Keeping food on the table...?

LegacyUser

So I am seriously struggling financially at the minute. I work full time on a crap wage. I have huge bills including mortgage & childcare (on my own with child). I struggle on a daily basis to keep food on the table. When I pay my childcare & mortgage at the end of each month, I have exactly 146euro left for everything else.
I am 26 with a degree and took this job last year because of the progression that was promised - it's a minimum wage, admin role. The progression appears not to be happening however. I fought tooth and nail to buy my home and am proud of how mine and my daughters life has moved on - when I consider how low I was when I found out I was pregnant.
What am I going to do? I am looking for a new job everyday, but have had no luck. I am considering looking for part-time work and availing of some of the benefits for single parents (back to school allowance etc), but would that be a huge step backwards, having fought so hard to stay in full time employment all through my pregnancy etc.? If I went part time, would it be a huge step to get back full time when my daughter is a bit older?
I am at a loss as to what to do. I have looked into many other options, cheaper childcare (nothing available in my area), community creche (no places for her), moving home and renting out my place (my folks and I don't get on and I would be in a box room, so not doing that) etc etc...second job (would have to pay for childcare so no financial gain)...
Has anyone ANY ideas for me...every month I spend about 3 days crying when I realise how little I have left for food...and yes, I have been in touch with the svp who have been very supportive...I am just barely above the threshold for any support from social welfare tho, so don't get any support there. Any ideas...please??? THanks for reading.

elbee

OP, I really feel for you. It's as though you're being punished for doing the best you can and it just isn't bloody fair.

I've no kids myself so I have no advice on what it would be like getting full-time work after working part-time, but I will say this - half the bloody country is out of work at the moment. Employers over the next few years are going to have to be very forgiving of gaps on CVs or else they'll be missing out on a lot of great people who just fell victim to the downturn. So I wouldn't worry about how bad it will look to have worked part-time during the recession. In the future, most of your fellow applicants will be in the same, or an even worse, boat.

www.citizensinformation.ie is a pretty good site, I would say that before you go looking for part-time work or leave your job, do a lot of research on what benefits you'll get. Also bear in mind that if you leave your job or reduce your hours voluntarily, it may affect any payments, so look into that too. It also may be worth visiting your local citizens' information office, as speaking to a person face-to-face can be very helpful and they may know some stuff about benefit entitlements.

I wish you the very best of luck OP, and I promise you this won't last forever!

Trashbat

NOTE: I cannot give you financial advice.

I suggest you talk to your mortgage institute about the potential of restructuring the mortgage itself. This might make the monthly outgoings a little less.

Also have you thought about a lodger? I know a number of people who own their home on a massive mortgage who do this as their only way of managing payments.

Do you have anyone who you can talk to about this, a friend or something. They may be able to offer you advice.

I would certainly specify that you should no make any rash judgements, like getting high interest loans or anything that could seriously hurt you in future.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. To answer those questions:
My mortgage is for 40yrs - not a hope they'll extend it as I'm only 18 months into it as it is. Nor do I want it extended!
I have a 2 bed ground floor apt with a garden (blessed with a garden!), with an open plan livingroom/kitchen. Its not exactly huge and anyway, there are very few lodgers who would be interested in lodging with a four year old. I've considered that option from the start, but I just couldn't do it.
Yes I have pals I talk to about this - most are in relationships though and have some sort of financial back up, be it from their boyfriends/husbands or parents. I don't have anything/anyone else financially supporting myself and my daughter. My daughters father is not in the picture (his own choice) and pays me 35pw maintenance, which is what puts me over the SW threshold for any support btw....It's like a never ending circle that I can't get out of....

jessiejam

Have you applied for FIS or the OPFP?

kittykrazy

Sorry to hear about your situation but kudos for working so hard for yourself and your daughter. She's very lucky to have you as a role model.

There maybe other areas you could scrape back a few euros, for instance getting an au pair (not sure how you spell that). Basically you give a foreign speaker somewhere to live and a little spending money while they learn english/improve their english in return for child minding and light house keeping. You could even "share" the cost with another family (so she's looking after your daughter and another child).

Could you do any work at home in the evenings? I read an article about virtual PAs who just do a couple of hours here and there through an agency booking travel, taking messages, etc. Book keeping?

LegacyUser

I've looked into all of that kittykrazy....that whole virtual PA stuff, it's a bit of a scam as far as I can see. I've posted messages on sites asking if anyone actually makes any money from it - I've gotten very little response. I do however, get huge responses from ladies wanting me to become ann summers or similar sales reps...all of which involve leaving my home which involves getting someone to mind my daughter etc etc etc....
The au pair situation is something I've also looked into - like I said, my place is small and the practicalities are that I actually only have one couch!!! I often wonder where another person would sit if someone else lived with us - honestly guys, someone living in to mind her isn't an option either. She started school last sept - sorry she's 5 now! And I thought that things would ease slightly - but what with days off and the minder charging for every collection and drop to and from school etc, it ends up almost more expensive. My minder isn't expensive btw, 5e an hour (you'd pay someone to mind your pet more than that if I'm honest ) it's just my wages are so crap....
Sorry if it seems like I have an answer or reason not to take advice, I don't. I have researched almost every possibility over the past year though.
And thanks for calling me a good role model for her - I hope I am...but what kind of role model can barely afford beans in lidl....:-(
And I'm not eligible for fis either....like I said, her dad pays a paltry amount per week (court ordered) and it pushes me 17euro pw over the threshold for it.....I've appealed their decision but only got their negative reply last week...

