Short Story Competition 3 (Cinderella) - VOTE HERE!

shotgunmcos

VERSION 12

I was quite excited to read these entries. Overall the standard is very good and if most of these are first timers like me I feel rather embarassed by my own attempt

It was tough to single some out for votes when most of the stories deserved one.

My favourites were

#9 simply because it made me laugh out loud. I'd normally be a stickler for punctuation, structure and layout but as raw as this piece was it delivered the required punch for me. Well done to the author. Vote.

#11 was clever and I was almost tempted to skip ahead to see what happens I was so drawn in. It flowed effortlessly to a cute ending. Well done to the author. Vote.

Honourable mentions

#7 for the style which was a breeze to read, although too modern a take on a fairytale for me.

#15 for being original and almost very funny. I liked roles of the characters but felt it could have illustrated the opposing personalities of the Big Bad Wolf vs the Fairy Godmother more rather than waste so many words on coutroom jargon. I loved the idea of 'all the Kings men' being the authority

I didn't really like the night out/disco/party/drugs persdpectives although some of them were well written.

I thought #2 was a lazy attempt and #4 was just too hard to read (maybe If I frequented Cork City nightlife more often I'd get it :rolleyes:)

Many thanks to Pickarooney for organising this, I'm learning loads.

Daemos

VERSION 12

Okay after finally reading all the stories I've voted for 5, 6 and 11

5: Very interesting, actually felt like Cinderella II, and had some very intriguing characterisations

6: Awesome. Took me ages to figure out who Anne was which made the revelation even better. And "this story is already written, its ending known" was brilliant

11: Excellent job, purely because it fills the plothole of why the slippers didn't change as well

And just for the other writers, here's what I thought of the rest:

1: A bit plain. It felt more like a prologue, and the twist was obvious and unspectacular

2: Far too short, and not very interesting at all

3: Intgiguing but confusing, not quite clear what happened to her

4: Trying to read the accents was agonising, and none of the characters were likeable

7: Very good, but just missed out on a vote. Would have got my vote if one of the three I voted for wasn't entered

8: Interesting but a bit confusing. What exactly happened him?

9: One of the funner stories, enjoyed reading it, but the ending was a bit uinbelieveable, even for a fairytale

10: Interesting, with a great final paragraph, but something about it just didn't click

12: Good but unspectacular

13: Very good, liked how the earring not fitting told him who he was looking for, but it was hard to figure out who's story you're following. Starting from Nicole's POV and then suddenly switching to Beatrix's ruined it for me unfortunately.

14: Very nice, the most romantic story by far

15: A very good premise, but the ending was disappointing

mert3

It wont let me vote cos it says i already have, but regardless story 11 is amazing such a vivid read

Dublin141

VERSION 12

I enjoyed 7, 8, 11 and 15 the most.

7 - It was a nice, sweet modern take on Cinderella that kept me reading til the end.

8 - I really enjoyed this one, I liked the darker twist to the story.

11 - It was great to read a different pov, this got my vote for taking a less obvious slant.

15 - A fun, clever story that would have probably benefited from a longer word count.

8 and 15 were imo the ones with the best writing but I thought all 4 deserved a vote for different reasons. I think maybe the word limit hindered some of the stories this time but they were all entertaining.

Overall, I was impressed with the standards and creativity on this competition. So many different takes on the same old story we all know, well done everyone.

Blush_01

I'm really sorry, been a bit busy recently. Haven't been online for a few days and didn't get to read these on time. Will not get to vote before the poll closes in the morning, but best of luck to everyone, and I'll definitely try to join you all in entering next time.

Mr E

VERSION 12

Congrats to number 11! A worthy winner.

pickarooney

VERSION 12

Time up and number 11's unassailable lead has seen him/her through the last couple of days of inactivity in the polls.

Congratulations!

Now you can all reveal yourselves.

