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First Time!

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Comments

  • #52
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,918 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    Snas wrote: »
    Feck I've to buy condoms now don't I? That could be awkward.

    Up the bum no harm done


  • #53
    Snas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭Snas


    Ya except her father owns and works in the local chemist.


  • #54
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Bolag_the_2nd wrote: »
    funk ya Bonito :D i just spilled me tea, jeasus :eek:
    Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to mention NSFW :D
    Snas wrote: »
    Feck I've to buy condoms now don't I? That could be awkward.
    Not at all. The withdrawal method works every time.
    Millicent wrote: »
    Argh! Mein eyes! You evil, evil man you! :eek:
    Muhahahahaha :cool:


    This is the practice of taking a lady's nipples and twisting as if trying to manually tune a radio. I dunno if it's cos they reckon that might make them bigger or what?
    Maybe you just have non responsive nipples? :confused:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090514235726AAGiKLE
    orourkeda wrote: »
    Awesome

    :confused: :rolleyes:


  • #55
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Beer before you lick her, not as bitter.


  • #56
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Snas wrote: »
    Ya except her father owns and works in the local chemist.
    He has to find out sometime.


  • #57
    GLaDOS
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,232 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    Snas wrote: »
    Ya except her father owns and works in the local chemist.
    That would be awkward then :D
    Find another chemist, or failing that, most pubs will have vending machines in their jacks

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



  • #58
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Bonito wrote: »
    Maybe you just have non responsive nipples? :confused:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090514235726AAGiKLE

    Ah no, Bonito, don't be going to Yahoo for sex advice. Come to AH!:D

    Seriously, do a poll of your female friends. I guarantee most of them have had that experience and I guarantee not one of them was impressed or excited in any way. ;)


  • #59
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    Jayson Stale Stork wrote: »
    Did you meet her through Facebook? If so watch out for syphilis.
    Never mind Syphilis, keep an eye out for her sister "Gonorrhoea". She can be a whole lot of trouble.
    That said, if you run into their Russian cousin "Onya Bachyabitch" - your laughing! Ask her to join in! :cool:


  • #60
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    Ah no, Bonito, don't be going to Yahoo for sex advice. Come to AH!:D

    Seriously, do a poll of your female friends. I guarantee most of them have had that experience and I guarantee not one of them was impressed or excited in any way. ;)
    I don't need sex advice :cool:


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  • #61
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    ScienceNerd wrote: »
    That would be awkward then :D
    Find another chemist, or failing that, most pubs will have vending machines in their jacks

    On a serious note, if buying them from a pub's jacks,be sure to check the expiration date on the back to be sure they won't go splitting mid coitus. Nothin' kills the mood faster than an "oh shite, now I have to get the morning after pill" dash to the doctor's!


  • #62
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Bonito wrote: »
    I don't need sex advice :cool:

    K, just don't be radio tuning a lady's nipples and you'll be alright kid!


  • #63
    Gran Hermano
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,330 ✭✭✭Gran Hermano


    Snas wrote: »
    Ya except her father owns and works in the local chemist.

    Well at least ask him for a family discount or to throw in a cock ring or lube for free.


  • #64
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    On a serious note, if buying them from a pub's jacks,be sure to check the expiration date on the back to be sure they won't go splitting mid coitus. Nothin' kills the mood faster than an "oh shite, now I have to get the morning after pill" dash to the doctor's!
    Also, make sure you're not alergic to the latex in condoms. :pac:

    And another thing;

    DO NOT USE BABY OIL OR VASELINE IF YOU NEED EXTRA LUBRICANT!


  • #65
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    K, just don't be radio tuning a lady's nipples and you'll be alright kid!
    What if she requests it :p


  • #66
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Bonito wrote: »
    Also, make sure you're not alergic to the latex in condoms. :pac:

    And another thing;

    DO NOT USE BABY OIL OR VASELINE IF YOU NEED EXTRA LUBRICANT!

    Or Vick's vaporub!


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  • #67
    Snas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭Snas


    Ahhh feck how much do vending machine johnnies cost? There's a few sandwich bags in the press could I not just use them?


  • #68
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Bonito wrote: »
    What if she requests it :p

    She won't. Just trust me on this one!:P


  • #69
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Snas wrote: »
    Ahhh feck how much do vending machine johnnies cost? There's a few sandwich bags in the press could I not just use them?

    An empty Tayto bag would probably provide better protection.:pac:


  • #70
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    Or Vick's vaporub!
    Especially that. Or deep heat etc.
    Snas wrote: »
    Ahhh feck how much do vending machine johnnies cost? There's a few sandwich bags in the press could I not just use them?
    About 3-4 euro. Ehhhh it's in the name. Sandwich bag, not cock/dick/todger/willy bag.
    Millicent wrote: »
    She won't. Just trust me on this one!:P
    I'm not convinced. I want an example. A real life one at that.


  • #71
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    An empty Tayto bag would probably provide better protection.:pac:
    :eek: The corners when it's wrapped up would tear the fanny off her!


