im so happy i have a boyfriend

mariaalice

im curious about this and maybe im making too much of it but

my 17 year old daughter has being meeting someone then he asked her out formally...she was telling me this and said im so happy i have a boyfriend she was so exited about it!

now the thing is she is tall, slim, attractive, she has lots of friends she is doing well at school, she has lots of interests, she is articulate and outgoing....yet the one thing that is making her supremely happy at the moment is having a boyfriend!!!

im happy she has a boyfriend

buy why dose happiness for so many women.. revolve around having a boyfriend or if your older having a man in your life.

Snoopy1

I hate to say it but my life revolves around having a man also.
This is my first time single in 11 years and i hate it.
Even two weeks ago when i met a bloke, i wanted to call him my boyfriend, as it makes me feel better saying i have a boyfriend

miss5

I just finished school last year and there is a lot of peer pressure to
have a boyfriend especially if your friends do. I must admit myself
and my friends who are aged 18-22 love being in a relationship.
I gues it is sad in 2010 girls need a guy to complete
them but as a matter of preference I much prefer being with my
boyfriend than going out single. Although I do't think you need
a boyfriend to be happy that comes from yourself.

Chinafoot

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I hate to say it but my life revolves around having a man also.
This is my first time single in 11 years and i hate it.
Even two weeks ago when i met a bloke, i wanted to call him my boyfriend, as it makes me feel better saying i have a boyfriend

No offence at all Snoopy1, but this I simply do not get. I think if a person is so unhappy without a relationship they need to look at themselves and figure out whats wrong. Having a boyfriend won't automatically make everything ok. Your life isn't over if you don't have someone right now. Wanting to call someone your boyfriend right after you meet him smacks of desperation and I'd be worried that you'd end up in a relationship with the wrong person just so you can say you're in a relationship. A friend once told me "you will never find true love until you can truly love yourself". She's dead right and I honestly believe that anyone who can't live without a boyfriend doesn't truly love themselves. (Meant to be in no way offensive btw!)

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter. I think at that age there can be big pressure to have a boyfriend amongst groups of girls. She might be happy that she's caught up with her friends. Or, if this is her first proper boyfriend, she might feel its been a long time coming.

Make sure you teach her that its ok to be on your own and that she should be in a relationship with someone she cares about and not just with any old fella for the sake of having a boyfriend. I'm in a long term relationship and myself and my married friend often joke that we'd hate to be single again...but tbh, I mean I'd hate to be without my other half.

Dudess

Some teenage girls genuinely are "man mad" though - I've friends who dreamed about boys 24 hours a day when we were teenagers. They were dying for a boyfriend, not because it was the done thing, but because they genuinely wanted to be in a relationship. I wasn't one of those "man mad" girls, but by 17 I was quite keen on having a boyfriend (before that, no interest in going out with anyone) but it definitely wasn't just for the sake of going along with the crowd - I don't know, I just wanted to be in a lovey dovey couple. A lot of this is hormonal too (don't freak, OP! :eek::D)

But yeah, I agree it's best not to be in a relationship if you have stuff to sort out in your own head first, otherwise you risk transferring this into the relationship and onto your partner, which can lead to heartache - for both parties.

princess-lala

Meh I love being single!

Being in a relationship doesnt change me or my way of doing things - just means I have one extra person to fit in :rolleyes: Im 25 btw

Even at 17 I wasnt mad for a boyfriend!

Wibbs

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I hate to say it but my life revolves around having a man also.
This is my first time single in 11 years and i hate it.
Even two weeks ago when i met a bloke, i wanted to call him my boyfriend, as it makes me feel better saying i have a boyfriend

I knew a woman, accomplished and very attractive who was nearing her 30th birthday single. Meets a guy 4 days before her party and introduced him to all and sundry as her boyfriend. Even went as far as to suggest they were together for aaaages, even to me, who had introduced them not a week previously. I had an ex, another clever and good looking woman, where she said we needed "a break" from us to hopefully get the relationship back on track(dontcha looove the classics :rolleyes: ). The very week we discussed this she was out and about with my replacement and introducing him as her boyfriend(to people I knew to boot). Ditto with her family. I've been introduced as the Boyfriend tm in similar circumstances. It used to rankle me TBH, but more experience has shown me for many women they judge themselves on their relationship status. Much much more than men.

