Being a non-drinker in a relationship

QuiteInterestin

Was just reading a thread over in relationship issues and it got me thinking. I don't drink and I've never really been in a long term relationship. While I have no problems with people drinking, I get to that time, about 2 oclock at the end of the night club when I just want to go home as most are just talking nonsense, repeating themselves and laughing at nothing at that stage. While I usually just head of at this point, if I was in a relationship I presume I'd be waiting on a 'merry' partner to finish up and would probably be still there an hour later or I'd have him arriving home a little worse for wear. While I've often been in this position of waiting with friends at the end of the night and helping them home, I'm guessing its a whole different issue when its a partner.

Not confining this thread to just nights out, I suppose I'm looking for opinions on being in a relationship where one person drinks and the other doesn't. Does it become a major issue, even where the drinker is just a social drinker and not an alcoholic. Has it ever been the dealbreaker? While I have no issues with friends and family members drinking, I suppose this is because it doesn't directly affect me that much. I'm afraid that if I was in a relationship, it would be something that would grate on me and could cause resentment. What have other not drinkers experiences been?

I know this is technically a personal/relationship issue, but I think I'd get more relavent replies here!

Bassboxxx

Yeah I think it can often be an issue in relationships. I don't drink either and would consider myself far from boring but have found in the past that it caused difficulty. I think it was defo the major factor in one break up.

even some friends who are in long term relationships where one doesn't drink have some hassles with it. But they just deal with it by not going out together all the time.

I also find some people can feel uncomfortable drinking in the company of someone who isn't drinking, especially on a one to one basis.

Saaron

I've been with my Boyfriend almost a year, he drinks occasionally with friends whereas I have never been into drinking and all that. It's not really too bad for me. He likes drinking with friends rather than going out to clubs. The other night he sat at home with me and got drunk while I stayed sober. We still had fun. That stuff is fine because I can chill out with him and friends and not have to drink.

The only time it gets to be a slight issue is when he goes out with friends because they like going to clubs and drinking a lot. I don't feel comfortable going to clubs and being the odd one out, so I just let my Boyfriend do that. It can be good though as it gives him time to just have fun with friends (although he hates going to nightclubs so not sure he considers it fun.) Sometimes I feel left out because his friends have their Girlfriend's with them and I'm never with him. Good thing is that he understands how I feel so it doesn't cause much problems. Other than that me not drinking in our relationship isn't too difficult.

cantdecide

'Drinking' is a very subjective word when applied to an individual. I think it depends of the kind of drinker and the kind of non-drinker you're talking about. There's no doubt that in some instances, it will be a deal breaker. In other cases, it may not be an issue at all.

Ms.Odgeynist

cantdecide wrote: »

'Drinking' is a very subjective word when applied to an individual. I think it depends of the kind of drinker and the kind of non-drinker you're talking about. There's no doubt that in some instances, it will be a deal breaker. In other cases, it may not be an issue at all.

Hit the nail on the head cantdecide. I don't drink myself(I used to....alot).
Since giving up I have had three reasonably serious relationships. The first was a big drinker. It was doomed from day one. Not all her fault, but a combination of me still being a little jealous of her partying and her general lack of coherence on nights out led to constant problems.

My present gf is a pretty sensible drinker. She likes the craic, don't get me wrong, but never suggests we head on to some stranger's house-party at 4 in the morning.

So it works! If she knows its gonna be a big night, I get a heads up and can decide myself if I could be arsed going

QuiteInterestin

cantdecide wrote: »

'Drinking' is a very subjective word when applied to an individual. I think it depends of the kind of drinker and the kind of non-drinker you're talking about. There's no doubt that in some instances, it will be a deal breaker. In other cases, it may not be an issue at all.

