ex girlfriend says she pregant

metrovelvet

You attract what you project.

Ironman76

Do you mind me asking how old are you dancesatnight?

I was in the very same situation as yourself 14 years ago. Was going out with a girl that was cheating on me left right and centre. . dumped her and then got a big sob story etc so gave her one last chance, then she cheated on me again so that was that.
Then she told me she was pregnant because she stopped taking her pill (of course I wasnt told this). So we got back together, I was only 19 and thought I would be hung drawn and quartered by everyone dumping a pregnant girl. She was like a different person throughout the pregnancy, but once the baby was born, after a few more months she was back to her old self.Fourteen years on and she is still the same, I HATE having her in my life, at least she was young (18) when we were together but she has no excuse for her attitude towards me now. My son is great, I have to say Id be lost without him and I wouldnt change a thing.Firstly get her out of your life and dont let her manipulate you, show her that you will do whatever you can to help but that you wont accept any bullsh*t. Becoming a father isnt the end of the world, in fact it changed my life for the better. I think the first thing to do is to find out if its really yours, before you do anything else. As for maintenance at the end of the day youre not working, talk to her yourself about this and try not to involve the courts. But find out if the child is yours, the longer you leave this is will just get worse.And the whole "Two To Tango" thing is b*llox. Its only that when both are waltzing to the same tune

dancesatnight

im 24 mate ive been trying to find work but its a hard market to find work out there at the moment i check all the job sites everyday and follow up on all the emails i send with a call to make sure they got it

its mad she changed just like your story as soon as she had something to get at me she turned in to a crazy lady honestly if she is preg i will do what i can but all my guts feelings and my closest friends who ive told say it doesnt add up but im not taking that for granted and she drops off the radar after a txt to turn the knife then she will drop off again her firery temper is what scares me there isnt much i wont say she wont do even if it was just out of spite

i honest its going to sound hurtful to her but i would like a dna test just to make sure because i dont trust her at all i dont know if she cheated on me but i wont put it past her and it seemed offally convenent to tell me the night we broke up will the night i left a letter for her to tell me this

AARRRRGH

My friend had a similar problem. Girlfriend told him she was pregnant after they split. He paid maintenance for 4 years and made a life with the child. Then out of the blue her sister blurted out to him that he wasnt the father.
He got tests done and it turned out he wasnt the father.

So there he was.
Paying maintenance for 4 years.
Had a son that he really loved - who wasnt his son.
His "Son" who wasnt his son loved him as his father.

He confronted her and she wouldnt let him see the child again. Awful situation.
Get this sorted out straight after the birth.

Joey the lips

AARRRRGH wrote: »

My friend had a similar problem. Girlfriend told him she was pregnant after they split. He paid maintenance for 4 years and made a life with the child. Then out of the blue her sister blurted out to him that he wasnt the father.
He got tests done and it turned out he wasnt the father.

So there he was.
Paying maintenance for 4 years.
Had a son that he really loved - who wasnt his son.
His "Son" who wasnt his son loved him as his father.

He confronted her and she wouldnt let him see the child again. Awful situation.
Get this sorted out straight after the birth.

Thats awful sad.

hacked

metrovelvet wrote: »

You attract what you project.

I'm sorry, but you didn't say that to me when I was dealing with my psycho ex not wanting anything to do with our child.
That statement is not necessarily true, and really really unhelpful. Not really appropriate.

metrovelvet

hacked wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you didn't say that to me when I was dealing with my psycho ex not wanting anything to do with our child.
That statement is not necessarily true, and really really unhelpful. Not really appropriate.

No I didn't. I hadn't thought of it at the time. Should I have?

Bob the Seducer

I guess the first thing to do is see if you can remember fairly accurately the last time you slept with her, you can do a rough calculation from there of when she should be due.
The fact that she is looking for money now and setting amounts doesn't look good on her part when you combine that with not wanting to go for a scan and changing how far along she is.
She wouldn't be the first to play the pregnancy card after a breakup (or do the whole pills and alcohol thing to get attention).
If you haven't been with her since the breakup (and the due date is when you say) I can't see how it could be yours.