Gillo

Hi OP

Firstly fair play to you, for holding down a job, raising your daughter and getting a mortgage, it's great to see someone making a real effort to stand on their own two feet. Having been in a slightly similiar situation although not as bad I know how tough it can be.

ok, I know it's a forty year mortgage, but it may be worth taking to the bank see if there is anything they can do, even if you agree to keep the payments the same it may give you some leverage in furture with the bank as you have been so open with them in the past.

As for the 35pw, I'd seriously be going back for more money, to put it in perspective I'm paying my ex 600 pm (ok so I'm hoping to get that slightly reduced in the next few months but don't expect it to drop by much). Before going back try getting a break down of (really don't want to put it so bluntly but) how much your daughter costs? taking in childcare, food, clothes, bills and the fact that you provide a fulltime home for your daughter to live in.

Try going to MABS also, there's a big waiting list but they are meant to be great, they also have a budget calculator on there website.

As for childcare, we don't know where your daughter is eg, a crech but it may be cheaper to find someone offering childcare in their home ok so chances are they won't have the piece of paper from Montessori but a lot of them are pretty good.

Good luck with it, I know it's never easy.

LegacyUser

Gillo, thanks.

Childcare is with a minder. Like I said, she's cheap (Im in dublin) in comparison to creches but for example, next weekend the school are taking the tuesday and wednesday off as well as the bank holiday. So that's 9.5 hours childcare at 5euro an hour...for two days...then there's thur and frid which are normal days (1.30 to 5.30)....I have to also consider 8wks over the summer holidays which is giving me alopecia even thinking about it.
And I've brought him back to court already this year. I got an increase...he works f/t but is ill at the moment and him and the judge had a great chat about his illness while I sat there, like a lemon and got a ten euro per week increase. I had even paid for a solicitor that day....

username123

OP - try the money makeover section on www.askaboutmoney.com - some great advice from people there.

You need to open a spending diary, keep track of EVERY cent, then look at where you can cut things back
Do you have any debt? Can any of it be consolidated or put on hold?
Can you cut back any bills (example, going to cheaper mobile phone tariff or get rid of ntl etc...).
Do you have anything you can sell? A friend of mine did a clear out and brought her old junk to a car boot sale and made over 300 euro on it.
What about support with childcare from friends/family?
Definitely approach your lender and tell them you cannot keep up the full mortgage repayments, get the amount temporarily reduced.
What about entitlements, have you claimed everything you can back, med 1 form, bins etc...
Are you claiming everything possible in relation to your daughter?
Is there any small job you could do over the weekend with your daughter in tow, to earn a small bit extra, Im thinking things like minding another child for a few hours or dog walking?
I also thnk you need to persue your ex for more money if possible.
Travel expenses - could you cycle to/from work - save on petrol, car insurance, tax/public transport costs.
Do all the food shopping in Lidl/Aldi and make batches of food for freezing, much cheaper way to do it, also make your own lunches etc..

kittykrazy

I mean it, you sound like a great role model for your daughter so pat yourself on your back! My mother stayed in horrible relationships just so she could be financially stable and it was a nightmare and a pretty bad message to my sisters (one can't trust and the other trusts too much and is forever being taken advantage of) so I think having an independent, educated and loving mother will give her belief in herself beause you obviously have belief in yourself.

I just spoke to this woman (for my own job seeking) http://www.virtualpa.ie/inquiry_form_3.html and she sounds on the level. The enquiry form isn't working but she said to email a cv to mail@virtualpa.ie. Her number's under the enquiry form.

Have you given recruitment agencies your CV? They can take a lot of the legwork out of looking for a job and they're financially motivated by their bonus to get you the highest salary.

I really hope things get better. Will you keep us updated?

Redpunto

Unregistered wrote: »

Its not exactly huge and anyway, there are very few lodgers who would be interested in lodging with a four year old. I've considered that option from the start, but I just couldn't do it.
...

We used to rent a 3 bed house with our son, and another lodger rented the third bedroom. It was not ideal but we couldnt have afforded to rent anywhere by ourselves. Plus, we were renting ourselves. You would be in a much better position owning the property. It might be worth looking at - even for a temporary solution.

It is not a step back to work part-time, have you acutally sat down and done the figures to see would it be worth your while?

Gillo

It's always a possibility to work part-time, but has it's pro's and con's even if the wages are crap the social interaction is important to yourself. I know myself one of the things I miss about being broke is not being able to head out even if it's just the odd pint some evenings. So being able to chat to friends in work is a big thing for me. (sad as it sounds).

