Christening - is a free bar (tab)at the pub expected? Are presents normally given?

mr_happy

We are paying for all food at a pub (separate catering people/food as the pub doesnt do food)

Would we be expected to pay for all drinks? (alcohol and soft drinks)

Also is it normal for the baby to be given presents/cash on the day?

axel rose

Em, personally, the LAST place I would hold a christening would be in a pub-particularly one that doesn't cater for anything other than drinking.

If your idea of a great christening is for you, your family and friends is to get p1ssed-then provide all the drink in the world!!!! (I doubt the baby will appreciate it though).


I honestly don't understand your question about presents/money. Maybe get a big box with a sign asking your guests to deposit their gift in it


With respect-are you thinking of your baby in any of these party plans?

smithy1981

mr_happy wrote: »

We are paying for all food at a pub (separate catering people/food as the pub doesnt do food)

Would we be expected to pay for all drinks? (alcohol and soft drinks)

Also is it normal for the baby to be given presents/cash on the day?

No, you shouldn't be expected to buy any drinks and most people generally bring small presents for the child, clothes etc.

dark crystal

I've never been to a christening where there was a free bar, so I certainly wouldn't put that expense on yourself. Food, yes. Drink, no.

As for what presents to expect, it all depends on the person. Unless it's a close family member, I usually give money in a card, or a token for Mothercare.

As for the venue itself, that's entirely your choice. I had my first childs christeneing in a pub, but had arranged for her grandmother to take her home after an hour, as it's not really the best place to have a small child for any length of time. In my opinion, a function room or your own house are probably more suitable, but that's just my opinion

mr_happy

We dont have a lot of money to be honest and what we have we would like to be careful with.

My family are being a bit odd I think. (perhaps more snobby than I thought) I suggested we do the catering and my father said you need to "push the boat out at Christenings" like get someone to do it. The O.H. likes cooking and is excellent so was going against our thinking to get someone else to do it.
The O.H. parents have offered to part pay for the event and are very easy going (we declined) while mine want a good bash but have offered no $. In fact I was asked "is it about the money" not wanting to go to a restaurant.
Also "the grandparents want the day off".

A friend owns a pub that doesnt do food (he will be godfather) will be throwing us a free box of red and white wine. Cool. I told my family this, it takes a big hit off the expense, thats why we want the pub function room, and we like the place.

My family dropped heavy hints about a few restaurants and hotels but that could easily run to 600 euros+ for circa 15 - 20 people.

I produced a takeaway menu from a great place that does natural food and my sister said "well Im not really a pie person" another person would like fish. Like FFS just pick something of the 15 choices on the menu! We now have to get some other food for her. My OH is loosing it as its not really our day, they want to be fussy about food and perhaps more interested in what to wear for the day.

My mother insisted on the child being baptised as it was "tradition"
Now Im sorry we started organising this as everyone is being so fussy.

There is not going to be a first communion or conf after this bullsh1t.

Re presents, I was wondering are these events a one way street expense wise thats all. Im not trying to make a profit.

axel rose

Ok so that put a different slant on it.

Now this is very important so pay attention to the next bit....


You can't keep everyone happy- so don't. Don't ask for an opinion. You are an adult with a beautiful family- now stand on your own two feet. If YOU want a small do at home- do it. If YOU want to bring a few sandwiches/cocktail sausages/ curry whatever from home to the pub then do it.


If you try to keep everyone happy then you will just be miserable.

"the grandparents want the day off".

From what?

Nevyn

Dear gods what a fuss.
Do what you and your partner want do to.
You are christening your child and holding a celebaration afterwards.
You are inviting them to the celebration of your childs christening.
If they don't like it then they don't have to show up.

The last two family christenings I was at, one was in a function room with a buffet laid on and the other was in the familes home with food and a bbq. Granted the weather was good but the celebration in the house was a lot better and it was a short walk from the church. It was a lot more relaxed and we all to to sit around and natter.

