Unmarried, not a couple and living together..

bethanne35

Hi everyone - I need some advice! I am an American living in Ireland for the last 12 years. I have a daughter and her father and I all live together in a rented house. Needless to say we have not been in a "relationship" for the last 2 years but have lived together because of money and our child. Our daughter has two passports (had - because her father ripped out the picture page of her American passport so I could not take her out of the country without his permission) and he keeps her Irish one. He refuses to give it to me and I want to know if this is legal? We have signed the shared guardianship paper and the last 7 years he has worked at being in charge of everything! I am at my wits end !!! What can do to (a) make him leave the house and (b) have total control of what is going on with our daughter. This is having a bad effect on her emotionally ...nothing to say of what it is doing to me. I can not afford a family laywer and the garda can't do anything unless he physically hurts me. What's the deal here???

metrovelvet

Reapply for the American one through the embassy. Say it was damaged and see if they will replace it without needing his signature. If you do need his signature I think you can apply to the court to overrule him. You could also contact legal aid if you cant afford a lawyer. But phone the embassy and tell them of your circumstances. But.... even with the passport he could possibly stop you from fleeing with your daughter.

The first solution is to leave the family home.

axel rose

Beth anne,
As much as you just want to take your child and go home to the States-I don't believe you can. Check out the hague convention http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/Solutions/Solutions_3854.html


On saying that, you don't say that you plan to take your child out of the state. If you are scared of his emotional abuse- your best bet is to contact citizens advice and womens aid http://www.womensaid.ie/

planetX

Find another place to rent.
have you tried talking to the people in citizens advice about what your entitlements will be as a lone parent. It would probably be of financial benefit to you to move out, as you are not a lone parent in your current situation. You might be able to get free legal aid.

Dades

Won't the OP have to get custody to move out with the child? Sounds likes she wants to end the father's attempt at total control by taking total control.

OP have you asked for the passport back for a specific travel reason?

Nevyn

No she has custody, he may have guardianship but as she is not married to him she has sole custody until such times he is awared joint or sole custody by the courts.

I would suggest you contact the embassy and then your local social welfare officer and legal aid.

Lollymcd

This is probably a bit off point but I would let the passport office (might have to wait for things to calm down there a bit first) in Dublin know that there is an issue with your childs Irish passport being withheld by one parent. Possibly the Gardaí should be informed of this too. Sorry I can't be of any other help.

Bugnug

Everybody very quick to jump to the aid of this lady. If there is one thing I have learned in life and it might be a cliche but it has kept me out of many a sticky situation, there are two sides to every story.

Nevyn

There is always two sides to every story but she is the person asking for help and she has be directed to people who can hopefully make her better informed about her options.

Bugnug

Thaedydal wrote: »

There is always two sides to every story but she is the person asking for help and she has be directed to people who can hopefully make her better informed about her options.

And how do you know that her ex partner is not looking for help else where? The really sad part about this is the irresponsible behaviour of both the adults in this situation. They have decided that they don't want to be together and so be it, but there bikering and selfish carry on is having serious effects on the victim in all of this a 12 year old child. The child needs both parents so they should be coming to some reasonable agreement with the child being put first. Obviuosly the child has some grounding here having grown up here, schools, friends a sense of home etc. But no, the adults if you could call them that are blinded by what they want. Then they will wonder in a few years why the teengaer is getting difficult, maybe troublesome at school, experimenting with alcohol etc. Same old story irresponsible people having children and then ruining them because they are not even fit to look after themselves. And before anybody asks you are speaking to the voice of experience because I came from a very similar situation. After drinking, drugging, partying and sleeping my way through my teens and most of my twentys I eventually went to counselling to sort my life out because my parents put me second in all of their ****ty decisions.

LegacyUser

I had to reply to Bugnug: I am sorry that you had to suffer the consequences of your parents' poor judgement and am happy for you that you managed to make through with counselling and help. But I think questioning the OP in the manner you have is rather unhelpful and very judgemental.

I think that she IS putting her son first. Have you any idea what her finances may be like? She has already said that she was in a stable relationship with the father and that has broken down. Being a foreign person with no family or security can be challenging even when married. In her situation, it must be awful. As an American she wont be able to avail of all the help out there for unmarried mothers as she is non-EU, unless she managed to get residency, which she hasn't indicated yet.

She may also be out of work/ finding it difficult to work or get a work permit for a new job and may be forced to stay home if her ex is so unhelpful as she will need to be there for her child.

there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to go home under such circumstances. After all, if thing went wrong for someon outside Ireland would you not encourage them to come home?

OP, I feel for you. I hope you get help. Report both passports as stolen (that is really what they are) and report your ex to the guards. Contact your GP to get counselling as am sure you are under severe stress and won't want your child exposed to tension. Contact the US embassy over getting a new passport and your rights as an American citizen to return with your child. Also contact Leagl Aid for a Family/ Immigration lawyer who can advice you.

Remember: Noone can force you to stay in a foreign country if you have better means to look after your child in your native land.

All the best and good luck!.

Nevyn

Bugnug please dont' project your circumstances growing up on to others here.
Thank you.