I've found the cooking in bulk great, I went to one of the pound shops on Liffey St and bought a load microwaveable plastic containers, and now cooks meals once or twice a weeks, it works out way cheaper especially when you check what deals are available on meat, Dunnes had a decent one over the weekend. I now bring them in and microwave the food in work, figure I've taken my weekly lunch costs down from 25-30 a week to 12-15.

You need to book yourself a consultation with a social welfare officer, I have a friend who is one and was amazed at some of the payments he told me where out there, book yourself an appointment and push your case (I'd say it's really a case of the more you ask the more you'll get).

As for money lenders, seriously tempting as they are stay away I got myself in a very bad spot through a number of things and they were handy at the time, but it's painful now paying back so much extra each month- thank christ it's only short term and no a chance I'll do business with them again.

I'm sure you're considered christmas and september, are you able to even put a few euro away each week or month.

As for renting a room out, it's an option if I was in your situation I probably wouldn't want to but even for a few months or a year it may be worth looking at. There's also the point that if you mention your child on the add, chances are you're going to get someone who's settled enough and not planning parties etc.

iguana

I really don't think you will like what I'm about to post but please read it carefully and consider what I'm saying.

If you are just holding on now what will happen when interest rates go up or, if your mortgage began on a teaser rate, it goes back to normal rates. I'm sorry but I doubt you can afford to keep your home on your current income.

You do still have options but they will not be easy.

1) It's not the best time for it, but try to find a different job and increase your income.

2) Seriously find different childcare, advertise looking for a childminder who can work for what you can afford. You might be surprised by who responds.

3) This is the hardest to come to terms with. Sell your property, move to rented and as you are probably in negative equity, take out a loan for the shortfall.

4) Stay as you are and when rates go up you will start to default and while it's been rare to date you will ultimately have your house repossessed. You will then be liable for the shortfall and the court costs. If you don't stick to the plan laid out to pay that back you will be declared bankrupt, which in Ireland is a harsh 12 years.

I know it's not easy to face and it doesn't feel fair, but your mortgage repayments will increase, probably significantly, in the next few years. You need to be prepared for that and take real, practical action now.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all who replied.
For what it's worth, I am not selling my home. I also am not getting a lodger. You have no idea how much I treasure the time myself and my daughter spend together in the evenings before she goes to bed, so sharing an already cramped space, is not an option.
I have hope.
And I have faith.
Hope and faith that as a young woman I can get myself out of this hole, and share a life with someone (and a mortgage!!) and get ourselves a larger home etc. No, I'm not naieve. I am not waiting for the knight in shining armour. But I know I will meet someone and share mine and my daughters life with him. So having fought so hard to get this roof over our heads, there is no way on earth I am giving it up. I would rather live on beans on toast for an eternity. To give up on my home and rent a place after the hard slog it took me to get here, not a hope!
Ill look into the figures. I'll ring mabs and citizens advice and Ill shop in aldi and lidl more often....
Family support with childcare is not an option either, for reasons I won't go into here.
And as I already mentioned, I've very recently (February) been back in court with her dad and won't be putting myself through that horrendous experience with that horrendous manm, for at least another year.

sambuka41

Where abouts in Dublin are you? My aunt lives near UCD and she rents out her box room for 50 a week(used to get bout 70 in boom days),she gets students from the country who only want the room mon-fri. Handy number!! That way have a bit of cash but not real imposition from tenant.

Also are you getting Mortgage interest relief? Its not millions but every bit helps. Did you rent before you got your home? You might be entitled to something back on the rent relief thing. (not sure how far back you can claim for)

Im currently trying to cut back on spending,i have been keeping every receipt to see where im spending my cash. Its been enlightening to say the least!! I would have thought i kept good track of my cash before but now im even taking receipts for small purchases little bottle of water in shop, and they are adding up to be huge!!!!

Buying and cooking in bulk is also good idea. Ive even started making my own bread, cheaper to get ingredients than buy fresh.(and not hard to make,considering i cant cook to save my life!!!:P) Also checking the stuff thats in the reduced section of shops,most can be frozen so your getting meals at half price.

LegacyUser

Thanks.

Ive already started doing all of the above. Like I said, I don't want to share my home - for those of you who have kids, coming home at 6 with a 5yr old and trying to spend quality time with her and keep the house tidy and do the homework (which is tiny for now thankfully) and cook the tea and get her ready for bed and do the bedtime routine....it's a pretty busy evening and to have another person (student or not!) around imposing on what is already a stressful situation, wouldn't work for me at all...I'm starting to keep the receipts - and you're so right - those odd lattes in the local coffee shop beside me in work add up!
I get this feeling every month - why am I doing this, what's it all for etc? I know that ultimately I'm trying to make a better life for both of us, but when you've 32euro left on the 2nd of june, it's hard to see the wood for the trees as they say.

dellas1979

To the OP - totally admire you - fair play.