If they want a day out they can organise one for thier birthdays.
You, your partner and your child are the focus and the family and you make the choices for what you want on the day, you can't let grandparents dicated what you do as a family unit.

beachbabe

We are having our sons christening afters next week in a family friendly pub. I think the Grandparents are so delighted he is being christened they have not objected, and they know it would do no good if they did.
I don't care what people think, we want to do it this way. Having it at home is not an option as we live in an appartment. The Grandparents all offered to have it in their homes, but to be honest I did not want to put stress or pressure on them.
We will be paying for finger food and 1 welcome drink, after that people can do what they want in regards to food and drink. I think people understand we don't have the money to splash out.
We did not go for the restauant option as there will be other kids at the christening, and the pub will be more relaxed.
I have asked people not to bring presents, we have enough stuff for him, and no storage space. We have asked people to give to charity instead if they want to.
I would say, relax, enjoy the day and do what you and your other half want. It is stressful enough with a new baby, don't add to it!

finbarrk

Cover the cost of the meal for the guests. Let them look after theirselves on the drink side.

Khannie

I'd echo what the others have said. Never heard of free drinks at a christening if you're not having it in your house. No way!!!

Also, why spend lots of money on other people having a nice meal when you can spend it on yourself, your partner and your child. We're talking about the cost of several nights out + babysitting like! We did it in our house the last time. Worked a treat. Everyone had a good time, ourselves included. We'll probably do the same this time around (around 2 months from now I'd say).

bulmersgal

I was at a christening yest and had a great time. It was just in a function room with a dj on. We all bought our own drinks but it was grand as we were able to buy big bottles of 7up etc pregnant so can't drink. We just had finger food the usual cocktail sausages, chicken goujans and wings, onion rings etc. It was great as we weren't expecting food. Kids had a great time dancing to dj.

I think its unfair for your family to want you to pay for big fancy do esp if they no money is tight. A christening to me is just a time were I get to see all my family and have a natter. If you want it in house have it in house or the function room.

Seriously can't believe ur sister said she didn't like pie. For my babies chrsitening were just having it at function room with finger food and prob a salad bar as it will be in the summer. If people aren't happy feck them its all I can afford and i'm not getting into debt and depriving my child of stuff so other people can have a fancy meal.

bogtotty

I definitely would not buy drink for anyone. The idea of a christening is to celebrate the arrival of a baby, not to provide people with an excuse to get sloshed. Practically every christening I've been to has been held in the afternoon and has finished up around 8-9pm at the latest with people then being free to head to the pub if that's what they want. Children have to be out of a licensed premises by that time anyway. There's usually a bit of finger food after the church ceremony and sometimes even a cake, but if it isn't being held in someone's house there is no drink supplied. We bought in a rake of beer and spirits when my son was christened last year and it was barely touched - the burco boiler we borrowed was emptied three times for cups of tea. I think if your family wants a session, let them have one, but there's no need for you to facilitate it. And if your other half wants to cook, then go with it. Anyone who is rude enough to complain about the free food should be handed the phone number of the nearest take-away and left to their own devices.

And yes, you can expect a few cash gifts, although to be honest, your family doesn't really sound like they are selfless, giving types.

bladespin

No, at our little lad's christening we provided a caterer, usual party stuff not dinners and everyone looked after themselves drinkswise. Everyone who came gave a present, mostly cash but some lovely silver trinkets (frames and ornaments) and some clothes.

Acoshla

I don't have any kids myself but there have been a lot babies in my family over the past few years, every one of the christenings has been held in my mother's house because she cooks and bakes for them and has a big open space where everyone can fit, none of them have ever booked anywhere or paid for anything other than covering the costs of the food. After the church everyone just comes up to the house, eats, hangs around a while and then goes home, great fun, a lovely day and cheap as hell. Alcohol is never provided at all and everyone has always been happy with just the food.

I have been to christenings in pubs but it's always just been finger food provided and that's it. As other have said the day is about your family and you should choose how much you spend and what you spend it on.

parsi

Our experience has been that home-catered events are easier in the long-run.

Prepare the food in advance (where possible) and have it buffet-style - people can wander in and help-themselves if they want, people with children will almost automatically spread the load if need be (unlike a formal event where everyone has to sit at the same time). People are much more likely to help out as well and you don't have the stress of a big bill at the end. Less stress as well (believe it or not).

mr_happy

Thanks everyone I was afraid to look back at this post. It was a bit of a rant but I needed a sanity check as well to see what other families think.
I said to the OH that we got our way in the end organising this. We want to spend the 500 euro odd (saved by not going to a restaurant) on our little family of 3 by maybe her taking an extra month or 6 weeks off work extending unpaid maternity leave or whatever. I would be sick looking at a huge restaurant bill to be honest knowing that sacrifices have to be made for it.

Ok will sleep better now knowing everyone thinks likewise to us :-)

Are official invites the norm for younger friends or will a text invite do?

