Estate Agent Terminology

odds_on

What do estate agents and auctioneers really mean in their adverts?

Apartment = over-priced flat.
Home = house or flat.
Townhouse = terraced house.
Mews = poky.
Architect designed = pay more for less
Cottage = poky house requiring renovation.
Executive = expensive.
Many amenities = just one useful amenity
Convenient = noisy or small (or both).
Easily managed = small.
Community (as in "Gated...") = anti-social.
New standards in design specification = same old poor quality
High specification = Builder paid too much for the land
Modern = ugly.
Enviable = hard to sell.
In huge demand from potential tenants = lucky to get a tenant
Reduced = has proved impossible to sell.
Deceptively spacious = apparently tiny.
Requires modernisation = falling to bits.
Offers potential = has fallen to bits.
Single bed-sitting room = broom cupboard.
Long-established area = old-fashioned or industrial (or both).
Lively area = near football ground, student pubs, drug dens, etc.

RATM

Only a 20 Minute Commute to Dublin*

*In a Ferrari at 7am on a Sunday morning

MRBEAVER

Five minutes from the Jack Lynch tunnel

ideal project for the DIY enthusaist.

conundrum

Vibrant area – You will be taking your life in your hands if you go anywhere near the place...

NuMarvel

I'll play

Must be seen = Too small to take any decent pictures.

Lando Griffin

Complete house price collapse = A levelling off period.

Zamboni

Charming = Hasn't been done up since the mid-seventies
Accommodation briefly consists of = All it actually has is
South Facing Rear Garden = West facing rear garden (yes we do actually use google map)
Early inspection is strongly recommended = Our phone hasn't rang in months
Stunning = dump
Viewing is highly recommended and by appointment only = Honestly, please ring us. We just want to check the phone still works.
Final reduction = Final reduction...for now

stepbar

http://www.daft.ie/1498599

HAS AN ADDRESS TO IMPRESS!!! = Sh1tehole.....

"IMMEDIATE VIEWING ADVISED AS STRONG INTEREST IS ALREADY EXPRESSED!!!" = Still a sh1tehole... nobody's interested.

Duckjob

"NEW REDUCED PRICE FOR AN IMMEDIATE SALE" = We're having trouble finding a sucker to offload on

ToxicPaddy

stepbar wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1498599

HAS AN ADDRESS TO IMPRESS!!! = Sh1tehole.....

"IMMEDIATE VIEWING ADVISED AS STRONG INTEREST IS ALREADY EXPRESSED!!!" = Still a sh1tehole... nobody's interested.

LMAO!!

Brilliant.. Gotta love the sh*te some EA's come out with these days!!

Zamboni

stepbar wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1498599

HAS AN ADDRESS TO IMPRESS!!! = Sh1tehole.....

"IMMEDIATE VIEWING ADVISED AS STRONG INTEREST IS ALREADY EXPRESSED!!!" = Still a sh1tehole... nobody's interested.

That place will be a hookers/craic den in the very near future.

dudara

stepbar wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1498599

HAS AN ADDRESS TO IMPRESS!!! = Sh1tehole.....

"IMMEDIATE VIEWING ADVISED AS STRONG INTEREST IS ALREADY EXPRESSED!!!" = Still a sh1tehole... nobody's interested.

My god, but that is one pokey little sh*tehole. How did we allow developers to build such apartments, and more importantly, why did we buy them?

ToxicPaddy

dudara wrote: »

...and more importantly, why did we buy them?

People were desperate for property, if they had decorated a cardboard box well enough, you'd probably have found a buyer!! :rolleyes:

I especially love the cheap fold up chairs and the throw covering the sofa probably covering stains, exposed springs, foam sticking out etc

oflahero

My favourite is the capitalised "PRICED TO SELL." Annoys the piss out of me every time. What was it priced at before? To sit on its hole for a few years?

ToxicPaddy

oflahero wrote: »

My favourite is the capitalised "PRICED TO SELL." Annoys the piss out of me every time. What was it priced at before? To sit on its hole for a few years?

Everything these days is priced to sell, doesnt mean anyone wants to buy them..

Duckjob

Wherever you see "PRICED TO SELL" (in obligatory CAPS) you can pretty much guarantee that the asking price is firmly in LA LA land.

jackal

http://www.daft.ie/1475810

"Manhattan, Canary Wharf & Hong Kong pale in comparison" = Carrick-on-Shannon
"to this magnificent one off property"=One of dozens

TommyT

jackal wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1475810

"Manhattan, Canary Wharf & Hong Kong pale in comparison" = Carrick-on-Shannon
"to this magnificent one off property"=One of dozens

475k? WTF, surely that is a misprint.

Duckjob

TommyT wrote: »

475k? WTF, surely that is a misprint.

I fear not.

Really, that ad nicely sums up the arrogance and delusion of those that got wrapped up in the Irish property bubble.

SoupyNorman

Duckjob wrote: »

Wherever you see "PRICED TO SELL" (in obligatory CAPS) you can pretty much guarantee that the asking price is firmly in LA LA land.

http://www.daft.ie/wilsonmoore/ - Utter clowns.

***EVERY PROPERTY THESE EEJITS ADVERTISE IS WRITTEN IN THIS STUPID FORMAT!*!*!!!!***

Zamboni

jackal wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1475810

"Manhattan, Canary Wharf & Hong Kong pale in comparison" = Carrick-on-Shannon
"to this magnificent one off property"=One of dozens

I'll buy it but first things first...



(not actually me btw :pac:)

brianthebard

jackal wrote: »

http://www.daft.ie/1475810

"Manhattan, Canary Wharf & Hong Kong pale in comparison" = Carrick-on-Shannon
"to this magnificent one off property"=One of dozens

Holy **** they actually wrote that. Are they high?

my couple;
CAPS LOCK = DESPERATION!
Community = inner city apartment block.

Maiready

nice people living there at present = people who pay overpriced rent pay it on time to the landlord / people who do not get along live there

Spacious = one person can move around in it.

Recently renovated = it has been painted within the last five years.

Great landlord = none of the previous tenants liked the landlord.

Good location = there is a bus stop and shop near it.

Great value = don't look anywhere else , as you will find better place.

Safe place = no murders have happened recently.