From all the suggestions, your most likely options are:

1. To rent a room - if even for 6 months to get you out of this hole.

and/or

2. Cut back on all non essentials - from phone to TV to food.

3. Cheaper childcare - although e5 per hour is very cheap

4. Try community childcare again. Try anything - you seem resourceful (including the pity card - I dont like this but yes sometime it has to be done in extreme situations)

I know you dont want to share your home with someone, but honest if something short term helps in the long run, it makes sense to me.

BTW, if your little girl is 4, is she not going to school/preschool in september?

mood

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys. To answer those questions:
My mortgage is for 40yrs - not a hope they'll extend it as I'm only 18 months into it as it is. Nor do I want it extended!
I have a 2 bed ground floor apt with a garden (blessed with a garden!), with an open plan livingroom/kitchen. Its not exactly huge and anyway, there are very few lodgers who would be interested in lodging with a four year old. I've considered that option from the start, but I just couldn't do it.
Yes I have pals I talk to about this - most are in relationships though and have some sort of financial back up, be it from their boyfriends/husbands or parents. I don't have anything/anyone else financially supporting myself and my daughter. My daughters father is not in the picture (his own choice) and pays me 35pw maintenance, which is what puts me over the SW threshold for any support btw....It's like a never ending circle that I can't get out of....

Maybe a lodger who would only be there a few nights wouldn't mind if they didn't have to pay for the night they are not there. It's worth looking into.

LegacyUser

She's 5 sorry and started school last sept. She's an april baby so started young...

sunnyside

Sounds unpleasant. Could you write some reviews? There are 2 Irish sites truvo.ie and whoseview.ie that give vouchers for writing reviews.It's time consuming but it sounds like something small that might help you. Collect points on pigsback.com, sell things on ebay, rent out a parking space if you have one.

LegacyUser

Unpleasant wouldn't exactly be a word I'd use! What reviews? Reviews about what?

I do no more or less I'm sure than any other parent would do, to keep a roof over her childs head, and try to create a stable environment for her...it's just days like today, when I look at the bank balance that get to me...

Gillo

You need to get your ex to pay more, simple as.
You've been through the courts already, but could you have a quiet chat to his family or even some of his friends to put pressure on him, believe me if I was paying that little I'd be horrified if my family knew I was being such as scab.

LegacyUser

Just to remind people that the OP is living in a two bed apartment, that's two bedrooms for two people -herself and her child. Her daughter is now going to school so it is important for her to have a room seperate to her mother, especially as she is getting older. So I can see how renting a room is not really an option for her.

Your situation sounds tough OP but I hope things will get better for you. I think the best option is to continue looking for a different job. As you have a hard earned degree behind you and already have a job you might be lucky to secure a different job in the future if you keep trying. I know that times are tough in the job market but the right one will come along eventually. Would you consider applying for a job as a Special Needs Assistant in a school or a school secretary? This would have the same hours as your daughter and therefore cut down on childcare, you are eligible to able for either with just a degree and could do a part time course for S.N.A. should you be successful. Of course you would have to have an interest in this are aso it may not be for you. Money is not bad and hours are fantastic.

Best of Luck

LegacyUser

Anoni, thanks for that. Your first para sums up what I've been trying to say for my last ten posts!
I like the sound of school secretary or sna though and hadnt thought of that at all. Ill definitely do a bit more research into that, thanks.
More maintenance not an option. He has all the fake payslips to prove his low earnings. All the paperwork to prove his illness. Not even sure if that's true to be honest. But I've no way to prove it.
I could bring him back to court I suppose, but for those of you who've been there, it's a pretty stressful situation, and it took alot out of me, and like I said before, I'd rather not go through that again for now. Anyhow, he'd still have all the paperwork and I'd probably get a reduction knowing my luck. He had a bad relationship with his own family, so they're not involved with my daughter either - not even sure that they know about her, so that idea not an option either, sorry.

LegacyUser

Sorry anoni - Im all for the OP getting a better paid job, with hours that suit etc etc, but unless a small miracle happens, she is going to be waiting a long time...they cut loads of SN teachers for schools for example. There is a moratorium in public sector at the moment.

I dont know what to say - everything said here isnt possible for the OP to do or she doesnt want to do it...I dont mean that in a negative way, OP has her reasons. But its either do something(s) she doesnt want to do or keep looking at the same bank balance.

sunnyside

Unregistered wrote: »

Unpleasant wouldn't exactly be a word I'd use! What reviews? Reviews about what?I do no more or less I'm sure than any other parent would do, to keep a roof over her childs head, and try to create a stable environment for her...it's just days like today, when I look at the bank balance that get to me...

Short reviews about shops, coffee shops, supermarkets, department stores. Nothing complicated, I've been doing it myself recently. Just search for the websites I named, set up an account (no money required, just an email address) and write about places in your area.

Use bargain alerts forum here, enter competitions, you might win nice things, ask for samples of cosmetics at make-up counters (pretend you plan on buying the items)

I know some people reading will think this is silly but they are just small practical things that might make life a bit easier for you.

bp

You are a brave woman and your daughter is lucky to have you. I have read through your posts and the only thing I can think of is cutting back on the small things and watch the pennies build up.

