Alopecia - where are people's manners!

Hi folks, I'm a newbie (though I did have an account on boards years ago, can't even remember what email address I used never mind what the log in was). Anyway, yes, I suffer from alopecia.

Question, if you see a girl walking by who is very obviously balding, do you whisper to the person next to you? Point? Laugh? Bark at her like a dog? Shout "Oh my effing God!" right in her face? Or, if she happens to be with her boyfriend, only do any of the above if you have a big gang to support you, or happen to be in a car?

Sure I could wear a wig and this wouldn't happen. Wigs are uncomfortable, and to be honest, I shouldn't have to wear a wig!! I should be able to go out, looking different, and not draw such negative attention. This is a daily occurance for me, making me wonder, is it me who has the problem, or the rest of humanity?

Sorry to sound bitter and have a rant. I've just had enough, and someday this is going to result in a fistfight, because I do have a foul temper, a fistfight which I can ill afford, as it was a head injury that caused me to begin losing my hair, many, many years ago.

Anyway my name is Dee, budgese is the language budgies speak. Hello!

Dudess

Hello Dee.

It's an unusual thing to see, so a few second glances would be fairly understandable, if possibly not nice for you...
But the stuff you've listed in your second paragraph is totally unacceptable, and THEIR issues, not yours.
You do indeed have a right to look as you please without getting harassed - as I said though, a little bit of extra attention because of looking "different" is the norm and no malice is intended. But you certainly shouldn't feel compelled to wear a wig, as you don't want to, so you would only be doing so to make other people comfortable, rather than yourself.

It is a sad fact that a significant portion of society is pig ignorant. :mad:
I've seen these kind of reactions by grown adults to wheelchair users. Once I saw a crowd form to stare at a woman who clearly had parkinsons and was just trying to go about her business in peace.

Nothing you can do about it, if you educate one. There will always be another around the corner.

Just realise that they are tools and try not to be bothered by them.

You're both correct, of course, and most of the time I can see it as you guys can - those people who want to treat anyone who looks different in such an awful way, well, I wouldn't want to know them anyway. I have no interest in knowing anyone that shallow, or stupid. I also end up baffled if I do get a particularly offensive attack - a guy walked up to me outside a pub (granted he was drunk) and started telling me I was the ugliest girl he'd ever seen and that I offended him. I actually grinned at him, because I thought it was laughable. What did he want me to do? Cry? Get agressive? Run away? I could also see he wouldn't get any satisfaction out of any of these things either, the whole thing was pointless, dumb, and yes, I found it terribly amusing. I couldn't even think of an answer that required such little effort as I was willing to put into it, such was my lack of interest in this guy and his opinion.

I guess bad days happen to everyone, we don't always feel confident or self assured, and I know I'll have another one sooner or later, and end up taking these idiots insults to heart. Best news is of course, sooner or later I'll have a good day again and it wont bother me. Just roll with the punches, as they say!

johanz

I hate people like that. I do exact opposite, the ones who are bullied or disabled usually are the kindest people ever.

People who laugh at disabled should get their bones broken, then they would see how it is being disabled. Sadly not everyone respects other people.

Mayoegian

Some people are just ignorant, and tactless. They don't realise that it's ignorant to stare, make jokes, or react inappropriately. Budgese, I think it's great that you've made this thread because it makes people more aware that it is wrong to react like that-and what you're doing is you're teaching people that this is wrong, and I think that that is fantastic because a lot of people don't consider the feelings of the person they're reacting to, but you're creating more awareness of this 'ignorance' problem!:)

Budgese, remember, it's not just you who experiences this-a whole lot of other people have the misfortune of coming across oblivious people who think it's ok to stare at somebody in a wheelchair, make jokes about people with Parkinsons, and point and laugh at any member of society who may be vunerable to taunts.

Ignore them, don't fight. If you feel enough is enough, tell them what those comments are doing to you psychologically and teach them that what they're doing is wrong-because it most definitely is.

And don't forget, that the majority of people are nice and understanding and don't resort to nasty taunts. The people who do are in a minority-a very sad, unlearned minority:)

johanz

NEVER get into a fight because of mere words.
If something happens, you will be at fault.

Taltos

Have to say I got angry just reading your post. The ignorance of people just keeps surprising me, each time I think we have sunk as low as we can a post like yours reminds me that there are quite a few scummers out there.

Personally I am against bigots - but as I get older and see more of this I have realized I myself am a bigot - I actually hate with a vengance ignorant F*cks like the ones you have described. Each time I hear of a story like this my immediate thought is why couldn't we have prevented them being born - ever watch that movie Idiocracy

I am unsure what words of wisdom I can give to help you past this especially without coming across as condescending. I guess the only thing is that these gits will never get any smarter, each breath they breathe is killing more of their remaining brain cells, each day they wake up and look in the mirror the same stupid(er) git is looking back - and every person they talk to with an IQ higher than a rat knows them for the fools they are.

LegacyUser

Draw attention to the bully and ask them to repeat what they said to you. In my experience, bullies don't like other people to know what they are doing, make light of it.

Irish Guitarist

I'm a man and until recently I had long hair tied back in a ponytail. Almost every day I would get comments in the street from scumbags. These comments were witty things like "are you a man or a woman?", "get your hair cut", "it's Jack Black!" and my personal favourite "are you related to Ritchie Kavanagh?" (I can assure you I don't look like either Jack Black or Richie Kavanagh). I've also had people shout abuse at me from cars and on numerous occasions even have water thrown at me. I recently got my hair cut (because I wanted a change, not because of these idiots). Since then some teenage idiot with L plates has beeped at me and stuck his two fingers up when I looked at the car. I suspect this is going to happen again. I did have abuse shouted at me before I grew my hair long.

My main point is that whatever you look like it doesn't really matter. If someone is a scumbag they'll more than likely find fault with something about you. Don't do anything with your appearance for the sake of anyone else. If you can accept your alopecia that's all that matters.

By the way, I don't have alopecia but I did lose one patch of hair a couple of years back which subsequently grew back. The main reason I got a haircut is because one patch at the front was shorter than the rest and wouldn't tie back in a ponytail.

KillerKity

Why the hell should you or anyone else in your position wear a wig for the sake of societies viewing pleasure? It's your head! Bet they have crap hair anyways :pac:

Thanks to everyone for the comments! We all have bad days now and again, when this sort of rubbish gets to us. Thankfully it's not the norm for me, I'm more inclined to brush it off. I used to have a mohawk a few years ago, and to be honest got a lot more of this abuse then than I do now! But then, it didn't matter, because I chose to have an odd hairstyle. I don't choose to have alopecia so it's more of a sensitive issue. And as Irish Guitarist pointed out, it's not actually an issue with a medical condition, or how I or anyone else looks, it's about these eejits with absolutely no manners! And since there's nothing we can do for them (or about them) why let them dictate what we do or how we loook... ok, rambling a bit... Just wanted to say thanks.