What should i tell my daughter?

talkin

cats.life wrote: »

he has no rights to your little girl, im so happy that you didnt tell her who he is. 8 year old are so sencitive to what they are told or see, i can remember when my cousin way older than me pointed an empty gun at me telling me that he was going to shoot me, he was of course messing with me , he had just come in the house from hunting rabbits he had empty gun open. i havent forgotten that ,i thought for sure he was going to do it , i ran out the house. going back to you op when i read your first post on this i knew how it was going to go, glad you didnt tell YOUR little who he was and still dont tell her . he may have being there making her but a dad dont run out on his daughter now he is back going to lie bout her, you have come along way with just you and daughter ,dont throw away 8 yrs of your life cos of this yolk who call,s himself dad. he is a pure ass.

she's 6. i agree with you in way. i dont think she should have let him meet her,but now that she has,when she eventually finds out who her father(i know he doesnt deserve that name!)is she'l be very angry that her mother lied. i suppose if she leaves it at this and never mentions this man to her daughter again it might be alright.

Deliverance

Sounds to me like the guy wants to be involved in this childs life, he want's to integrate the child into his current family dynamic. That would be great for the families invovled, plus it would be equally great for the child lucolady, family is important we all know that.

However he wants to use excuses and lies to cover up the truth. In my view (from what you have posted lucolady), he still want's to live a lie and not face up to his mistakes and abandonment issues. He does not want his current family to know about this past behaviour, I think that he imagines that they would be shocked by his obvious manipulation of trying to portray you as the bad person in all this.

Until he faces up to the fact that he ran and he left then you should not allow him to go further until he agrees to face this past irresponsible behaviour as a 'man'.

I think what he is trying to do is pretty obvious, he want's to portray lucolady as the bad one whilst he was / is the innocent good guy who introduced the new little lovely child into the new family environment. If that happens as the situation stands then lucolady will be the put upon as the bad person by this new family and subsequently the child will believe the lies as well. On that point I understand metros point of view and valid opinion, it fits.

He has an obvious agenda as such in this case though. He would be the good guy who was only encouraged to bring the child into the new family. That would leave lucolady with a constant burden of having to constantly defended herself via said situation as the liar in the equation. Very very wrong

I would suggest that a mediator should be involved between lucolady and the father at this stage. To me this would be a very important stage. If the father refuses at this point, then an impass has been reached untill he agrees.

The bottom line in all this is: I would say stand your ground lucolady and go for the mediation. On a more positive note I think it has gone well in some repects so far i.e. they get on well I found that heartwarming to hear. He obviously wants to get to know her better. Now he needs to learn to respect her and just as importantly if not more so he needs to respect who brought her up and made her the lovely child that she is i.e. YOU!

I really hope in this process he learns a lesson, hard work I know but worth it in the end hopefully. Stay in touch miss hope it works out for the best.

metrovelvet

^ Totally agree with the above. But I dont think she should embark on a relationship with this man until she knows who he is. CLean up the mess first, be above board and no lies before the child gets brought in.

OP maybe needs to make clear to him that lying to his family will backfire also. The thing is... these things all come out in the end. Let him lie, because when they find out the truth, which they will then they will really see him for the irresponsible scum that he is. And hey... they raised him!

cats.life

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ Totally agree with the above. But I dont think she should embark on a relationship with this man until she knows who he is. CLean up the mess first, be above board and no lies before the child gets brought in.

OP maybe needs to make clear to him that lying to his family will backfire also. The thing is... these things all come out in the end. Let him lie, because when they find out the truth, which they will then they will really see him for the irresponsible scum that he is. And hey... they raised him!

by letting him lie a little girl is going to be very much put out as in no trust in the adults who supoesd to be looking after her,she will be getting older and hear things going on in the family home . op is tring to do her best by her daughter.

jordan..

he hasnt been her dad!!! He has to prove that he can be a man and take on the role he ran away from before!! Be careful