1. Don't buy lunch out during the day
2. Make your coffee in the office, one a week is €12 a month which can go a long way
3. You would be surprise by how much you save by just unplugging phone chargers, the TV at night etc (get on to the ESB and see if they can put a box thingy in where you put the money in in advance and you will become more careful). TV, computer, phone charger, DVD play unplugged when not in use. Only have the lights on in the room you are in - my ESB bill for a three bed house was only €60 for two months by unplugging things and turning lights off
4. You ex is an eejit
5. Cut back to the most basic TV (if you haven't already - I know digital in only €2 extra a month but he add that to the coffees and you are up to €15 a month, or nearly €4 a week)
6. I don't know if you drive, but try walk even once extra per day instead of driving?
7. Could work let you start late so you can walk your daughter to school yourself and save on the child minder...that would be €5 per day extra
8. Ask your boss for this payrise/ promotion - have your speech ready and say when I started I was told there would be progression, I have put a lot of work in blah blah blah - you never know
9. As someone said buy in bulk and put your lunch and your daughters into lunch boxes (cut down on tin foil etc) and cook in bulk - a lasagna only costs a few euro to make and can be frozen in pieces and can be a week's worth of dinner over time - don't get the ready made meals as they cost a lot more
10. Recycle are much as possible to cut down on bin charges
11. Don't use the dishwasher (if you have one)
12. Make the washing machine is full before putting a load on (saves money and energy)
13. I am going to assume you don't drink or smoke because that will eat at your money
14. Don't buy soft drinks etc - drink water, milk or get dilutable orange - it is a lot cheaper than the fizzy stuff
15. Join online market research panels (pigsback/ lightspeed/ irish opinions) you will do a survey twice a month maybe and over time build up vouchers - it will a €10 Tesco voucher here and there but they add up
16. Only put as much water in the kettle as you need for a cup or tea or whatever, the more you put in, the long it takes to boil and that uses more electricity (I realise I am bit obsessed with the auld ESB) or if you haven't change to Bord Gais or AirTricity - they say they are at least 10% cheaper and they will stay low for three years or whatever the offer is

I hope some of this helps, I know it is hard but you are doing brilliantly

Good luck

Gillo

Unregistered wrote: »

I do no more or less I'm sure than any other parent would do, to keep a roof over her childs head, and try to create a stable environment for her...it's just days like today, when I look at the bank balance that get to me...

Don't knock yourself too much, the roof is there, she's feed and I'm sure she knows you love her. From the sound of it you're doing all you can, which is a lot more than a lot of other parents are.

Nevyn

If working part time means you have more money and less stress and can provide a better life for your daughter until she is in school and you need less child care then I think you should consider swallowing some of your pride and seriously think about it.

It wouldn't be for long and you have to look at how you are going to manage for the next 3/5 years.

LegacyUser

Ah I disagree - I think all parents do the best that they can do. I'm not sure how they can't, if they experience even half the love that I do for my little one....:-)

Thank you so, so much bp, for taking the time to list all you have listed. Apart from the obvious fact that I 100% agree with your point number 4, there are some truly great tips there. You've no idea how much I appreciate that, and others, who have taken the time to help me out here today.

When I first posted, it was the usual mood - no money, what's the point? Don't spend enough time with herself...what kind of mother am I yada yada yada....

Now, as I am just about heading to bed, I realise that there are things I can do, little things, but they all add up. That one coffee a week costing me 12euro for example. 12euro would get us 3/4 dinners for us. I hadnt ever thought of it like that..
Thanks again...

rainbowtrout

anoni wrote: »

Would you consider applying for a job as a Special Needs Assistant in a school or a school secretary?

Not wishing to sound negative, but might as well keep it realistic. SNA jobs are being cut left, right and centre in schools across the country. There are loads of qualified SNAs out there already looking for jobs. School secretarial positions don't come up all that often either, usually a school only needs one. It's a public service job and the public service has a moratorium on recruitment at the moment.

ash23

Hey OP. I'm in a similar boat and have basically been for the last couple of years.
I get paid and pay all the bills, rent creche etc and then divinde what I have left by the number of weeks in the month.

I usually end up with about €40 per week. A tenner on petrol and then the rest for food.
It's do-able. Just cut back on meat, make a meal plan and stick to it religiously. When you've a few euro extra stock up on things like pasta,crackers, rice, tins of tomatoes, jars of veg, frozen veg, tinned tuna and tinned fruit.
That way when you've no money you can still make a decent enough meal.
Make everythingfrom scratch. I made a quiche the other day. Flour, butter, 2 eggs, some cheese and some tomato. We had a piece that night with pasta, I had it for lunch in work next day and we had it for tea again the next night with a baked potato. Costs SFA and fed us for 2 nights.
Or cook some pasta, throw in a tin of tuna and a tin of tomotoes and you've dinner for 2 for couple of euro.


