First Time!

BongoJuice

Bonito wrote: »

Cop on and save it for the thunderdome, seriously.

This is AH. Don't forget were you are.

Who died and made you a mod? What time are lights out up at St Ita's Bon?

Joey the lips

orourkeda wrote: »

shoot off on her baps and rub it in with your arsecheeks

I have to say this is the funniest ever..... I read it an hour ago and have been laughing still. Its a shame i can only thank you once.

gimme5minutes

Snas wrote: »

Ok so I'm 17 and I'm pretty sure that me and my girlfriend will be getting down and dirty this weekend.

It'll be my first time, but not hers.

So any advice? Any do's or dont's:)

Much appreciated!

Snas.

Straight up the hole. Trust me, she'll love it, the dirty bitch.

smellslikelemon

Get her warmed up first and you should be grand.
Get her to show you what she likes either, if it doesn't hurt your ego...

and in keeping with the tone of the thread, post pics

Bonito

BongoJuice wrote: »

Who died and made you a mod? What time are lights out up at St Ita's Bon?

You used that one yesterday. Keep it up and you'll find yourself getting an infraction.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055747615

Charter. Rules and guidelines & Free Beer!
I know people don't ever tend to read these things and I understand that it's just a boring necessity but if you only take away one thing from this charter let it be this:

Don't be a dick.

If you can do that you're unlikely to encounter any problems here.

What is After Hours?
After hours consists of the type of chat you have with your mates after a few pints at a lock in. You might disagree and argue your side, but if you get rowdy, the barmans gonna kick you out, so keep it civil. Typical subjects are anything thats in the days news, a funny story you heard, and terrible jokes and puns. Sometimes the debate can turn serious, but remember, the barmans watching, and you're gonna wanna come back, so don't get so loud that the neighbours kick up **** and ye're all barred.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63135178&postcount=4

No personal abuse
It's too easy to resort to personal abuse to try and finish an argument. It devalues your statement and ruins the flow of good discussion. Please refrain from resorting to insulting other posters regardless of what they have said.
This rule is not just a rule for After Hours but for boards.ie as a whole.
We all know how easy it is to lose the head in an internet argument and pour scorn on another poster. If you do this then be prepared for the intervention of a moderator. "Attack the post and not the poster" is a guideline you'll hear trotted out rather a lot. Try and keep to this rule. As an alternative to insulting a poster if you have a problem with one of their posts use the report post function.
Do not attempt to use semantic loopholes to circumvent this rule. I am not about to give examples to make it easier for anyone to be discourteous so rest assured a moderator will make a judgement call on these on a case by case basis.

I suggest you make friend with the After Hours charter. This is strike one. You do it again and I'll report it to the mods. Grow up. Thunderdome rules do not apply here.

Fizman

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Straight up the hole. Trust me, she'll love it, the dirty bitch.

That'll explain your username then. And ambitious at that I'd say. :pac:

brummytom

LD 50 wrote: »

Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

where's brummytom?

He's watching, making notes

billymitchell

Is he getting the roide tonight???

TheZohanS

BongoJuice wrote: »

*facepalm*

Any more trolling out of you and you'll be facing a ban.

Bonito wrote: »

You used that one yesterday. Keep it up and you'll find yourself getting an infraction.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055747615



http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63135178&postcount=4



I suggest you make friend with the After Hours charter. This is strike one. You do it again and I'll report it to the mods. Grow up. Thunderdome rules do not apply here.

Leave the modding to the mods Bonito.

Fizman

gimme5minutes wrote: »

People like you are the reason boards has become so boring and bland over the last 11 months. It's hard to find a thread these days where rules and charters aren't being thrown in your face at the slightest opportunity, it's getting to be a serious pain in the hole.

FYP.

Kivaro

This thread has the potential to be a classic.

Jesus Wept

El Futurismo wrote: »

Fap a while before. Lots of foreplay. Make it about her.

What about him?

Als76

The-Rigger wrote: »

What about him?

Yeah look at him being selfish. There is always one ruining it for others

starbelgrade

Whatever happens, when you shoot your load, don't, under any circumstances shout, "OH MAMMY".

Fizman

starbelgrade wrote: »

Whatever happens, when you shoot your load, don't, under any circumstances shout, "OH MAMMY".

