I Lick My Cheese

kylith

A short while ago I went to the staff canteen to fix myself breakfast. The kettle boiled and I filled my cup and allowed the tea to brew, then I went to take my milk out of the fridge when, horror or horrors, I discovered that some absolute fuktard has nicked my entire bottle of milk that I bought yesterday; enough to do me for the rest of the week. I'd decanted it into a Lucozade bottle and put in in the salad drawer to deter thieves; I was expecting people to take a bit, cos I work with pricks, but I never expected the whole bottle to vanish. I'm thinking of putting up a note saying that I hope they enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed my dry breakfast cereal (or maybe even that they should come see me so that I can tell them what to take to counteract the effects of the medication I take in the milk).

How do ye deter lunchroom thieves in yer workplace? I'm thinking of disguising it as ear medicine in future, or of spiking it with laxatives.

CreepingDeath

kylith wrote: »

or of spiking it with laxatives.

Nice idea, but legally that could be considered poisoning.

Although it would be funny to use an explosive dye pack in some way.

bonerm

I don't bring in anything as I have absolutely no faith in people.

kylith

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Nice idea, but legally that could be considered poisoning.

Although it would be funny to use an explosive dye pack in some way.

I suppose the laxatives would be counter productive when I wanted to drink it too.

A dye pack would be great; let everyone know who the thief is.

Lux23

One of colleagues had his entire lunch stolen one day, what was really funny was that it was beetroot sandwiches with salad cream so I doubt they enjoyed it all that much.

The only way you can deter them is by sitting in the kitchen all day with a shotgun.

Firefox11

Take it to your HR Rep/Union. This may be best dealt with in the labour courts.

CreepingDeath

Not sure if you could get a non-transparent food container/lunchbox, and attach one of those cheap wireless standalone window/door alarms on it.

When someone opens it, it goes off.

Noopti

Label the bottle:
"Mary's Breast Milk"

Just replace Mary with your girlfriends/wifes/random girls name

Danbo!

I lived with a guy for a year who bought shower gel and shampoo the day we moved in, used it all within a fortnight and never bought anymore. He'd just take it from any shelf (4 shelves, one each) and use it. Wouldnt have a problem finishing off someone else's bottle either. I was very tempted to replace mine with hair removal cream, but resisted because he was a real pretty boy, loved his ghey styled hair. Really wish I had gone through with it though, god damn conscience.

Apanachi

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Nice idea, but legally that could be considered poisoning.

Could it though?

Seriously, if you put it into your own food yourself and someone steals your food it's their own fault really, who knows, maybe the owner has a bad dose of constipation...

If the food is labeled (in a way that there is no mistaking who it belongs to and now way the label could fall off e.g. name written on the packaging/bottle with waterproof marker) and just happens to contain laxatives and the stealer gets a dose of the trots, well then...

phill106

Label it as expressed breast milk...
Either that or do a kingpin....Thats not a cow, thats a bull!




Mutters about people posting seconds before him!

WindSock

Put some orange juice into the bottle to give it the sour curdled look.

Miguel_Sanchez

Where I work we used to have a client who would always take people's food from the fridge. Once one of the assistants here was making toast. This woman walks in and when the toast popped she takes it, butters it and eats it right in front of the poor girl.

Some people just presume everything is theirs.

kylith

phill106 wrote: »

Label it as expressed breast milk...
Either that or do a kingpin....Thats not a cow, thats a bull!

LOL Would love to put a bottle labelled "Bull Semen" in the work fridge. Of course it'd probably still be nicked; all the guys into weight lifting would rob it for the testosterone and taurine, or to rub into themselves.

WindSock

Stee wrote: »

but resisted because he was a real pretty boy, loved his ghey styled hair.

All the more reason to :pac:

Darksaga87

Putting laxative in it wouldnt be poisoning, its not like you offered it to someone, if anything is said (in the aftermath) Simply say, your having a spring clearout, if you dont want to be involved with that, DONT TOUCH MY SHÍT!!

I work with absolute *****, my bread, butter, milk and cup were robbed one day and brought into some limp dick ****hawks room. I hit the roof.

People are pricks. We should be extinct.

storm2811

Should put up a note saying "To whoever drank my breastmilk.."

or even better,semen sample!
OR even better,horse semen sample..

but then they might think you're a bit odd..:pac:

alwaysadub

Fill the bottle up as usual,put it in the same spot as usual,but have buttermilk or condensed milk in the bottle instead.

Or just don't leave your stuff in the kitchen,had the same problem in my old job. People were hiding things under lock and key or just not letting the stuff out of your sight.

Menengroth™

read about some lad (possibly on here?) a while back whose boss always stole his carton of apple juice, so one day he used a syringe to remove the apple juice and replaced it with his urine. his apple juice was never taken again.

bonerm

Menengroth™ wrote: »

read about some lad (possibly on here?) a while back whose boss always stole his carton of apple juice, so one day he used a syringe to remove the apple juice and replaced it with his urine. his apple juice was never taken again.

Sounds to me like somebody taking the piss.

Run_to_da_hills

You can buy these in Tallaght, well worth it. Two hours recording, two hours battery life, excellent clarity and also voice activated. Find somewhere in the canteen to hide it and you have him

http://www.mitub.com/wp-content/uploads/muvi-micro-dv-digital-camcorder1.jpg

seamus

If you have a recently pregnant female colleague, ask her to send an email out to everyone thanking the guy who stole a bottle of recently-expressed breastmilk which she was storing until she could bring it home.

Unfortunately in workplaces some people act like they're back in college and just take whatever's not bolted down and bring it home.