Mr E

VERSION 12

Mine was Kate, Brian, Cindy and Conor in the café. In hindsight, the kiss at the end might have scuppered me a bit. As a fairytale ending, maybe it was too OTT. A hug (or even a slap!) might have served me better. Ah well....

Roll on competition 4! (or 3.5 if that's going ahead)

pickarooney

VERSION 12

3.5 is scheduled for tomorrow, all day, with everyone having an hour to complete their story. Thread going up in a minute.

Antilles

VERSION 15

I wrote #11. Thanks to everyone who voted for it

There was definitely a lull in the voting at the end; maybe next time we could reduce the length of the voting time.

angelll

VERSION 12

Congratulations Antilles! I voted for yours,it was really good. Mine was number ten,the 'vampyre' one. I wrote it an hr before the deadline but was still pleased with it. Thanks to everyone that gave feedback,interesting that some liked the end,some were confused by it. It was meant to be ambiguous,up to you whatever way you took it and had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the deadline for pm'ing was in 2 minutes

The Sparrow

VERSION 15

Mr E wrote: »

Mine was Kate, Brian, Cindy and Conor in the café. In hindsight, the kiss at the end might have scuppered me a bit. As a fairytale ending, maybe it was too OTT. A hug (or even a slap!) might have served me better. Ah well....

Roll on competition 4! (or 3.5 if that's going ahead)

Really?? I was sure a girl had written that. You big woman!!!:)

It was very nicely written though and a good idea.

Mine was John Grisham meets Cinderella. It was really difficult to fit a whole court case and introducing a ton of characters into 1000 words. 40 mins before the deadline, I had 1000 words and I hadn't even got to the defence argument let alone the verdict. So I had to cut a lot.

I know a couple of people said there was a bit too much legal speak but I decided that it was needed to root the fairy tales in the courtroom. As a first ever attempt at writing fiction, I was quite happy with the results.

Well done Antilles.

It was a shame that voting died down over the past few days. Maybe in the future we can switch it to 3 days?

Mr E

VERSION 12

The Sparrow wrote: »

Really?? I was sure a girl had written that. You big woman!!!:)

Heh... Terrorism last month, chick lit this month. Trying to mix things up.

Seriously, I wanted to have a go at writing some natural dialogue... something I'd never done before. I think it turned out OK.

pickarooney

VERSION 12

The Sparrow wrote: »

It was a shame that voting died down over the past few days. Maybe in the future we can switch it to 3 days?

Well, we won't get any more votes by doing that so I'm not sure it's worthwhile. In previous competitions there were votes coming in on the last day. That said, the flashfiction one will have a shorter voting window.

Who's definitely going to write tomorrow?

The Sparrow

VERSION 15

pickarooney wrote: »

Well, we won't get any more votes by doing that so I'm not sure it's worthwhile. In previous competitions there were votes coming in on the last day. That said, the flashfiction one will have a shorter voting window.

Who's definitely going to write tomorrow?

I am hoping to.

You may not get anymore votes, but the momentum of the competition does increase with three days and it is less time to be checking back to see if there are any votes. A week seems needlessly long to me.

pickarooney

VERSION 12

We'll see how the next one goes with voting from Friday to Tuesday Morning, although fewer and shorter stories is likely to encourage more people to read through them all.

I haven't checked, but did everyone who entered vote this time?

Antilles

VERSION 15

The Sparrow wrote:

Story 11
Good idea to focus on a minor character. Everyone always ignores them so it is a good way to be original. Nice suspense too. Why a lizard though? Nonetheless, this gets my other vote.

Just to answer this, the guy turned into a lizard because in the original story, the FGM used lizards to make the footmen

pickarooney

VERSION 12

Antilles wrote: »

Just to answer this, the guy turned into a lizard because in the original story, the FGM used lizards to make the footmen

Talk about an inappropriate abbreviation

angelll

VERSION 12

I'll write tomorrow too. I'm still a bit confused as to what i have to do though...

Mr E

VERSION 12

Maybe set the voting window based on the number of entries?

