullcrap! I agree with whoever said this thread can be offensive without meaning to, the whole 'Oh I'd die if I was above a size 12' attitude really annoys me.

I'm 5ft 10 and a size 14, I'm by no means a waif but nor am I fat. I'm fit and healthy and exercise quite a lot. Does this mean that my friends who are a size 8/10 etc are more attractive because of their size? No.
.

Noone said that the woman in picture a was unattractive though ( I don't think). Just that she is a bit bigger than the person in picture b. Which is true.

Dress size is a bad indicator anyway. I'm a size 12 but I'm probably bigger than you because I'm only 5'4. You definitely can't judge by dress size alone.

The thread is about body perception, I don't think it's offensive to be honest but that's just my opinion.

Novella

I am pretty certain what I think I look like is not what other people think I look like. I am really insecure body-wise. I always think I have big legs or a wobbly tummy. There's never a day when something isn't bothering me. I've no idea why. It's not that I look in the mirror and think, "Jesus, you are fat and ugly". I just think... I dunno. I think it's easier to be harder on yourself and more critical and that's why so many women (and men!) see flaws in themselves that they'd never see in others.

Novella

Novella wrote: »

I think it's easier to be harder on yourself and more critical and that's why so many women (and men!) see flaws in themselves that they'd never see in others.

Definitely.

Also, I think being naked is very different to be dressed! I think I look fine dressed most of the time, but naked, oh well that's a whole nother story :eek:

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

over the last 16 months or so i have lost almost 5 stone

That's unbelievable. Well done!

Dudess

Apart from her eyes, which are an amazing bright ice-blue (mine aren't as big and are more of a darker, greyish blue with hazel centres) my avatar is a very good indication of me - same pale skin, same straight black hair which falls naturally into a centre parting, same shaped face and features, same colour lips... even the same forehead, eyebrows and cheekbones! There are lots and lots of pics of that actress looking totally different and prettier, but that one is by far the closest to me (of what I've found).

Faith wrote: »

because how can you argue with what you see in the mirror?

Oh by jove ya can. :pac:
The me in photos is quite markedly different from the me in the mirror.

she was horrified when her boyfriend pointed out a picture of Martine McCutcheon and said "you look like her now". I think it worked as an incentive to slim back down.

Jeez, I think Martine McCutcheon's gorgeous!
http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/martine-mccutcheon-2004-mtv-movie-awards-arrivals-0m8u4r.jpg

mood

beks101 wrote: »

What's wrong with Martine McCutcheon? Last time I saw her she was a healthy curvy woman with an enviable figure...

+1

I think most people (male and female) see themselves differently than other people do. We focus too much on what we consider the and bits and blow them out of portion.

GirlOfGlass

Basically my body:
http://hvattum.net/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/skinny.jpg

Worst shape EVER.

Walls

Please excuse me all those who are offended by the topic, I was hoping to discuss body image issues and it can be difficult to do that without someone feeling dispersions are being cast.

Nevyn

Ginny wrote: »

I have an awful opinion of myself, although I do lean towards the first pic more then the second...:(
I will always assume I am the biggest girl in the room.

You are so not if I am in the room with you :P

Faith

Walls wrote: »

What size are you, Faith?

I'm a very wobbly size 12 on a good day, and a 14 on a bad day. I know that's not huge by any means, but as I've discussed on here before, I've grown up constantly being told by both my parents that I'm fat - even when I was a stone or two lighter than I am now. Its left its make on my perception of myself.

beks101 wrote: »

What's wrong with Martine McCutcheon? Last time I saw her she was a healthy curvy woman with an enviable figure...
(

She's a gorgeous woman, no doubt. But she's considered on the bigger end of the scale when it comes to celebrities. Ever seen Love Actually? "The chubby girl?"

jellie wrote: »

I dont like this thread tbh.

I think it has the potential to offend people without people even realising it. Im more of a pic #1 than #2 and the whole "God i think i look like THAT!! :eek:" element of the thread isnt very nice for people who may actually look like that.

