how to get over being ugly

LegacyUser

Im so much uglier than my friends and its really gettin me down. I never get approached by guys when were out like they do, and when I try to start convos with lads ther not interested coz im ugly.
I also feel really childish round lads or somethin, and Im afraid to kiss them, like Ive done it before but I think im a bad kisser :S
I know it wont improve without practise but Im afraid to kiss someone in case there like omg shes awful!Im 17 at this stage I should be a better kisser.
How do I get more comfortable round guys?How do you get talkin to them on nights out?

S23

I really feel for you and I will leave the advice to the ladies that come on here as I imagine being a 17 year old lad (at one stage) is pretty different than being 17 year old girl with self esteem issues.

All I'll say to you is that I can guarantee you 100% that you're nowhere near as ugly or awful or bad a kisser or whatever else get you down about yourself as you think you are.

Growing up is hard and obviously you're chipping away at yourself and that isn't helping things either. I think you need to give yourself a break and you will start to relax and find socialising far more easy and far more pleasant.

I'm sure the pressure some girls feel to look a certain way, be a certain weight, wear certain clothes etc.. is terrible but as I said I can't really comment!

Just give yourself a bit of a break for a start is all I will say

fungun

As I read the post at the start i thought ', I hope she says her age cos id say this person is under 18 for sure'. This is why....

A lot could be summed up by recognising at first the 99% truism that teenage boys are dickheads. And some of their behaviour is probably making you worried about things you have no need to worry about. At that age all men worry about is a girl that will look good on their arm that they can boast about to their friends. I obviously dont have the info on whether or not you are not as attractive as some of your friends, but what I can assure you of is that this type of behaviour from guys happens most at this age and to be honest you are not missing much!!! As they mature (slowly! ) they will begin to realise the value of other traits....and to be honest in my experience the girls who got all this attention at the age of 17 turn out to be vain, self-important narcissists who get avoided like the plague when it comes to having proper relationships later!!!
So try to be patient, you are only 17....still young and try not to worry about it. Honestly, things will change.

Has anyone complained about your kissing? If not, then why do you think this? I have kissed my fair share (crikey, dont want to think) but i dont think i ever had a "bad kisser". Kissing is nice and as long as you respond to what the other person appears to like/dislike you will be fine fine fine. Is it your interpretation of the boys behaviour that makes you think this? Again, Id try not to worry about it if it is just from what you think a few boys think.

Nidot

Kissing is a two person activity it can't just be done by one person, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm pretty sure I was an awful kisser when I was younger, all nervous and such, but it gives you an excuse to get practice. Just enjoy yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi op, I'm a good few years older than you and still feel like this, so I don't worry about it too much:)

kjl

lip to lip and don't stick your tongue down his throat and you should be OK.

Good kissing is all about sensuality, don't go eating the face off someone

LegacyUser

OP here:
Just think im bad because it always seems really sloppy and messy..I never really enjoy it!
I just think im like a social freak, im 17 and Ive never done more than kissing with a lad, just think im really gonna be a freak especially at college....im so inexperienced!
Its so depressing tho because I actually barely get approached when Im out, unless its at the end of the night..and thats just people that are looking for one thing only.
Lads just write me off because im not pretty

prinz

ugly101 wrote: »

I just think im like a social freak, im 17 and Ive never done more than kissing with a lad, just think im really gonna be a freak especially at college....im so inexperienced!

You're not a freak.. and tell anyone who says different to take a jump.

ugly101 wrote: »

Its so depressing tho because I actually barely get approached when Im out, unless its at the end of the night..and thats just people that are looking for one thing only. Lads just write me off because im not pretty

As someone said above most teenage lads have one thing on the brain. Wait a couple of years and soon you will find the lads start going beyond looks to other aspects of you, interests, taste in music, outlook on life etc etc. It will happen. In school everyone tries their hardest to 'fit in'. After school nobody gives a toss anymore tbh.

johanz

F*** visuals, if you're nice and kind inside, you should find your love rather fast.

Men who only go for looks usually will leave you in dust anyway. But when someone notices your inner beauty, if you have one, then that will be a good partner of yours.

I am not the best looking one, actually when I was a bit younger I was laughed at, but I learned to overcome that and not care about it. Just do whatever you want and have fun, if someone doesn't want to hang out with your only because of your looks, they are not worth it, trust me.

But the question is, are you a nice person or are you "ugly" and a b**ch?

Looks are mostly for physical interactions, you can't build a family on looks.

LegacyUser

ugly101 wrote: »

im 17 and Ive never done more than kissing with a lad, just think im really gonna be a freak especially at college.

that is crazy talk, i have a bit of a story for you. hopefully this will show you that there is nothing wrong with you and everybody goes through the same stuff as a teenager.

back when i started college we went out to a party, it must have been one of the first weeks of college because we still didnt know each other. i was just walking around the house looking for somebody when i walked into a room with a few people from the course there, they all stopped talking and looked at me. then one of the people in the room asked me if i was a virgin (which i was). i could have died, i though my college life was going to be ruined for the next four years based on that one question. i mustered up some courage and said 'yeah, i am. why?'. its turned out that is what they were talking about and when the conversation started again it turned out only one or two people out of the whole room had had sex.

so there you go, there is nothing uncommon about it. just be yourself and it will wok out.