I'd say she'd rather hear that instead of "Oh Daddy".

tipperaryboy

If it does happen dont forget to give us an update:D

either way this thread will be a classic.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

OP you'll be amazed at how hard you'll find it to actually get it in there the first time, don't be surprised if you shoot the load and she tells you 'Ah, you do know you were just riding me thighs there' :pac:

Ruu_Old

Bring plenty of crisp 'n dry.

Mint Sauce

Snas wrote: »

Should I actually fap beforehand?

defenetly, never go out with a loaded gun, and for gawds sake, dont ask if its in yet

mink_man

Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
21) If you really love her, wear a cover
22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
25) No glove, no love
26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the ****
30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
38) After detection sheath your erection
39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
44) House your noodle then release your strudel
45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
53) It's not much money to catch your honey
54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
59) Contain that sputum before you use him
60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
61) Glove your pecker before you check her
62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her
63) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize)
64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
65) Guard your peter before you meet her
66) Check your list before you tryst
67) Wrap your bate before you mate
68) Can your worm before you squirm
69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
71) Bag the mole then do her hole
72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
73) Jail your number then call the plumber
74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge >
82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
91) Clothe the boner before you hone her
92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
96) Contain that shanker before you spank her
97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
98) Stop the stream before you cream
99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
101) Package your meat for a real neat treat
102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
104) Garage the tractor then attack her
105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
113) Catch that goat before it bloats
114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
117) Wrap that rod then please her bod
118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
122) Can your knob then throb her swab
123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
124) Cover your limb before you swim
125) Retain your bailer then impail her
126) Rope your dope then make some soap
127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
131) Cover your stone before you bone
132) House your hose then curl her toes
133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
136) Cover old sly then do her dry
137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
139) If your nude tube your dude
140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
142) Can your spam then bam that mam
143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
147) Shed old spot then do her slot
148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
150) Bag your elm then take the helm
151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
153) Constrain that agate you ain't no ******
154) Survey your land then plant her stand
155) Before you drive her protect that diver
156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
158) Cover you post then slice her roast
159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
161) Contain that viper before you pipe her

162)Aids kill dont be silly get that condom on your willy

BE SAFE, USE A CONDOM

*id like to thank my granny for supplying me with this list!

Kivaro

Originally Posted by gimme5minutes
People like you are the reason boards has become so boring and bland over the last 11 months. It's hard to find a thread these days where rules and charters aren't being thrown in your face at the slightest opportunity, it's getting to be a serious pain in the hole.

Wait a second. Where did this post go?
They are not just deleting posts now, are they?

we'llallhavetea_old

My name is URL wrote: »

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wolfbagging

oh dear god... someone please take this back

Millicent wrote: »

Ah no, Bonito, don't be going to Yahoo for sex advice. Come to AH!:D

Seriously, do a poll of your female friends. I guarantee most of them have had that experience and I guarantee not one of them was impressed or excited in any way.

not the tuning in part but.... rough nipple action's nice

nicegirl

Enjoy your weekend OP!! I hope you can rise to the occasion!

starbelgrade

My name is URL wrote: »

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wolfbagging

Jesus H, man - it's his first time!?!?! That sh*t should be left till at least the 3rd time. You don't want her to think he's not a gentleman, ffs.

kryogen

love these threads! Feekys one is still the best i have seen in a long time though!

kryogen

starbelgrade wrote: »

Jesus H, man - it's his first time!?!?! That sh*t should be left till at least the 3rd time. You don't want her to think he's not a gentleman, ffs.

exactly, you gotta build up to a good wolfbagging imo, it makes it more special

give her a donkey punch OP, she will respect you for it

K4t

Don't look at her vagina. They're disgusting. Will turn you right off.:)

Pingu-D

Bonito wrote: »

I dares ya to google "that's not sexy" then click I'm feeling lucky

Dear god man im pretty sure that just killed my ability to ever get an erection again! more importantly i think that my nana :pac:

grenache

Andres Delicious Toothbrush wrote: »

Do the spiderman on her, but in order for it to work, you have to surprise her... women fcuking love it. She'll tell all her friends and you will get as much sex as you want, but you have to do it right... Sounds odd, but they love it for some reason. This move has helped me out so much in the past...

Here's a description.

he act of jizzing in your hand after pulling out and then throwing it in your partner's eye.
Girl 1: Why are your eyes all red and swollen?
Girl 2: My boyfriend spiderman'd me last night.

