The Breast Feeding Support Thread

sunshiner

jaysus blueskye thats unreal i can only imagine your frustration and hurt. Not to mind how anxious and worried you must have been. Well at least you have us for support.

Blueskye

Thanks so much everyone. Honestly your replies mean a lot. It's a bit of a lonely fight at the mo. At times I'm wondering am I over reacting but I know I'm not.

That is exactly it Neyite, she wants to do things her way and that's why she wants to have them overnight or for extended periods without me. She tells a 'funny story' about putting whiskey or brandy (cant remember which) on her nephews gums when teething. And was surprised when his parents were v upset when they found out.

But it's sold as helping me. But she could help by preparing meals or cleaning the house but she doesn't want to do that.

Anyway tomorrow is another day. Once I get a bit of sleep I'll be well able for her again.

Thanks again everyone

How Strange

Ah Blueskye that's so disrespectful of her. I know how iour body actually aches when you're separated from your baby/ies when breastfeeding. I think you tint understand that if you haven't breastfed. Then there's the engorgement and the pumping. It's just not worth it.

You're doing such an incredible thing for your babies by breastfeeding them. Breastfeeding one newborn is extremely hard work so feeding two is an immense achievement. You need to chat to your OH and explain that he needs to be your backup at the moment and intervene with his mother so you're not under pressure. You need support now not hassle.

Your MIL may mean well but she needs to back off and let you do what you have to at this early stage. In a couple of months she can take them off for 3 hours and you'll be glad of the rest but right now you're nursing two newborns.

aknitter

Blueskye, I can't believe your MIL, and I though I had the prize winning hog in that regard! As someone else said I don't understand why she wants them over night - at 7 weeks old they are a lot of hard work. She sounds like a typical wagon to her Daughter in law.
I'd be refusing her to take them at all after keeping them out and starving them. Actually tell her this, "Sorry but no, the last time you took them they came back half starved and you might think thats good for your grandsons but its not good enough for my sons"
Also have a word with OH and make him stand up to her, the only way you'll survive being a parent to your children and to other people is if you have a united front (what goes on behind it is your business). I had my 14 year old complain recently that its very hard to get around us because of this!
Shes a wagon...

wolfpawnat

too right. a united front is very important whatever the situation. I know your OH is probably tired and men do have a slump in testosterone after a baby (and you have double trouble) but he needs to help you with this. I felt terrible stress with one, you have 2!!!

My MIL is already making dirty comments and baby isn't even here, but I am better prepared this time, I won't let her get to me Getting a new pump today in dunnes in prep, hoping to not need it very often, but handy to have none the less

MurdyWurdy

Wow Blueskye, that's crazy! Have you talked to your OH about it yet? Do you think you'd be able to pump at all to have emergency milk to take with get or would that only encourage her? Although it is sad that my MIL passed away when my husband was young reading threads on here does make me greatful I don't have to deal with any crap! My aunt in law is coming to visit from South Africa in 2 weeks though. She's strong willed so that should be interesting.

I'm so exhausted today and fed up so just felt like some support. My LO woke up at 3.15 this morning which is grand, that's normal but after a big feed he just wouldn't go back asleep, it took until 7 to get him down. Of course he was happy to sleep on me! He was up again at 8am and I did manage to get an hour or two after that but feeling low today. I'm just feeding him constantly.

None of my friends have babies and I'm having trouble even getting responses from them when I try and arrange to see them. I'm already feeling isolated and hubby isn't even back to work until Monday. I'm going to a breastfeeding support group meeting on Tues so hopefully I'll meet some nice people there.

wolfpawnat

It is so hard when you are the first of a group having a child in general, then add to the mix bf/expressing. I remember feeling so alone with my guy.

Nead21

How old is your baby Murdy? I remember feeling this way during my little man's 3week growth spurt....isolated and lonely. It was so much hassle to leave the house with the constant feeding.

When he was 4weeks i started a baby massage class and it made a world of difference to be able to talk to other mums and know they are going through the same thing and having the same feelings. We now meet up regularly and do mum and baby yoga together :-)

If your friends dont have children its very hard for them to understand so its important to surround yourself with people who do.

