Brother Needs Urgent Advice

goz83

Hi. I'm looking for some urgent advice for my brother. I will try to keep this very short.

about 14-15 years ago; My brother (Mr X) was seeing a girl (Miss Y) for a couple of years. They broke up. She phoned him to say she was pregnant. They were both in early 20's at the time.

Miss Y had baby, Mr X was a very loving dad and they tried to have a relationship once more. Didn't work out. Mr X saw his baby daughter (lets call her Jane) all the time and kept her over many nights. About 2 or 3 years later, another man came onto the scene and things were made difficult for Mr X. He missed one maintenance payment because he lost his job and Miss Y stopped him from seeing Jane. It was the excuse she was waiting for. She also stopped our family from seeing Jane.

For years, Mr X and family had on and off visitation with Jane and our hearts were broken time and time again when the plug was pulled for no apparent reason. Mr X married and moved to Sweden to work and has 2 other children with with wife, but he hurts that he can't see his little girl. She was at his wedding in Sweden (without Miss Y) in 2005 and that was the last time we saw Jane. She missed my wedding in 2006 and Miss Y refused to give me a reason why Jane couldn't attend. I have 2 kids at 6 and 3, but the 3 year old has never met Jane. My sister has 2 kids who have also never met Jane.

Here's where it gets interesting.

In October 2009, Miss Y called to my home when I was not there. She spoke to my wife and asked for Mr X's mobile number. My wife did not have the new number, so Miss Y left her number for me to ring. I rang right away and it ended up that Mr X was allowed to speak to Jane on the phone, but was not allowed come visit. I spoke to Miss Y about seeing Jane and she said that Jane just needed a little time. It has been 5 months and I think we have all been patient enough without hearing a single word from Miss Y. In fact, only a couple of weeks after Mr X was contacted by Miss Y, he received a letter to allow Miss Y's husband to adopt Jane. It seems she was only being polite in order to get her way and this is not the 1st time. She only makes contact when she wants something. We were only allowed see Jane when she had no baby sitters and she was seeing her then boyfriend.

My X is now due in the adoption courts tomorrow. He came home in the hope to see his daughter and instead, they want him to sign Jane over tomorrow.

There are many reasons why Mr X has not yet applied for guardianship. Mainly because he is afraid that he will lose Jane forever. The distance cased its own problems too and our brother was killed 2 years ago, which sent Mr X into a deep depression. He is only now coming around.

Any advice is very welcome. I am waiting on a phone call from my solicitor for representation. Mr X is even considering moving back to Ireland to see Jane.

We only want to see Jane.

OS119

Hi OP,

i realise that this may not seem immediately helpful, but here goes:

Jane and your Brother don't currently have a relationship, but they have had one, as have you and your wider family, and given that she attended your Brothers wedding at the age of 10 (ish) she'll be aware of knowing you all and who you are.

she's 14/15, and as soon as she's 18 she can - and probably will - come looking for you.

i would suggest that the legal proceedings tomorrow have no impact on either the current, or any future relationship between your Brother and Jane. at the age she now is, a legal adoption is not changing much in physical terms, and - however your or your brother may not like it - probably in her best interests.

i would also suggest that an adoption hearing for a 15 year old will take her views into account, and that those will be based on the relationship she has with her soon-to-be adopted father - it is a very serious process, and not one that should be objected to without serious legal advice, and a very clear understanding of why the adoption is being objected to.

sorry, but from what you've written this situation appears to have gone far beyond the stage at which your Brothers feelings should be the arbetor of Janes legal staus. her name will still be 'Jane', her DoB will be the same, as will her memories and feelings, both towards your family, and hers. at 15, and moreso 18, she will be able to deceide for herself what relationship she wants with her biological father, and your familiy. tomorrows proceedings won't change or 'steer' any of that.

goz83

Hi OS,

Jane is 12 and although the relationship has been on and off, this has been purely because of her mother refusing access. If there was any kind (and i really mean any kind) of argument between my brother and her, she would stop us from seeing Jane. She reminds me of a spoiled brat, who gos into a huff when she doesn't get exactly what she wants. About 8 years ago, she stopped us from seeing Jane because Jane cried each time she had to go home to her. Is this a reason to refuse access?

Tomorrows proceedings will of course have a big impact on the course of events. Miss Y will use this against my brother to solidify her current freeze. Why should we wait 6 years? And what if they decide to emigrate to Australia in a year or two? I know 100% that Jane wants to see us and her real dad, but Miss Y wants all access cut. Her brief changes of heart have always been to serve her own interests. I may sound biased here, but I tend to take an outsiders view. The only area my brother has been at fault is not fighting for his rights years ago.

OS119

goz83 wrote: »

The only area my brother has been at fault is not fighting for his rights years ago.

its quite possible that that's entirely true, but this has gone well beyond the stage at which 'doing what he should have done from day 1' will either be possible, or the right thing to do for the sake of Janes best interests.

i would imagine that, assuming the administration of the Irish system isn't wildly different to the UK system, Jane will have spoken to a social worker, in private and away from her mother and 'father' with regard to the prospective adoption. if she expressed either serious missgivings about the adoption, or maintained that she wished to maintain contact with your Brother and your family, those will be be presented to the Judge before they make a decision on the adoption.

i'm very sorry that you and your family are being presented with what is a fait accompli with regard to Jane, her legal status and your ability to maintain a relationship with her while she remains a child. however, the time for your Brother to ask the courts to enable him - and you - to be a part of Janes life has long passed.

i'm afraid that, unless the Judge makes a direction in his ruling that contact is to be maintaned - and at 12 Jane will get a lot of say as to whether she wants that - you will have to wait until she's 18 and she can make her own mind up.