Oh yeah, keep any text messages etc... that she sends you because you may need them at a later stage. If she's as volatile as you say, you might have to look into getting a restraining order.
To be honest, from what you've said, it seems as though she's trying to play you.

hacked

edit

Nevyn

OK enough of the personal remarks and "the secret" bolloxolgy thank you.

Nevyn

metrovelvet banned for 1 week for not dropping the tangent as requested
and refusing to follow directives on not waging a War of Attrition on this site.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

the dates i gave were the ones she txt me so i can only go on that really

any yeah i can only hope it opens more peoples eyes about what can happen like the night i broke up with her she rang like 9 times then i answered and she said she was pregant then her story changed from being 2 weeks goned to 5 weeks gone and i offered to pay for a scan but she wont go then she tried to make me pay 50 euro a week till the baby was born then said it would be 200 a week after that and i explain i would have 100 euro a week to cover bills and living basically so no i cant afford that then she abused me a lot verbally over the phone then called round out of the blue on a sunday morning to my perents house to have a chat thank god they were out and i talked to her but i said any money matters will go though the social welfare or my solictor and then she backed off and it was only txts and over the phone abuse then she backed off for 3 months and it was a very poor quality mms sonagram which took off my phone and put on my laptop and it looked like she had taken it off a small picture on a screen of some sort then the last txt saying just to let u know your future son or daughter is due on the 1st of july and is healthy but i know u dont care !

seriously be warned there are some nutters out ther

hopefully you kept that text messagem , and the dates she gave you on that message are correct, if that is the case you are off the hook,
you sound genuine

dancesatnight

ill be honest with all of you i was brought upto be a kind caring loving person but i feel like im being played and i was looking for advise from people who didnt know me and her and at totally out side view on things and i want to take a moment to thank every one

im honest in two world right now but i will take everything every one has said and try and work out the best way of dealing with the situtation

shes a scary deeply angry person i used to be but a few years of marshal arts and talking to some one and some drugs that made every thing grey not happy or sad made me realise things mean to be dealt with in new ways. i just feel that she needs amoment like i had to open her eyes to stop taking the piss with people my main point is that i dont think she is pregant by me and if soi will look after things from my side but i want a test to show it or her to come clean

Tail Wagger

dancesatnight wrote: »

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

Listen Mate, the best thing to do is , go to her Doctor with her and get it from the Doctor how long she's pregnant(if she is] if the dates don't work out then WALK
Tell your parents how your feeling and they'll help you sort this mess out. Then when your head is cleared get to be fcuked away from her, most important change your phone number.... and keep your Dick under wraps!

Deliverance

dancesatnight wrote: »

ill be honest with all of you i was brought upto be a kind caring loving person but i feel like im being played and i was looking for advise from people who didnt know me and her and at totally out side view on things and i want to take a moment to thank every one

im honest in two world right now but i will take everything every one has said and try and work out the best way of dealing with the situtation

shes a scary deeply angry person i used to be but a few years of marshal arts and talking to some one and some drugs that made every thing grey not happy or sad made me realise things mean to be dealt with in new ways. i just feel that she needs amoment like i had to open her eyes to stop taking the piss with people my main point is that i dont think she is pregant by me and if soi will look after things from my side but i want a test to show it or her to come clean

So basically you know the child is not yours? Leave it at that. Do not enable her fella, at the moment it is unfortunate that, that is exactly what you are doing. Count your self lucky and move away from the situation now. If you want to be a professional carer or counsellour then go and do that as a career.

As it stands you are making the same mistake that I did in thinking that you can solve it yourself. That is never going to happpen and it 'will' bring you down. Let it go, let her go right now!

If you really want to help her, then point her in the direction of some professional counselling. That is all you can do. I talk from experience.

hacked

I guess I'll give my two cents worth as someone who is in the situation your ex is claiming to be.

I am over due on my first baby. Was engaged to the father, and he turned into an abusive ass during my pregnancy, so I had to break it off with him. After that he got even more abusive and refuses to take any sort of responsiblity.