Best of luck :-)

Blueskye

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

Wow Blueskye, that's crazy! Have you talked to your OH about it yet? Do you think you'd be able to pump at all to have emergency milk to take with get or would that only encourage her? Although it is sad that my MIL passed away when my husband was young reading threads on here does make me greatful I don't have to deal with any crap! My aunt in law is coming to visit from South Africa in 2 weeks though. She's strong willed so that should be interesting.

I'm so exhausted today and fed up so just felt like some support. My LO woke up at 3.15 this morning which is grand, that's normal but after a big feed he just wouldn't go back asleep, it took until 7 to get him down. Of course he was happy to sleep on me! He was up again at 8am and I did manage to get an hour or two after that but feeling low today. I'm just feeding him constantly.

None of my friends have babies and I'm having trouble even getting responses from them when I try and arrange to see them. I'm already feeling isolated and hubby isn't even back to work until Monday. I'm going to a breastfeeding support group meeting on Tues so hopefully I'll meet some nice people there.

That's tough Murdy. Lack of sleep is really hard. I had my two sleep on the feeding pillow on me last night. Each time I put them in cot they woke again so I just gave in and managed to sleep with them on me.

I have spoken and pleaded with partner to back me re his mother. He says he will and then does nothing. She has caused problems from when I was admitted to hospital for a week a few weeks before boys were born. I asked him again this morning and he said he'll speak to her. It's going to be an ongoing issue with her. I'll just need to get a bit more vocal and strong with her I think.

I'd love to pump and even rented a pump but I just can't find the time to express. If I'm not feeding I'm trying to get sleep or a quick shower or bite to eat. I literally have no free time.

The isolation is hard too. A few of my friends have babies and bf and had said they'd be over to help out etc but I haven't seen them yet and boys are 8 weeks on Tues. I'm just so lucky with my parents help, I'd never have managed without them. They've been so supportive and helpful. The bf support group is a good idea. I'd love to go to one but haven't been organised enough yet to get us all out the door on time. Let us know how it goes.

MurdyWurdy

I'm so greatful for my parents too! If it wasn't for them I'd be all alone. My little man is 3 weeks on Monday so I guess it is a growth spurt. I think it's all just on top of me. I feel really guilty too because until this time last year we lived overseas and had a fantastic bunch of friends, who we saw all the time. I've spoken to some of them more since I gave birth then my friends down the road! It was me that wanted to move home to have babies, my husband isn't Irish and he's completely isolated now because we're away from his friends and family. I guess I'm just disappointed in people. When I was pregnant it wasn't so bad because I was so Ill and never felt like going anywhere but it's so noticeable now! Glad to hear that some of you felt better when you met other mums. I moved to a new country and made a great group of friends so I'm sure I can do it again! Thanks for the support

Blueskye - getting time to pump is hard! It's my wedding anniversary this weekend and my mum is babysitting for us so we can go out to dinner. Have to find time to express before then but it's hard timing it with his feeds. I can't imagine it with two! How did you find sleeping with them on the pillow? I'm tempted to do that sometimes but it scares me too! Fingers crossed your OH can sort something out with your MIL!

How Strange

My daughter is almost 10 weeks old and I've only felt I'm back in the land of the living since 8 weeks. Up until then I was so tired during the day because of marathon night feeding sessions.

I don't know how some women manage to be out and about within days of having babies. They're obviously made of stronger stuff than me!

Murdywurdy, you're in the most intense and difficult phase of breastfeeding. What you're feeling is completely normal but it does pass and in two or three weeks you'll feel much more like your old self again. The parent baby groups are fantastic. Yesterday my daughter was constantly screaming after a bad night. I went to a group and really felt so much better afterwards. You get chatting to other mums and have a laugh about the things which might get you down if you were stuck at home alone.

On the sleeping thing; my daughter is still sleeping on me at 10 weeks. I'm airing the co sleeper cot and hoping to set it up at the weekend. Then I'm hoping she will spend at least a couple of hours a night in it soon. However I read a great blog post yesterday which said to go with it if your baby wants to sleep on you, the cat, the washing machine. Just do it if it means you sleep because at some stage they will go into a cot just not yet. There are very few students starting university that can only sleep on their mammies so don't worry about the early days. I kind of liked that because this lady is showing no signs of getting off me any time soon!

