CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MANS FINANCIAL MESS???

financialmess

Hi,

my boyfriend is in an extreme situation and I’d really appreciate all your opinions and advice.

He has never had a job. But was self-employed until the recession hit and put an end to his business. He never paid tax at all.

He got finance for a car through a guy he knew at a garage
- the salesman told the finance company that he had verified his ‘payslips’, even though there WERE no payslips.
Boyfriend was claiming to be working for a family business, which he was not and also put on his application that he was a home owner when in fact he was living with his parents.
Soon after he got a personal loan from the same company.
Again, no checks were made whatsoever. Never had to once submit a payslip, not even bank statements.

He then began to collect credit cards, they never checked him out either.
On the first card they kept raising the credit limit up and up,
which at the highest was €5,000.
He thought he was being clever, applying for one after another as they were ‘6 months interest free’ and said he would have each one cleared before the 6 months were up.
He ended with a total of 6 credit cards.
His rating was very good for a few years and never missed a payment.
　



But now everything has changed.
The total of what he now owes is about €20,000.

His only income is €196 social welfare a week.

And every cent of it has been going on repaying his loans since December.
He gets his dole on a Monday but by Tuesday he’s harrassing me and his family for money. None of us are getting on with him over it, we’re all having to go without over him. I have to eat at my mothers now in return for housekeeping because I cant put food in the fridge anymore
- he’s had €100 off me so far this week and I’m only on the dole myself after losing my job last year.
I’m paying all his half of the rent - he refuses to pay it, says his debts are more important and because I have none myself (debts) he thinks I have it easy. On the dole.
Told me last night that if I cant afford all the rent anymore then I should move back in with my parents. And he meant it. He’s turning into a monster.
Its maddening because he wont come clean to the credit card company that he’s only on the dole now.
They’re hounding him for money and he’s terrified not to pay.

He’s living in cuckooland - he thinks that he’ll be given more credit in the near future
(2 years he’s sure), even though he has been blacklisted by the credit cards for missing 2 or 3 payments.
They messed up on a big amount of money (they overcharged him) and for that they wrongly blacklisted him (he missed the payments because of that error) and they refuse to take him off the Irish Credit Bureau list, even though they reimbursed the overcharging and also raised his interest AND cancelled his cards, he’ll never be able to use them again, only to make their repayments.
The Financial Ombudsman has offered to mediate but I think the company will refuse (they don’t have to attend).

He has spoken to MABS but wouldn't even admit to them that he's signing-on.

He has begged them to reduce or freeze the interest and consolidate all the payments but they wont.
I have begged him to come clean and admit to being on the dole.
Both of them are acting like he’s in a well-paid full-time job.
If the card company refused to co-operate (he would still pay something, just less),
and if he took it to court, would it be standard procedure to impose a set payment based purely on a persons income and ability to pay?
Because constitutionally a person is supposed to have enough money leftover to feed himself isn’t he?
What if he just stopped paying altogether?
If he admitted that he has never had a job in the first place,
WHO would be more liable - him or them?
Would his debts be written off altogether?
You have to think of it this way - any one of us would gladly accept a loan if there were no checks done on us at all, we’d take the money and hope to be able to repay, would we not?
There are thousands upon thousands of people in Ireland who grossly exaggerated their incomes in order to secure mortgages they HOPED they could repay. Many of those loans weren’t fully checked either.

Another thing he could do is sell his car - there’s only €1000 left in it and it would easily fetch €10,000 even from a garage, but he refuses to do this aswell.
The insurance is €1800 and its costing €10 a day petrol just to visit nearby family. The car is useless to him now and is becoming a luxury because it isnt essential to his livlihood.
Its madness.
He wont go bankrupt either, he still thinks he has a financial future.
No skills, no assets, BLACKLISTED and on the dole, the futures bright alright...

He has no financial sense whatsoever.
He thinks he can pay 6 credit cards, car finance, insurance and a personal loan on €196
a week, because it’ll “stand to him” and “the banks will start rolling again very soon” - they wont, not ever like before, there will be ACTUAL checks next time and then only a very few limited high earners will be obtaining the loans, which will eventually filter down to the layman, in tiny trails of breadcrumbs.

He also refuses to get a job. Or go and learn a skill as a mature student.
Will somebody please tell him this is not the magic kingdom
(no, that’s in Kerry! )
and please tell me what they would do/know can be done in light of his status of UNEMPLOYED?