With all of that said, I think you sound like a genuine person and are in a very unfortunate situation.

now, from personal experience:
If my ex hadn't gone off the deep end I would have continued to do everything in my power to get him involved.
Like the last poster said, INSIST on going to her next doctors appointment etc. If she refuses, then walk away. Give her an ultimatum. You will pay for the child if you are allowed to be fully involved in the pregnancy etc. (Obviously you won't be held to this if you aren't the father!) If she won't agree to this, walk. She's most likely lying about a pregnancy at all if she won't have you near her, or else she is pregnant like everyone else is saying and the dates are so far off she knows if you go to the doc with her it won't take long to work it out. If you can talk her into letting you go to an appointment it might be the fast track way of cutting the situation off or good?

Being a nice person is wonderful, and I don't think you should be nasty to her...but at the end of the day you need to stick up for yourself too!

Good luck

theg81der

Women are not all sperm seeking nutters and I resent the posts which suggest this. This thread is written from one persons perspective and who knows how skewed that could be.

Its unbelievable the amount of guys who say their ex`s are nuts and their new gf`s are so different, so amazing, not like the ex blah blah etc and a year later that same new gf is "nuts" and replaced.

Mens ego`s have a lot to answer for in this respect - because of course your so wonderful and amazing that these girls would do anything to "steal" your sperm, trick you in to bed with their wily ways. And you couldn`t possibly be the one who was wrong - yes, it must be her, she`s "nuts":rolleyes:.

Grow up, decide when you want to have children and till then wear protection, or even better get to know the girls character and if it suits your, show her respect and don`t sleep with her. Most Womens emotions are in their vagina`s and you guys know that so why sleep with someone before you know if you will hurt them.

This girl is obviously hurt and left alone x2 of course that is emotionally damaging, what do people expect it to be?

dancesatnight

theg81der i have to agree with you most men like to massage their ego's and im no different thats just being honest with you my current girl friend i was really good friends with for about 5 years be for we got together so i know her really well and like everyone both herself and my self have moments where for all intensive perposes we fight completely off the deep end and do some thing very strange indeed but she who will remain name less start off really nice and then i mean over night changed and yes i should have kept my bits wrapped up and gotten to know her first but i didnt and slept with her before i got to know her shpuld have seen the warning signs (no friends really) but i didnt take any notice i went digging though all my emails gotta love gmail saving them and i broke up with her the last week in august because i asked a friend to come over and have wine and a take way that night and i explained why breaking up with the girlfriend in the email i have a record of the date and its still way out dates wise i was chatting with one of my female friends about it this morning and she said the first thing when it all kicked off was that she mixed up the dates and changed her story to much and then refused to go to the scan and as she put it any pregant woman wants to know that there baby is healthy and the fact i offered to book it pay for it and then if she didnt want me there i organised with the clinic that i could call them afterwards and one of them would tell me everything is ok and the bay is healthy was an instant mega warning sign and dont talk to her she is trying to pull a fast one on u

and yes there are blokes out there who are nasty and mean and down right cruel but there are women out there to like that all im saying is that now i worked it out in my mind and the dates dont match and the warning signs are flashing i feel more relaxed about it and after the 1st of july if she is still at this malarky ill ask for a paterinty test but i dont think it will come to that well i hope not.

hacked

Dancesatnight -- it's funny you mention the no friends as a warning sign. That's something I think everyone should look out for. Us nice people tend to feel sorry for people with no friends and give them the benefit of the doubt.... ie. being misunderstood. The more I get on with my life, the more I realise people with no excuse (ie. just having moved, or someone who has moved and is having difficulty settling in) who have no friends usually don't have friends for a good reason!

dancesatnight

feeling much better about it today at least not i know it doesnt add up

dancesatnight

still havent heard a thing since i posted my first post is that a good thing or a bad thing ?

Deliverance

dancesatnight wrote: »

still havent heard a thing since i posted my first post is that a good thing or a bad thing ?

Up to you at this stage fella. Great advice given and taken in on this forum so far I think. You have 2 choices: Phone her and confront her for an answer with what you know. Or just ingnore it and let it go away.