IMHO its not so much judgement of who they are as people, but who they are socially, mostly to other women. Career, hobbies, boyfriend with the latter making up the set. Plus women on average talk more about relationships than men anyway. How to find a nice guy, how to keep the nice guy, generally much more focus on that. A single guy can be seen as footloose and fancy free, a single woman stands out more and the longer shes single the more she may feel out of place. Even words show this. The word bachelor has an OK even positive ring to it, spinster is immediately pejorative to the ear. Sometimes I have gotten the feeling that almost any guy would do in a pinch and while mens willies can get them into trouble, many women mates of mine have perished on the rocks of this need for relationship acceptance. Or they stay in relationships way beyond the sell by date, if there even was one to start with.

The more society says its OK and indeed a perfectly fine state to be in this will continue. TBH it needs to start with other women. I've quite honestly very very rarely heard a man comment negatively on a woman's single status. At most a "wow! she's single? I cant believe that". I've heard women comment though. More than once, or the sideways snide comments along the lines of talking about their own partner and how great the relationship is to make a point, or just as likely to make themselves feel better that they've "got a man".

colatube

princess-lala wrote: »

Meh I love being single!

Being in a relationship doesnt change me or my way of doing things - just means I have one extra person to fit in :rolleyes: Im 25 btw

Even at 17 I wasnt mad for a boyfriend!

Lesbian!!

Dudess

Wibbs wrote: »

The more society says its OK and indeed a perfectly fine state to be in this will continue. TBH it needs to start with other women. I've quite honestly very very rarely heard a man comment negatively on a woman's single status. At most a "wow! she's single? I cant believe that". I've heard women comment though. More than once, or the sideways snide comments along the lines of talking about their own partner and how great the relationship is to make a point, or just as likely to make themselves feel better that they've "got a man".

100%.

The way so many women cave into this is a bit depressing. You should be seeking a partner because of them, not because of everyone else.

Wibbs

colatube this isnt AH so get used to the forum for a while and think before you post or you wont be posting in her for long. Thanks

princess-lala

No Im not a lesbian I just have more important things to do with my time than go looking for a boyfriend!

colatube

princess-lala wrote: »

No Im not a lesbian I just have more important things to do with my time than go looking for a boyfriend!

Would you not feel different if one came along swooning after you?!

And I was joking about the lesbian thing!

Wanna go for dinner with me next Friday?!

SeekUp

I don't know, I can kind of see it. I was single for ages and it never really bothered me (probably because I always felt I'd end up with someone eventually and there was no rush to do so), but I can definitely understand people wanting a boyfriend -- not just to seem "better" and/or as if they have everything to other people, but to have that kind of relationship that can't be shared with family and friends. I'm not talking about the people who meet someone and within a week are envisioning the rest of their lives together or anything like that, but the people who genuinely enjoy being in and want to be in a relationship, where someone is with you emotionally and physically, as a friend and as a lover. It's quite a unique place, if you think about it.

I don't really think that's the case for a 17-year-old, however -- or at the very least, not on that level. As most people have said, it's probably some combination of feeling as if she's being "normal" and the first real taste of being desirable by the opposite sex.

That being said, I wouldn't think it's particularly healthy for that to cloud the rest of someone's life, or for someone to not be happy unless they're in a relationship, no matter now not-so-good that relationship might be. And I think it's worth examining why they feel better in a relationship, and to be honest with themselves about why that is the case. Ideally, one should be content and happy with themselves first, and have the ability to share that with another person. I mean, it's all about balance, isn't it?