Davidth88

Bit of a quandry

OP , can't you ask your friend who owns the pub if he has any tame caterers ? If he has a function room I imagine he has lots of things like this .

Have some finger food ( sambos and the like ), you could even do that yourself but to be honest you may be busy enough anyway , and you do have a little one

Please try to enjoy it, it's normal I would say to buy one drink for people and to try to feed them .

I wouldn't have thought formal invites were required.

Pressies , well it's up to your guests , often it's clothes , but the god parents may want to give something a little more significant and something that would be kept.

On a personal note , I think your family is being a little unrealistic .

axel rose

Mr Happy
2 phrases that will save you from a world of pain over the next few years

"I cant tell you the details-it will ruin the surprise"


"Hmmmm, that a good suggestion, let me think about it"

cbyrd

Mr happy... please yourself and your partner

if your family expect a day out just be honest with them and say its too expensive you've a baby too look after and money just doesn't go asfar as it used too.

i'm trying to talk my husband out of a big do as we've got big families and it'd be the same size as our wedding:eek: at home with a big pot of curry, salad and sandwiches will do me, seeing as i've to do all the planning. we did my mam's house for the first and pub for the 2nd i found the pub too impersonal, so home it is for this one:)

lolli

Hey op,

My daughters christening was on Sunday. Around 100 people turned up for it. The priest said he thought he was at a wedding

We went to a pub I made the sandwiches myself, I ordered cocktail sauages, chicken drumsticks and chicken balls.. they were cooked by a local chipper. We cooked vegetarian spring rolls and onion rings ourselves.

My mam made chocolate biscuit cake and buns and she helped me with sandwiches.

My partners mam made rice krispie buns and they sorted out the christening cake. His gran brought quiche and apple tarts and some gran aunts brought lasanges. Everyone had loads of food.

Everyone bought their own drinks.

My daughter got money, prize bonds and loads of presents.

jood22

Mr Happy, I an't belive the f%cking cheek of your family, do they not realise the sheer cost of just having a baby???? My daughter is beng chistened next week and we toyed with what we should do afterthe christening. Like yourself we don't want to spend a fortune. Also we aethe 1st of all of our friends to have a baby and a lot of our mates presumed they were all coming - so had to tell them small family do only.
Also re invites, don't waste your money, a text or a call mor than suffices.
Just ignore the family (although i know that can be v hard!) and do what makes you guys happy.
Good luck with it!

caprilicious

Sorry to hijack the thread, but can I ask you guys what age you got your little one's christened at? I've no idea if there is a 'norm' for when you get them baptised?

OP I hope whatever happens that you, your partner and junior get to enjoy the day. I hadn't realised it could be nearly as bad as organising a wedding, I have it all ahead of me!

I think you're being more than generous arranging the food and venue, I'd definitely let guests buy their own drinks.

I thought I had the christening sussed til I read this thread.
I live fairly far out in the sticks so having it at home would be awkward. I was going to have buffet in small function room of hotel near church for about 40 people, but I hadn't considered entertainment ie, a DJ
There more there seems involved in it, the more I'd love to just go to restaurant with the close family

Nevyn

3 months onwards is ususally the age for baptisms.

Penny Dreadful

caprilicious wrote: »

Sorry to hijack the thread, but can I ask you guys what age you got your little one's christened at? I've no idea if there is a 'norm' for when you get them baptised?

OP I hope whatever happens that you, your partner and junior get to enjoy the day. I hadn't realised it could be nearly as bad as organising a wedding, I have it all ahead of me!

I think you're being more than generous arranging the food and venue, I'd definitely let guests buy their own drinks.

I thought I had the christening sussed til I read this thread.
I live fairly far out in the sticks so having it at home would be awkward. I was going to have buffet in small function room of hotel near church for about 40 people, but I hadn't considered entertainment ie, a DJ
There more there seems involved in it, the more I'd love to just go to restaurant with the close family

You don't need to provide entertainment or anything like a DJ. Granted I have no children but am an aunt to 6 (3 nieces, 3 nephews) and each of my sisters had their children Christened. One of them had people (i.e.immediate family on both sides and godparents and their husbands/wives) back to the house and had buffet type food or a big casserole and some wine and cake. The other hired a small function room in a nice pub and had a buffet type thingy there. She opted for this because her house was fairly small at the time and found this easier.
Each of the events was a really nice family affair and the food was yum and no one felt any need for entertainment.