Either way it sounds like you need closure. The second option is the best, leave it at that.

Be nice and diplomatic if she gets back though. Quote your evidence as such if you have to and let her know full stop that you want a test, set a time and a date beforehand. Plan your call of her bluff.

Either option provides closure. If she leaves you alone at this stage count that as closure and consider the matter closed.

Jinxi

I was friends with a girl similar to your ex for 10 years. She suffered from depression and always played the victim in all situations. All her relationships ended badly, with her owing them money and them being some form of nutter. She regularly brought people to court, suing them where she saw herself wronged.
She fell in love with a guy who she lived with for 5 years and I became really good with him. When they split up we remained friends and from the stories she spun us I realised she was and is MENTAL. She terminated a pregnancy with one short term bf after deeming she didn't know him well enough, only to get pregnant with the next guy after knowing him 2 weeks. She dumped the dad when she thought she had a chance of getting back with her ex. She would constantly have pregnancy scares with guys when she felt they were about to break up with her.
Now I have no contact. She HAS NO OLD FRIENDS, only ones she has made recently because when you know her a while, you realise she is a Bull Sh**er and a dangerous one at that. I feel like its only a matter of time before some other guy is submitted to becoming a dad with her and another unwanted child is brought into the world(her mum takes care of her daughter most of the time while she is away doing her 3rd attempt at college).
My point is that some women are nuts(not all). BUt, on the same token, some men are thick. There are loads of hot nutty women out there but there are always HUGE warning signs.
The two to tango this is real!! Every time you shag someone you are risking becoming a co=parent with them. Even contraception used correctly doesn't work everytime. Its a gamble. By not taking your part of the responsiblity by not using a condom, you gambled and lost!

If you have that serious a doubt, ignore her until the baby is born. It sounds like she has realised you aren't buying it and has given up trying to manipulate you. |Thank your lucky stars

dancesatnight

Hi

I still havent heard any thing from her so im hoping she has given up and this will all just go away and she will to and i can get on with my life have a new job now doesnt pay the best but hey its a job and i can get on with my plan of moving out and living my life
JINXI you raise a very good point and i fell in to it
"My point is that some women are nuts(not all). BUt, on the same token, some men are thick. There are loads of hot nutty women out there but there are always HUGE warning signs."

Swizzles

dancesatnight wrote: »

Hi

but there are always HUGE warning signs."

Love is blind!!

SLUSK

So you say you do not want children at this time, yet you made her pregnant. Great work loverboy!

Nevyn

SLUSK if you don't have anything constructive to say don't bother posting, we have a zero tolerance policy for trolls in this forum.

wolfpawnat

hacked wrote: »

Dancesatnight -- it's funny you mention the no friends as a warning sign. That's something I think everyone should look out for. Us nice people tend to feel sorry for people with no friends and give them the benefit of the doubt.... ie. being misunderstood. The more I get on with my life, the more I realise people with no excuse (ie. just having moved, or someone who has moved and is having difficulty settling in) who have no friends usually don't have friends for a good reason!

Gotta agree with hacked on this one, I dont have many close friends, I am a few but as close as identical twins type person myself, but I moved to Dub in November and in January was friends with hacked and adrienne_x and have just had one of my friends to stay for a week. My sister goes through friends like a family of 5 go through milk, fast!!!!! Anyone can make friends, its keeping them is the major problem! To say none are around says way too much about her!

As for the "who the daddy" situation, three letters DNA. tell her you are not interested in anything til the baby is born and YOU personally swab the baby for DNA and get it sent off. If she is lying, she will back down and reveal the truth, if she has nothing to hide then you should be a good dad!!!!!

That being said, She does appear to be trying to say she has the gestation period of a large mammal!!!!!

dancesatnight

still nothing i think she has gotten the hint and given up

yungwan

Or figured out she cannot pretend to be pregnant without a bump? She was lying. Its fairly obvious. Move on with your life and learn from this in future.

We have all made mistakes but not all of us get the opportunity to learn from them before we suffer the consequences first!