Silverfish

colatube, please read the charter before posting here again.

Thank you.

sam34

some women just define themselves by having a boyfriend, its a sign of success to them

my sister never dumped one man til she had his replacement lined up

i dont think she was ever single for a full 24 hours......until her husband left her

she now feels as if she is a "failure" at life, despite the fact that she has a very good job, is reasonably well off and has a lot of friends

pow wow

It's a stamp of approval so to speak isn't it? Like someone 'chose' you.

Can't say being single bothers me too much when I'm single though. I'm happy enough to be the unchosen one

minidazzler

Relationship hoppers make me wary in one sense. I mean, how can one only feel happy in themselves because they have a relationship?

I don't believe in this soul mate crap, I think there are more than a small number of people I could happily live my life with.

But Plato was a believer in it. He said something to the tune of, we all had 4 arms, 4 legs and one head with 2 faces, before zeus decided to split us and now we are all doomed to wander looking for our literal other half so we can be complete.

Maybe these people believe something similar, that they truely are not complete unless they have their other half to share it with?

Silverfish

I'd say it's more a rite of passage thing for your daughter. She may not be one of the types whose life revolves around having a boyfriend, but whose life didn't revolve around their first real boyfriend, the one you thought you'd be with forever and ever, and you think he's wonderful and OMG he likes you too.....


....and then reality sinks in

red herring

Hey OP

I was in a similar position to your daughter. Having a boyfriend was a really big deal though I look back now and shudder at my stupidity! Its a big deal at this age and alot of it is being the envy of your friends, tbh! Its the kind of fairytale romance many girls dreams of, blame it on mass-media influence and soppy films like the notebook, but the idea of ''young romance'' in all its perfect packaging is irresistable to (some) impressionable young women.
I have seen the less-attractive aspect of being in relationships with immature young guys so I don't have that fairytale idea of young romance at all anymore!
I'm sure this is a phase. Once she realizes that alot of young guys don't share her picture-perfect romance ideals she'll get over it! The reality of a relationship is wayyy harder than it looks when you're that age.
I'm sure your daughter is an intelligent, sharp young woman, but I am too and that didn't stop me getting caught up in this must-have boyfriend-phase.
Personally, I grew out of it pretty fast. I have learnt to concentrate on more important things than young men, I don't hold the rose-tinted view of relationships at all anymore.
Alot of it is peer pressure, and and alot of young girls want to ''have a boyfriend'' from as early as 13. Its societal pressure too. Some girls grow out of it and realize they don't need a man to be complete. Some never do.
Make it clear to her the importance of not settling for less just to fill a void. Her boyfriend should not be a reflection on her, or an accessory to parade around. stress the importance of being with someone because you like them, not because of peer pressure.
If she learns not to cave into peer pressure to have a boyfriend at 17, she has a better chance of not caving into societal pressure to have ''any'' man in her 30s.
Its great that shes happy with her new boyfriend, and if shes with him because she genuinely likes him then its perfectly normal.

tweety_bird

As a 21 y/o female, I'm not far off from your daughter. Most of my friends have boyfriends, and I am the single one of the bunch of us. There is pressure for teens and students in Uni's like myself to have a boyfriend/girlfriend just for the sake of it which is just stupid.

IMO i think that having a guy in your life can be a security issue. Knowing that someone is there for you in a way that no family member or friend can be.

We should feel comfortable with ourselves and independent enough not to have to rely on another person to complete us.

destinybabe

Absolutely it's not even just about being completed I don't think though because we learn as we go along that only we can complete ourselves.It's partly about companionship/sharing yourself knowing you're liked/attractive to that someone special outside of your family/friends,the excitment of a new experience potential of getting close emotionally for her too possibly.I love my boyfriend to pieces,I'm happy in life generally, but he adds that extra magical *something* to life all the time.

