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dont know what to do!!!

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  • 07-05-2010 10:16am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Right I will keep this short (hopefully)
    I meant this guy several years ago, and we became close friends last year. He told me when we met he was BI, and then a while back he said he was gay...he has a male partner. Anyway I have really falling for him over time...and I am really atracted to him. And he feels the same way...
    Right now he said he would give it a chance with me :-0, would I be mad to even consider this...dont know if I can forget about his passed....I think he will hurt me...I have sooooooo many negatives...

    Can you just change depending on the person you fall for??

    anyway any advise please??

    incase you were wondering I am female..:-)


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    #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    He has a partner?, are you both considering considering cheating?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,

    We are both single...I was with my ex partner 12 years... we have a little girl so we are good friends. He has just ended his relationship.
    Johnnymcg wrote: »
    He has a partner?, are you both considering considering cheating?


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sorry just realised why you made this quote...I meant he HAD a male partner...
    Johnnymcg wrote: »
    He has a partner?, are you both considering considering cheating?


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    #5
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Ok - No I don't think you'd be mad at all

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #6
    Dwn Wth Vwls
    Registered Users Posts: 401 ✭✭Dwn Wth Vwls


    There's no way of knowing what will happen really. It could work. Hopefully he didn't just break up recently? Obviously he needs time alone before a new relationship.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yes he has just broke up...well the guy is still around if you ask me...I am not sure what to think tbh...
    I have to ask again can someone change from on gender to another like that?? its hard enough trying a new relationship, without all this on top of it...

    I know what my friends would think if I told them..
    Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »
    There's no way of knowing what will happen really. It could work. Hopefully he didn't just break up recently? Obviously he needs time alone before a new relationship.


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    #8
    Untense
    Registered Users Posts: 175 ✭✭Untense


    lollypop7953 wrote: »
    ...dont know if I can forget about his passed....I think he will hurt me...I have sooooooo many negatives...
    You can't ask us about his past because we don't know the guy, you have to rely on your own judgement. Either your judgement of him is telling you something is up, or your own personal insecurities are being triggered. Is it him or you? The two of you are the only experts on that.
    Yes he has just broke up...well the guy is still around if you ask me...I am not sure what to think tbh...

    You haven't really said why this is a problem. Are you worried because he likes both men and women? If so, why? Or that he's mainly been with guys?
    Does he cheat? Treat his past partners badly? Are you worried because he just come out of a relationship?

    You're posting on an LGBT forum asking for advice on a guy just because he's bisexual, but we just don't know the whole story.
    Maybe you can have a proper talk with the guy, it would help if you were to get clearer as to why you have doubts. We don't know you or him, so we can't give you any real answers.
    Can you just change depending on the person you fall for??
    I have to ask again can someone change from on gender to another like that??

    Some bisexual people don't see any real emotional difference between sexes, some bisexual people do have a preference, some of these prefer men, some of these prefer women. And for many people this changes and alters depending entirely on the person and the persons they are attracted to.
    You'd really really need to speak with him about all that. If you don't feel comfortable having this sort of discussion with the guy, then that's one point on which I would say it does sound like a bad idea getting in to a relationship.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thank you for your reply,
    Untense wrote: »
    You can't ask us about his past because we don't know the guy, you have to rely on your own judgement. Either your judgement of him is telling you something is up, or your own personal insecurities are being triggered. Is it him or you? The two of you are the only experts on that.

    I think it is a little both, I know I am insecure about this, I have seen some things I didnt like in his previous relationship, but I know he was very unhappy in that situation.

    You haven't really said why this is a problem. Are you worried because he likes both men and women? If so, why? Or that he's mainly been with guys?
    Does he cheat? Treat his past partners badly? Are you worried because he just come out of a relationship?

    I am a little worried that he likes both, and I think that is valid, I have also seen him cheat in the past. And yes he has been with mainly guys, I guess I am affriad he just wants to try this out with a women again, he hasnt been with one for years. I know he really likes me and he wouldnt want to hurt him, but I just think he is confused.


    You're posting on an LGBT forum asking for advice on a guy just because he's bisexual, but we just don't know the whole story.
    Maybe you can have a proper talk with the guy, it would help if you were to get clearer as to why you have doubts. We don't know you or him, so we can't give you any real answers.

    I posted here because I was hoping someone was in my situation before. I have doubts because he is BI, because he hasnt been with a women in years, because he seems confused, and I dont want to get hurt. I am mad about him, so much more than he knows. I know I may sound very insecure, and I need to talk to him, but I generally dont get insecure, but I have never been in this situation before.



    Some bisexual people don't see any real emotional difference between sexes, some bisexual people do have a preference, some of these prefer men, some of these prefer women. And for many people this changes and alters depending entirely on the person and the persons they are attracted to.
    You'd really really need to speak with him about all that. If you don't feel comfortable having this sort of discussion with the guy, then that's one point on which I would say it does sound like a bad idea getting in to a relationship.

    I will talk to him this week, and again thanks for your responce.


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    #10
    Untense
    Registered Users Posts: 175 ✭✭Untense


    lollypop7907 wrote: »
    I will talk to him this week, and again thanks for your responce.
    Good luck :)


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,

    would like to hear you thoughts, have you ever come accross a situation where a gay guy decided he wanted to be with a female? And did it work out?


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