NothingMan

Menengroth™ wrote: »

read about some lad (possibly on here?) a while back whose boss always stole his carton of apple juice, so one day he used a syringe to remove the apple juice and replaced it with his urine. his apple juice was never taken again.

Horrible mental image of someone sticking a needle in their japs eye to get the wee out. :eek:

D1976

Darksaga87 wrote: »

Putting laxative in it wouldnt be poisoning, its not like you offered it to someone, if anything is said (in the aftermath) Simply say, your having a spring clearout, if you dont want to be involved with that, DONT TOUCH MY SHÍT!!

I work with absolute *****, my bread, butter, milk and cup were robbed one day and brought into some limp dick ****hawks room. I hit the roof.

People are pricks. We should be extinct.

Laxative is definitely the way forward, like Darksaga87 said it's for you and you need to clear yourself out, tough s*** if someone steals it and get the two bob bits from it.

sbsquarepants

I work with a bloke who's lucozade kept getting robbed, he knew who was taking it as he'd been seen a few times by various people, so he drank about a half of the bottle and then topped it up to about 3/4 full by pissing in it and put it back in the fridge. He told the "suspect" the following day what he'd done, in an i wonder who it was kind of way, no confrontation whatsoever.

Stopped being robbed that very day;)

Noopti

Eat toast for breakfast

Cookie_Monster

everything in work is free so its not an issue

(apart from lunch, thats 10c)

:p:p

NothingMan

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

everything in work is free so its not an issue

(apart from lunch, thats 10c)

:p:p

Where do you work and where can I apply?

I did a half day training in Microsoft, they have CocaCola dispensers throughout the building and fridges with cans in the offices. If I worked there I'd have no teeth.

lorebringer

I lick my cheese

LOVE that book - a collection of post its found in flats telling house mates to cop on to themselves, not eat food etc. Brilliant!

Mr. Presentable

Put a small label on the bottle.

"Did you spot the camera, you thieving chunt? Put the bottle back now and leave my stuff alone, and we'll say no more about it"

pickarooney

Do you know how long it would take to express a litre of breast milk?

phill106

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

everything in work is free so its not an issue

(apart from lunch, thats 10c)

:p:p

Cookies for lunch?

Noopti

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you know how long it would take to express a litre of breast milk?

Does it matter how massive the breasts in question are?

phill106

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you know how long it would take to express a litre of breast milk?

How many men would? Who would contemplate this question before stealing the milk?
Using both breasts and an electric pump, i would imagine an hour.


Assuming that its a woman expressing.... Would take me ages!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Nice idea, but legally that could be considered poisoning.

Although it would be funny to use an explosive dye pack in some way.

Poisoning? Not at all.

You say this is how you take your medicine for your cronic constipation

phill106

Noopti wrote: »

Does it matter how massive the breasts in question are?

Breast size has no correlation to milk output....

unseen

You can always do sth like that...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkyjKM7jXfs

2 Espressi

Just label the bottle "Kylith's Milk Experiment".

If anyone asks, tell them the experiment is to see if the thieving bastards will ever learn...

Noopti

phill106 wrote: »

Breast size has no correlation to milk output....

Really?

Magill

I would love someone to start stealing my **** in work, would be great craic thinking of all the ways you could destroy them the next time they took it. Laxatives diffo sound like the best option, if theres only one toilet in your office..... jam some paper or something there and put it out of service ! HA !

kylith

2 Espressi wrote: »

Just label the bottle "Kylith's Milk Experiment".

If anyone asks, tell them the experiment is to see if the thieving bastards will ever learn...

Or "Which of the thieving bastards will start to show symptoms first".

trowelled

Reminds me of when Ross had his sandwich stolen in work

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziQrW-dOGWc

Noopti

Seriously, just put a label on it saying "I spat in this"

Nobody will risk drinking it, even if they are 99% sure you didn't - the doubt in the back of their mind will prevent them drinking it. Simple solution that will work.

Loopy

Noopti wrote: »

Seriously, just put a label on it saying "I spat in this"

Everyone does that when travelling.. It works..

kylith

Noopti wrote: »

Seriously, just put a label on it saying "I spat in this"

Nobody will risk drinking it, even if they are 99% sure you didn't - the doubt in the back of their mind will prevent them drinking it. Simple solution that will work.

I might just do that. I've been thinking of sticking up a note saying that I hope they enjoyed my backwash.

henryporter

Maybe arrive in tomorrow with a few rice krispies cold sores stuck to your mouth?

unseen

http://shots.gr/up/fb60d1a1b3f49df3e4eb5eba95443976.jpg

starbelgrade

I like my cheese.

shinikins

My father has one of those people in work. He tends to bring in leftovers from the dinner the night before, and the lads were always commenting on his lovely lunches, except occaisionally his lunch would just vanish. Started happening more and more regularly, so we devised a plan. I blitzed up a few birdseye chili's (:eek:) in the blender and mixed them into his lunch, he put it in the fridge in work, and it disappeared as normal. One of the boyos spent the afternoon in the jacks and his lunch never went missing again!!

starbelgrade

shinikins wrote: »

My father has one of those people in work. He tends to bring in leftovers from the dinner the night before, and the lads were always commenting on his lovely lunches, except occaisionally his lunch would just vanish. Started happening more and more regularly, so we devised a plan. I blitzed up a few birds eye chili's (:eek:) in the blender and mixed them into his lunch, he put it in the fridge in work, and it disappeared as normal. One of the boyos spent the afternoon in the jacks and his lunch never went missing again!!

I didn't know that Birds Eye made chillies.