Thanks to all.

Girlfriend of a financial mess.
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

old_aussie

Sounds like it's the lenders problem, tell him to just declare that he's bankrupt.
looks like he's a born loser, leave him as things will only get worse.

pieface_ie

sounds quiet selfish to me and as you said he's living cookoo land.possibly time to move on if he's stuck in his ways and asking you for money because you have "no loans" what bs.And still keeps his car do technically if it's on finance it wouldn't be his to sell.

SoupyNorman

old_aussie wrote: »

looks like he's a born loser

I would'nt say that exactly, the ONLY positive I extract from the OP's post is that the guy is servicing his debts...although he is going about it the wrong way. A loser would just run away.

OP, that is quite the dilly of a pickle but you have options.

First off how sure are you your boyfriends magic number is €20k? 6 credit cards alone would probably hit that figure alone, then theres personal and car loans. You say your bf has no skills but I think one thing he is adept at is getting credit and in my experience, people like this usually have an Iceberg type debt book i.e. what you see equates to about 30% of the whole picture.


If the grand total is €20k then that not so bad really, whats bad is the attitude. If it were me I would have sold every last valuable possession of mine in order to correct things. Dragging you and parents into this is a disgrace, fair enough if he has done all and anything possible to try rectify the situation but he seriously needs a reality slap if he thinks he'll borrow his way out of this mess.


'Harassing' you and family for money, who is this guy? Is this the guy you love? He bullies you into handing over money because he's too proud to announce he's on the dole, a pure cretin in my eyes in that respect. You're on the dole yourself, hard enough to try make a comfortable life for yourself even in a normal situation.


In my view:

You need to question him on the the legitimacy of his indebtedness.
You need to stop giving him your discretionary income, you pay his rent and it should stop there, if he has no money for petrol then it's his too bad.

He's not honest about his situation (if you cant be honest with MABS then....)
He wont downgrade his car to help clear the debt.
He wont face upto reality.
He's leeching off your limited resources.
Being too proud to announce he's on the dole, this is his worst quality.

You need to stop and think OP, many times the easiest answer for a boardsie is to promote a breakup as it's always the easiest to suggest. From reading your post I get some strong vibes of unsteadiness, phrases like 'turning into a monster' and 'harassing me' are not terms I would associate with my partner. From my point of view this guy is very dangerous, dangerous to your future and any regard to your future seems to be the furthest thing from his mind, the selfishness on his behalf is sickening. I think you need to have something wrong inside of you to be able to do this to a gf or family member.

It's almost impossible to outlay a financial plan for this guy, he seems beyond any help as he hasnt the ability to be honest and that is the number one element when tackling personal debt.

Honestly OP, for your own sake lay out an ultimatum. Either he comes clean to the creditors and restructures his debt repayments down or you're gone. You simply cant sustain this kind of thankless, dead investment of your own scant resources.

If he does not even attempt to try lessen financial burden on you or his family then I say leave and look after number one and if you're not sure how to to that exactly, ask your boyfriend.

Fighting Irish

Just tell him to blame the bankers, that's what everyone else is doing

Zulu

Eh dump him. He refuses to face reality - so force him & stop paying his rent.

MagicMarker

Zulu wrote: »

Eh dump him. He refuses to face reality - so force him & stop paying his rent.

+1

OP, your bf is a complete tool. Instead of trying to help him, you need to get away from him as he will just drag you down with him!

RoadKillTs

Why won't he admit he is on the dole? That doesn't make any sense. This guy is nuts.

If he was that concerned about clearing his debts he would sell the car especially as he doesn't need it.
If I was 20k in debt and had a car worth 10k I'd be on carzone asap.


Dump him, move back with your parents and let me clean up his own mess.

chris85

cant blame the lenders too much on this one. Its may be easy to fool one but no way did he get 5-6 cards without getting checked by one of them. He needs to go to MABS and ome clean that he is on the dole. otherwise things will snowball and things could get serious very quickly.

Also he needs to come clean to the lenders and try get interest frozen which will help big time.

He will drag you down on this. He is not thinking clearly.

He needs to contact all lenders and advise of his situation and negotiate a payment plan. MABS would help him doing this but if he is going to waste their time by not being open about his finances then no point in going to them.

Nermal

He made poor financial decisions, but you're making a worse one by staying with him.

stepbar

Oh, I can well believe it. I "wonder" who the credit cards are with? I'd be very confident that it's MBNA.

