Refuses to Contribute to Child for additional costs outside maintenance

ash23

up for anything wrote: »

Yep, he gave up a job to pursue something he wanted without considering the knock on effect to his child. Why should he expect the OP to provide sun screen and Calpol for use on his time. I'm sorry but that is a bit much. He also agreed to pay half of the €80 and now he is reneging on it. But it seems he has money for new clothes and shoes for himself as well as nights out! She's working, not receiving any social welfare input and having to cut back and he seems to managing quite well on his BTEA payment.

He also doesn't take the child for extra time during his half term. Sounds like a doting father.

I don't think the OP is being unfair.

OP, you should make him aware that he may get more money because he takes the child overnight and then he would have the extra money for buying the basic necessities that the child needs when in his care if he can't budget his own BTEA money a bit better. After all if he is getting a social welfare payment he shouldn't be using it to buy anything other than necessities as has been pointed out in other threads and his daughter's needs should come before his own. A bottle of Calpol is the same price as a drink in a pub.

I'm not saying he's being a doting dad or that it's fair on the OP but very few custodial parents don't bear the brunt of the childs costs. And if the father is only getting 200 per week and giving nearly half in maintenance then there isn't a hope a court would award more maintenance so her hands are tied.
She needs to just buy within her means until such a time as he is finished in college and she can get more maintenance when he goes back to work.

dermothickey

To the OP, I wouldnt dream of bringing him to court as straight away they will reduce his payment to 30 euro a week. I'm sure the father is well aware of this and may even resent the fact that close to 40% of his current income is already going towards maintenance. Trying to get more money out of him will IMHO only drive a wedge between you two.

See what you can honestly do to reduce your childcare costs and be grateful of the 80 quid you are getting as it is a lot to him in his circumstances. If he is out of work and in college I'm sure he has other bills and may be in a lot of debt already. At least he is looking at his future by educating himself and in the long run all of ye will benefit from this.

Because you are working and have a higher income than him it is to be expected that you will pay more for the day to day maintenance of your child. If for example you were even earning 500 a week thats double what he earns and it would be expected you would have the ability to pay more for your own child, rather than him having to cough up half of everything with his current income status is IMO unfair.

Just a word of advice if you bring him to court you will lose more money.

Deliverance

Couldn't agree more with the above. I am almost in the same situation myself as a Dad. I don't live at home though. That amount of money is actually quite good considering the circumstances.

Plus when Dad has the child at weekends or more on this income it can be tough. I have my little one this weekend and I spent a quarter of my income in one day on her. It is hard for me as her birthday is coming up as well but I'm putting money away for that.

Plus I seriously budget and buy her clothes in TK Maxx clearences. I also keep an eye on 'bargain alerts' and supermarket bargains to buy the best that I can without going over budget and without buying garbage. I cook good quality fresh food / meat and veg, buy her the best of stuff that I can in clearances.

If you really try on a low budget, then you can buy the best of stuff for half the price. That is just necessity by design really.

Once I get work based on 'my degree' then I will pay more to make sure that my child gets the best that I can offer.

One thing I would agree with for the OP is the potential attitude of the Dad in question. He should have a supply of Calpol, Sunscreen etc. He should learn to take responsibility and realise that this is a basic requirement to show the Mother that he is responsible in the immediate sense. He should show more maturity in area for sure.

I also think that the OP does have reason to sit down with the Dad and discuss these issues to give her more security of thought for the future. I.e. once the degree is done and work is hopefully found then Dad will and should provide a lot more financially.

I know I will, and will be more than happy to do this and then some.

MojoMaker

Sarah, is there any precedent in the African community you could suggest to your daughter's father? Would there be any community child-minding scheme you both could sign up for?

His contribution as a percentage of his net take home pay would be considered on the high side I hate to say it. Maybe you two could come to an arrangement where he helps alleviate the childminding situation one day a week - at least it's a start.

smelltheglove

A supply of calpol is a must for any household a child stays in but after that I'm not sure, he is paying for around half of the cost, considering the post on the previous page saying a child costs 160. I know when my daughter went to her daddies when she was young he was given a supply of nappies, any medicine she may require etc etc even now that she is that bit older if she needs medicine for anything, even if it is just nurofen I will send it with her, the only thing I dont send these days is socks, (sock monster is loose here constantly) so he has a supply of socks and undies in his house for her. He usually keeps some fancy clothes there for her too in case they go somewhere nice. For years when she got presents at Christmas and her birthday I would send some to his house too so she could have things to play with there.

Having said that I dont believe that a child costs 160 a week really. I believe the case in a lot of situations is more the fact that the mother reduces her earning potential by having sole custody of a child, (or father be that the case) with costs of childcare a lot of single mothers opt to work part time as by the time the wages come in and childcare go out they end up with the same, sometimes more money, I know I did this myself as I couldnt afford to work fulltime. I think 80 is more than enough in this situation, I really havent heard of any fathers paying more than 150.

dermothickey

the maximum a family court can order to be paid is 150 euro a week per child. this amount is usually only ordered where one parent is in a VERY good financial situation.To get more than this one of the parents usually has to be a millionaire, this then is forwarded to a higher court for consideration.

iguana

up for anything wrote: »

You get what you pay for.

That is such a fallacy. Most high street, chain and department stores subcontract the manufacturing of their items to the same factories. So often investigations of where and how the items we buy show up that items which sell for the widest variety of prices have been manufactured by the same people with the same materials. Evidence shows that cheaper items wear out faster because consumers treat them differently, ie they will wear their €8 Penneys jeans for gardening, housework and diy and save their €120 Levis social wear. Therefore there obviously a difference in how long they last, nothing whatsoever to do with the quality.

If you take care of your purchases and always choose leather for shoes for example, things you buy in Penneys will last as long as things you buy anywhere else. I still have a lot of Penneys items in my regular rotation that I bought in 1998 and they are still perfect. I also worked with fashion, textiles and clothing recycling and re-selling for most of my career. Buying by any high street brand and assuming it will be better due to the brand has been nonsense for several decades, ever since world trade rules have made international out-sourcing commonplace.

d32

smelltheglove wrote: »

Having said that I dont believe that a child costs 160 a week really.

i'd come across a good worksheet/ claculation sheet on solo.ie

smelltheglove

d32 wrote: »

i'd come across a good worksheet/ claculation sheet on solo.ie

Meaning? I don't see any point in this sentence really? I can add pretty well, I have 2 kids of my own.

Having said that I think what hit me the most as a single mother was the inability to earn as much as I could not take jobs I was experienced in due to awkward hours. Still I think the only time I would say a child has cost me 160 a week would be a special occasion, I don't really agree with adding half the heating or electricity as you don't use 50% more of either just because you have a child!