Dudess

It's perfectly possible and reasonable to be keen on a relationship, while still being contented single. Once you're happy either way - and once neither prospect fills you with dread, you're doing pretty well.

metrovelvet

I think for some women it validates their identity. A lot of the posts here, especially wibbs' tales, remind me of Muriel's Wedding.

LenaClaire

I think there are some women who tie up thier own self worth with who they are dating but from your description it sounds like your daughter is a smart young woman with a good head on her shoulders. Give her a little time and I am sure the initial excitement will wear off.

I remember how excited I was when I had my first real boyfriend. I think it was more of a sort of coming of age thing than feeling like I had to have a man in my life. It was like the same excitement as when I started my period. It was a step in becoming a grown up lady.

We dated for a few months and then went our seperate ways and while there is always a giddyness when you are first starting a relationship that can also have more to do with the love hormones than with needing to be in a relationship.

I was single and living on my own for 5 years before I met my husband and they were some fantastic years. They taught me to rely on myself and that I am a darn cool person with or without a romantic relatonship.

Snoopy1

sam34 wrote: »

some women just define themselves by having a boyfriend, its a sign of success to them

my sister never dumped one man til she had his replacement lined up

i dont think she was ever single for a full 24 hours......until her husband left her

she now feels as if she is a "failure" at life, despite the fact that she has a very good job, is reasonably well off and has a lot of friends

Yep this is exactly what i did, and how i feel now

Dudess

jujibee wrote: »

I remember how excited I was when I had my first real boyfriend. I think it was more of a sort of coming of age thing than feeling like I had to have a man in my life. It was like the same excitement as when I started my period. It was a step in becoming a grown up lady.

We dated for a few months and then went our seperate ways and while there is always a giddyness when you are first starting a relationship that can also have more to do with the love hormones than with needing to be in a relationship.

Yeah, the excitement of meeting someone and they being attracted to you - well it's always a good buzz - but the first time? Awesome!

Assets Model

Silverfish wrote: »

I'd say it's more a rite of passage thing for your daughter. She may not be one of the types whose life revolves around having a boyfriend, but whose life didn't revolve around their first real boyfriend, the one you thought you'd be with forever and ever, and you think he's wonderful and OMG he likes you too.....


....and then reality sinks in

Yeah exactly she's only 17 it's exciting at that age and maybe a bit of peer pressure too she's probably seen as cooler among her friends. I wouldn't worry about it.

Kanye

As far as I can make out. Girls between 17 and 21 or 22 feel that they need to have a boyfriend. This is probably because of (a) hormones and (b) their peers being in similar relationships.

Next comes a period of singledom that most women seem to enjoy, whether enjoying girly fun or playing the field a bit (more mind-based than hormone-based, imo). Finally, a desire to settle and perhaps have children or just something more stable and reliable sets in and it's back to monogamy (mix of mind & hormones).

Of course, I'm a twenty something man so the above is broad and speculative generalisation that's probably just based on one person I know who's a girl.

menorcababy

I wouldn't stress over it. I'm 22 and at 17 having a boyfriend was the bee all and end all! Now I'm off travelling the world and a boyfriend means little or nothing to me but 17 its cool to have a boyfriend. You'll probably find the phase passes once she can start going out, gets a job etc.,

beks101

Kanye wrote: »

As far as I can make out. Girls between 17 and 21 or 22 feel that they need to have a boyfriend. This is probably because of (a) hormones and (b) their peers being in similar relationships.

Next comes a period of singledom that most women seem to enjoy, whether enjoying girly fun or playing the field a bit (more mind-based than hormone-based, imo). Finally, a desire to settle and perhaps have children or just something more stable and reliable sets in and it's back to monogamy (mix of mind & hormones).

Though you can't really generalise, this is pretty much it for me.

I remember being a teenager and feeling wholly inadequate for not having a boyfriend. I remember in particular being at the Gaeltacht and the whole aim for me and most of my female acquaintances there was to get our names on balla na gra! :rolleyes:

I think from there a lot of girls either get into relationship-hopping mode or learn to be comfortable on their own. Although these two obviously don't have to be mutually exclusive, they often are for many of us.