OP I'm not being funny when I say this but you need to stand up for yourself and leave him because he's a leech. I can just imagine this sort of guy, he's the sort of lad you'd see in the pub mouthing to anyone who would listen to him; acting the hard man. Anyone with this type of behaviour won't change anytime soon.

SoupyNorman

stepbar wrote: »

I can just imagine this sort of guy...

...who wouldnt take a job in McDonalds (or any other minimum wage job ) if offered.

Happy to have delusional thoughts of "It'll be fine, I'll make a million next year". Rather then take corrective, tangible actions.

dotsman

He does realise that he is getting closer and closer to a prison sentence?

Despite what most people think, the vast majority of people do not face criminal charges/imprisonment over bad debt. That punishment is reserved for the likes of your boyfriend. Does he even realise that he has committed numerous amounts of fraud. He has continually lied to his creditors, both in applying for credit and in subsequent communications. The courts take this very seriously, and very few have sympathy for those who are in bad debt through lies and deceit.

From a financial point of view, the only advise I can give him is to contact MABS immediately and start telling the truth. They may be able to help him dig himself out of this massive hole.

For personal advice to you, I would seriously consider your future with this guy. Selfishness, dishonesty, immaturity, lack of morality and a possible prison time generally do not make a good husband/father.

To reply to a few specifics in your post:

financialmess wrote: »

He has begged them to reduce or freeze the interest and consolidate all the payments but they wont.

From what I can gather, the credit cards are all with different lenders. Therefore, they would have no desire to consolidate and take on the bad debt from another lender.

With regards the finance company. They have the car loan and the personal loan. Are any of the credit cards linked to them? To consolidate, he would have to show them how that how that is better for them. Begging is of no use. They are not an old woman outside a church, they are a business. If your boyfriend can show them that it is in their interest, then they should consider it.

financialmess wrote: »

If the card company refused to co-operate (he would still pay something, just less),and if he took it to court, would it be standard procedure to impose a set payment based purely on a persons income and ability to pay?

Your boyfriend doesn't take them to court. They take him. Yes, the judge would order him to make certain payments based on his income (social welfare). Having not sold the car to make the repayments before a court appearance would be viewed very dimly by the judge.

Once it reaches the court stages, your boyfriends acts of fraud will come to light. He may very well end up with criminal charges.

financialmess wrote: »

Because constitutionally a person is supposed to have enough money leftover to feed himself isn’t he?

I don't thinks it's just a matter for the constitution. I don't think any lender/judge would take away a persons dinner. However, that dinner may very well be prison food.

financialmess wrote: »

What if he just stopped paying altogether?

One step closer to prison.

financialmess wrote: »

If he admitted that he has never had a job in the first place,
WHO would be more liable - him or them?

Him. But it doesn't matter. They will find out at some stage.

financialmess wrote: »

Would his debts be written off altogether?

Just by admitting his crimes? No.
What will happen is that he sells his car, or hands it back (I assume it is still security for the car finance), and from his social welfare, he can cover the outstanding interest, as well as some capital on a weekly basis, he can repay his debts over time. Negotiating honestly through MABS might see some debt/penalties reduced

financialmess wrote: »

You have to think of it this way - any one of us would gladly accept a loan if there were no checks done on us at all, we’d take the money and hope to be able to repay, would we not?

No we certainly wouldn't. There is a reason why you have to be over 18 to apply for credit - it is assumed once you reach that age you are able to take care of yourself and take responsibility for your actions.

Do you blame the barman for your hangover? Why blame the banker for your bad debt?

financialmess wrote: »

There are thousands upon thousands of people in Ireland who grossly exaggerated their incomes in order to secure mortgages they HOPED they could repay. Many of those loans weren’t fully checked either.

Again, that is the responsibility of the individual person. The banks don't check for the person's sake, they check for their own. They are suffering hugely for this, and won't be making the same mistake again.

Again, blame the banks if it helps you sleep better, but from the last few sentences, I get the impression that you are trying to shift blame away from your boyfriend and try to re-classify him as some sort of lost puppy who was taken advantage of by some big bad bank. The fact of the matter is that your boyfriend is a liar and a cheat, and it is he who took advantage of the banks, and it is they who are suffering. From his attitude so far, it looks very likely he will never repay his debts and will end up before the courts.

financialmess wrote: »

Another thing he could do is sell his car - there’s only €1000 left in it and it would easily fetch €10,000 even from a garage, but he refuses to do this aswell.

