ex girlfriend says she pregant

dancesatnight

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

MagicMarker

No you don't have to see the child if you don't want to, but yes you will have to pay for it if she wants you to.

And it's not solely her fault she got pregnant, you were there too, remember?

djk1000

If you're going to have a kid, then man up! Be a good father, be as civil as you can manage with the ex and keep looking for a job. Chances are that after the shock of this and things settle down, your kid will become the most important thing in your world and you'll be very glad that you are playing a part in their lives.

You have to tell you parents what is going on, you can't hide a child and I bet they'll be more pissed if your ex turns up with a baby someday:eek: tell them about your suspicions.

That said, tell your ex that you'll support the child only after a paternity test, but carry on for now as if she is pregnant and it's yours. She could just be attention seeking, people (not gender specific) can get quite weird with their ex, particularly if he/she has moved on.

Nevyn

Well if you don't want anything to do with the child you can wait until it's born and ask for a paternity test when you get taken to court for maintenance, if you can be found to have a court summons served on you.

Women will do crazy things to try keep a man in their life, if she is as untrustworthy as you have said then keep your distance, change your number, tell her all correspondence it to go via a solicitor to you.

Joey the lips

I am a man but i have never gotten this arguement. With due respect as said above you made the child together. Its hardly fair to leave her or the state to carry the can alone.

faceman

Ive always felt that the whole "well there were two of you there when you were having sex" is a poor counter argument as the male's view on keeping the child is for the most part irrelevent when it comes to the decision over what happens with the unborn child. Pregnancy is a not a punishment for having sex, sometimes its planned, sometimes its not.

OP, i think you need to inform your parents and face the issue head on. You are not legally obliged to have to be there for the child (physically) but you need to think about that part of it. No point in deciding now you want nothing to do with the child but then years down the road deciding that you do.

Best of luck though, hope it all works out.

metrovelvet

Sounds like you are scared of the responsibility.

You do have to pay maintenance. You dont have to do anything else and no one can force you to stay in the country.

But one day the child will be an adult and you will have to answer to that adult as to why you didnt want them. ANd one day you may change your mind but do not assume a door will be left open for you or that one day when you are sick and old and dying in a hospital your adult child will do anything more for you that you did for him or her.

Have the decency to leave a family medical history behind and a photo so the child is not sitting there wondering what his or her father looks like.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Joey the lips wrote: »

I am a man but i have never gotten this arguement. With due respect as said above you made the child together. Its hardly fair to leave her or the state to carry the can alone.

He doesn't have to stay with her if he doesn't love her. This isn't 20 or 30 years ago. It is his ex and he is in a new relationship now.

OP, you will more than likely have to pay some money to her, that is only fair. You may be means tested and that amount might be small. I am not 100% on it.

Jessica-Rabbit

dancesatnight wrote: »

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

I dont mean to sound harsh but there were two of you in this realtionship.. if she stopted taking the pill u could have used a condom to protect yourself and this girl// you have no right to resent her if you didnt want to get her pregant then you should have done everthing to enusre that wouldnt happen.. u should infrom ur parents and your new gf about the situation they have a right to know.. if u think you may not be the father then ask for a paternity test when the baby is born.
And yes you do have to support YOUR baby if it is yours.. you helped make therefore you have a responibilty .. next time be more careful

Deliverance

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well if you don't want anything to do with the child you can wait until it's born and ask for a paternity test when you get taken to court for maintenance, if you can be found to have a court summons served on you.

Women will do crazy things to try keep a man in their life, if she is as untrustworthy as you have said then keep your distance, change your number, tell her all correspondence it to go via a solicitor to you.

Seconded. I have had a similar experience from years ago from a 'desperate' woman / girl. She kept me hanging for a long time due to my inexperience and naivety. It caused me a hell of a lot of stress and guilt. She was never pregnant in the first place.

That is a simple example from personal experience. Take it as you will.

In this respect: The OP should get their parents involved as soon as possible for some more moral support and advice for a start and go from there. Your parents will be much more helpful than you might think because their first concern and indeed most important thing in their life is you!

They will advise and help you far more than any stranger on an internet site will be able to do in a deeper way. Initial advice is good from asking questions but your parents will do a lot more for you fella if you take the leap and talk to them. Best of luck.

dancesatnight

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Deliverance

dancesatnight wrote: »

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Oh sweet jebus, this sounds familiar. I got involved with a girl with the same problems that you have just said. It was awful, I stuck by her as a nice chap. She held me for a year with emotional blackmail though and false pregnancies. I was and am a decent fella.

I once had to throw her clothes out of my place to get rid. After I copped on to her.