Seriously, rethink the childcare. I'm not in dublin but my childcare works out at about €5 per hour but includes pick ups and drop offs and dinners.
I was stressing over the summer but advertised and found a college student willing to do full time for what I am currently paying now for part time.

Basically my child care costs will not increase for the summer although my grocery bill will a bit. But there are people (students especially) out there looking for anything to earn a few quid and you might get lucky. Your childminder may also hold her afterschool place for her (my daughters creche have agreed this).

I stopped using the dishwasher, the dryer etc. I am anal about turning off lights when I leave a room and making sure all the doors are shut. I donsized my car for cheaper running costs, tax and insurance. I NEVER buy anything outside of my normal grocery run unless I run out of something. But no coffees, magazines, chocolate, ice pops for the kiddo etc. I make my own ice pops at home with fruit juice and water.

It really is a lot to do with just thinking about every single thing you buy, making lots of cuts and doing without things you thought you never could do without. If I want something I save for it and it stops me buying things I don't want or need. I don't go shopping now unless it's for groceries in Aldi. I don't browse.

Best of luck OP.

Denimgirl

You go for the easiest option for you finiancialy don't be thinking of it as a step back going getting help from the social your mental well being is more important then you can look for that job that has the wage you like!chin up you sound like a fighter and you will do it!xxx

bp

Keep up the good work and in a few years time you will look back on this and think how did I do it!?

PS I just thought, if you have a parking space and no car then rent the space to a neighbour in your block if possible - a hundred euro a month or something wouldn't be too much to them, but it would be for you!

Also get a library card and can rent movies and books that way for free - that way you can encourage her to read and keep the tv off saving money at the same time.

Good luck and today is a new day, it will turn around for you

LegacyUser

Thanks again, and you're right, today is a new day and the sun is shining and the mood has lifted somewhat:-)

Ash23 - I don't know how you do it. I have to say, I think it's all down to attitude - I honestly wouldn't deprive her of her spongebob magazine every fortnight - she has so little treats in her life that I couldn't cut that on her. My attitude would be different to yours I'm afraid - I can't live my life knowing I can't buy the odd coffee here or there. I can't live feeling deprived 24/7. So I'd rather buy the magazine for her and borrow a tenner for petrol that week. Have a banger for a car, so no downsizing for me there I'm afraid! We're in the library already - she loves it. I've only the basic ntl package and only one tv - none in her room.
I also get slightly embarrassed paying my childminder to be honest.
My daughter is the most precious thing in the world to me, and 5euro an hour to mind her is a pittance. I am very happy with the lady who minds her, and so is she. I don't want to change her minder for the summer, for the sake of a few extra quid. I had a very unstable childhood. I want to ensure that she feels stable and secure and this includes consistency with childminder, schools etc. We had to move alot, changed schools often etc.
I'm very keen to ensure that no matter how difficult I'm finding things, she has no clue.

I remember my mum struggled when we were kids - my dad is a drinker. We were the 'poor' neighbours on the road. To this day, I remember my mam shouting at me that we didn't have the money for this, or the money for that.
I swore I'd never say stuff like that to my daughter. I think children should be children, and not be aware that their parents are struggling to keep food on the table - life is difficult enough for us all at the moment, without burdening our children with our own worries. So, until she's old enough to understand the concept of money, I will continue the struggle and let her live in her little fantasy world that she and her mammy are 'rich'!!

ash23

Unregistered wrote: »

Ash23 - I don't know how you do it. I have to say, I think it's all down to attitude - I honestly wouldn't deprive her of her spongebob magazine every fortnight - she has so little treats in her life that I couldn't cut that on her. My attitude would be different to yours I'm afraid - I can't live my life knowing I can't buy the odd coffee here or there. I can't live feeling deprived 24/7. So I'd rather buy the magazine for her and borrow a tenner for petrol that week.

You see, THIS is what you have to change. Do you really thing your daughter prefers a magazine to a more relaxed mammy? Do you really think that spending money on things like magazines and lattes is more important than putting food on the table?
I don't mean to sound harsh but your daughter won't care whether she gets her magazine or not. Buy some crayons and paper in the pound shop and make a magazine with her. I 100% assure you that she will prefer that over a glossy €5 item that lasts for half an hour and goes in the bin.

I remember my mum struggled when we were kids - my dad is a drinker. We were the 'poor' neighbours on the road. To this day, I remember my mam shouting at me that we didn't have the money for this, or the money for that.
I swore I'd never say stuff like that to my daughter. I think children should be children, and not be aware that their parents are struggling to keep food on the table - life is difficult enough for us all at the moment, without burdening our children with our own worries. So, until she's old enough to understand the concept of money, I will continue the struggle and let her live in her little fantasy world that she and her mammy are 'rich'!!

You're setting yourself up for a fall imo.
There is nothing wrong with saying to your child "we can't afford that".

If it was a case that you have food and heat etc then I could understand your mentality. But when you say you are struggling to feed her properly then you really need to get your priorities straight.