Next time he asks you for anything, refuse. Simply tell him that you are not giving him another cent until he sells the car and makes an attempt to dig himself out.

You literately need to treat him as some sort of junkie now. In a way, he is a debt junkie. You may feel sorry for him, but every time yourself or his family help him out, you are just prolonging the problem, probably making it worse. Be cruel to be kind.

financialmess wrote: »

The insurance is €1800 and its costing €10 a day petrol just to visit nearby family. The car is useless to him now and is becoming a luxury because it isnt essential to his livlihood.
Its madness.

When you say things like that, I almost want him to end up in prison. He really needs a strong slap across the face.

financialmess wrote: »

He wont go bankrupt either, he still thinks he has a financial future.
No skills, no assets, BLACKLISTED and on the dole, the futures bright alright...

He has no future. None.

As long as he thinks/acts like he does now, neither do you. Sorry.

MagicMarker

Let's not forget that he doesn't actually own the car, the finance company will come looking for it sooner or later.

Toots

OP, this isn't exactly financial advice, but I'd say really you need to leave him. HE played the system and ran up all these debts, it's HIS responsibility to pay them off, it's not up to you and his family to sub him because he was reckless in the good times. If he can't keep up with the rent, that's his problem. I know he's your boyfriend and you probably love him, but he sounds like a total sponge. Why should you suffer because you were sensible with your money and didn't get bogged down in debt?

I'd also be slightly skeptical that he only owes €20k, with 6 credit cards and a car loan, I feel the figure should be a bit higher. Regardless of that, if you keep bailing him out, he'll never learn anything. If you can't even afford to feed yourself then it's time to get rid of him so you can at least have a basic standard of living.

munstergirl

6 credit cards, car loan, personal loan is way more than 20k i would guess.(+ interest on cc is huge)
Your boyfriend needs to sort out his own mess.
And you need to look after yourself.

chris85

Toots* wrote: »

OP, this isn't exactly financial advice, but I'd say really you need to leave him. HE played the system and ran up all these debts, it's HIS responsibility to pay them off, it's not up to you and his family to sub him because he was reckless in the good times. If he can't keep up with the rent, that's his problem. I know he's your boyfriend and you probably love him, but he sounds like a total sponge. Why should you suffer because you were sensible with your money and didn't get bogged down in debt?

I'd also be slightly skeptical that he only owes €20k, with 6 credit cards and a car loan, I feel the figure should be a bit higher. Regardless of that, if you keep bailing him out, he'll never learn anything. If you can't even afford to feed yourself then it's time to get rid of him so you can at least have a basic standard of living.

+1

This guy has been dishonest throughout, he will not be open about how much he owes. He is obviously in denile based on his assumptions everything will work out down the line and thus he is most likely not telling you the whole truth which is not good.

His actions are already criminal to be honest as he has defrauded the bank by lying about earnings, he just hasnt been caught yet. Fraud is a big thing in the courts and not taken lightly by any means. Your bf needs to come clean soon and work with his creditors to sort out this mess.

stepbar

financialmess wrote: »

Hi,

He has never had a job. But was self-employed until the recession hit and put an end to his business. He never paid tax at all.

............

His only income is €196 social welfare a week.
　

Just seen this....

Doesn't make sence..... Are you saying he was doing "nixers" on the side?

I don't really have much sympathy for him TBH.

dellas1979

Again, not so much financial advice but

why are YOU on here looking for advice for HIM?

Did he ask you to?

Do you think you can "fix" him or this mess?

He played the system, as one poster said, and now he is definitely playing you.

Get some self esteem, some self-worth and head for the hills.

You have as much chance of getting through to him as we have on here. You will hate yourself for what you are allowing him to put you through.

If nothing else hits home, how about "the future"? I am fairly sure you may want to buy/mortgage/family etc and you want it with this guy who offers you nothing but grief?

billybigunz

old_aussie wrote: »

Sounds like it's the lenders problem, tell him to just declare that he's bankrupt.
looks like he's a born loser, leave him as things will only get worse.

This is true for so many people but not many like to hear it.

Fluffybums

Read the book "Malignant Self Love" by Sam Vaknin, I think you might find it interesting.


This guy made his decisions and he clearly doesn't give a toss if he destroys your life to keep him out of the mire.