The same girl went mental at the time. It was hard to do but she pushed me to my limits. Despite my nice nature. She played on that a lot. She ended up in hospital diagnosed with schizophrenia. I still have a feeling of care about her in some respects.

I think that you should forget about this person and get on with your life. But I imagine for you that some closure is an issue i.e. the pregnancy thing.

the person in question will only make things worse for you. Ask for a dna test if the birth ever occurs fella.

As an extra: i would be carefull on who you get pregnant, it is a lifetime commitment whether you like it or not. The child is not a victim, only a consequence of your actions. Live with it and pay for it if that is the case.

dancesatnight

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

Oink

dancesatnight wrote: »

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

There's a good point. If that's true, you're out of the woods (EDIT: ...and she's a psycho). If she can't see that it make no F-ing sense whatosever, I suggest you never ever talk, txt, mail her or anything. If you have pulled your life together you ll want nothing to do with a psycho like that.

Moylaragh

The best way to calculate if her due date is correct is -

Preganancy is calculated as being 40 weeks.

So work it out with your dates.

They will also let her go 2 weeks overdue but no more.

littlebug

someone who has been given a due date of 1st July would have conceived at the end of sept/ start of Oct. Count 38 weeks back from due date to get the estimated conception date (assuming a regular cycle).
(40 week pregnancy is from 1st day of last period rather than conception date).

metrovelvet

Due dates are an inexact science. They got mine wrong.

Nevyn

Calculating due dates and conception dates is always a rough guess.

themysteriouson

Look if you havent slept with her since July/ August and your sure about that then you have nothing to worry about. Obviously this girl is not in the right frame of mind and is deperate to find someone to share the responsibility of this baby.

The best option for you is to sit it out until baby is born and if she tries to convince you your the father a simple paternity test will clear things up.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

i know you said she was on pill and did not take it, BUT DID YOU NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND AS SOME, WHEN MAKING LOVE WEAR A GLOVE, stop blaming her only, you did not make any effort to stop this happening, blame yourself, if you did not want to become a daddy, why did you not have the snip if you had no intention of wearing a condom.
remember every time you do that, you are risking your own health,
you had your fun, now stand up and be a good father, dont blame her

themysteriouson

goat2 wrote: »

i know you said she was on pill and did not take it, BUT DID YOU NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND AS SOME, WHEN MAKING LOVE WEAR A GLOVE, stop blaming her only, you did not make any effort to stop this happening, blame yourself, if you did not want to become a daddy, why did you not have the snip if you had no intention of wearing a condom.
remember every time you do that, you are risking your own health,
you had your fun, now stand up and be a good father, dont blame her

He already said that the dates are way out so I dont see the point in telling him to step up and be a father as it is unlikely the child is even his!!

I'm sorry but I'm a woman and frankly if what the OP says is true I am disgusted that a person who go to such lents to try to convince him he is the father of a child that by the due date couldnt possibly be his. Not only is that not fair on him but it is also cruel and irresponsible on her behalf.

Deliverance

To be honest it sounds like the OP is off the hook and hopefully has learned a life experience lesson in the process. You got off lucky this time OP. If you want to do something nice for this ex then point the girl to a counsellor and then get her out of your life and move on.

Don't be to nice, I made that mistake and got stuck for over a year, it was not nice and did damage. Cut your losses and run fella. Count yourself lucky in this case.

Hope it works out for you.

goat2

themysteriouson wrote: »

He already said that the dates are way out so I dont see the point in telling him to step up and be a father as it is unlikely the child is even his!!
iI'm sorry but I'm a woman and frankly if what the OP says is true I am disgusted that a person who go to such lents to try to convince him he is the father of a child that by the due date couldnt possibly be his. Not only is that not fair on him but it is also cruel and irresponsible on her behalf.

too am a woman and mother of 4, so what is that about, he was taking risks anyway, since he does not want to be a father, could he not take responsibility for his own life and health, wear a glove always, no matter what she tells you.

themysteriouson

goat2 wrote: »

too am a woman and mother of 4, so what is that about, he was taking risks anyway, since he does not want to be a father, could he not take responsibility for his own life and health, wear a glove always, no matter what she tells you.

Oh I didn't mean the "wear a glove part", more so the "step up and be a father" part. Should of cut the quote down in the last post.

The point I was trying to make is that it is obvoius he is not the father so why tell him to step up??
I agree he should of been more careful and that he was stupid in his choices but that doesnt give her the right to try and fool him into taking responsibility for someone elses child. That is the part that disgusts me.

lucy2010

dancesatnight wrote: »

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Hey - You sound like your in a right knot here. Its support you need at the moment . One thing - If she sent you the scan - get it enlarged - They always have the date & babies measurements on it & loads of other bits of info. Post it up here or pm me with it - ill explain what the bits mean. Just means you can prove its fake if it doesnt tally up.
There are plenty of fruiters out there who will do anything to trap a guy. & it sounds from your posts you caught a right juicy one.

goat2

themysteriouson wrote: »

Oh I didn't mean the "wear a glove part", more so the "step up and be a father" part. Should of cut the quote down in the last post.