Nead21

Definitely 3wk growth spurt Murdy. É's started when he was 2 1/2wks old and i truely thought i was loosing my mind! I promise it gets easier and i remember reading posts here a few wks ago feeling exactly the same. He's only 11wks now so its all still fresh in my mind :-). The bf support group will give you a new energy when you ll find all this is normal and wont last forever. It's very hard because we re not only dealing with our newborns but all with adjusting to being a mother with all new feelings of worry and doubt. My mam assures me it will never be this hard again...fingers crossed!!

Blueskye its so hard to be more vocal with mils as you dont want to bad feeling to fester but you want to be respected as the mother of your own children. As it's your husband's mother it'really up to him to step in and have words. It will be taken much better in the long run. My OH has had to do it for her to get the message. Failing that stand your ground ..you know what's best for your babies :-)

How Strange

2nd time around is much easier in the sense that you're not dealing with the shock of motherhood and the huge life changes it brings.

I can def say I've found this baby time much easier and I know it's a phase which will end be replaced by the next phase

Are you ladies taking a multivitamin? I'd really recommend taking one. I can feel the difference in myself because I've been taking one since A was born. I don't feel lethargic even when I'm exhausted.

Nead21, you've got the 12 week one around the corner and then you're on the easy stretch! I didn't find the 12 week one bad on my son. He fed quite a lot for a couple of days but not at night time. Hopefully it'll be the same with A.

Nead21

Second taking a multivitamin. It really made a difference to me too.

Yeah not looking forward to 12wk one but at least the little man is interested in other things besides the boob! I didnt find the 6week one quite as bad because maybe i was coping better so hopefully this one will be the same. At least i have some milk in the freezer for my husband if all else fails ha!

wolfpawnat

What multivitamin would you recommend, obviously anything that increases the chances of successful feeding are worth a shot in my book.

HS so glad you are saying its not as much of a shock this time, I was getting worried. Do you find 2 sleeping on you much with 1 to rush round after too?

Blueskye, he really neds to back you. If it weren't for my OH I would never be able to deal with my MIL, she is so like yours!

dublinlady

I take the regular pregnacare which is suitable - they do a breast feeding one too but it's more expensive as the other one usually on offer in pharmacies so I don't bother.

NextSteps

I'm taking a Floradix iron supplement, when I remember.

Second babies are definitely easier!

Blueskye

I take the breastfeeding pregnacare, extra fish oil and extra zinc and magnesium!! But I'm feeding two. And I eat like a horse

How Strange

I'm taking sona multivitamin as it doesnt have iron. I can't take anything with iron it in.

iguana

Got my period. Poo!

Blueskye

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

Blueskye - getting time to pump is hard! It's my wedding anniversary this weekend and my mum is babysitting for us so we can go out to dinner. Have to find time to express before then but it's hard timing it with his feeds. I can't imagine it with two! How did you find sleeping with them on the pillow? I'm tempted to do that sometimes but it scares me too! Fingers crossed your OH can sort something out with your MIL!

Enjoy your meal out this weekend and congrats on your anniversary

I find it ok, they slept on pillow again tonight as I stayed in parents house and they refused to settle in the cot here. They do start off the night in the co sleeper cot at home but at least one ends up in the bed towards morning.

It's a big twin pillow that wraps around me. One baby under either arm. Feet under my arms (rugby hold?). My arms are around the babies and I'm sitting up. A few weeks ago I would have been too nervous but you won't squish them. We all get sleep so I'll go with it for now.

Blueskye

Murdy, I also meant to say, whenever I have a few really hard days feeding all the time and I'm shattered and overwhelmed, thinking it'll be like this forever, then it passes. It is tough but definitely gets easier. I never thought I'd say that. I just kept telling myself to get through one more day. Knowing that it gets easier has helped me carry on. And it's so worth it

highly1111

Girls does anyone have any advice on how to stop leaking.

My baby is 9 days old and I've a massive amount of milk. I fed my first two children and it was the same. I know its a good complaint. But I can't stop leaking. I'm going through at least 3 bras, tops and 2 pairs of pjs a day. For example just now I fed her off my right and my left is leaking madly. The let down reflex applied to both boobs! As soon as she lets out the tiniest cry my let down reflex goes - my body just tunes into her. She was lying on my last night for cuddles - lifted her - soaked.