Whilst you love him, he doesn't love you in any healthy way. You should leave him, speak to your landlord and change the locks. The advice is harsh but the alternative could ruin your life.

Sorry not to be more positive.

financialmess

SoupyNorman wrote: »

First off how sure are you your boyfriends magic number is €20k?
6 credit cards alone would probably hit that figure alone, then theres personal and car loans.

The main card is €5000. The 4 others are average €2500 each.
Car loan €1000 left. Personal loan €4000.

SoupyNorman wrote: »

Being too proud to announce he's on the dole, this is his worst quality.

You need to stop and think OP, many times the easiest answer for a boardsie is to promote a breakup as it's always the easiest to suggest. From reading your post I get some strong vibes of unsteadiness, phrases like 'turning into a monster' and 'harassing me' are not terms I would associate with my partner.
From my point of view this guy is very dangerous, dangerous to your future and any regard to your future seems to be the furthest thing from his mind, the selfishness on his behalf is sickening. I think you need to have something wrong inside of you to be able to do this to a gf or family member.

I'm not just saying this but my GOD that is EXACTLY what I've been thinking to myself all along. He doesnt want to hear it though. He ran off earlier this evening when I asked him could I have his rent tomorrow.
Its likely we wont see one another for a week or so again, which is common these days.

SoupyNorman wrote: »

It's almost impossible to outlay a financial plan for this guy, he seems beyond any help as he hasnt the ability to be honest and that is the number one element when tackling personal debt.
Honestly OP, for your own sake lay out an ultimatum. Either he comes clean to the creditors and restructures his debt repayments down or you're gone. You simply cant sustain this kind of thankless, dead investment of your own scant resources.

If he does not even attempt to try lessen financial burden on you or his family then I say leave and look after number one and if you're not sure how to to that exactly, ask your boyfriend.

I've been having to think like this lately and it kills me to have to do so.
You are 100% right - he's being selfish to the point where its ALREADY damaging the future and all my faith in him.
And the worst thing of all is I KNOW he would do it all again if given more loans in the future. In fact, he talks about it in detail - how he'd start over and "MAKE IT WORK this time..." My head. Brick. Wall.

Thank you for your most sincere advice.

financialmess

RoadKillTs wrote: »

Why won't he admit he is on the dole? That doesn't make any sense. This guy is nuts.

Because in his own ridiculous way he thinks doing so will destroy his chances of gaining future credit. To say again as in OP - he is NOW blacklisted.
I know, I know...

RoadKillTs wrote: »

If he was that concerned about clearing his debts he would sell the car especially as he doesn't need it..

He wont because he sees it as a sign of success - that everyone he knows would be gossipping if he were to suddenly walk around...or worse (for him) drive an old thing...I know, I know...

financialmess

chris85 wrote: »

cant blame the lenders too much on this one. Its may be easy to fool one but no way did he get 5-6 cards without getting checked by one of them. He needs to go to MABS and come clean that he is on the dole. otherwise things will snowball and things could get serious very quickly.
Also he needs to come clean to the lenders and try get interest frozen which will help big time.
He will drag you down on this.

chris85 wrote: »

He is not thinking clearly.

He needs to contact all lenders and advise of his situation and negotiate a payment plan. MABS would help him doing this but if he is going to waste their time by not being open about his finances then no point in going to them.

Exactly it - not thinking straight at all.

I agree - he IS wasting MABS' time, for sure, when he told me about the call they returned to him (which he said the lady spoke with him for the best part of an HOUR), I asked did he say he was trying to do all this re-paying on the dole, the answer was NO and I hit the roof.
I just CANT get it through to him that admittal may change everything for the better.
He's DEAD set against it.

hinault

From what you have posted, it would appear that your b/f is in cuckoo land.
It is clear that he is determined to "keep up appearances" even though this causes you and his family and extended family pain.

He needs to learn humility and the first step in doing this is to admit to all his creditors that he has zero income (apart from the dole).

It is clear that pride got him in to this situation in the first place - and it is pride which is now causing his pain and your pain.
He needs to accept his situation.

If he does not do this and come clean with his creditors, you then need to decide what to do.
His pride is his weakness : and if he cannot give his pride up to help to protect you then I say walk away.

financialmess

stepbar wrote: »

Oh, I can well believe it. I "wonder" who the credit cards are with? I'd be very confident that it's MBNA.

