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Jeez... ya try to be nice..

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  • 27-05-2010 11:32pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My sister in law is pregnant with her first kid and is pretty nervous.

    I told her not to worry, as if it looks as though she's making a mess of it we (the family) will step in, fix it and get her back on track. Now is that so unreasonable?

    Se freaks out and says she wont be scrutinized and corrected for every mistake she does!

    Should I be concerned by this? I'd hate to think my little brothers now stuck with a drama queen. She is a single child and hasn't to my knowledge done any parenting classes or read (m)any books on the subject.


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    #2
    crazy cat lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭crazy cat lady


    I think if my in=laws told me they'd be there to fix things if I made a mess of my pregnancy/bringing up my child, I'd be pretty pee'd off too, especially if thats how you worded it. Pregnancy is a very scary and emotional time for most women, especially the first. It doesn't help when your inherited family come across like they are expecting you to mess it up and that they are going to have to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying for one minute that this is how you feel, but this is how it may have sounded.

    It might be an idea to talk to her again and maybe just express that what you actually meant was that you will all be there for support and guidance during this new and scary chapter in her life, should she need or ask for it.

    As for your brother, surely if he's happy then theres nothing to worry about. Even if he is 'stuck' with a drama queen, thats his business.

    Just because to your knowledge she hasn't read any books or done any parenting classes, doesn't mean that she won't be a good mother. Since when did a book or a class teach you to be a good parent anyway? Most of it is instinct. 100 years ago there weren't classes or books and the human race has survived!

    Out of curiosity, do you have children? And if so do you remember how much of an emotional rollercoaster pregnancy is?


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    #3
    coffee_cake
    Registered Users Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Let me explain it to you OP
    there is a vast chasm of difference between:
    "don't worry, we're all here to support you and help out if you need"
    and
    "don't worry, we'll step in and handle things when you're f*ing it up"

    Apologise and explain you meant the former!!
    She is a single child and hasn't to my knowledge done any parenting classes or read (m)any books on the subject.
    I think generations of women managed just fine without parenting classes and books! Don't try be a backseat driver, nobody loves those! it's her child and short of outright harm she can bring him/her up any way she wants.


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    #4
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    Tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense

    Making mistakes and learning from them is experience.


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    #5
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,439 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    Oh my good God :o I would have definately been ticked off by this OP.. did you say it in a joking tone or were you actually trying to reassure her that you would indeed swoop in and save the day if/when she fcuked up???

    :eek:


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    #6
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Doesn't matter what kind of tone it was said in if someone said that to be I wouldn't be mildly ticked off. I'd be very ticked off, even as far to the point as cutting contact with them.

    How dare you belittle her skills as a mother before she has even had a chance to try it. How do you know she hasn't read any/many books on pregnancy? Maybe she's online every night looking up every parenting website she can for information.

    I never took any parenting classes or ante natal classes and I've given birth twice and am raising two perfectly healthy little girls.

    That's really a way to shatter the girl, the poor thing, no wonder she took the defensive!


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    #7
    ted1
    Registered Users Posts: 23,507 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    if my family said that to my wife i swear they'd be black listed


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    #8
    simu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    OP, it seems from your post that you have no confidence in this woman's abilities. How unfair and nasty of you - I'm not surprised she's mad at you.


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    #9
    Jenroche
    Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭Jenroche


    Never heard of the concept of 'Tact', OP? Way to go!

    Jen ;->


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    #10
    aniascor
    Registered Users Posts: 503 ✭✭✭aniascor


    Now what wrote: »
    My sister in law is pregnant with her first kid and is pretty nervous.

    I told her not to worry, as if it looks as though she's making a mess of it we (the family) will step in, fix it and get her back on track. Now is that so unreasonable?

    Se freaks out and says she wont be scrutinized and corrected for every mistake she does!

    Should I be concerned by this? I'd hate to think my little brothers now stuck with a drama queen. She is a single child and hasn't to my knowledge done any parenting classes or read (m)any books on the subject.

