Older Dads

Khannie

Davidth88 wrote: »

Lord , when I am 50 , my daughter will be 7 .

some of the posts in this thread are actually making me really upset.

Try not to let them. I don't think anyone's saying it's a really bad idea. For what it's worth, my wifes dad was around the same age when she was born. He's well into his 70's now and happy and healthy.

Pretty_Pistol

Elle Collins wrote: »

Have you any idea how lucky you are to be the child of an older dad? Have you any idea how lucky you are to have had him all the years you were growing up? Have you any idea how lucky you are to still have your dad? You're upset because (in your view) his age means he won't be around much longer, well here's news - age is no guarantee of how long anyone will be around. I had young parents both of the age you would deem appropriate to start a family and they're both dead - long dead. I am giving my opinion from the childs perspective also. You were lucky, incredibly so, and are just too self-involved to see it.

I know how lucky I am to have the Dad that I do and that there are plenty of younger Dads out there that are awful but that doesn't mean that I can't have an opinion on how late they continued to have children.

I've already said that I know younger parents can pass away in my first post.

Elle Collins wrote: »

You said earlier that you were well aware of how biology worked for both men and women. I doubt that since you don't seem to have factored the functioning of reproduction into your argument - had your parents had a child ten or fifteen years earlier it wouldn't have been you that was born; it would have been someone else.

You don't think I know that.

Elle Collins wrote: »

I hate arguing and that's not where I want to go with this, but your comments have been offensive to me and hurtful to another poster who is an older dad. Maybe you ought to look at this situation from a different point of view for a second to see where others are coming from.

I can see how it would upset the other poster and it's not intentional but just because I feel differently to you doesn't mean I shouldn't express how I feel and if you look back on the thread I'm not the only one with this view.

Dave!

Khannie wrote: »

That's a load of muck tbh. My dad had me when he was 40 and died when I was 25. My sisters are a good bit older than me and got 40+ years with him. Their kids got to know their grandfather and mine didn't / wont. etc. etc. Because you spend your teens and early 20's out with your mates (who didn't / doesn't) I didn't really get a chance to know him properly. Also, you're looking at a guy in his late 50's having to deal with a stroppy teenager from time to time. There are definitely downsides.

OP: While there are downsides I wouldn't let it put you off though. Just my 2c.

Of course there are downsides, nobody has said that there aren't.

I'm sure any father would love to be around to watch the grandkids grow up, absolutely.

But a father's job is ultimately to raise his own children, so if he does that then excellent.

I'm sure nobody would be more disappointed than him that he doesn't get to play with the grandchildren, etc.

GerardKeating

Davidth88 wrote: »

I was 44 when my first little one was born

Love every min !


Good luck

Same here, well 46 really.

stovelid

While I have reservations about the odd assisted pregnancy stories you hear involving older women, I think 45 is OK.

I grew up with only one grandparent, and while I'm delighted my boy has three left, his relationship with his grandparents is secondary to us bringing him up.

Given the amount of neglect out there, a child is blessed to have loving parents, no matter what their age.

C2

Ok I KNOW this post is a year old but I came across it and was pretty shocked by the attitude of the person who said that having an older dad (from their own experience) was a problem and that they had friends who agreed.

Well here's my point of view- my dad is 89. He had his kids at 48, 53 and 55. He is now a grandad and his grandchildren love him. He has been a total rock to us.

There are many big advantages to being an older dad- he had no loans, mortgages or stresses by that time. He had more time to spend with us. He had a far greater understanding of the world when he had us. We have had a great life, I never have seen my parents argue, we have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with them and see a lot of things and places that families struggling with mortgages etc can't.

And hey, so he mightn't have been as fit as a 30 year old dad but the other stuff made up for it!!

There are advantages and disadvantages to everything in life. You should love and appreciate what you have!

Moonbeam

I think once you are young enough to cope with the kids and you both want them then he isn't too old for them.
One of the best dads that I know is 42 with a 1 year old.

Hotblack Desiato

I've a strong suspicion that many of the odder comments in this thread (a 45-year-old's kids will have to worry about nursing homes when they're 20?!?) are written from the perspective of someone in their mid-20s, at most. 40 seems old then

stovelid

It seems a little selfish to shift the goalposts of parental duty from successfully raising you to add successfully dispensing with grandparent duties too.

Neyite

I had an older dad. He was 43 when he started his family and 59 when the last of us was born. He spent his twenties and thirties working his fingers to the bone to afford a mortgage-free home for his future wife and children. He did this an more - when we came along, he had been made redundant and his redundancy money coupled with his savings and pensions, meant that if he was careful with it, he didnt need to work again.

He had the time to make us our breakfast every morning, I got to come home to a dad at home every day after school. He ate dinner with us as a family every single day. I am truly blessed that he had the wisdom to secure his future financially in order that he could enjoy his children, and we could enjoy our dad. It made me sad when I would hear friends dads barely seeing them because of work. I believe that if I added up all the time spent with my dad, I would still have far more than other girls my age with a dad 20 years younger, purely because their dad would be working until all hours.

