Worried five year old being inappropriate

Debion

Hi all,
was hoping for some feedback. My five year old daughter was out playing out the back. She came in very distressed crying that something had happened and that she couldnt tell me. Eventually we got it out of her that she had touched a boys "willy". It seems she was playing with a little girl and there was a group of ten year old boys playing alongside, she got up went to the group and placed her hand on one of the boys "privates", I must stress his trousers were up and she touched him outside. She immediately came home hysterical, her fear being that I would be really angry. She says she knew it was wrong after she did it and was worried because if someone did it to her she would tell me and she was worried he would tell his mammy. I have grounded her and told her it was bold, but I still feel at a loss about what to do or say. Should I try to find out where the boy lives and explain to his mom, or what? Thanks for your help

3DataModem

Debion wrote: »

Hi all,
was hoping for some feedback. My five year old daughter was out playing out the back. She came in very distressed crying that something had happened and that she couldnt tell me. Eventually we got it out of her that she had touched a boys "willy". It seems she was playing with a little girl and there was a group of ten year old boys playing alongside, she got up went to the group and placed her hand on one of the boys "privates", I must stress his trousers were up and she touched him outside. She immediately came home hysterical, her fear being that I would be really angry. She says she knew it was wrong after she did it and was worried because if someone did it to her she would tell me and she was worried he would tell his mammy. I have grounded her and told her it was bold, but I still feel at a loss about what to do or say. Should I try to find out where the boy lives and explain to his mom, or what? Thanks for your help

My advice (not from experience) would be to tell your daughter that you are very happy that she told her. That while she shouldn't do it again, that you are not angry... you want to ensure that she is not afraid to tell you these types of things in future. If she is afraid you will get angry or punish her severely, she may not tell you.

The Big Red Button

Did you get the impression that there was any encouragement from the older boys? Or was it just that her friend dared her to do it or something?

Debion

chatterpillar wrote: »

Did you get the impression that there was any encouragement from the older boys? Or was it just that her friend dared her to do it or something?

No we spoke to her about that. Seems the boys did not encourage her at all, her friend didn't know anything about it, she just did it, I don't know why, which is why I am upset. We would talk to her about how if anyone touches her etc she needs to tell us and the school would have run a programme on it, she seems just to have wanted to do it and run away!

The Big Red Button

Debion wrote: »

No we spoke to her about that. Seems the boys did not encourage her at all, her friend didn't know anything about it, she just did it, I don't know why, which is why I am upset. We would talk to her about how if anyone touches her etc she needs to tell us and the school would have run a programme on it, she seems just to have wanted to do it and run away!

To me it doesn't sound like there's too much to worry about. Kids can just be curious at that age!

If I were you (not a parent here, by the way!) I wouldn't go overboard about it being "bold", etc. She obviously realised herself straight away that she shouldn't have done it, and you don't want her to be afraid to tell you anything similar in future. Similarly, you don't want her to develop any "fear" or whatever about male/female body parts.

She probably just realises that boys are different than girls, doesn't understand why, and was curious about it.

CrazyRabbit

I imagine at that age, she may have just become aware of the differences between boys and girls and gotten a little curious.

So long as there was no external factors at play, I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm curious though, why did you ground her? Seems she had already learned her lesson through guilt and fear.

T-Square

what would super nanny do?

sudzs

Why would she become hysterical about it? Are willies taboo in the household?? It seems a bit strange that a 5 year old would become hysterical about touching a willie when at such an age there should still be a degree of innocence about that part of the body, male and female. That sort or reaction is learaned.

Not sure it's a good thing to label it as bold or to ground her. It won't give her a healthy attitude to all things sexual as she grows up.

gubby

I agree with the person above who said that the little girl should not be "punished" etc for telling you the truth. in fact I think you should have made light of it but made sure you are happy that she told you. Then just forget it and dont mention it again unless she wants to talk about it. You really dont want her to grow up with the idea that there is something "bold" about boys/mens private parts. I think that if you play it down you might get more information in a day or two and I have a hunch that there is more to this than meets the eye.

Das Kitty

I think she's confused tbh.

You've told her (rightly so) that if someone touches her privates that it's serious and that she should come and tell you. So now in her head she has "abused" this older boy.

So hard to know what to say to her but you know little kids are curious. I feel sorry for her really.

Debion

God I find this really upsetting. I have at no times made her feel ashamed of her body and her sexuality, I have explained to her about the stranger danger thing simply because there was an incident close to her school and we were advised to warn the children. I dont think I was overly dramatic about it, she is still innocent about things, the reason I punished her and it was not done in a dramatic way. we chatted I told her that I would never be angry with her over anything that i will always love her etc but I dont know if i should have or not- Im confused neve mind her, i tell her never to let anyone touch you-and always to tell me yet when she tells me she does it do i just let it go- it was her upset that scared me, she thought she would get into trouble, and we are by no means a strict family- we are very relaxed with the kids and communicate with them so I didnt know what to do, there was no focus from me on Bold that came because her godmother felt that, god, i dunno ive never even called her bold before and Im worried that ive upset her somehow and i dont know how because I'm not a strict parent- in the traditional sense

cynder

I remember my brother looking up girls skirts at school when he was 5, there is a lot of curiosity going on at that age. We used to share a bath up until i was 7 (he is a year older than me).

I had a shower last night and my 3.5 year old boy decided to join me, he striped of and joined me naked in the shower ( i was delighted as he was scared of the shower and now isnt).

Did anyone apologise to the boy? im sure he must have been embarrassed!

I think you must have a great bond with your daughter for her to come and tell you straight away.

Khannie

I was dying to find out about fannys at her age to be honest. I don't think she really did anything wrong. Just curiosity got the better of her. I agree with the others that the important thing is that she told you and that she should be praised for it.

up for anything

Don't stress yourself out worrying about how you handled it. Life is hard enough raising children without sweating every little thing. You did fine and you haven't ruined her life or ruined her for life.