littlebug

Mine were 4/5 months and that was after constant haranguing from family for a date. For the first it was a cordoned off section of a hotel bar and buffet/ finger food. No entertainment. With the second we had fewer people (13) so had a sit down meal in a hotel. I avoided the house thing to avoid all the associated extra work plus the two sides of the family aren't exactly compatible so I thought they'd be on better behaviour if we were out somewhere with more going on around us rather than all in one room looking at each other

whatdoicare

My sister in law to be had the very same problem as you and (I love how she did this,really, she's a tiny 5 foot nothing, eight stone pixie!) made faces at her new son, then, with just the calmest face ever turned to her mam and dad and said "I don't want anything to do with this b*llsh*t, you guys do whatever you want with your money and you tell me where to be and what time and I just might be there, if it suits!" and then went back to making faces at her baby!

Classic!

They shut up then and let her do what she wanted in the first place (a very small family meal cooked by my OH, myself and his brother) and it was fabulous!:D

tscul32

Both baptised at about 6/7 weeks, both times I made a casserole type thing and had rice and a few salads/bread back at the house. First time we had a few friends at it as well as family, maybe 25 altogether and then we invited my husbands aunts and uncles to the house too, don't really see much of them but we'd lost my father in law 2 weeks earlier so it was for my mother in law really. Second time we had just 10 adults and 1 child (including us) and I did the food but we went to my mams' house to eat it (bit of inlaw strife:() and my dad's sister and brother came over too with 1 wife and son.

None of our family/friends have ever done anything big, usually involves a bit of buffet food and a glass of wine afterwards, everyone gone home by 7pm.

mr_happy

Update …..

the christening is on Saturday and we are getting a restuarant to do us some Lazagne / Shepards pies etc.

We got word that one of the kids wants a "baked" potato. So thats our boilded potato plan out the window.

If I had my time over on this one it would be a lot different, but for now the food has been arranged, ther ei sno way we could cater for the different tastes/requests ourselves. Ok that’s done.

Next thing is we arrive to the church for a meeting tonight. We were told our christening was a 12.30 pm kick off. Each family was half hour appart. I saw this myself. "It depends on how many people there are on the day when the last one is" Now there are about 12 families! If either of us hear "its your day" again we are going to loose it. It’s a fcukin process line of a few men in dresses and a load of families! How special we feel now.

We are both considering cancelling but will get written out of the will for it as someone said to us.
I hate the baptism candle the way it has communion and conf on it. Neither of us want her to get first communion or conf.

We have both just agreed that the candle is getting baptised on the way home. Its going in the river.

I just feel a great relief now. No wedding (us two) and no other supersticiopus ceremonies in our family.
What a load of BS.

axel rose

Yup, its a big steaming pile of BS. Unless you want your child to be a catholic/christian then it means nothing. My husband was the one that wanted our son christened so I let him organise everything. Now that my husband died- that god boll1x can go fvck himself if my son is ever going to step foot in a church again.


Please read back through your posts and see how much you are concerned about 'what people think'. I mean this in the nicest way-you are an adult, would you ever grow a pair and stand up for yourself and follow up with what you believe in. You wont be Mr happy for long if you keep doing what the crowd wants.

Best of luck for Saturday though!

Ludo

mr_happy wrote: »

We got word that one of the kids wants a "baked" potato. So thats our boilded potato plan out the window.

Well there is your problem!
Special requests for food??? What the hell. If someones kid is fussy eater, it's their problem, not yours. I cant believe someone had the neck to even get word to ye on this. I would have told whoever passed on that message to go take a flying jump!

I always find that the best way to do these kind of things (weddings and christenings) is for you to do exactly what you want to do yourself to ensure you enjoy the day. 95% of people attending will also have a great time. The will always be 5% who find something to complain and bitch about so why bother trying to please 100% of people. It is impossible.

Davidth88

Ludo wrote: »

Well there is your problem!
Special requests for food??? What the hell. If someones kid is fussy eater, it's their problem, not yours. I cant believe someone had the neck to even get word to ye on this. I would have told whoever passed on that message to go take a flying jump!

I always find that the best way to do these kind of things (weddings and christenings) is for you to do exactly what you want to do yourself to ensure you enjoy the day. 95% of people attending will also have a great time. The will always be 5% who find something to complain and bitch about so why bother trying to please 100% of people. It is impossible.

You know you beat me to it , what a damn cheek .