He was in his eighties when he died, and for as long as we could, we kept him at home and cared for him during his long illness. As heartbreaking as it was to see him fade, he had good innings, he saw some of his grandkids, and lived to see us all graduate and settled with good partners and in good jobs. That was his simple dream in life - he always put his kids first.

I consider it a priviledge that I got to care for him in his final years. God knows it was the least I could do after all he did for us long before he even met our mother.

Chocholic7

My father was 50 when he and his new wife had my brother. Was funny as I had my first child that year too! I don't think it's selfish having childeren at an older age, I know there is a risk you may not be around for as long as you hope when they are in their mid 20's onwards but as long as the child is loved and grows up in a safe and happy environment then that's all that matters

LegacyUser

I'm 25, my youngest sister is 10, and my father is 62.

When I think back to 15 years ago, when I was a 10 year old, my memories are of a very strict workaholic father. He was self-employed, and I remember when we finished school each day we'd be waiting in the playground for anything from 30 minutes to (often) up to three hours for him to get a chance to collect us from school and bring him home. He was very uptight and tense a lot of the time, and generous with the wooden spoon! Really, we didn't see enough of him to know him too well. I have the odd happy memory of when he would "play" with us, when we were away on holidays etc, and it was so much fun. But we never really got the chance to get close enough to "confide" in him and to get close to him.

Over the years he has mellowed so much, and I now consider him one of my best friends. He is now retired, and I suppose you would call him a "house husband".

I arrived at my parents house the other evening. My father was playing in the front garden with my 10 year old sister and a group of her friends, they were playing piggy in the middle and he was the "piggy". He and they were having the time of their lives - he seemed to have more energy and enthusiasm than a man half his age, teasing and tricking the kids and making them run all over the place, and of course they loved it and were having great fun. I rarely see younger fathers getting so involved with childish games with their kids!

He now has all the time in the world for my young sister along with his other children, and he has the experience to be able to let the small things slide and to chill out a bit - my youngest sister never experienced any strict discipline, and she's probably the best behaved of any of us!

He's certainly a different father to the father I had while I was growing up - but it's not a bad thing. I certainly can't imagine that my little sister will have anything but good memories of him to look back on.

You can't know what the future will bring. He might die tomorrow or he might live to a hundred - but you could say the say about a twenty year old father. I personally think that the age of a person is pretty much irrelevant to what kind of parent they will be.

Victor Meldrew

Pretty_Pistol wrote: »

I don't want to seem like a downer but as a child of an older Dad (late 40's) I think it's kind of selfish to have children after 45.

I love my Dad and he was great when I was growing up. He was very healthy considering his age. But now he is really getting on he seems to be deteriorating quite fast and more than likely won't be around for when any of us have children which makes me sad to think about it.

I know people will say that accidents/disease/death can happen to young parents but I'm just saying this as someone with an older parent.

Don't want to sound crass, but, anything can happen in life.

Early death can be an issue, but, not having a grandparent is not the end of the world. you and your kids will be fine with that.

I lost my Dad when i was 11 long (illness), I'm 38 now and there is a good chance that I will not be there for my kids (4.5 & almost 2) weddings. Losing a parent leaves a huge void in your life, grandparents are a "nice to have" by comparison.

However, marital breakup and resulting estrangement are far bigger risks when embarking on having a family.

This does not stop people wanting kids. better to have them when you are ready psychologically (mature) than at the biologically optimal time (25?).

deman

I find the OP's post almost insulting and very immature. Maybe instead of worrying if a first-time father is too old for a newborn baby, you should be asking if you are ready to take on this huge responsibility. I know quite a few men who became dads for the first time in their early 40 and can handle it much better that men 10 years their junior. I had my first at 28 and my youngest at 40, so know what I'm talking about.

LegacyUser

I'm the child of an older dad (44 when I was born) and it was great. Sadly he passed away when I was 21 (he was 65, which is a bit younger than average for his generation).

I got a father who had been in relationships, been divorced, travelled all over the world and reached the top of his profession. He taught me so much about life that a 20 year old couldn't have.

And yes, it's sad that if I have kids, he'll never meet them - but that has more to do with the fact he died prematurely and I want a family as late as safely possible. A man of his generation could easily have lived another 10-15 years in good health. Still, it's a shame he'll never meet them.

But I can pass on the memory of an amazing man to them - a very different man than the one I would have known if he'd had me when he was twenty years younger.

If I have kids, I can tell them his stories about living in England, Japan, the UAE, American, Canada, Germany and the Netherlands. I can tell them the lessons he learned from his first marriage and divorce.

He would have been a great dad anyway, even if I had been born 20 years earlier. even though I lost him too soon, I'm perfectly happy with the one I got and wouldn't change him for anything

There are huge advantages and disadvantages to both - if you raise your kids in a loving environment and are good parents, then they'll handle the disadvantages just fine!