Toddler difficult eater

BlackForestJule

Hi all,
I'm at my wit's end with my 19 month old daughter and her eating habits (or rather the lack thereof). She's been difficult with food from day one and maybe that's why I've made too much of a fuss about it as I always feared she might be too thin. Now, while she's not chubby (and has lost some weight due to illness recently) she's not underweight either, but she has no reserves if you know what I mean.
The thing is that she's a big fusspot when it comes to eating. Today she only had about 4 spoons of the cottage pie that I made (we had the same at the same time).She didn't have her dinner yesterday at the childminder's either, but tried to tuck into her children's food, but had the same dish the other day at her nana's (albeit only after she took her outside to sit with the fish at the pond).
So it's neither the company nor the taste of the food I cook (or so I hope).
And she will eat the snacks she gets in between (and would get anyhow, they are not meant as a substitute: per day that would be a baby-yoghurt, 2 portions of fruit and either some dried fruit or some pretzels/wholemeal biscuits with cheese. Admittedly, she does get the occasional "real" biscuit or a little bit of chocolate too, but not every day).

She'll even ask for food and in the mornings she picks her own cereal (which she eats at the childminder's because the kids compete about who's finished first, but that won't work at home) but then doesn't want it.
Usually she starts by saying that the food is too hot until it's stone cold. Then she tries to distract me asking about people outside, he nana, her baby doll.... When I don't react she'll start crying claiming she's stuck in her highchair.

The trouble is, she seems to be getting worse. She used to at least eat everything for other people, most of her food for me, but has always been bad for her dad (I blame the fact that he tends to offer her three trillion things when he's on his own with her). Now she's acting up for everyone. I'm due my second baby soon, I'm not sure if that has something to do with it.

While usually I just let her eat as much as she wants and then let her out, today I tried to sit it out, because she is getting worse. To no avail.

Are there any strategies like the controlled cying when a child doesn't sleep? Do I just ignore her and stick to the portions she was to get anyhow and let her decide for herself how much she wants to eat? Do kids grow out of phases like this? She's only little, so forcing her to sit at the table until she's eaten up seems kind of mean...

Any advice appreciated!

Sorry for the long post, but it's driving me up the walls! Surely she can't live of snacks alone, even if they are healthy ones! And surely she has to learn to sit and eat at the table with everyone else...

Moonbeam

Are you a fussy eater?
Have you been fussy about her eating in the past?
Why doesn't she get fed the same as the childminders kids?

It also might be that she is establishing her independence and this is the way she sees fit to do it.

BlackForestJule

I'm not a fussy eater myself, no. Pretty much the opposite (I eat pretty much everything "normal" apart from orange peel and okra) and maybe that's the problem. Maybe she senses that it gets me as I've alwazs liked gathering people round the table and feeding them good food. I hate seeing people hungry and especially not my own child!

She eats different stuff from the childminder's kids because that was the deal when she started going as she was still on pureed food and I didn't want the childminder to have to cook separately. It's just stayed that way somehow as now I wouldn't know how to ask her to feed Emilia too and how to change the financial agreements - maybe I'm just too awkward about asking for stuff, even though she's my partner's sister, so I shouldn't be...

Establishing her independence could be it - or part of it - though. She's also recently started wanting to do everything herself and making sure that everyone is clear about which toys are hers (myself and mine are her favourite words these days). Unfortunately, she doesn't always get it right and her cousin takes that quite badly. They used to share everything, now they fight at least once a day about "mine" (it's even "my teeth!" when they are to brush them...)

By the way, she did eat the cottage pie for tea. Pointed to it and asked me to put it into the microwave. She played around with it, then ate a quarter of it herself, but then lost interest and wanted to read a book (a cookbook that was on the table, would you believe!). But she let me feed her while she was looking at the pictures.
She just seems to find eating a bit boring and loses interest quickly......

LegacyUser

There was an article in the irish times a couple of weeks ago which i thought was quite good on this issue, helped me become a bit more relaxed about mealtimes and am seeing some improvements with my 2 yr old.You can read it at
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/health/2010/0511/1224270124074.html

TargetWidow

Personally at 19 mths I would start using "big girl" tactics with her. My little woman started acting up like this at about 16 mths and here's what I did.

I took her out of the high chair and got her a princess booster seat that straps firmly onto a normal kitchen chair. We made a big fuss about how she was a big girl now and she could eat at the table just like mammy and daddy. It also folds down and is very handy for visiting relatives for lunches and dinners.

Around the same time we invested in some toddler spoons and forks for her in her favourite characters (peppa pig and winnie the pooh) with a few melamine plates and bowls with similar characters. We told her she had her own big girl plates and forks now and just let her at it. I showed her how if she ate up everything she got to see the picture on the plate. Works well, though Daddy often makes the mistake of putting too much food on the plate to begin with which puts her right off. Better to have to go back for seconds and thirds with plenty of praise in between than start off on the wrong foot.

We gave up on keeping her clean for mealtimes. I keep her in her pyjamas for breakfast and they go in the wash straight afterwards, lunch is seldom messy food and with dinner I work off the principle that the clothes are going in the wash in an hour anyway so I don't get into it with her if she makes a mess accidentally. If she intentionally messes with the food I give her one warning that food is not for playing with and if she does it a second time I take it away. She picked up very quickly not to mess with dinner.

Lastly I would look at the levels of sugar in her diet. Like you, we were giving two pieces of fruit and some dried fruit as snacks and even though they are natural sugars they can still be very filling. Watch out for juices too, as these can fill her up. I now give breadsticks, pieces of cheese, one piece of fruit, homemade low sugar cakes and breads especially brown bread which she loves now. The combination of having all this power over the circumstances of her meals (she sets the table with us every night), and the revamp of the menu has done wonders for her appetite. For actual meals there are some little tricks that can work well with some toddlers, such as using cookie cutters to cut out sandwiches, or arranging the food in colourful patterns like faces on the plate.

Finally, and this is my credo now..... No toddler has ever voluntarily starved themselves to death. If they are hungry they will eat. If not, they won't. So long as her doctor thinks she is developing normally and is a healthy weight and height I wouldn't worry. My entire childhood of mealtimes was a litany of people forcing me to eat and my granny giving me sweeties and fruit to spoil me in between meals. I was lanky and skinny and pale but healthy as a horse. It made me have lots of food issues. I don't want that for my daughter so I refuse to get in her face about food. We seldom talk about the actual food at mealtime. We chat about her day and our days and are trying to teach her that mealtime is an enjoyable sociable experience. I just make sure that she is only offered healthy foods. No nice treats if the previous meal hasn't been eaten. They aren't long figuring out how the system will work in their favour. I hope one or two bits of my own experience will be of use to you.