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How good a parent would you be? (Or are you)

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    #62
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    Yes, because anyone who doesn't agree with your point of view must be be confused and/or frustrated. :rolleyes:

    I think the best place for your opinions on sterile people adopting would be your blog. There's a topic at hand.


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    #63
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    Boston wrote: »
    I think the best place for your opinions on sterile people adopting would be your blog. There's a topic at hand.
    For the last time. I am not against sterile people adopting! I don't even know where you would have got that idea from.


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    #64
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    I should have said "LGBT", as "pink" is an umbrella term covering LGBT people... etc... etc.
    I will correct... the suggested templates is clear enough I hope.

    Also, when you talk about a couple, then as a couple they are either both of the same gender, or both of the opposite gender. (Unless we talk about the T...)
    There is no "bisexual" couple (by definition), only bisexual individuals.
    As for individuals adopting, then what goes for gays goes for bisexuals (except they can pretend to be hetero)

    Let's not nit-pick in front of the children, but rather give them positive stories to empower them. That will help them face bullies.

    Well not everyone likes or ids with the 'pink' label, why choose that why not use LGBadoptions.


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    #65
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Even LGB leaves out T. There are no doubt plenty of transgendered parents out there. What about heterosexual parents raising children to be LGBT aware?


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    #66
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I think if all kids were raised to be positively lgbt aware we would not have so many people being bullied and made miserable and wanting not to be "gay".


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    #67
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,277 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    well if i was to raise mine i would make them aware not to mock gay people cause its what makes them happy in the end and a happy community is a better place to live in but definitely wouldn't like if one of my kids turned out gay. would be hard to handle in the start


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    #68
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Well not everyone likes or ids with the 'pink' label, why choose that why not use LGBadoptions.
    True, not everybody identifies with the pink label. But nobody is forcing those who don't from making use of the interest groups services.


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    #69
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Well not everyone likes or ids with the 'pink' label, why choose that why not use LGBadoptions.
    Boston wrote: »
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Even LGB leaves out T. There are no doubt plenty of transgendered parents out there. What about heterosexual parents raising children to be LGBT aware?


    This has been the occasion for intense debate.
    Do we go for the very "politically correct" acronym?
    How many letters?

    L,G? we all agree
    B? some are not sure
    T? very controversial, a lot of support group do not include them on purpose, as they are not always perceived (or perceiving themselves) as a sexuality. No one is even sure what they T should stand for: transgender, transexual, transvestites all fall under "T" but some of them do not want the others associated with them and/or cross-dressers who sometime identify with "T"
    Q?Q? Very american, stands fr Queer, for Questioning, for Queerious even, and is often duplicated as QQ
    S, A, for Straights/Supporters (SS was never suggested...), or for Allies

    We agree letteres were colder.
    Pink is cosier.
    Pink is also a very maternal color.
    And pink is a universal, though controverisial, color attached to the LGBT(...) community.

    So we know people may not like.
    We ask them to get over it... think about the real issues, and think about the children :p
    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    True, not everybody identifies with the pink label. But nobody is forcing those who don't from making use of the interest groups services.


    To everyone I asked: what better name would you have come up with? few can find a satisfactory answer. LGBTQQASAdoptions was not an option...
    Here are some of the options discussed we rejected:
    (we ruled out ".ie" domain, so Irish had to appear)
    - IrishGayparents (too limited)
    - TwoIrishDads (really too narrow)
    - IrishSameGenderParents (what about singletons?)
    - IrishSame-SexParenting (same as above, plus the word "sex")
    - IrishAlternativeAdoptions (what is the alternative: adopting or... not adopting? Gay ro straight? ; also there is an "Alternative Parents" group. "Alternative" can sound a bit like "not quite the norm". Our desire to adopt is normal, and we are not "alternatif". We aim at being mainstream!)

    And others I cannot remember or am not allowed to mention.
    Maybe in a year we will call for a competition to change our name :-)

    But we are not alone... and with BAAF we are in good company...
    http://www.pinkparents.org.uk/
    http://www.baaf.org.uk/res/pubs/books/book_pinkguide.shtml
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    well if i was to raise mine i would make them aware not to mock gay people cause its what makes them happy in the end and a happy community is a better place to live in but definitely wouldn't like if one of my kids turned out gay. would be hard to handle in the start

    You have a lot to work on.
    At least you accept that you will handle it.
    If you are a modern parent, the sexuality of your child will not come as a surprise.
    If the child perceives that you are ebbing and flowing between hostile and disappointed, then you will not see it coming because they will not feel safe to trust your reaction.
    But don't let a gay man give advice on parenting :-) Ask young gay people instead: http://www.belongto.org/service.aspx?sectionid=144

    Discovering that your child is in love should be the highest point in the "career" of a parent.
    You should not make it about you...


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    #70
    partyfeet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭partyfeet


    Boston wrote: »
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Even LGB leaves out T. There are no doubt plenty of transgendered parents out there. What about heterosexual parents raising children to be LGBT aware?


    I am one , Trans that is . The love I have for my child ,who is
    now adult, is pretty run of the mill imo . The love we have for
    our children is " human being" love not straight or gay love -
    just love . And if thats what a child gets then that child will
    turn out well adjusted/happy with life etc , job done :).