I don't think anyone means to offend others here. Threads about weight and appearance are so difficult because they're such sensitive subjects.

Orla K

When I think about it I feel about the size of the first picture but I think I'm a bit smaller than that (but I could be wrong)

When I don't think about it and I'm walking around I think and feel thinner than I am.

mood

Faith wrote: »

She's a gorgeous woman, no doubt. But she's considered on the bigger end of the scale when it comes to celebrities. Ever seen Love Actually? "The chubby girl?"

But thats celebrities... not exactly reality! I think she has a great figure.

Dudess

Agreed. I wouldn't be using celeb standards as a yardstick at all - and I, generally speaking, think shapely slim (not skinny) is nicer (e.g. Scarlett Johansson, and even slimmer: Michelle Pfeiffer).

Faith wrote: »

I've grown up constantly being told by both my parents that I'm fat - even when I was a stone or two lighter than I am now.

That's horrible.

pikachucheeks

I remember seeing an article about this in a magazine a few years ago.
Three women were asked to draw a picture of what they thought their bodies looked like, then their boyfriends were asked to draw their OH's body, as they saw it.

It was really interesting, because when they compared the drawings, none of them looked like they were of the same person!
All three women made themselves at least two dress sizes bigger than their boyfriends put, all of them made their legs, hips and bums bigger too. The only thing the men had a habit of inflating were boobs.

It's funny how perception works, in terms of body image.

Wibbs

Yea saw a fascinating experiment on the telly, something similar to Pika's one. They took pictures of men and women and stretched them horizontally on a screen. They then gave the people a slider to slide it back to where the person thought was the right size. Men were almost all accurate to an uncanny degree. Like in the 2-3 percentile. Women almost all consistently made themselves bigger, often much bigger than the reality. IIRC up to a third made themselves 2 dress sizes bigger than they were.

Then I see comments about different mirrors in different shops and how some make people look bigger or slimmer. TBH I was :eek: I would reckon for the majority of men a mirror is just a mirror. Our body image on that score at least is more stable, even if its bad. Though that too is changing as more blokes are presenting with body image issues than before.

So is this apparent difference simply down to the background noise of body image pressure that women face and men notice so much less? It seems so. The fact more men are getting the same, with more advertising aimed at them would seem to back that up. It's bloody pernicious though.

On the mirror front. Is it possible that these shop mirrors are different? Call me a cynic, but if I was selling basically the same stuff as the shop down the road, I would see sense in making my mirrors subtly concave so the customers thought they looked slimmer. Wouldnt take much either. That and a subtle tint and careful lighting and voila the mirror is lying like a bastid. Having followed exes around clothes shopping I would put good money the shops already fiddle with women's clothes sizes for the same reason. Say an actual 12 is labelled a 10. No wonder the industry doesnt do measurements in inches or mm. If they did that ruse would be up.

Lia_lia

Wibbs wrote: »

On the mirror front. Is it possible that these shop mirrors are different? Call me a cynic, but if I was selling basically the same stuff as the shop down the road, I would see sense in making my mirrors subtly concave so the customers thought they looked slimmer

Oh some of them definitely are made like that, no doubt about it. Annoys me to hell.

Nevyn

There is the fact that over the course of a normal menstral cycle due to swelling and water retenion both the boobs and the abdominal areas on women can fluctuate, sometimes rather dramatically so what fits you one day won't 10 days later.

That doesn't really happen with blokes they can wear the same pair of trousers every second day for nearly 10 years.

Novella

On the mirror front, having worked in retail, shops do buy in mirrors that, well, that lie! I read somewhere in this thread about the mirrors in River Islands fitting rooms being awful. I think the problem is that there are so many mirrors in that tiny little room. You're seeing yourself from every possible angle and it can be a bit, "OH MY GOD, I HAVE A FAT BACK!". If you step out of the fitting room though, there are what are known as 'skinny mirrors'.