I've been single a good while now so my only choice has been to get used to being on my own and I'm glad to say I actually love my own company. I haven't had any long-termers so my identity has been shaped around me and me alone, so I guess that will stand to me when I do meet someone special.

I do think there's a lot more social pressure on women to be in relationships though and I've got a handful of female friends who are going out with men who are clearly not compatible with them, because the idea of the alternative is so horrifying to them. A good friend of mine who's 25 broke up with her boyfriend of two years two weeks ago and already is worrying about being 'left on the shelf'. Another friend of mine's parents got hitched when they were quite young, about 20 or so...she's also 25 and virtually every weekend gets the 'when are you going to meet someone' speech.

Being single, female and in your 20s/30s is nearly viewed as a disease to many, as opposed to something of a novelty if you're male.

Pembily

My two cents is I feel its cos a likes you and wants to be your boyfriend thus it means that you are good looking enough to be chosen and it boosts your self confidence!!!

Its prob only a phase!

Wibbs

beks101 wrote: »

I do think there's a lot more social pressure on women to be in relationships though and I've got a handful of female friends who are going out with men who are clearly not compatible with them, because the idea of the alternative is so horrifying to them. A good friend of mine who's 25 broke up with her boyfriend of two years two weeks ago and already is worrying about being 'left on the shelf'. Another friend of mine's parents got hitched when they were quite young, about 20 or so...she's also 25 and virtually every weekend gets the 'when are you going to meet someone' speech.

Being single, female and in your 20s/30s is nearly viewed as a disease to many, as opposed to something of a novelty if you're male.

+1 Funny as a single guy I generally get little or no comment from other men about my relationship status. Well if they're in the first throes of luurve they may go all misty eyed. Married guys I havent see for ages may ask if Im hitched and when I reply no, more often than not they applaud not getting "tied down" Women mates on the other hand it's one of the first things they ask me. Then its either a "aahhhh thats a pity" or they try to set me up. Almost as if its sooo bad to be single. They just cant see why I wouldnt want a relationship.

All my long term exes were one man to the next types. I used to think that was as much me selecting the type like that(and it has some effect), but I see this pattern more often than not with women mates and women in general. IMHO its not a good sign in someone. I wouldnt trust someone like that romantically as far as I would throw them. IME they play romantic musical chairs and when the music stops(usually late 20's early 30's) they sit and stay on whatever chair is under them at the time. Little enough to do with either love of compatibility.

Darlughda

Its a funny one this question.

I would have been the exact same at 17, and truth be told, I would be as full of excitement as your daughter, OP, if I was in the exciting starter days of an interesting relationship. Its a very intoxicating, loved up, feeling great, enthusiastic and fun state.

However, I could not bear to be in a stuffy conventional relationship, not to mention a few other well known types, and I am happy being single. Therefore not greatly motivated to make an effort to change that, unless I met somebody who was so interesting that I would reconsider my singleness for. I like my life and my independence and the merest sniff of co-dependency makes me run faster than the sight of maggots.

I get the bellylaughs when I am out socially and have to endure conversatiion with the type of woman who gave her wedding the all, and maybe the relationship and mortgage and kids isn't what its cracked up to be, looking at me intently with a sympathetic gaze , asking those pointed questions about why I am single and how do I cope. Fnucken LOL!:pac:

Crazy Penguin

Op
At 17 I think most girls go through that. It's a need to grow up and feel like you are grown up-since deep down you know til 18 you won't be seen as a adult and all that.