You're weird! :pac:

phill106

Pingu-D wrote: »

Dear god man im pretty sure that just killed my ability to ever get an erection again! more importantly i think that my nana :pac:

Mmmmmmm is she single?





Kidding.....Seriously

3qsmavrod5twfe

Millicent wrote: »

Also, ALSO (and this is a public service announcement for all the men here- PAY ATTENTION!), that "radio tuner" thing inexperienced lads seem to be convinced a girl loves, we do not. At all.

That is all.

It's not radio tuning. It's drawing a smile as if you were using an Etch-A-Sketch. If you've ever had an Etch-A-Sketch you'll know it takes a lot of practise to get it even nearly right:p

OP, do not have a sneaky **** before doing the deed. In fact, if possible, refrain from being intimate with yourself for as long as possible before hand. Girls are really impressed by volume and if you can shoot an eight-roper (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=eight+roper) she will be massively impressed.

Professey Chin

Ruu wrote: »

Bring plenty of crisp 'n dry.

Cause with crisp n dry the vag stays crisp and dry!...............on second thoughts this probably isnt a good thing

Snas

Ok great I use my mother's e-mail for this account because I didn't have my own at the time, and when somebody thanked my last post,

Snas wrote: »

Ha nah I'm not really expecting very serious answers.

Ok so my expectations have been lowered and I'm avoiding the backdoor!

It should basically be 15 seconds of pain and awkwardness, followed by tears and a break up. Then it's back to good old fashioned fapping.

it sent a notification including that post to my mother, which she read. On the bright side at least she knows I'm avoiding the backdoor now.

So for God's sake don't thank this post until I find out how to stop the notifications!!

Sean Quagmire

Snas wrote: »

Ok great I use my mother's e-mail for this account because I didn't have my own at the time, and when somebody thanked my last post,



it sent a notification including that post to my mother, which she read. On the bright side at least she knows I'm avoiding the backdoor now.

So for God's sake don't thank this post until I find out how to stop the notifications!!

I dont buy that but if it means making things awkward at home for you, have a thanks on me.

Noopti

Pretty sure you will need to insert your penis into her vagina, but don't quote me on that...

General Zod

fake threads are fake.

Snas

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

I dont buy that but if it means making things awkward at home for you, have a thanks on me.

Great thanks a million. At least tell me how to stop the notifications??

Not trolling by the way, unfortunately.

admiralofthefleet

go at her like a bull at a gate

Bonito

Snas wrote: »

Great thanks a million. At least tell me how to stop the notifications??

Not trolling by the way, unfortunately.

This thread now has so much win


Hi Mrs Snas. I wonder if she's a MILF :pac:

Ironbar

Don't stick it into the hole with the brown ring around but into the one where the turkey head is peeping out........:D

Winty

Save it until you get married

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Lots and lots of kissing and foreplay first

Upon entry she should be as wet as an otters pocket

arybvtcw0eolkf

Nothing says "I love you" like a pearl necklace.

For Forks Sake

Laura Delightful Trench wrote: »

Nothing says "I love you" like a pearl necklace.

and a butt plug

hitlersson666

Bonito wrote: »

I dares ya to google "that's not sexy" then click I'm feeling lucky

Thats sick and wrong >.<

Feeky Magee

Give her the Charizard.

Whilst having sex with her, light her pubes on fire as you ejaculate. Your semen will douse the flame of her burning pubes. As you do this, begin flapping your arms about wildly, scream: "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN MEEEEEEE!" and run out of the room.

Trust me, they love it.

CrazyRabbit

nicegirl wrote: »

Sweet Jesus!!!:p

That's an idea...invite Jesus for a threesome.

LD 50

Feeky Magee wrote: »

Give her the Charizard.

Whilst having sex with her, light her pubes on fire as you ejaculate. Your semen will douse the flame of her burning pubes. As you do this, begin flapping your arms about wildly, scream: "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN MEEEEEEE!" and run out of the room.

Trust me, they love it.

EPIC!!:D

orourkeda

wear a plastic pig mask and spank her bare a*secheeks with a table tennis racket until she shoots off

orourkeda

Noopti wrote: »

Pretty sure you will need to insert your penis into her vagina, but don't quote me on that...

A cucumber will do.