I've tried every breast pad going and I find them all useless. They never stay in place for me or if they do they're nowhere absorbent enough. Im totally paranoid now with visitors and am constantly washing nursing bras and tops!!

Anyone any suggestions?? (and I know supply will regulate with her but if anyone has any tricks I'd appreciate them)

Thanks

MurdyWurdy

highly1111 wrote: »

Girls does anyone have any advice on how to stop leaking.

My baby is 9 days old and I've a massive amount of milk. I fed my first two children and it was the same. I know its a good complaint. But I can't stop leaking. I'm going through at least 3 bras, tops and 2 pairs of pjs a day. For example just now I fed her off my right and my left is leaking madly. The let down reflex applied to both boobs! As soon as she lets out the tiniest cry my let down reflex goes - my body just tunes into her. She was lying on my last night for cuddles - lifted her - soaked.

I've tried every breast pad going and I find them all useless. They never stay in place for me or if they do they're nowhere absorbent enough. Im totally paranoid now with visitors and am constantly washing nursing bras and tops!!

Anyone any suggestions?? (and I know supply will regulate with her but if anyone has any tricks I'd appreciate them)

Thanks

I'm leaking loads too as I have a good supply (which as you said I shouldn't complain about). I slept without a bra on the other night and soaked the bed (I'm also suffering from night sweats too which is common post partum so combined it's so gross!). I'm also washing bras every day! Luckily I'm using the Tesco breast pads and they are ok as long as I change them often enough. I had a few incidents of leaking through my clothes while out in public (including at church last Sunday!) so the pads are always in now. Could you try thicker sanitary towels and cut them to size maybe?

Blueskye wrote: »

Enjoy your meal out this weekend and congrats on your anniversary

I find it ok, they slept on pillow again tonight as I stayed in parents house and they refused to settle in the cot here. They do start off the night in the co sleeper cot at home but at least one ends up in the bed towards morning.

It's a big twin pillow that wraps around me. One baby under either arm. Feet under my arms (rugby hold?). My arms are around the babies and I'm sitting up. A few weeks ago I would have been too nervous but you won't squish them. We all get sleep so I'll go with it for now.

That sounds nice - I did read the football hold was good for twins. I do feed my little man like that sometimes but he squirms so much he makes it difficult! I have a feeding pillow too so maybe if I have another bad night I'll doze with him on that. Last night was a lot lot better - he did wake up a few times but didn't need to be fed every time and went back asleep straight away after each feed. Both myself and hubby are feeling a lot more positive today!

dublinlady

I'm the same highly! She's 7&1/2 weeks and some days it's ok and some days it's just not!! I use avent night breast pads during day and change them regularly - works mostly! Ciuldnt consider no pads or bra!!
It seems worse if I fed her alot the day before and then it calms down!! My supply doesn't really seem to be regulating - it's up and down like her!!!! But never quite manages to get it right!!
I heard a baby cry onthe tv yest & got let down....!

gravid

highly1111 wrote: »

Girls does anyone have any advice on how to stop leaking.

My baby is 9 days old and I've a massive amount of milk. I fed my first two children and it was the same. I know its a good complaint. But I can't stop leaking. I'm going through at least 3 bras, tops and 2 pairs of pjs a day. For example just now I fed her off my right and my left is leaking madly. The let down reflex applied to both boobs! As soon as she lets out the tiniest cry my let down reflex goes - my body just tunes into her. She was lying on my last night for cuddles - lifted her - soaked.

I've tried every breast pad going and I find them all useless. They never stay in place for me or if they do they're nowhere absorbent enough. Im totally paranoid now with visitors and am constantly washing nursing bras and tops!!

Anyone any suggestions?? (and I know supply will regulate with her but if anyone has any tricks I'd appreciate them)

Thanks

I was leaking A LOT too the first 3 months or so, and I still, 6 months on, have to use pads day and night (i use Johnsons Baby nursing pads http://www.boots.ie/en/Johnsons-Baby-Nursing-Pads-1-x-30-Pads_21437/ ).