I'm now 24 and have had a few bf but nothin huge. I have a bf now and he's great but he's been my best friend for almost 3 years before we ended up together. I know I don't need him to be happy, I was happy before we got together it just so happens that I find myself even happier now we're all loved up etc. He's my best friend always have been and always will be. We're just even better as a couple

don't worry about your daughter OP we all went through a teenage crush and we all find our feet. Best of luck

beks101

Wibbs wrote: »

All my long term exes were one man to the next types. I used to think that was as much me selecting the type like that(and it has some effect), but I see this pattern more often than not with women mates and women in general. IMHO its not a good sign in someone. I wouldnt trust someone like that romantically as far as I would throw them. IME they play romantic musical chairs and when the music stops(usually late 20's early 30's) they sit and stay on whatever chair is under them at the time. Little enough to do with either love of compatibility.

This is a good analogy to describe how emotionally unhealthy and just downright disturbing the need for a man, any man, actually is. But what's more disturbing is how common this is, and it's not seen as a bad thing - in fact, the alternative is viewed socially as the bigger problem. Being single, not having a man. Perish the thought!

As Darlughda described, I value my free time, my life, and wouldn't just let anybody in - they'd have to be interesting, intelligent, trustworthy, worth my time. And yet by holding out, for what has been a few years at this stage, you're seen as the one who has a problem, as opposed to those who will take the first available man in sight, just for the sake of not being alone.

metrovelvet

beks101 wrote: »

This is a good analogy to describe how emotionally unhealthy and just downright disturbing the need for a man, any man, actually is. But what's more disturbing is how common this is, and it's not seen as a bad thing - in fact, the alternative is viewed socially as the bigger problem. Being single, not having a man. Perish the thought!

As Darlughda described, I value my free time, my life, and wouldn't just let anybody in - they'd have to be interesting, intelligent, trustworthy, worth my time. And yet by holding out, for what has been a few years at this stage, you're seen as the one who has a problem, as opposed to those who will take the first available man in sight, just for the sake of not being alone.

Just to add to your comment and the part of Wibbs's quote you posted, to me it seems somewhat exploitative, both to men and to the woman who plays musical chairs with them [excellent analogy btw Wibbs!] because the woman is not only selling herself short by doing this, but also using men as a means to an end, rather than imo valuing relationship for what it should be, which is not a social accessory,but something of worth in and of itself.

cleremy jarkson

Does anybody else scan through these type of threads, ready to take Wibbs' response as the "correct" answer?

Lux23

mariaalice wrote: »

buy why dose happiness for so many women.. revolve around having a boyfriend or if your older having a man in your life.

I don't know. You just have to look at half the threads in this forum; they are mostly about women talking about their OHs. I really believe some women would wither and die if they didn't have a significant other, its how they validate their existence.

I am normally single so maybe I am bit bitter that I can't spend 50% of my time talking about my boyfriend but I really don't think I would be happier just to have a boyfriend. So far I have only ever being miserable in a realtionship.

PK2008

I went out with a girl who was good looking, intelligent, good career- basically everything going for her, a real modern independant woman.

But for most of the relationship it just didnt feel right, it felt more like I had passed certain relationship suitability tests and that she was more into the 'relationship' than me. She used to speak about the 'relationship' like it was a 3rd person (in our relationship), just didnt feel right.

I think it happens alot though- women defintely have alot more expectations of what they want from a relationship, how they define a relationship, how the 'duties' of a relationship are allocated, and timeline for progression to 'different stages of the realtionship', it can be almost like a project plan and that the man is more a resource necessary to simply keep the 'relationship' alive.

I dont know if I explained that right but it does happen- kind of like the 'being in love with love rather than the person' scenario.

Lux23

PK2008 - I understand that.

For me I just like having someone to spend time with and if feeling develop then that's great but I do think some of my friends do a bit of a tick the box exercise when they meet someone. One of my friends literally timetables the amount of time she spends with her boyfriend and gets in a huff if he spends more then 1 day a week with his mates. I don't see how this could be making her happy either.

shellyboo

Well... some women see it as a measure of success, sure; and some women validate themselves by being "chosen" by a man; and some women can't be single because they view it as a failure, blah blah.