I worked in retail for years and I don't think I've ever heard a woman say, "Oooh, this looks good on me!". A goddess could step out of the fitting room and she'd say, "I like the dress, but not on me. I'm too fat / short / tall". Men tend to try on clothes simply to see if they fit. They try something on, that's cool, it fits, it's bought. Women try things on and it fits and they need coaxing and convincing that they look good.

Orla K

Wibbs wrote: »

So is this apparent difference simply down to the background noise of body image pressure that women face and men notice so much less? It seems so. The fact more men are getting the same, with more advertising aimed at them would seem to back that up. It's bloody pernicious though.

I would kind of disagree with you on one part, I don't think it's that men notice it less. I don't think they get the same amount of pressure as women do. I think women are judged more for their looks than men.

pikachucheeks

Wibbs wrote: »

On the mirror front. Is it possible that these shop mirrors are different? Call me a cynic, but if I was selling basically the same stuff as the shop down the road, I would see sense in making my mirrors subtly concave so the customers thought they looked slimmer. Wouldnt take much either. That and a subtle tint and careful lighting and voila the mirror is lying like a bastid. Having followed exes around clothes shopping I would put good money the shops already fiddle with women's clothes sizes for the same reason. Say an actual 12 is labelled a 10. No wonder the industry doesnt do measurements in inches or mm. If they did that ruse would be up.

Both of those things - trick mirrors and downsizing clothes - are definitely used by brands and retailers.
It's a very clever and simple way of flattering someone's ego and encouraging them to buy a product, make a purchase.
Retailers cash in by recognising people's insecurities and helping to disguise them.
The majority of people would relish walking in to a shop, picking up an item in their regular size, try it on in a changing room with soft lighting that eliminates lumps and bumps, to find that the item is too big and they need a smaller size.
For a lot of women, being told they need a size smaller, clothing-wise, is a huge boost to their self-esteem, considering the amount of weight placed on being slim and skinny, in the media and today's modern society.

She Devil

I dread having to try something on in River Island because you see yourself from every angle possible, like how somebody else would see you .......... that is always so surreal and horrible to me!!
I come out feeling self conscious! The first time I went into the dressing room I cut a fringe into my hair and put my head down a lot as I thought it showed me having a huge chin!
I am not heavy, I am actually quite slim, but I am not pretty!
I see so many over weight girls who have the prettiest faces, and nicest skin! they wear clothes with confidence and have others envying them! I'd choose that over being scrawny and self conscious any day!

cynder

ummm, i am a size 14 however i prefer baggy tops as i dont like tight ones so i go for a size 16 top. i look fine from the back but dont like the side view. my hubby says i look fine but since having number 3 and going on the depo provera 3 years ago i put on 2 stone. I really wish i could loose that 2 stone. I would be a happy 14 if i could tone the belly.

Wibbs

Orla K wrote: »

I would kind of disagree with you on one part, I don't think it's that men notice it less. I don't think they get the same amount of pressure as women do. I think women are judged more for their looks than men.

Oh god no, I agree, they are and that's what I meant. Now more men are coming forward with similar issues, as the industries try to cash in. It's not nearly to the same degree as for women and its having an effect.

Like I said in another thread I never really put much store in the pressure thing in the past. Or at least thought the effect was exagerated. But by opening my eyes and looking as objectively as I can as a bloke, it's everywhere for women. Damn near from the time they're out of the womb. A background hum of judgement, from every billboard, TV screen, magazine cover and advertisement. Yes men are judged too, but that's for another day(and forum), but women on the looks front really are.

From all sides too. Funny enough I honestly believe men in the street are fairly far down that list of those who judge. IMHO other women are near at the top of the list for it. I mean across the board. From magazines to TV fashion shows to everyday life. Look at any fashion magazine. Look at the writers and editors. Look at TV fashion shows. Look at the producers, writers, directors, presenters. Look at the movers and shakers as far as trends go. Mostly women. Men are increasingly rare in that area(and many would be gay guys too). Mostly other women are building this notion of female beauty.