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  • #72
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    Millicent wrote: »
    An empty Tayto bag would probably provide better protection.:pac:

    dont forget the rubber elastic band


  • #73
    Snas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭Snas


    Bonito wrote: »

    About 3-4 euro. Ehhhh it's in the name. Sandwich bag, not cock/dick/todger/willy bag.

    ....ooook there a few willy bags in the press could I not just use them? :D


  • #74
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Snas wrote: »
    ....ooook there a few willy bags in the press could I not just use them? :D
    Will they fit? :confused:

    http://www.worldcupsupply.com/willy-bags.html


  • #75
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Bonito wrote: »
    I'm not convinced. I want an example. A real life one at that.

    Fine so. This woman (possible NSFW) will be over to let you test the theory!


  • #76
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Millicent wrote: »
    Fine so. This woman (possible NSFW) will be over to let you test the theory!
    I changed my mind about that example.....


  • #77
    donvito99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭donvito99


    Millicent wrote: »
    Fine so. This woman (possible NSFW) will be over to let you test the theory!

    Legen....wait for it...dary.


  • #78
    thebillynator
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 855 ✭✭✭thebillynator


    no need for condoms
    " frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>

    :D
    sorry bout bad quality:rolleyes:


  • #79
    Dave_
    Registered Users Posts: 122 ✭✭Dave_


    Strawberry milkshake, take her down a peg.

    Disclaimer: Headbutts are probably a bad idea at this stage.


  • #80
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Dave_ wrote: »
    Strawberry milkshake, take her down a peg.

    Disclaimer: Headbutts are probably a bad idea at this stage.
    What?


  • #81
    RMD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,662 ✭✭✭RMD


    Watch 2girls1cup, there's 2 girls and no guys so girls must love doing that stuff.

    Give her a Cleveland Steamer.


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  • #82
    enniscorthy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,046 ✭✭✭enniscorthy


    heeheheheh oh hey are you on smotri its free to sign up see you there


  • #83
    fonecrusher1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,702 ✭✭✭fonecrusher1


    Before you start go into the jax & throw on the old inflatable gimp mask or whatever you can find; a welders mask, a helmet or a plastic bag. Its romantic.

    If she shows any sign of not being into it, dump her & dump her quick.


  • #84
    bazza1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭bazza1


    Dont listen to these freaks!

    Use aromatic romantic candles...light them for atmosphere...
    Use the candle to light your bong!
    Do NOT let the naked flame near your tequila!
    Let the wax drop on your nads and her kebab
    Do NOT let wax drop on your gimp mask.

    Relax between whip lashes and enjoy with a nice Merlot and can of dutch gold :D


  • #85
    bronte
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    Millicent wrote: »
    Or Vick's vaporub!

    Or chocolate body paint. :(


  • #86
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    bronte wrote: »
    Or chocolate body paint. :(

    Sticky flashbacks?


  • #87
    Als76
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭Als76


    Enjoy the best 23 seconds of your life and try not to blow it when you are putting on the raincoat!!


  • #88
    bronte
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    Millicent wrote: »
    Sticky flashbacks?

    Verrrry sticky flashbacks. :pac:


  • #89
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    OP the important thing is that you are both very relaxed about the whole experience. That way she won't be too bothered about the camera.


  • #90
    old gregg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,245 ✭✭✭old gregg


    remember, you'll be penalised if you cum in from the side


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  • #91
    LD 50
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭LD 50


    old gregg wrote: »
    remember, you'll be penalised if you cum in from the side

    or from behind.

    or too early.

    Or if she hasn't got the ball.


  • #92
    bazza1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭bazza1


    LD 50 wrote: »
    or from behind.

    or too early.

    Or if she hasn't got the ball.
    if she is a hooker..remember you MUST stay bound or you will be penalised for being too early in the release!


  • #93
    old gregg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,245 ✭✭✭old gregg


    LD 50 wrote: »
    or from behind.

    or too early.

    Or if she hasn't got the ball.
    or not staying on your feet :D


  • #94
    flynnlives
    Registered Users Posts: 739 ✭✭✭flynnlives


    Dont be a fool and wrap your tool!!


  • #95
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    flynnlives wrote: »
    Dont be a fool and wrap your tool!!
    In like flynn.


  • #96
    BongoJuice
    Closed Accounts Posts: 59 ✭✭BongoJuice


    Bonito wrote: »
    In like flynn.
    *facepalm*


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  • #97
    LD 50
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭LD 50


    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?


  • #98
    Als76
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭Als76


    I hope she has made an effort on her vaginal area and cleaned up. The little teeth are near her G spot if you smell mint it is prob just colgate.


  • #99
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    BongoJuice wrote: »
    *facepalm*
    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055865512

    http://i519.photobucket.com/albums/u354/MechaAshura/JesusFacepalm.jpg

    Cop on and save it for the thunderdome, seriously.

    This is AH. Don't forget were you are.


  • #100
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    LD 50 wrote: »
    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?

    He's hardly going to bring knowledge and experience to the table now is he?


  • #101
    bronte
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    LD 50 wrote: »
    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?

    I've been a muff diver for many a yeeear.....

    Arrgh that's in my head now!


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