But... I don't like this vestige of negativity surrouding women who, you know, enjoy being part of a couple. Yeah, I prefer to have a boyfriend than not - doesn't everyone?* I'm so happy I have a boyfriend, too. He's amazing and he makes me super happy. This is a good thing, yes? Who wouldn't be happy?

*Obviously not everyone. There are some people who prefer to remain single. But those people wouldn't be having boyfriends anyway.

Lux23

shellyboo wrote: »

Well... some women see it as a measure of success, sure; and some women validate themselves by being "chosen" by a man; and some women can't be single because they view it as a failure, blah blah.

But... I don't like this vestige of negativity surrouding women who, you know, enjoy being part of a couple. Yeah, I prefer to have a boyfriend than not - doesn't everyone? I'm so happy I have a boyfriend, too. He's amazing and he makes me super happy. This is a good thing, yes? Who wouldn't be happy?

No I wouldn't say I would prefer to have a boyfriend, what I would say is that I would prefer to be a realtionship that makes me happy. So far most of my relationships have made me miserable and I was normally a much happier person on my own. But I guess that isn't a male versus female thing more that I am a bit of a loner.

But seriously it bores me to tears when all my friends talk about is their realtionships; why is it such a preoccupation with women?

shellyboo

Lux23 wrote: »

No I wouldn't say I would prefer to have a boyfriend, what I would say is that I would prefer to be a realtionship that makes me happy. So far most of my relationships have made me miserable and I was normally a much happier person on my own. But I guess that isn't a male versus female thing more that I am a bit of a loner.

But seriously it bores me to tears when all my friends talk about is their realtionships; why is it such a preoccupation with women?

I suppose I just don't get why anyone would stay in a relationship - or any situation, in fact - that didn't make them happy. To me "having a boyfriend" and "being in a relationship that makes me happy" are the same thing. I wouldn't have a boyfriend if it wasn't making me happy.

iguana

shellyboo wrote: »

I suppose I just don't get why anyone would stay in a relationship - or any situation, in fact - that didn't make them happy.

Probably because even the best relationships can be hard work some times. No two people are going to be in decent sync throughout their whole lives so there will be rough patches. And how do you know if your relationship is going through a rough patch or if it's just turned irreversibly sour other than attempting to sort it out? You can't know unless you have gotten to the other side and are happy together again or realised it's over.

But on the whole yes, a good relationship just is better than being single, no matter how secure you are in yourself. Having a best friend who you love more than anything who loves you back in the same way. Who holds you when you need to be held and will always be there to talk to and listen to you. Who you get regular sex from, who you get to spend the rest of your life with. It's just better. We're social animals, we like being held and stroked and sharing or ups and downs. And having your own very special person to share everything with is incomparable. Obviously there are exceptions, not everyone has the same needs or desires, but for the majority of people life is nicer when you love and are loved.

mariaalice

Of course being in a mutually loving relationship is wonderful...but thats different than someone who feels being single is a sign of failure or that your somehow abnormal because your not in a relationship.

Lux23

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course being in a mutually loving relationship is wonderful...but thats different than someone who feels being single is a sign of failure or that your somehow abnormal because your not in a relationship.

Sometimes you just feel left out. My friend loves having friends over for dinner and does invite me when its a just a couple of mates but she has these big dinner parties where she just invites couples and I feel so hurt that because I am single I don't get a look in. It just seems that as you get older the world is set up for couples and single people should just stay at home with the TV.

Incidentally she is my best friend and if I said it to her I know she wouldn't be annoyed just upset that she made me feel like that I just haven't had the opportunity to say it. I will if she keeps yabbering about dinner plans etc.

Emme

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course being in a mutually loving relationship is wonderful...but thats different than someone who feels being single is a sign of failure or that your somehow abnormal because your not in a relationship.

I think the pressure on women to be in a relationship and later on, married, is growing. Today there was an article in the indo that said Bridget Jones had scared the bejaysus out of younger women and that most of them wanted to be married by 26 and have their first baby by 27 while 10 years ago they were happy to wait until their 30s.

I had my first boyfriend at 18 and I was one of the last of my group of friends to get a boyfriend. I was so happy to have a boyfriend at that age too! I remember the pressure from family and friends because I hadn't had a boyfriend, and up until I was about 30, people asking me when I was getting married. They gave up after that!

Rozabeez

This has always been a toughie for me, I'm not the "I need a boyfriend" type, far from it. More the "I need to be free and single, independent" type, which I suppose to people in the first category (The type that aren't happy/comfortable unless they're in a relationship) is just downright weird.

I've got plenty of friends that "need" a man in their life, that said I probably couldn't live without the men in my life because I seem to get on very well with men, as friends.

You know, sometimes I have a look at people in committed relationships and think there's something wrong with me because I can't (or won't) do that. In the past year or so, there have been two boyfriends, a brief one (his choice to label it, not mine) and one that worked simply because we both had our minds elsewhere, so it was never going to be serious or deep.

That said, back to the OP here, when I was 15 and had my first boyfriend it was of course the BEST-THING-EVER-OMGZ, and then when that ended I jumped into a long distance thing for a year or so.

So maybe it's something that happens to everyone, but some of us get it out of our system, and others don't?

Stheno

Emme wrote: »

I think the pressure on women to be in a relationship and later on, married, is growing. Today there was an article in the indo that said Bridget Jones had scared the bejaysus out of younger women and that most of them wanted to be married by 26 and have their first baby by 27 while 10 years ago they were happy to wait until their 30s.

Where is the pressure coming from though? The media? Other women? Society in general? One of the first things that struck me about your post above regarding that pressure was that it's one thing for women to have that pressure on them, yet on the flip side in the professional world there is the belief that firms are slower to hire women in the 25-40 age gap than men, due to the likelihood of their having family commitments, or indeed deciding to have kids in the future, I myself experienced that in an interview at one point where I was actually asked how I balanced my work and personal commitments given my personal "circumstances" where the interviewer assumed I had children.

If women are being that influenced by the likes of a Bridget Jones movie then one has to wonder if we have regressed as a society and rather than encouraging women to develop minds and opinions of their own then the current 20 odd generation of women are instead completely influenced by the media and unable to forumulate their own opinions and expectations of themselves. I find that dreadfully sad.

If I look at my wider group of friends, then the ten I have who are in their 30's and 40's include only one person who has kids, none of the others do, some are married, some are single, some are in relationships. It doesn't define who they are though

I had my first boyfriend at 18 and I was one of the last of my group of friends to get a boyfriend. I was so happy to have a boyfriend at that age too! I remember the pressure from family and friends because I hadn't had a boyfriend, and up until I was about 30, people asking me when I was getting married. They gave up after that!

Strangely enough I never had any family/friend pressure to have a boyfriend either as a teen or as an adult, and similiarly when it came to getting married. I encountered it from what I percieved to be relatively ill mannered work colleagues who found it enjoyable to pry into people's private lives though! The only comparable situation I found myself in was when my marriage broke up and my parents found it very hard to deal with as it went against all of their beliefs.

Stheno

shellyboo wrote: »

I suppose I just don't get why anyone would stay in a relationship - or any situation, in fact - that didn't make them happy. To me "having a boyfriend" and "being in a relationship that makes me happy" are the same thing. I wouldn't have a boyfriend if it wasn't making me happy.

It depends imo on how invested you are in the relationship, if you have invested a decade plus of your life in a relationship, then imo most people male or female will go through the bad times, and even the rotten times, and hope that things will work out.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but as with most time in life if you have invested time and effort then you'll be more loathe to end a relationship the longer you are in it, than not.

evolutionqy7

why not have a boyfriend he can cuddle ya, love ya and keep ya warm on the couch with some popcorn and a good comedy on