Then you get to women in everyday life. This is particularly evident in adolescence. Comments about other women's appearance and weight. Most of the time, if not all, those comments are a defence thing too, to avoid comments themselves. That old joke about how does a man reply to the question "does my bum look big in this?". Its hard to answer for a few reasons, one of which IMHO is because its a question not aimed at him. Its aimed at how other women will perceive her. Indeed I reckon more women would believe a gay bloke friend 's opinion on the matter.

It's a chicken and egg thing though. I dont think its "natural" for women to do this. It's because of a societal thing that feeds down and then feeds back up. Round and round.

I think its beginning to change though. In small ways so far. More "plus size" models etc. I know some think thats a sop, but it is a change. Women have the power and buying power to cut this guff back. March with thier wallets. Like in this trhead, the ladies avoid one shop because of it's mirrors or another because the sizes are arseways. More and more this will make a diff and the industry will have to change. I hope it does anyway. It'll resist though. Its better to have women insecure and constantly wondering. It sells more stuff to feed the hole the industry created in the first place. A fully secure person is harder to sell fleeting snakeoil and trends to.

/end meandering BS :D

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

That doesn't really happen with blokes they can wear the same pair of trousers every second day for nearly 10 years.

Try nearly 15 years for one pair I have. Though a mate once pointed out the reason I've stayed the same size was not because I was fit or self controlled. It's because I'm a cheapskate. Too bloody cheap to buy more food and too bloody cheap to buy more clothes.

Malari

She Devil wrote: »

I dread having to try something on in River Island because you see yourself from every angle possible, like how somebody else would see you .......... that is always so surreal and horrible to me!!

I love mirrors like that. Isn't it better to know what you look like from all angles before you buy?

I'm slim and I've never been over-conscious about my size. I think the way I look is close to the way others see me. Maybe this is a particularly male-like attitide, but I've noticed it's not the only one! :pac: I seem to think a lot more like guys I know that girls I know. And definitely way different to girls on this thread.

Little Acorn

I sometimes make the mistake of thinking I look slimmer than I do!:o
Say for example,if dressed up for a night out and standing infront of my full length mirror at home I might think I look fairly nice,but I look over photos of the night out,I think I look so much larger compared to my friends. 99% of them are between the sizes of 8-10.
My size is very confusing. All my jeans are a size 12. Loose fitting trousers I'm between a 10-12. In dresses I'm usually a 14 but also have quite a few size 12 that fit well. Tops are the weirdest-I vary between a size 12 in loose fitting tops to a 14 or sometimes a 16 in other tops?
I class my size as 14-16 in dresses and tops and 12 in trousers as that seems to cover all angles.(and bumps )
I was a size 8-10 from about the age of 12-18 then rose to 10-12 for about a year and a half,-got the most compliments when I was a size 10-12. Diet hasn't changed much,just a hell of alot less physical activity,and bad eating times(skipping breakfast,not eating until night etc.) I've been eating breakfast,lunch and dinner at regular times for the past 2 months now though,and if anything I think I've actually gained weight-just really have to get some exercise I think:).

Dudess

Yeah I don't understand the fluorescent lighting, unflattering mirrors thing in a lot of changing rooms - they're trying to sell clothes ffs!

Giselle

I think my self-image is matched by the mirror.

I'm never horrified or surprised by my reflection, and I'm happy enough with what I look like to rarely spend time thinking about it.

G86

I'm a size 12 in trousers and can be a 14 in dresses/jackets (goddamn boobs!)and my bodyfat's under 15% so I'm definitely not 'overweight', I'd consider myself more like the second picture - although my stomach isn't as flat:p

I actually like the mirrors in River Island! They're great for making sure the outfit looks decent from all angles - aka making sure your bum looks good and any back fat ain't visible!!

I think my perception of myself depends not only on how I feel but also on the clothes I'm wearing. For example, if I'm all dolled up for a night out I'm more inclined to feel slimmer and more attractive than if I'm slobbing around the house in my PJ's! Sometimes if I'm feeling bloated or miss a gym session then I'll think I've put on weight - but then I just tell myself that logically I can't have got fat in the space of a week! It's all psychological with me:rolleyes: