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Role models? LBGT
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26-05-2010 8:11pm#1
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Anyone who has the courage to go through transition is a role model to me because I've got all that ahead of me and it is extremely daunting and scary. I often doubt if I will have the courage to do what I know needs to be done, it's a frightening journey, and the thoughts of losing friends along the way fills me with sadness as well, there's so much uncertainty at this point. So anyone who strives for their goals and makes that journey is nothing less than a hero and an inspiration to me.
But to be more specific, it was reading about women like Marissa Martinez and Kimberly Reed who have been incredibly big inspirations to me by helping me understand myself. Marissa especially was a big influence, and I even got in contact with her over Myspace to tell her what an inspiration she's been and she gave me some words of encouragement which made me really happy and gave me a lot of confidence.
To understand why they're role models for me I have to tell you a little about myself. Some transgender children just know who they are and what they are, I've seen some documentaries on them and they're so sure of themselves, these wonderful little girls who were sadly born with the wrong bodies. It was never as clear cut for me and I was rarely sure of myself until much later. Growing up, I wasn't the kid who played with barbie dolls all the time and insisted I was a girl, I did have some typically girlish interests, but they were few. I always wanted to let me hair grow long since I can remember, but my parents didn't let me. I was a nerd, I grew up on Star Trek and computer games. I went to an all boys primary school and all I really knew was that I was different, I didn't share any of the interests of the boys or really relate to them at all. So I had felt pretty isolated, but didn't understand why, I was shy and very sensitive which made me a target for bullies because I didn't fight back and would cry a lot. Pretty traumatic times.
It was in my teen years that I came a lot closer to understanding myself. I was pretty disgusted with my own body at that point, getting hair everywhere wasn't fun and when my dad showed me how to shave for the first time and got me some disposable razors, I would then shave my legs in the bathroom late at night. It was also in my teenage years when I started having dreams where I was a girl, so subconciously my self image was female. I knew at that point what I wanted to be, I had to be this person I felt like on the inside. But I also got some very, very bad advice from someone that really set me back by years. I knew someone who was a medical student, and I quizzed them about how one would get a sex change and the question of sexual orientation came up. Well, I find girls sexually attractive, I've always dated girls and I find the female form just incredible. But I was told that with hormone treatment, I'd start finding men attractive. That horrified me to no end. I just do not find men in any way attractive, so it seemed like a huge sacrifice to me, in order to be a girl I'd have to give up being with girls. I protested, but I was insistently told that hormones would have this effect on me.
I really started to doubt myself, I loved having relationships with other girls and although sex was extremely problematic, sexual identity is every bit as strong as gender identity, and I couldn't give that up. Who here would give up their sexual identity? Nobody I think, it's a part of who you are, and so I didn't want to give up a part of who I was. That really set a lot of doubts in mind, and because I wasn't very girly in my interests growing up, I just didn't know if I was really transgender any longer. So I tried to supress my gender identity issues, cut my hair short, got rid of all my makeup and nail polish and tried acting less feminine. I can't tell you how much of a disaster that was, I descended into depression more and more, lost all my confidence and a lot of self hatred built up. What's worse is that it had a huge impact on my love life as well, I'm sure girls picked up that I was feeling awkward and uncomfortable with myself and that I wasn't very confident at all, and any relationship from that point onwards was strained at best. I don't think you can expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself and you're hiding who you are. The best relationships I've ever had were where I was just being myself, and a lot of girls really loved how I looked as well, they were even jealous of my long pretty dyed hair, which filled me with a lot of confidence.
Anyway, I got fed up of being constantly depressed and just stopped supressing my feelings before it killed me, and set out to really understand myself. I started reading and researching as much as I could on transsexuality, transition, gender identity disorder and reading what other women felt like. I found out that gender identity and sexual identity are two completely separate things and that I had been given some really, really bad advice. In fact, it was downright retarded what was told, if hormones effected who you find attractive then surely there'd be no gay men or lesbian women because of their hormones determining who they were attracted to. I felt foolish and angry that I had believed such nonsense. I find out just how many transgender women are in relationships with other women, and it was surprising, there were an awful lot of them. But I still had a long way to go to rediscovering myself, and that's where people like Marissa came in and inspired me.
A big hang up for me was my interests, and it seems like a small thing, but I wasn't sure if I could reconcile them with being transgender. I suppose I had the idea that if someone was transgender that they'll just always know, and as a kid they'll want to be a girl, or want to be a boy. And that wasn't me, so I just wasn't sure. As well as that, my biggest fears were that in transition I would have to try to be someone I wasn't, and I didn't like that idea. So that's why Marissa Martinez was such a role model for me because she's this kinda scary metalhead and isn't at all what I expected a transgender woman to be, and wasn't really girly growing up either. Kimberly Reed's story showed me just how subtle gender identity issues can be, that you don't have to be typically girly, or that there doesn't have to be loads of tell-tale signs in your childhood either. It was thankfully an eye opening experience that gave me the confidence just to be myself.
And that's what transition is, just being yourself. I don't have to be someone who's gonna be tottering around in high heels and short skirts, I'm just going to be my own woman, the same nerdy Star Trek obsessed person I always was who listens to Rammstein and bounces around in converse wearing a hoodie that's far too big for her, but with the added bonus of actually being comfortable with my own body. It's always been a big question hanging over my head, who do I want to be? And the answer is, I just want to be me. So thank god for role models like Marissa helping me answer that question. Here's a good article where she talks about her life and transition a bit: http://xpress.sfsu.edu/archives/news/014063.html
Holy crap I'm sorry for the life story everyone!
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When I was younger there lived a man from my local town (Ireland) who was openly Gay. Not only openly Gay but he lived with his partner. My parents and many others only ever spoke of them with great fondness and never any negative words were heard.
This to me was such a powerful influence on my life and many others’ around me. Neither of them were famous or in your face, they just got on with what they needed to do and lived life to its full.
What wonderful Role models….
He died last week and he was the grand age of 102 years old. He leaves his partner of 40 yrs behind. May he rest in peace…0 -
My role models would be Rufus Wainwright and Donal óg. Rufus Wainwright would be the most influencial because of both his lyrical and musical ability and the battles throughout his life that he has overcome. He truely inspires me to be myself and he also gave me, through his lyrics, the urge to come out to my family and I could never thank him enough for how that worked out
. Donal óg for the simple reason that he came out into what could be the most homophobic institution in our country aside from the Church. Very brave man in my opinion and has inspired many young athletes to come out I am sure. 0 -
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Killer_banana wrote: »I don't really have any role-models when it comes to my sexuality (as in bisexual ones, there's a few gay people I admire who've already been mentioned).
I quite admired Drew Barrymore until I found out she calls herself a 'non-practising' bisexual. Might as well be back in the closet if that's the case. Just sends out the message that you can choose who you love which really pisses me off since that's the complete opposite of what is wanted.
In terms of bisexual people, Billie Joe Armstrong is quite admirable. He's happily married with kids but has never hidden or denied his sexuality.
Also, I really admire Anna Paquin who came out as bi recently while promoting a campaign fighting for LGBT rights. I always liked her as an actress anyway (True Blood!
) and this was another reason to admire her.
As for those already mentioned, I really admire Stephen Fry, Ian McKellen and Ellen deGeneres, and it has nothing to do with their sexuality but due to the fact that they're all incredibly talented people in their respective fields and all seem like celebrities you'd love to hang out and have a chat with. 0 -
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