My daughter has treats. But it's things like a home made ice pop or a couple of biscuits. I'd rather be deprived of my coffees and lunches out than crying over the ESB bill or trying to put food on the table.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are broke. You need to start acting like it. None of us want to be broke. But we are. And we aren't the only ones.
I still have my treats. The occasional night out which I save up for. We have days out where we take a picnic. Once every couple of months I take her to the cinema. She has her weekly swimming lesson.

We have a good, pretty stress free life. Because we live within our means.
You are getting stressed out and upset and for what? Because you don't want to feel deprived? I'd rather have the roof over my head, food in the cupboards and petrol in the car than have "treats" which are overpriced.

You need to seriously sit and do up a budget and stick to it.

mood

I never had my own room as a child and it wasn't a problem. I think having food on the table is more important than having you own room! I agree that you should consider renting out the room if only for 6 months. If things are so tight you shouldn't be ruling this out. You could take in a Spanish/French student during the summer months. I think they stay for 4-6 wks. Don't know how much you get but it was about 600 euro 10-15 years ago. They tend to go out with friends every evening so you would have your own space most of the time.

iguana

I can't live my life knowing I can't buy the odd coffee here or there. I can't live feeling deprived 24/7. So I'd rather buy the magazine for her and borrow a tenner for petrol that week.

When you borrow money you have to pay it back, all you are doing with this attitude is prolonging the pain.

I'm sorry OP, but you actually need to get a grip. My family never had much money either, my dad was a binman who became incredibly ill in his early 30s with a neurological disorder and could no longer work. But my parents never, ever, ever borrowed money to get us through and I'm incredibly grateful for that. They always talked to us, rationally, about the financial situation and what we could afford and what we couldn't. They involved us and treated us with respect about it, every step of the way. From a very young child I was aware of the consequences of borrowing, making the absolute best of what you've got and not always getting everything I wanted because they just didn't have the money.

It's the best lesson I ever learned and I respect my parents so much more for how they handled a tough life which only got tougher when my dad was ill. The only people in my peer group who aren't massively indebted are my brothers and me, we've never had debts as we learned to live within our means. I understand that the way your mother let you know about your finances was highly inappropriate and damaging, but you can teach your daughter about your finances differently. In a way that makes her respect you and teaches her life lessons that will do her better in life than a comic that's quickly read.

You also really, really need to prepare for what will happen when interest rates rise. This will happen, rates are at a historical low and were when you bought. I don't know the exact details but judging roughly by the information you have given about your salary, outgoings and left over cash, a less than 1% rate rise will wipe you out. That's not taking in to account tax increases, property tax, water rates, TRS reductions and cuts to any state income you have. And all of those things will most likely happen over the next few years. I take absolutely no pleasure in telling you this, but unless you start taking some very drastic action now things will get a lot tougher in the next few years.

And yes, it's very possible that you will begin a serious relationship and share finances in a way which will allow you a better lifestyle. But you can't count on that, what you can count on is yourself. You can get through this, lots of people do, and worse. But it's up to you to take a long hard realistic look at your situation and make the hard choices.

LegacyUser

And were you five when they spoke to you about that stuff iguana?

StillWaters

Have you looked into FIS? Do you have a medical card/GP card, if not, get one as it exempts you from the income levy.

Also I know you are adamant about not sharing your home, but when I was in your boat, I took in students for the Summer. Its short term, and my daughter loved having a guest there.

Nevyn

Pride is a horrible thing.

I could list as long as my arm all the things my kids have asked for I have had to say no and will honestly tell them it's too close to pay day I and I don't have the money.
If you let a child grow up thinking they can have what they want and it just magically happens then you are setting them up to fail later on.

You need to let go of your guilt and bad feelings about how your grew up.
It's not easy, I remember being in trouble for 3 days cos I had no pencil in school as someone took mine and I was too scared to ask for money for a new one.
To this day I have packets of pencils in the house so that never happens to mine.

You need to find a balance and not let your pride get in the way, be it her treats, or your latte or not going to work part time and taking the help that is there from your taxes and prsi in sw payments.

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

And were you five when they spoke to you about that stuff iguana?

Younger. I was always spoken to about stuff like that. I was even told that Santa had to be paid so my present requests had to be within reason and I remember taking that in to account when I was three.

LegacyUser

Ok, well 3 is pretty young to be aware of that stuff.

Perhaps its because I am her sole carer. I'm very conscious that our life is all down to me, and me alone. I do realise that we can sometimes go off-kilter, by trying to do exactly the opposite that our own parents did, but I still think at 5, she's way too young to comprehend that mam can't afford chicken fillets for tonights dinner.
It's not that I'm even that proud Thaed.
The most important thing to me is that she feels secure. That she doesn't have the fears I had growing up. Those fears (that there might not be a dinner that night, because my dad was at the pub) had a huge affect on my self-esteem. Huge.
The most important thing to me is not that she has the spongebob magazine, of course. I was just using that as am example of the one treat she gets each fortnight. That's about the level of treats.
I do have a medical card btw - the one thing that was means tested and I was eligible for thankfully! I'd be lost without it! FIS like I said, takes maintenance into account, and Im 17euro over the threshold for eligibility. I've appealed their decision, but been rejected.
And thaedyl, she doesn't think she can have anything she wants - her peers all have DS's or Wii's, tvs in their bedrooms etc - she doesn't, nor has she asked for it. She rarely asks for anything in fact, so I'm not giving her an illusion that she can have all she asks for. Far from it.

ash23

iguana wrote: »

Younger. I was always spoken to about stuff like that. I was even told that Santa had to be paid so my present requests had to be within reason and I remember taking that in to account when I was three.