Thanks all for replies, It's nice to hear from others in the same situation. I suppose alcohol is the source of alot problems in some of the relationships around me and it got me thinking about how I'd deal with similar situations. Thanks cantdecide for the above comment, I suppose it depends on the kind of drinker involved, and thats different from one person to another and one relationship to the next. Thanks all

Black Swan

If your b/f or g/f is a light drinker, I don't think there would be an issue, provided that you are not repelled by alcohol on his/her breath or in places where you smell it (e.g., several non-smokers complain about the smell of secondary smoke, the smell of smoke on clothes, or kissing an ash tray, while others adapt and don't complain... A similar association may pertain to some non-drinkers?).

Drunks and binge drinkers are a different issue for non-drinkers, and should probably be avoided.

mercAMG

I don't drink and my current GF and previous both did. I do find it causes problems from time to time. My previous GF changed completely with drink and I have has some pretty bad experiences. Currently its not too bad but I do find that I often want to head home after work and the GF wants to go to the pub for 'one' which never is only one. I have found in recent times that I am taking a serious disliking to drinking and I don't want to be like that

shelly1234

Hi There..

well il tell you my story. Met this guy in a night club. gave him my number i was plastered and thought he was too.. so the next day he was texting me non stop and i found out that he doesnt drink at all!!! mortified!!! anyway so we got into a relationship.. he would come out with me most nights and i would get fairly drunk as im not too well able to hold it and then he would give out to me the next day! (grrrr) so yes we had our arguments but sorted them out snd fell in love... moved in together. when we moved intogether i basically stopped going out with my friends because it wasnt his thing and i didnt want to leave him on his own at home ( he wouldnt go see his friends when i asked) he clung on to me.. it was frustrating but in time i actually didnt want to go out anymore. sure if there was an event i had to go to i would but in the space of 10 months i went out 3/4 times!!! ( used to be out every weekend before i met him!) so anyway we went on a break (his choice) and i was absolutly devastated! ended up going out the night we broke up and found myself just completely not wanting to be out, i wanted to just be at home with my boy... as for the hangover the next mornign well i was suicidal to say the least! drink really depresses me but didnt bother me before because i didnt have too much to be depressed about but this time oh my god it was awful!! i swore i wouldnt drink again and i would get him back... meanwhile i found out my so called hermit of a boyfriend who would never go see his friends or hang around with drinkers before was suddenly going to house parties and niteclubs!!! (not drinking still but not the point!) this killed me! we eneded up getting back together and i havent drank since that night we broke up... usually we now spend the weekends together caus we both work during the week but he still goes off with his froends all the time and to house parties where girls are etc... basically my point is he got what he wanted in the sense of i completely became dependant on him and stopped going out and stopped drinking and socialising with my friends and now thats not what he seems to want at all! so i am now the hermit where i used to be fun outgoing and bubbly and he is the one out with his friends all the time! i do be sitting at home like an eejiit wodering what he is up to and driving myself mad!!! i dont think it works

cantdecide

In my humble, there may be other issues in your relationship, drinking or no drinking. Have you seen the relationship issues forum?

Floppybits

I my opinion a drinker/ non drinker relationship can work but there has to be understanding on both sides. I have never drank and I do like going to pubs and clubs but I cannot stand house parties. At least in a pub or club I can head off on the dance floor but at a house party there is no escape the only escape is to head of home. I hate the end of the night when my mates are drunk and are dragging their heels coming out of a club or pub or in one mates case talking to every stranger on the road. Usually I just slip out the door when I have had enough and head off home.

Lord TSC

cantdecide wrote: »

'Drinking' is a very subjective word when applied to an individual. I think it depends of the kind of drinker and the kind of non-drinker you're talking about. There's no doubt that in some instances, it will be a deal breaker. In other cases, it may not be an issue at all.

True that.

I've never really been in a serious relationship and a major part of that comes down to the fact I'm probably at the outer extremes of the "Non-drinker" end of the spectrum.

I don't drink at all, and despise the Irish drink culture. As such, I really won't go near any pubs or stuff like that. Given that there's seemingly little else to do in this country other than stuff that involves alcohol, I do feel very isolated at times. Have had to turn down offers because of how big drinkers some girls were, despite the fact I thought they were amazing in every other way. Just would have been too big of a road block for me though.