LegacyUser

i think as you grow older you will find that generally it's confidence that people are attracted to, not incredibly good looks! and by confident i don't mean being really loud or funny or clever, but i mean being comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are.

if you feel underconfident, unattractive and unlikeable then other people will pick up these signals and give you a wide berth. i know it sounds like a cliche but if you don't like yourself then how can you expect anyone else to?

they key is not to focus on what you think other people want but to figure out what you want from yourself and what you want from other peope in terms of friendships and relationships. think about it in your own terms, not through someone elses eyes. you need to find a way to like yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. i find the most attractive people are those who are passionate about the things they like and happy with who they are.

and don't worry about the kissing! it's always messing at the beginning you'll get better at that as you go along. and just because you're inexperienced doesn't mean you're a freak! you're only a freak if you believe you are. being inexperienced just means you haven't gotten around to trying certain things out yet and are taking things at your own pace, it's much better to be that way than jumping into things because you believe that you have to if you want to be socially accepted, you'll feel much better about those kinds of choices in years to come if you follow your own gut instinct.

Jenneke87

Hey OP,

I know exactly how you feel. When I was your age, I was convinced I was the ugliest woman on the planet. I had no boobs, a really weird haircut, and because I was tall and skinny I was bullied badly over my looks. I had people shouting"ugly!" to me on the street, other girls would whisper to each other"owh my god, look at her she´s so ugly". Just like you, I had no luck with guys at all and i was convinced I was doomed forever....

5 years later things could not be any different. I get a lot of attention from men, and my body finally looks like that of a woman.

You´re only 17. Your body and face will change so much over the next few years, please don´t worry about your looks too much right now. You have by long not settled into you"final" appearence. If there´s anything specific you do not like about your looks, see if you can change it, but only do it for yourself, not for other people.

LegacyUser

This morning on my way to work I saw 3 young girls get on the bus, I saw the 1st girl, now she was stunning, a natural stunning beauty. Her friend was also beautiful and I noticed their rather shy friend, she looked awkard, I could tell she felt out of place...

As the journey continued all the girls sat down, 2 with their back to me and the shy girl sat down too.

I'm much older than these girls so I believe I recognise beauty.

The shy girl was STUNNING, not your typical natural blonde beauty as her friends though in her own way amazing. It was too early for me to go up this girl and tell her, not my style either, her hair was reddish blonde. beautiful mouth, eyes but she doesnt see this...I could see that...

What I am trying to say is I bet your beautiful, you just havn't recognised it yet, or the young silly boys only see the 'Normal' beauty...I bet you are quirky like this shy awkard girl on the bus.


I have not read one reply....I just want to let you know that I bet you are beautiful....

You may recognise this TODAY, in 5 years but one day you will see...

I was just like the shy girl on the bus, didn't have a fecking clue, boys prefered the 'Normal Beautys'....

anothet thing, wile these girls are being pretty and beautiful...bet the boys are loving them and I'll get shot for this but using these girls. You keep yourself sweet and when you see your beauty you will smile and thank God that you had no dealings with these silly boys...

Better to be beautiful in your 20's 30's.....your're in control then girl...

Enjoy the life....beauty inside shines bright too....

Contessa Raven

Some really true and good advice in this thread.

I'll tell you my story. When I was in my teens (around 14-18) I never got any male attention. I fancied a couple of people but they never even looked at me. Just straight through me. I had no self confidence and I was really shy around boys.

Eventually I realised that I needed confidence before anyone would find me attractive. Thing is, no-one tells you how to have confidence and that makes people think it is something you either have or you don't.

I'll let you in on my secret: fake it.

I started to pretend to be confident by talking to guys first (not asking them out, just getting to know them and making sure they didn't look through me anymore) and by putting myself out there for people to see me.

It's scary at first but after a while it becomes so natural to you and then after a while you actually become naturally confident as a result.

When I went to college, I started to get a fair bit of attention and then by the end of first year I was going out with my current OH. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 and I have since learned that many of my classmates were virgins in college. It's not that uncommon.

I think you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to look a certain way and to be a certain way. Be yourself. If you want to change your appearance, do it for yourself and yourself only. Guys like women who know their own minds and are happy in themselves.

I hope this helped and good luck with learning to be happy with yourself OP!

CR

ztoical

ugly101 wrote: »

I just think im like a social freak, im 17 and Ive never done more than kissing with a lad, just think im really gonna be a freak especially at college....im so inexperienced!

OP I didn't start kissing guys [and doing other things ] till I was 19 and in college...seriously don't worry about it. People get all caught up with this "O god I'm 18/19/20/21 etc and still not been kissed/had sex/had a boyfirend/girlfriend" There's nothing written in stone saying you've got to be snogging the face off lads at 17 or any age. I hated secondary school, didn't feel like I fit in at all but a month into college and I just bloomed....sounds like a cliche but that's what happened. College is nothing like school trust me so there's no point in worrying about experience or lack of heading off to 3rd level.

degrassinoel

kjl wrote: »

Good kissing is all about sensuality, don't go eating the face off someone

sometimes eating the face off your partner can be good, and vice versa