Me too. I was told mam had to pay santa (she was a single parent of a brrod of kids) and we knew not to ask for too much.
I split with my ex when my daughter was 5 and we went from a 60k + income to a low 20k income.

I soon got used to saying "nope, we can't afford it".

And she got used to hearing it. She knows money is tight and we don't have loads of cash for frivolous things. I had to cancel her birthday party this year because I'd to pay to get my car fixed.
It's life. She's growing up in a recession with a single mother as her parent.

She's fed and she's warm.

LegacyUser

Anyhow, you're all going off-topic on me, this wasn't a post about my parenting skills! We all do the best that we can do for our children. My best is different to others here, but it's still my best and we're doing well so far.

I've gotten the information on a wage in a part time job closer to home, and am contacting citizens advice today to see if they can calculate anything for me (what fis I'd get, what lpa I'd get etc). I'm almost tempted to tell her dad to stop paying me that miserable maintenance - it's actually more of a hinderance than a help.

mood

OP if you cut out the coffees, buy chicken legs/thighs instead of breast, only buy you child the magazine once a month etc you can save that money for xmas and/or any car/household repairs. Simple things like this HAVE to be done if you want to keep you apt and food on the table. If you continue as you are you child will be going with out meals. You don't exactly have a choice. But remember it is only a short measure until you get a better paid job or pay rise.

There are a lot of people struggling financially at the moment not just you but this will pass. The more stress free you can make it the better for your (and your childs) health and happiness.

Bananawoman

I'm really sorry to read your post and think that you have it very hard right now. Nobody deserves that, certainly not a single mum who is working so hard to keep her own job, own home and child happy and uneffected. When you think of all those single mothers who DO have it handed to them, dont work, get a nice house from the council AND have their who family to rely on for free childcare along with free dinners and cash in hand from their family whenever they need it, and sometime pretty okay maintenance from exs too. I know that those girls dont exactly get to live the BMW lifestyle but its not so shabby.
You are doing fantastic seemingly without any kind of support and I hope things get easier for you. Some of the posters have given you good advice on how to squeeze a few more bits out of your weekly spend. I think that your best bet is a better job so make sure you make time to keep going after that, it would pay off more in the end than scraping a few more euros out of an already small salary. I wish I could give you a chance somehow but I live 1000's of miles away (excuses I know), maybe someone on here could put the finger out and help a stranger to get an interview somewhere.....??? OP sounds like someone who doesnt give up and has a will to work. Its hard to find people who are like that.
Anyway, good luck with everything. I cant help you but I fully intend to help mothers like you in the future when I can get out of the rat race. You are an inspiration and dont forget that.

LegacyUser

Lady you are broke! You are living well beyond your means and how can you have a 40 year mortgage on the minimum wage? Your bank manager frankly is an idiot to give it to you in the first place. You need to cut and run from this povertised situation you have put yourself in. If you lose your job you will be in a far worse situation than you are in now. Bale now and you maybe able to get yourself setup properly later on.

You need to sell your home and get on a low income housing list or get a Council house, that will free up your income to save up for a proper home which will be more affordable in the future and not an overpriced negative equity shoebox which sounds like your situation. Then you can try get a better job on higher income, otherwise look into emigrating.

Sorry if I come across harsh but people need to wake up to the reality that Ireland as a country is a failed economic entity and why ruin your life because are so hellbent on clinging onto a piece of celtic tiger negative equity.

LegacyUser

Thanks bananawoman.
I really appreciate that.
I too hope to help women in my predicament, when I get out of it myself.
It's hard to give yourself credit for stuff you've done when you're stuck in this hole, but on good days, I do pat myself on the back, particularly when I see what a great kid I have. Thanks again

Gillo

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyhow, you're all going off-topic on me, this wasn't a post about my parenting skills!

Don't worry no bodies questioning your parenting skills, by all accounts you're making the best of a crap situation what more could you ask for.

As far as I remember OP you're based in Dublin?
I was looking for things to do with my daughter around the city centre which cost very little or were free; a few of the places I found were the Natural History Museum (kids love it), the National Museum, the Science Gallery (my daughter loves it as it's generally pretty interactive) it's free in but that ask for a donation although never stop you if you don't give anything. There's also some other stuff here. Just a shame I can't find a play centre to add to the list!!
Picnic is Stephens Green or Iveagh Gardens and you've got a ready made day out.
Anyone else able to add to the list??