I was using collection shells on the breast I wasnt feeding on while feeding which nearly always filled up (nearly 2 oz i think)!! This really saved me as it gets very messy and smelly when you leak so much. THe few times I forgot to put on the shell I knew all about it :-/
Once I got the hang of it, and if I had the energy to go wash the shell properly between feeds, I used to freeze the milk and nearly filled my freezer with bm after a few weeks :-)
Since 4 months I dont think Ive used the shells more than once or twice some mornings if she has slept longer than usual...
I used the avent collector shells with a hole on the top which is handy for pouring the milk into freezer bags/tray.

dublinlady

gravid wrote: »

I was leaking A LOT too the first 3 months or so, and I still, 6 months on, have to use pads day and night (i use Johnsons Baby nursing pads http://www.boots.ie/en/Johnsons-Baby-Nursing-Pads-1-x-30-Pads_21437/ ).

I was using collection shells on the breast I wasnt feeding on while feeding which nearly always filled up (nearly 2 oz i think)!! This really saved me as it gets very messy and smelly when you leak so much. THe few times I forgot to put on the shell I knew all about it :-/
Once I got the hang of it, and if I had the energy to go wash the shell properly between feeds, I used to freeze the milk and nearly filled my freezer with bm after a few weeks :-)
Since 4 months I dont think Ive used the shells more than once or twice some mornings if she has slept longer than usual...
I used the avent collector shells with a hole on the top which is handy for pouring the milk into freezer bags/tray.

Shells are a great idea - I forgot they existed! That's exactly what I need!

cyning

I received a reply to my complaint yesterday about the wonderful "formula has loads of iron" remarks I got when my little girl was in hospital recently and they discovered she was anaemic and "still" breastfeed at 10 months. Oh and i had her spoilt There is going to be in service training on breastfeeding provided to staff on breastfeeding. I'm glad I complained now so hopefully that won't happen to anybody else.

I never leaked I'm glad I don't think I missed out

Oh and my little girl is 1 tomorrow a whole year breastfeeding I would never have believed it if you told me this time last year!

wolfpawnat

cyning wrote: »

I received a reply to my complaint yesterday about the wonderful "formula has loads of iron" remarks I got when my little girl was in hospital recently and they discovered she was anaemic and "still" breastfeed at 10 months. Oh and i had her spoilt There is going to be in service training on breastfeeding provided to staff on breastfeeding. I'm glad I complained now so hopefully that won't happen to anybody else.

I never leaked I'm glad I don't think I missed out

Oh and my little girl is 1 tomorrow a whole year breastfeeding I would never have believed it if you told me this time last year!

What hospital is this can you say? I am hoping for more support from the nurses this time than last. All I got was a "whip them out" attitude (in front of my MIL who looked on disgusted and made comments and a nurse literally pinching the hell out of my nipples making them sore and giving out to me for wincing while she did it. So I would love f just before I am due the staff got a refresher course!

I would go mental if a nurse made those comments at me, there is iron from other food sources too!

dublinlady

wolfpawnat wrote: »

What hospital is this can you say? I am hoping for more support from the nurses this time than last. All I got was a "whip them out" attitude (in front of my MIL who looked on disgusted and made comments and a nurse literally pinching the hell out of my nipples making them sore and giving out to me for wincing while she did it. So I would love f just before I am due the staff got a refresher course!

I would go mental if a nurse made those comments at me, there is iron from other food sources too!

Wolf -That's awful they treated u like that! I get that they do need , well it sometimes help, if they pinch your boob in a way to show you how to make it easier fir the baby to latch - but it should not be sore!! Make sure and speak up if they do that and don't let then knock your confidence!! I found I got conflicting advise from every different midwife while in hosp and it really upset me - I didn't know what was right! But knowing that I wanted to succeed urged me to push on and follow my gut and find our way! Then at day 9 due to advise on here I got a lactation consultant to the house - it had all gone horribly wrong within a day or two and she just fixed us! Haven't looked back since - so so glad !

Can't believe that about the iron - well done on complaining! Crazy the WHO recommend feeding fir 2 yrs and the Hse are kind to this! I think it's amazing to have fed for a year - weirdly I think I have a mental max of 6 months.. I don't know why - I just can't imagine feeding longer than that - no reason really tho! Fed first for 14 weeks / this little one & weeks on tue and I just can't imagine stopping yet!