Less than 10: 5 days
11 to 15 entries: 7 days
16 to 20 entries: 9 days

I'll be writing tomorrow, pickarooney.

Oryx

VERSION 9

Well done Antilles, a strong victory and a very different take on the story!

Well done everyone, really, were not half bad at this, are we?

My story was somber number 6, where poor auld Anne Boleyn looses the head. (Ive never watched the Tudors, btw) I rewrote because I thought my first choice (here) was a bit 'easy', and pickarooney had commented that it would be interesting to see stories that were not modernised or comical. Plus I like misery.

Antilles

VERSION 15

pickarooney wrote: »

Talk about an inappropriate abbreviation

Oh dear. Unintentional, I assure you.

I'll be taking part tomorrow.

pickarooney

VERSION 12

angelll wrote: »

I'll write tomorrow too. I'm still a bit confused as to what i have to do though...

Decide on a time when you want to write.
PM me with it.
Wait for instructions.
Write.
PM me your story.
Wait for votes.

Mr E wrote:

Maybe set the voting window based on the number of entries?

Less than 10: 5 days
11 to 15 entries: 7 days
16 to 20 entries: 9 days

I like your thinking.

angelll

VERSION 12

Thanks! I understand now,lol.

ToasterSparks

VERSION 10

Congrats Antilles!

Mine was 14, the one with Ashton (I know, Cinderella ... Ashton ... I'm so smart!!) and his crush on the hot guy. TBH the story didn't translate very well from my head to the page. I felt like it was lacking depth or soul or something.

Although, I did get 2 votes and in general the comments were great. And yes, the last line was sloppy and should have been omitted. The standard was really high once again, and I'm so gonna keep trying until I win!

pickarooney

VERSION 12

ToasterSparks wrote: »

Congrats Antilles!

Mine was 14, the one with Ashton (I know, Cinderella ... Ashton ... I'm so smart!!) and his crush on the hot guy. TBH the story didn't translate very well from my head to the page. I felt like it was lacking depth or soul or something.

Although, I did get 2 votes and in general the comments were great. And yes, the last line was sloppy and should have been omitted. The standard was really high once again, and I'm so gonna keep trying until I win!

Just a thought - if you had called him Ashley it would take the reader a few seconds more to realise it was a guy, I think.

I want to read the next chapter of version 5 when the good captain has time to post it.

Wantobe

VERSION 12

I wrote 8. The ending was crap, I knew that myself, but I gave up a bit and didn't put enough effort in. Still though, it was good fun writing for the competition and I got a good bit of constructive criticism. BTW I commented on my own story 'cause I thought it would be a giveaway if I commented on all the others except mine!

Well done to Antilles- it was a really good story and well written.

ToasterSparks

VERSION 10

pickarooney wrote: »

Just a thought - if you had called him Ashley it would take the reader a few seconds more to realise it was a guy, I think.

Yep, that was very intentional. "Ashley" conjures images of that anorexic Olsen twin for me! Ashton's less Irish-like I know, but I thought it was acceptable.

Daemos

VERSION 12

Congrats Antilles, well deserved

Also Starring LeVar Burton

VERSION 10

Congrats Antilles... and everyone reallly - thought it was a really good competition this time and everyone did great...

Mine was #5 - the one with India De Souza and Diego Valette...
The word count really held me back - kinda wished I had about another 10,000 words to work with for this one, but I was set on using the idea...
If I could get more feedback on this one, that'd be great (maybe not just on the entry itself, but the general concept...
I was thinking at some stage to write a series of short stories under the title The Saga of India De Souza, just to see how it would turn out, including part 1, "The Masquerade Ball", and a rewrite of part 2, "Diego's Story"... I even had part 3, "Portia's Redemption", planned out...

Next time, I'll come up with a story that suits the word count, because I knew I'd be shooting myself in the foot with this one... Although, I got 1 vote, which I wasn't expecting, so that was good...