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    #71
    rainbow kirby
    Registered Users Posts: 26,928 ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    partyfeet wrote: »
    The love we have for
    our children is " human being" love not straight or gay love -
    just love . And if thats what a child gets then that child will
    turn out well adjusted/happy with life etc , job done :).
    Says it all really :)


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    #72
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    partyfeet wrote: »
    I am one , Trans that is . The love I have for my child ,who is
    now adult, is pretty run of the mill imo . The love we have for
    our children is " human being" love not straight or gay love -
    just love . And if thats what a child gets then that child will
    turn out well adjusted/happy with life etc , job done :).

    Fantastic personal story.

    Each story is different (that is why I'd like to hear as many as possible), but they all seem to have in common that the love for children is parental in nature.

    I am wondering about how you feel about how others experience it though.
    How your parents, siblings, family, friends, the scene, strangers, reacted when they learned about LGBT people becoming parent.
    How they saw them as a fit parent, or if they had their doubts.
    If relationships broke over the issue.

    Because I think that a lot of what "pink" parenthood is about is in the eye of others, others we live with and others who will influence the child.

    And that may why the "pink label" is so hard to just ignore: that is also how we are perceived.

    A gay couple will love their child just like any couple.
    But for the world, they have to prove themselves as parents because of the stereotypes attached to their pinkness.

    It is only an issue because we are in a prejudiced society, in which the child will grow.
    So we cannot just ignore the label: we have to acknowledge it for the sake of the child. We have to accept that other people do not think like us, or do not experience it like us.

    Single men, even heterosexual, have to face that: women in park may offer them unwanted advice on raising their child because they assume a man is not a "natural" when it comes to parenting.

    In you case, partyfeet, and in the case of all other contributors, how have you lived challenges by others to your parenting skills/ability/potential?
    Or has every one been as supportive. positive and upbeat as you are?


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    #73
    partyfeet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭partyfeet


    You close your eyes and your ears to the nay sayers -take
    heart from those who support you and to be perfectly honest
    20 years go by like they were minutes . Need to say tho , I
    was not " around" for a lot of the time as my ex and I split .
    ( not trans related ) Folk who knew me then and know I am in
    Transition now have never commented negatively to me re
    my parenthood . My Child ( dont want to say he/she ,sorry)
    is a happy enough young"ish adult . Dunno if this is helpful,,
    hope it is . :)


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    #74
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    partyfeet wrote: »
    You close your eyes and your ears to the nay sayers -take
    heart from those who support you and to be perfectly honest
    20 years go by like they were minutes . Need to say tho , I
    was not " around" for a lot of the time as my ex and I split .
    ( not trans related ) Folk who knew me then and know I am in
    Transition now have never commented negatively to me re
    my parenthood . My Child ( dont want to say he/she ,sorry)
    is a happy enough young"ish adult . Dunno if this is helpful,,
    hope it is . :)

    It certainly is for those who are wondering about being parents in a climate of relative hostility.
    It seems it is all down to a good support network, to buffer the institutional and individual attacks.


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    #75
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    Because that would be seen by many as L. G. BAD Options ??
    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Well not everyone likes or ids with the 'pink' label, why choose that why not use LGBadoptions.


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    #76
    Jinxi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭Jinxi


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    Fantastic personal story.

    Each story is different (that is why I'd like to hear as many as possible), but they all seem to have in common that the love for children is parental in nature.
    No S**T sherlock!
    One of my friends(male, gay) thinks that raising children in Ireland in a gay couple is akin to child abuse. During one of our long and drunken debates :rolleyes: I was a bit taken aback by this stance.
    We did come to a sort of stale mate, as we both agreed that in order for it to become less of an issue in ireland that it needs to become more commonplace, but also noones wants their children to be ones at the forefront of that "revolution".
    If i came across the name Pinkadoptions i would probably assume it was about adopting little girls??


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    #77
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    Jinxi wrote: »
    [...]it needs to become more commonplace, but also noones wants their children to be ones at the forefront of that "revolution".
    [...]

    It is already happening: gay parents are raising children today. Adopted or otherwise.
    What does not happen is the protection of these children by the State.
    This is a revolution every parent would be willing to benefit from: it is called a human right.
    Jinxi wrote: »
    [...]
    If i came across the name Pinkadoptions i would probably assume it was about adopting little girls??
    Maybe you need to question your own gender prejudices or gender-based role stereotypes?


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    #78
    Jinxi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭Jinxi


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »

    Maybe you need to question your own gender prejudices or gender-based role stereotypes?

    Thats hilarious....so why exactly did you pick the name Pinkadoptions...nothing to do with your own sexual-preference based stereotypes?
    Also if you actually read my post you will see I was and am of the opinion that everyone has the right to be parents. <snip>


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    #79
    rainbow kirby
    Registered Users Posts: 26,928 ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    Jinxi wrote: »
    Idiot
    No personal abuse.


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    #80
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,065 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    It is already happening: gay parents are raising children today. Adopted or otherwise.
    What does not happen is the protection of these children by the State.
    This is a revolution every parent would be willing to benefit from: it is called a human right

    There is absolutely no such thing as a right to adopt! The right to apply to adopt is the correct term and should always be used!

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #81
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    It is already happening: gay parents are raising children today. Adopted or otherwise.
    What does not happen is the protection of these children by the State.
    This is a revolution every parent would be willing to benefit from: it is called a human right.
    Johnnymcg wrote: »
    There is absolutely no such thing as a right to adopt! The right to apply to adopt is the correct term and should always be used!

    No one in their right mind would deny that.
    The human right in question is the right of children to be protected by the constitutional family. It includes the human right of raising your children in a household protected by the constitution as a household with child... a family.
    The human right for a family to be a family.

    The right to be considered for adoption is nothing but a logical conclusion of that human right... but not a human right in itself.


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