    Wow. I hope you're joking. If someone had said this to me while I was pregnant I would have told them where to go. Time for a bit of self examination here OP. What is wrong with you that you feel the need to be so hurtful to someone who you admit is a nervous first time mother? Are you jealous? I don't think it's your brother you should be concerned about but yourself. Better figure out where the passive aggression is coming from or at some stage after the baby is born you're likely to say something so hurtful and offensive to your sister in law that you might ruin your relationship with your brother.


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    #11
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users Posts: 9,557 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    Now what wrote: »
    I told her not to worry, as if it looks as though she's making a mess of it we (the family) will step in, fix it and get her back on track. Now is that so unreasonable?
    Not at all. But try to understand that she's going through a tough time and that the levels of chemicals produced by her body during and after pregnancy will make her emotionally unstable and irrational.


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    #12
    WIZE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,597 ✭✭✭WIZE


    Refering to you post

    I really dont like people like you op . Reminds me of a Family that lived on our road . Used to make comments like that to everyone. Nobody liked them


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    #13
    Scoobydoobydoo
    Registered Users Posts: 388 ✭✭Scoobydoobydoo


    Jeez, ya weren't very nice at all I'm afraid, if that's what you said to her. Yes, that is an unreasonable, insensitive to say to someone, even if they weren't already naturally anxious about being a first time mother and hormonal.
    If I were her, I'd keep my distance from you.
    If I was you, I'd apologise and say your intention was to be supportive, but the words came out the wrong way. However, I'm not sure she'd believe it, you seem to have a mean attitude, calling her a drama queen after she reacted the way anyone would to what you said!
    How many people have done parenting classes, seriously? I feel sorry for her, she has no siblings, and you're probably the next best thing, judging her, poor girl!


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    #14
    jam_mac_jam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,726 ✭✭✭jam_mac_jam


    Now what wrote: »
    My sister in law is pregnant with her first kid and is pretty nervous.

    I told her not to worry, as if it looks as though she's making a mess of it we (the family) will step in, fix it and get her back on track. Now is that so unreasonable?

    Se freaks out and says she wont be scrutinized and corrected for every mistake she does!

    Should I be concerned by this? I'd hate to think my little brothers now stuck with a drama queen. She is a single child and hasn't to my knowledge done any parenting classes or read (m)any books on the subject.

    Hasnt gone to parenting classes? How many people do you think do, you shouldnt have put it like that. You should have told her that you would help, she probubly picked up on your attitude to her.


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    #15
    hacked
    Registered Users Posts: 812 ✭✭✭hacked


    judging by your post...god help your children. you sil had every right to be ticked off. self righteous people like you were the kind that got cut out of my life when was pregnant with my little girl.


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    #16
    Karlos13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Karlos13


    You should be very, very careful what you say to a pregnant woman and how you put it. You were lucky to survive that conversation.


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    #17
    axel rose
    Registered Users Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭axel rose


    I wonder who steps in when the OP 'goes off track' with his/her parenting?


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    #18
    Lucy Locket
    Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭Lucy Locket


    I know it is late, but OP if you were my SIL I'd be saying to your brother to keep you away from me for the rest of the pregnancy and def for a while after the birth!!!

    I didn't read a book during my pregnancy and everything is perfect, I've a perfect 4mth old little girl, extremely happy, and I haven't F**K'd up yet!!! And just because she is a single child doesn't mean she can't rare a child either!! And your brother loves his wife even if she is a drama queen


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    #19
    D rog
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭D rog


    Oh dear. There's a line and you totally crossed it!
    Anyway *ucking up would be by your definition and judgement so would mean nothing- she's entitled to bring up her child as she sees fit even if you disagree with her ways.
    Back off and apologise fairly quick if you want to continue any kind of relationship!


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    #20
    bubbaloo
    Registered Users Posts: 758 ✭✭✭bubbaloo


    Hi OP - I suppose it's all already been said here but if that is really the way you worded it, you have some serious grovelling to do. And by the sounds of it you have some growing up to do too!
    Reading books and parenting classes are not the only way to parent - we all live and learn by experience and hopefully you will learn from this one!


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