OP I'm not being funny when I say this but you need to stand up for yourself and leave him because he's a leech. I can just imagine this sort of guy, he's the sort of lad you'd see in the pub mouthing to anyone who would listen to him; acting the hard man. Anyone with this type of behaviour won't change anytime soon.

Hi Stepbar - MBNA is exactly right. They're absolutely relentless.
Some poster commented that the reason they might not have wanted to consolidate my Bf's cards could be cause he has the cards with VARIOUS lenders - nope - just MBNA. And they will not budge.
Was reading the megathread about the €18 million they owed customers
- one poster said she got 2 returned reimbursements
- 1 from a card she had 8 years ago...
whereas they're saying their mistakes only occurred from 2007-2009.
He has (well has made ME) write all correspondence to them and I've questioned them on that one - had any mistakes occurred on his accounts BEFORE 2007 and they have yet to answer that one.

As for "acting the hard man" - no such front at all - just an Iceland - somebody in their parliment said in an interview
"we should not have been trusted to handle these loans, we are a reckless and irresponsible nation, the British high street chains we bought into fell for it, all of Europe was fooled by us"
- or something very similar...and the people on the street laughed into the cameras when the quotation was put to them...

financialmess

hinault wrote: »

It is clear that he is determined to "keep up appearances" even though this causes you and his family and extended family pain.

It is clear that pride got him in to this situation in the first place - and it is pride which is now causing his pain and your pain.
He needs to accept his situation.

If he does not do this and come clean with his creditors, you then need to decide what to do.
His pride is his weakness : and if he cannot give his pride up to help to protect you then I say walk away.

Pride can be a detrimental thing I agree. Add a hefty dose of stubborn and you've got a disaster like his on your hands.
Appearance is everything to him - thats the reason he wont sell the car for something affordable - he thinks people will think he's gone downhill (which he has) and have a snigger at him.

And yeah, you're right, its hurting all of us to not only watch him empty his pockets TO MBNf*****gA but to have to give him €50's here, €50's there and quite frankly get **** for thanks for it, no matter how sorry we all feel for him.

financialmess

Fluffybums wrote: »

Read the book "Malignant Self Love" by Sam Vaknin, I think you might find it interesting.
This guy made his decisions and he clearly doesn't give a toss if he destroys your life to keep him out of the mire.

Whilst you love him, he doesn't love you in any healthy way. You should leave him, speak to your landlord and change the locks. The advice is harsh but the alternative could ruin your life.
Sorry not to be more positive.

I've got "Loving The Self Absorbed" - a real American phycobabblebook about narcissism. And I've underlined nearly every sentence...
Thanks for your suggestion. I will keep it on file. In a filing cea-abinet!

[Jackass]

If he owes 20,000 that he can't even begin to pay, and owns a car that he could get 9,000 cash from, and he hasn't done this already to cover his payments and knock some lump sums off, and he's not even looking for a job, then he's stupid and deserves financial ruin.

If you have the means to pay it and don't, there's a serious problem.

The fact that he's waiting for the banks to pick up so he can borrow (somehow) money to help with his debts, then he's not the smartest lad and has an attitude towards money that will ensure he's on the edge of financial ruin his entire life. By marrying someone like that, it becomes joint financial ruin, not just him.

I'd seriously consider the relationship, never mind the money, he needs to wake up. You can't wait forever for him to cop on and you're risking a lot of your future by the sounds of it.

SoupyNorman

financialmess wrote: »

Thank you for your most sincere advice.

You're welcome, and it is sincere as I have people close to me with financial woes. In fact I'm sure that most people these days are in some kind of monetary strain or if not know somebody who is.


I think you need to take decisive action, your future is at stake here. People could blather on about sticking with your partner through thick and thin but that only applies where there is an equal share of the strain and an equal effort towards the solutions.

In my opinion:

jor el

financialmess wrote: »

but to have to give him €50's here, €50's there

Giving him money here and there is not going to help. In fact, it may be part of the problem. For your own sake, I'd suggest you stop giving money to him, and get out now before he drags you (further) into his mess. Until he admits he has a problem, it's not going to go away. Living in his fantasy world where a new loan is going to make everything better, even though he has no income, is a recipe for disaster.

Start putting yourself first, stop supporting him, and if that means you need to consider walking away from the man and the relationship, then that's something you have to seriously think about. I don't want to sound ignorant or unsympathetic to you you here, but as long as you keep supporting him (financially and emotionally) he is not going to change and not going to be honest with those who can actually help him (the likes of MABS and even MBNA).