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am I gay or not?

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  • 08-03-2010 3:46pm
    #1
    cooltown
    Registered Users Posts: 288 ✭✭


    I'm a 17 year old guy. For as long as I've known. I knew I was different even from an early age I knew that I wasn't like all y friends. When I was abou 12 all my friends were talking about girls and I just thought it would come to me! I can remember one night when I was about 13. I noticed that I was atttracted to men at first I thought it might go away. If I masterbate I think of men. I've tried thinking of women but it doesn't work. I've never felt attracted to women at all. It's allways just being men. The main problem is I don't really want to be gay! Am I gay or not?


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    #2
    Dark Artist
    Registered Users Posts: 387 ✭✭Dark Artist


    Hey Cooltown, I'm 22, and everything that you said, I can quite relate to. If this is the way you're feeling at age 17 then yes, I can tell you that you are almost definitely gay. I used to feel that I didn't want to be gay as well until the first time I told my mate, and he really didn't care, and then I wondered what I was so worried about all along. The first step is coming to terms with it yourself and accepting yourself, and realising that it's not a big deal. It may be difficult telling everyone while you're still in school, though. I didn't do that myself so I don't have any advice regarding that issue.

    I know that my friend came out while he was in school and had a really hard time, but it was a Catholic Irish-speaking school, and the problems he encountered were all because of the religious ethos. If you go to a secular school I really don't think there will be that much of an issue. The thing to remember is that if you're happy, then any problem that someone else has is theirs, not yours.


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    cooltown wrote: »
    I'm a 17 year old guy. For as long as I've known. I knew I was different even from an early age I knew that I wasn't like all y friends. When I was abou 12 all my friends were talking about girls and I just thought it would come to me! I can remember one night when I was about 13. I noticed that I was atttracted to men at first I thought it might go away. If I masterbate I think of men. I've tried thinking of women but it doesn't work. I've never felt attracted to women at all. It's allways just being men. The main problem is I don't really want to be gay! Am I gay or not?

    In my view it's impossible to give you a yes or no answer -

    Maybe you should contact belongto

    They have online support
    http://www.belongto.org/service.aspx?sectionid=89

    and groups
    http://www.belongto.org/groups.aspx

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    cooltown
    Registered Users Posts: 288 ✭✭cooltown


    I've tried e-mailing belonto and I found that all they did was confuse me more!


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    #5
    cooltown
    Registered Users Posts: 288 ✭✭cooltown


    I've tried e-mailing belonto and I found that all they did was confuse me more! I found that thet didn't really understand my position. They basically told me being gay is cool and excellent. They didn't really understand that I can't really accept myself!


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    #6
    Rick_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,610 ✭✭✭Rick_


    What is it that you don't accept really? There must be a reason why you consider being with another man unacceptable and think that being with a woman is the only proper choice.

    We're all different, just because you're gay doesn't mean you instantly have to act flamboyantly and you'll turn into a screaming queen overnight. It just means behind closed doors you prefer a man to a woman. And in this day and age, who cares? It's your business, not anyone elses.

    If you're finding it hard to accept because you're worried of what family or friends will think when you tell them then stop worrying. You'd be surprised how many people will either be overjoyed for you or will simply not care as it makes no difference to them. If your parents or any family members have ever came out with homophobic comments, approach it more tactfully, but even people who have never had any contact with a gay person [that they knew of] and seemed quite homophobic have changed their attitude when they actually 'met' one and realised not every gay person is how the media likes to portray us. If it's a real big worry, then don't sweat it. There's no time frame on when you have to tell them, if at all, just be happy with yourself. Tell us more about what problems you're having and we will try to help. :)


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    #7
    squidgey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 203 ✭✭squidgey


    HI Cooltown - you sound quite confused, and perhaps worried but you really have nothing to worry about.

    Gay or straight are just words by themselves. You don't get assigned a role and then go and be sexually active in that area because you were told to be. You first become sexually active/curious, and as a result can assign yourself a role or title if you wish as either "gay" or "straight". The world doesn't tell you if you are gay - you tell the world if that make any sense.

    Have you found anybody your age that you feel a strong attraction towards or connection with - either male or female. Maybe you don't really know this person but you would like to get to know them. If you haven't found somebody like that yet I'm sure you will soon. If it happens to be a girl - then go with that and see what happens likewise if it is a guy.

    And also just out of interest - what do you think about Cheryl Cole?


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    #8
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    cooltown wrote: »
    They didn't really understand that I can't really accept myself!
    What can you not accept?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #9
    oisindoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 899 ✭✭✭oisindoyle


    i sent u a pvt message


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    #10
    mehmeh12
    Closed Accounts Posts: 921 ✭✭✭mehmeh12


    cooltown wrote: »
    I've tried e-mailing belonto and I found that all they did was confuse me more! I found that thet didn't really understand my position. They basically told me being gay is cool and excellent. They didn't really understand that I can't really accept myself!

    Out of curiosity do you live in the dun laoghaire area-I saw a ad in GCN February edition that said that belongto were looking for lgbt subjects in the dun laoghaire area to interview.

    Correct me if im wrong but don't belongto have some sort of counseling service for people coming to terms with their sexuality?


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    #11
    MicraBoy
    Registered Users Posts: 916 ✭✭✭MicraBoy


    cooltown wrote: »
    I've tried e-mailing belonto and I found that all they did was confuse me more! I found that thet didn't really understand my position. They basically told me being gay is cool and excellent. They didn't really understand that I can't really accept myself!

    :confused: Your position is exactly the same as pretty much very gay, bi or lesbian finds them self in.

    I don't want to underplay how you feel at this moment because to you it is very real. However the reality is that you are sharing a very common experience, and very common emotions. Talking to and getting to know people in a group like belongto may help with your understanding of that common experience, if you give it a chance.


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