The point I was trying to make is that it is obvoius he is not the father so why tell him to step up??
I agree he should of been more careful and that he was stupid in his choices but that doesnt give her the right to try and fool him into taking responsibility for someone elses child. That is the part that disgusts me.

my point was he did not think with his head , and look after number one(himself)

dancesatnight

so the first of july when would that have been im terrible at working stuff like that out

dancesatnight

i have learnt my lesson and trust me i will never ever do with out a rubber again and thats just a fact now

im with a wonderfull girl now who is just amazing she supportive kind caring and cares for me the complete opposit eof the other one we she started out really nice but very quickly be came controling mean and selfish im mostly scaried of the ex storming in guns blazing shout and cozing all hell to break lose and to make things worse her bother is a garda and has treaten me with him and her dad and violance so not so nice really

i am playing everything by ear now not contacting her and waiting to see what she does next basically shes a fruit loop she bullies the father of her other child. to be honest i feel for the child having a mother like that she was going to kill her self well tried to but i came to the resuce an hours drive turned in to half an hour and then tried to explain she is no longer thinking for her self but both of them. what would happen to her little boy if she was gone hes 4 by the way so she has quite a while to get to used to him

littlebug

dancesatnight wrote: »

so the first of july when would that have been im terrible at working stuff like that out

Have a look at this. http://babymed.com/Tools/pregnancy/conception_date/Default.aspx

For a due date of July 1st it gives conception between Oct 3rd and Oct 9th.

HOWEVER.... as pointed out above this is based on a regular 28 day cycle when in reality length of cycle can vary hugely from woman to women.
The due date given at initial appointments is worked out by counting 40 weeks from the first day of the womans last period ASSUMING she will have ovulated/ conceived around about 14(ish) days after that.
As mentioned above the dates can be out for many varying reasons. I've never heard of anyone being out by 2-3 months though.

However, if you genuinely haven't been with women since last July and she is definitely due this July then this isn't your baby. A baby conceived e.g at the end of July would be due towards the end of April.

Unless you've misheard or she has made a mistake with dates it sounds like this woman is playing you. I would check and double check all of the details and think back have you forgotten any encounters with her before making any accusations. If you are 100% solid in your own dates then a paternity test will back you up.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

i have learnt my lesson and trust me i will never ever do with out a rubber again and thats just a fact now

im with a wonderfull girl now who is just amazing she supportive kind caring and cares for me the complete opposit eof the other one we she started out really nice but very quickly be came controling mean and selfish im mostly scaried of the ex storming in guns blazing shout and cozing all hell to break lose and to make things worse her bother is a garda and has treaten me with him and her dad and violance so not so nice really

i am playing everything by ear now not contacting her and waiting to see what she does next basically shes a fruit loop she bullies the father of her other child. to be honest i feel for the child having a mother like that she was going to kill her self well tried to but i came to the resuce an hours drive turned in to half an hour and then tried to explain she is no longer thinking for her self but both of them. what would happen to her little boy if she was gone hes 4 by the way so she has quite a while to get to used to him

i hope many other young single men read this thread, it ould be brilliant you can not trust any one not even a girlfriend in this case, just only yourself, hope for your sake that this child is not yours, as you would have to put up with that woman until the child turns 18 and after that it is the child only you would be dealing with, if the dates you give are correct, there is no way you are the dad, but be shure of your dates

dancesatnight

the dates i gave were the ones she txt me so i can only go on that really

any yeah i can only hope it opens more peoples eyes about what can happen like the night i broke up with her she rang like 9 times then i answered and she said she was pregant then her story changed from being 2 weeks goned to 5 weeks gone and i offered to pay for a scan but she wont go then she tried to make me pay 50 euro a week till the baby was born then said it would be 200 a week after that and i explain i would have 100 euro a week to cover bills and living basically so no i cant afford that then she abused me a lot verbally over the phone then called round out of the blue on a sunday morning to my perents house to have a chat thank god they were out and i talked to her but i said any money matters will go though the social welfare or my solictor and then she backed off and it was only txts and over the phone abuse then she backed off for 3 months and it was a very poor quality mms sonagram which took off my phone and put on my laptop and it looked like she had taken it off a small picture on a screen of some sort then the last txt saying just to let u know your future son or daughter is due on the 1st of july and is healthy but i know u dont care !

seriously be warned there are some nutters out ther